The merc shut up for a while.....too long for a person should be in the middle of a conversation. Let alone one such as this. Xiao's left hand is still on the throwing knives on her thigh in case he tries anything. She momentarily shifts her focus to Nan. He's also on guard.

Before Missy starts explaining the obvious consequences of killing scouts. After he confessed to reading the message.

For some time, his whole body language changed. Xiao has seen it too many times. Couldn't tell what exactly. Just an instinct, telling her this man is very dangerous right now.

A soft voice scolds her in her mind. Telling her she should kill him when she had the chance.

But as her fingertips clutched on the spine of her knife. She pictures how he will react, he held a cigarette with his right hand but used his left hand to draw his gun. Tricky, but doesn't matter. He's slower than me, but might still have some tricks up his sleeves. It doesn't matter. One on his joint can disarm him. And another one between his eyes......

The image of the merc dead in Xiao's mind we're drawn. Blood covers half of his face, and drips down to the other half as he limps down on the wooden floor.........

An unfamiliar feeling shadows her chest. The muscles near her heart tighten and tense up like an invisible hand squeezing it hard. A clawed hand grazing her varicose veins with its sharp, spike-like nails slowly putting pressure on the surface.

What is this?

The meeting continues, Nan and the merc slowly return to normal. So does Xiao, but the strange feeling leaves her puzzled about what it means.

The merc begins a new round of probing, he kept on pushing to pry on pieces of information. But Missy resolved them perfectly, not slipping off anything of notice. The merc had noticed too, Xiao can see that he was growing tired of this. He stops for a minute, probably thinking about what else he got.

She wasn't expecting that he would know anything about 'An Zhuang'. The information is very, very restricted, not many people in Piao Jie know about it. Fewer, outside of it. He says that he has tricked Xu Yu into thinking he was one of them before killing him. Whatever ways he used. Xiao has to admit.

He does his reputation justice.

Xiao peaks in Missy's direction. And found She was shocked too. Besides her, Nan's all worked up, Xiao can see he's two inches from drawing his pistol. Before slowly backing down.

Strange. She had never seen him like this before. So unsure and nervous.

Her focus returns to Missy as she speaks again. Warning him about the secrecy of this group.

"I. Will. Kill. You."

There it is again. The hand is gripping her heart harder than last time. The annoying feeling of pectoralis major tightening like it's trying to suffocate her. She can feel her heart pumps faster, circulations making blood rush through her veins all over her body.

Out of the blue. It's gone.

Not just the uneasy feeling. The clawed hand clasps her heart too. Leaving an empty feeling. Like it crushed her organs before disappearing. The unsettling hollowness makes Xiao feel as if she's not made out of flesh and bones, but papers and pulps.

The image of the merc dead appears in her mind again. He looks funny with a hole in his forehead. His frontal bone shattered around the bullet hole. A small piece sticks out, looking extremely out of place. Not much blood and brain matters get the chance to leave his body as he falls backward into the canal.......

Missy's order chased off the image. As the confrontation between them ends. Xiao was tasked to escort him out of the Jiu Lou. Finally.

Walking towards the exit, Xiao glanced at the merc. Up close, Xiao notices he's frowning. Mouth tightly shut. His eyes, though piercing, seem somewhat delirious. Like he's having a bad dream.

He follows her behind wordlessly. Outside the room, in the hallway. Xiao closes the double door behind gently. She turns around expecting the merc will have something witty to say about all that went down. Or complaining he should ask for more from the Russians or Missy.

But there's nothing.

He's quiet. The look on his face appears more distant than before. It reminds Xiao earlier tonight when she first saw him. A ghost with human skin as disguises. A lacking disguise.

Dragging his feet across the floor, Xiao can't help but keeps looking back to make sure he's following her instead of dream walking.

What the hell is up with him?

***

I turned around, following Xiao's lead. Ready to put an end to this fucking night. An explosion occurs in my mind making it a mess.

The mental, and physical exhaustion and the drugs are kicking back. The minutes of complete focus was composed by my sheer will.

The drugs, the booze, and the stress obliterated my body to keep me going. Now hitting the threshold. My body now wants my dues. A shit load of things I didn't even know was in my mind started appearing. All screaming in different sounds. Doubts, lies, schemes, conspiracies, thoughts. If someone cracks my head open they will be traumatized by what lies inside.

