The test worked, I caught Mia, Jill and Nancy drawing on my desk, they had been writing horrible things on my desk since last year, Garry, the janitor for our school, had always removed it the night after, told me not to worry about it, that he’d make it go away. And he did, but then he was hurt, I found out that it was because he stayed late trying to clean my desk where he fell in the basement, but that was a lie, I knew the moment I saw Mr. Green and knew that whatever that monster did it was in our school’s old basement.

I did what Elain taught me, sending it in secret, it got Mia and the three girls in trouble.

But now, the problem I had was trying to get information, solid proof, since all I had were words spoken to me by one of the kids before they moved, telling me to stay away from that basement, that bad things happen down there.

That’s what happened to the other nine, they all moved away, I guessed that the parents became aware that something bad was happening to their kid, so they left. Taking their kid someplace else, away from this school. I could never find out what happened to eight of them but overheard some teachers in the teacher’s lounge that one of them, had died. News outlets said it was an accident, but as I listened to the teachers’ talk, I discovered that this accident was far from being an accident. That he did it of his own, which confused everyone, everyone, except those who knew what happened to that boy.

Eric Jones. He was two years older than me when he drowned.

I truly, deeply hope, that the others, those eight kids didn’t go the same path as Eric, and talked to their parents and that those parents listen to what the other kids had to say. If even somehow, the principal made it so that no word of what happened got out.

There was one person who had been