I could've refused Vera's offer, and let her reputation be destroyed. I could've left the room or let Ivan do it himself. I could've lied about Xu Yu. I could've escaped all of this.

I can barely see straight, my body's on autopilot. It moves forward step by step following the slim figure of Xiao. Walking down the hallway, the stairs, the lift. Watching it happens but not in control of any actions like I'm hammered.

My mind went through what happened in the past, a slide show of my memories. Not necessarily images, mostly just sound, faces, things, feelings, people........

The rootless little boy couldn't sleep, staring at the ceiling without blinking for a long time thinking maybe he can see through the concrete and the clouds covering the night sky. So the stars will shine in front of him again.

***

As the setting sun disappears under the horizon made of tin houses, cranes as high as the skyscrapers in the city center. She lies down next to the rootless little boy who's now a young man, yawning with her eyes closed. "What does it matter anyway?" She asks while yawing.

***

The man walks past the crowded club full of people. He greets the guards that grin as he pushes a couple to the side. He grins too jokingly talking about today being slow. Up the spiral ladder, the familiar face of the bartender greets him. After she passes the gin tonic to the young man who's now considered a real man by public standards. "I got a hot one on hand, lucrative. Perfect for a risk taker like you." She says while sipping her drink.

***

Neither of them speaks. They just drink, and when the bottle is empty one of them would stand up and grab a new one by the shelf. This goes on for so long that the concept of time becomes a paradox. When the shelf is about to be empty too. One of them utters. Despite all the alcohol rushing in his veins. The tall man's voice is clear despite it being a little raucous.

"Whatever comes after......

I made a vow..... didn't I?.......... Then why am I running away?

You have been a merc for too long ..... You forgot what it feels like...

To fight for anyone but myself, anything but numbers in my account.

The susurration of Ivan is like a lighthouse. Guiding me back to the shore of reality. Warming me up to face the bleak and cruel land where the battle is.

For eight years. I stayed in the cage I imprison myself in. Not getting attached. Not touching gang business. Not trusting anyone but myself. And always trying to save my skin first.

But now I see. There's no escape. Wherever I go, there's going to be a battlefield waiting for me. However I tried it's impossible to not get hurt.

So be it.

I'm done running.

***

On the back alleyway, they went through earlier. Xiao notices a minor change from behind. The sound of feet dragging through the dirty concrete is gone. What follows are well-calculated, almost silent footsteps. Xiao tilts her head to the right chin against her shoulder.

He looks......different. Still, look like a Bie San but... The way he moves, his arms sway within the range of his next step. Hands relaxed. And the most notable (and subtle) are his eyes.

They look like they're made out of agate, the delirious, dreamy eyes of a ghost are replaced by what he was when Xiao meets him in the hallways for the first time. Confident, stoic but still playful.

All of a sudden, his eyes turned their focus to hers. He raises both eyebrows. For some reason, Xiao turns her head back immediately like she's embarrassed.

The street lights and lanterns from the front of jiu lou shine in the distance as they slowly approach it. Following concrete ground and rusty drain covers. Xiao raises her head. The occasional appearance of moonlight stings her eyes and pathed a crooked lead towards the exit in front.

Following the moonlit walk made by the shadows of the external air conditioning unit and iron window frames. The empty plaza in front of jiu lou became visible. 20 steps.

Xiao tilts her head to the left in the slightest motion and peaks at the merc behind her again. 15 steps

"If you're going to kill me just kill me. Keep looking at me like that I'll think you have something else in mind." A smirk forms on his face once again. 5 steps

This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.

Fuck! Xiao screams in her mind so hard that she swears there was an echo. She reaches for the pocket in her suit jacket draped on her shoulder.

***

I know she's not trying to kill me. The girl's eyes are physically incapable of lying. But as she stops 2 meters away from the alley I put my right hand in the exterior pocket of my bomber jacket. The cold steel of brass knuckles pushes against the fabrics of my cloth.

Then I watch her turn around with a pack of cigarettes. Flips open the lid with her thumb and pulls one out, spinning the filter towards me. We stare at each other till she broke the silence.

"Take the fucking cigarette or I will shove it down your windpipe."

Against my better judgment again. I take the cig from her gloved hand. As I put it between my lips she brings out her lighter too. This time it only took four tries. She extended her left arm. The blue flame from ignited lighter flickers between us. As the wind blows from behind. It was momentarily extinguished before a tiny spark at the bottom reignited it.

I lower my head to catch the flame with the tip of her cig. Across the flame, I stare at her eyes. She averts mine.

I lean on the wall behind me, which is probably covered in filth, third-graded posters, and sticky tape marks. But I don't care, I need a rest.

Taking a puff I almost coughed as the burning sensation spread from my windpipe down my lung. Taking away parts of my sleepiness and dizziness.

Did she spike this with chili seeds or what? My eyes watered slightly, blurring my vision but I can still see her smug.

"Thanks." She lets out a hum. Leaning on the opposite side of the alley.

"That was a cigarette and a light. We're even now."

I take another puff before fishing out my pack. Pulling one out, I hold the one in my mouth with my left hand and start to inhale and exhale quickly until the tip is burning bright. Holding the new one vertically with my right hand, I press its tip on the one in my mouth. Watching the ember spread from one to another. Two flowing rays of smoke rise and disappear in the night sky.

"Someone taught me it is rude to smoke alone while with a lady." I pass the newly lit one to her. Xiao didn't even hesitate before taking it.

With the help of nicotine, I and my mind agreed on a truce. I watch a group of man in suits walks out of a black SUV. Heading towards the jiu lou next to us. Their laughter makes the empty plaza seems more desolate.

"What are you doing here?" She asks while watching the pavement on the other side.

"Smoking someone else's cig." I take a puff and raise the cig to accentuate it. Half a minute(give or take) passes before she speaks again.

"The words from his mouth were smoother than butter. But war was in his heart; His words were softer than oil, yet were they drawn swords........I've heard about you." She finally turns her head looking at me. I can't help but let out a sign.

"Reputations are seldom true in this city. Mine's been exaggerated too." She lets out a dry laugh.

"Judging from some of the stories I heard. I wouldn't be surprised." Another puff.

"......you?" She raises her eyebrow. Leaving the smoke in her mouth to adjust her fingerless gloves. "You heard stories about me, but I haven't heard yours ..... What's your story?"

She throws her head back. Resting on the wall.

"I'm a bodyguard of Miss Qin. That's it. That's my story." She raises her shoulders. Draws a circle in the air with her cigarette. A bored expression and a set of dull eyes on her face. It looks convincing. The only problem is it looks too convincing that it's unnatural.

She practiced.

"I never heard of you on the streets. Guessing you're in pretty deep?" I flick my cig with my thumb. Some ashes fall on the ground. Looking in place alongside all the waste, scraps, and broken bottles on the ground.

"It's best that way. Anonymity suits my work."

"The present one or the prior one?" She shrugs. And takes out the cigarette in her mouth, puffing a huge portion of smoke.

"Reputations only bring trouble and unnecessary attention. Only a merc like you will find it beneficial." Can't argue with that logic.

"Reputation is what people think of you. What people think of you, you can not change. You can only enjoy the benefits, and endure the nuisance." I take a long drag and try to enjoy the burning sensation. Xiao smirks at my words.

"Modest as always...... " A short ring from my back pocket made her pause. I flip open my phone. There's a notification again. 70,000 dollars like last time. Really should have ripped them off more back then.

"Happy?" A Husky sound comes from my left. I raise my head and find Xiao had moved to my side. Leaning on the wall, smoking like she's always there. She tilts her head at my phone.

"Beaming," I say with a poker face. Somehow, she made her next puff sounds like a sign. Side by side, we smoke in silence till half of her cig became ashes.

"What are you doing here?" She asks while staring at the jack box on the wall.

"Still smoking someone else's......."

"I mean why are you here? Doing all this?" I take a deep drag, burning a quarter of my cig in one puff.

You guys have the worst communication among all gangs in town.

"140,000 and a dagger for a souvenir." She side-eyes me with a hint of violence.

"When missy sworn the oath. She mentioned something about your friends....what was that?"

"Oh, that. You didn't know? Nan blackmailed my friend to get me here. And your mistress threatened me to take the job else she's going to fuck my friend over." I say all that with a joyful tone, so joyful that I hope the touches of sarcasm are well delivered and palpable.

I turned around and stare at her eyes. Good, there's the surprise in them.

"So you were......forced?" She knit her eyebrows tightly.

"Congrats, you're the last one to know that."

Silence fills the air once again. Some lousy noises came from the front of jiu lou, I stick my head out. The crowd of men in suits walks out of the jiu lou. The bald geezer in the middle is wearing a white blazer. He said something and grins. His gold teeth shine under the street light. The others laugh with him. The black SUV by the road opens its slide door.

"And the Russians?" I turned back and face Xiao again. "You were done. Nothing kept you from leaving this mess behind......What did the brigadier and the Russians promise to have you go with him?"

Her face still looks puzzled, agate color eyes shimmer with questions. She's not leaning against the wall anymore. Standing next to me with her head tilted to the side. Her lower lips seem redder than before.

"Nothing at all, I volunteered for it." The smoke is about to burn out. I switch to grabbing the end with my thumb and index finger. "Because he'll do the same for me too."

"....... Glad to know."

"What?"

"That it's not just about the money."

She says in a light voice. Now I'm the speechless one. Don't know what to do I take another long and hard drag. The burning sensation is quite pleasing when you get used to it. I turned every last bit of tobacco in that cigarette into smoke in the air and ashes on the ground.

As a light tingling appears on the side of my thumb. I throw the cigarette butt into the dark alley. A small flicker of sparks shines in the dark for half a second.

I glance at Xiao next to me. Her smoke is mostly done too. The brand I smoke has a longer filter. I can see the tobacco in it is all gone.

"What do you want to know?" She broke the silence again. While still staring at the jack box in front of us. I look at her with a confused expression. "You asked about my story..... what do you want to know about me?" She raises her eyebrows.

This feels.....familiar.

My mind went blank because of her open invitation. "Anything? " I shrug. "Tell me a real story about you." She tilts her head downward and side-eyes me. Deep in thought, she put the cigarette back in her mouth before realizing it was just a filter left. Stares at it for a second before tossing it in the same direction I did.

***

Why would I say that?

Xiao thought to herself while searching frantically in her mind. But it only produces the same thing, maybe in a different fashion but....... the rest is all the same. Wet hands, dirty sinks, needles, cold shower. Her nights are all the same. Her days are spent preparing for the night.

After joining Miss Qin, she's practically with her all the time. The rest are either arguing with Nan or 'borrowing' his training room when no one's there.

What the fuck is a story anyway?

Only now does she realizes. She doesn't have a story worth telling.

***

Why the fuck is she looking like this is torture?

Her fists clenched, face a bit blushed, eyebrows knit together so hard there are visible wrinkles on her face. I let out a....... hopefully silent sign.

Fucking hell, guess I'm going to be the knight in shining armor again.

"You know what? Let me help you." Xiao snaps away from her thoughts. She looks at me questioning. I change my pose, pressing my left shoulder on the wall, with my crossed-over chest. Facing her completely with a smile on my face.

"Do you like your current job or former work better?"

"Current." She answers in an instant. No doubts eh?

"Good! What's the most memorable event you faced as a bodyguard?" She raises her eyebrows

"..... Not much. With war on the brink, most of the Da Lao are far from the front line and safely hidden." She glares at me for a second warning me not to ask further. "There weren't no attempts so far. And the most memorable event is standing in front of me."

"Flattered." She rolls her eyes.

".......I once saw Missy smoke two cigarillos within the same day though." Xiao shrugs at the end. I actually want to hear that.

"Well, I'm pretty sure there's a story behind that. But it's hers, not yours." I rest the side of my head on the wall.

"Why are you so obsessed with this? Mr.Lee." She shakes her head in a slight motion and squints her eyes.

The last two words sound extra annoying now thanks to Qin Yan.

"Because it's boring," And dangerous. "To only know one side of a person."

I put on a casual smile on my face.

I meant what I say. Though it's not just because of that. I still don't know anything about her. She's an assassin turned bodyguard. She's feared in the organization. She's close to the emperor's daughter....... that's it. Nothing else. Someone I'm going to be associating with in the future, I'd like to know more about them.

"What about........ What do you do when you're off duty as a bodyguard?"

"Train, smoke, quarrel with Nan." I raise my eyebrow. "Trust me, you don't want to hear them."

Welp, I'm out of ideas. Time to bring out ace in the hole.

"When was the last time you drink?" She looks at the Jack in the Box in front with a poker face.

"I don't drink."

The most obvious lie today.

"You do. Come on when was the last time you were drunk?" A flash of anxiety goes through her eyes as she remembers something.

"I said. I don't drink alcohol."

I look at her with the 'Are you fucking serious?' face. Her eyes quickly glance at me and move her line of sight back to the front, averting mine. Her lips clenched. The corner of her mouth drags downward subtly. After what feels like an eternity. She lets out an angry grunt.

"Months ago ........ It was late at night, the servants are all asleep. I heard her fighting with her father earlier that night. She dismissed me for the rest of the night afterward. Hours later at the garden of the estate, I saw her lying on a bench. Hand still holding a half-empty whiskey bottle. I carried her back in her chamber." Xiao lets out a chuckle.

"Even while being carried in someone else's arm. She was still clinging to that bottle for dear life. After setting her down, I took the bottle just in case. And......." She exhales slowly. Throwing her head back on the concrete wall. A small 'womp' sound occurs. Xiao continues while staring at the night sky.

"I was going to toss it. But.... for some reason..... just couldn't find a good reason not to you know." A knowing smile creeps up my face. Of course I do.

"The next morning was the first time I woke up later than anyone else...... fuck. And it was Nan who woke me up. He was knocking on my door so hard that I thought it was going to break." She let out one of those laughs that sounded like exhaling.

"....... I bet that hurt like hell huh?" She turn around with a puzzled expression.

"The knock. I bet it made your head rung like a bell right?" I grin as a normal smile finally blooms on her face again.

"Shit. You had no idea. The worst part that is I got to act like nothing's wrong for the rest of the day. But......you know what made me feel better?"

"What may that be?"

"I can tell Miss Qin was doing the same thing too." I can't help but laugh with her. She continues between waves of laughter. "The first thing she did that morning was popping aspirins with coffee!"

At the back alley next to Jiu Lou, we laugh like nobody's business. Like there are no worries in the world. Just me, her, and the funny little story she told. Her eyes laugh with the rest of her face. A glint I never saw in them before flashes through. It took me a while to understand what it is since it's been a while since I last saw it too.

"See?..... There you have it. Everybody got a story to tell. Some amusing, some boring. Some are worth telling, and some.......best left untold.

If you don't have one that's just because you're still writing it." She let out a dry laugh and drop her head.

"A philosophical merc...... that's new."

We both smile silently. Leaning on the wall. We've exhausted our reasons to stay but neither moved. A friendly silence is hard to come by nowadays. So as short as it is, for me, I just want to savor it. Treating it like a dream without monsters and mine screams...

But in the end, we still got to get back to the reality again. Dreams and stories are fun in books and imagination. But none are real. And none will last.

"You should get back inside. She's probably wondering what the hell are you doing." She nods slowly. Her eyes are a bit shadowy, looks like she were deep in thought.

"Yeah.....You should go too, piao jie at night really isn't the best place to wonder." I let out a smirk.

"Think I'll be alright. I live in Nochnaya after all. That place sets the bar pretty high." I stretch my legs and circle my ankle as I'm about to hit the road. "See you on Friday."

She raises her head slightly. Mouth opens and closes until a goodbye came out of it.

"Safe travels. Mr.Lee."

Still stings. I stop at the border of lights from the street and dark in the alley. Turning my head around.

"Call me Lee."

***

Xiao watches the merc quicken his steps across the plaza with his head low. Disappearing in one of the less traveled roads where no lights from lamp polls can reach.

Lee.

She gets off the wall. And step into the lights from the pageantry front gate of Jiu Lou. Walking through the entrance, the guard by the reception desk averted his eyes as soon as he saw her. Walking past him. Xiao realized where the hollowness she felt in the meeting met.

I don't want to see him dead.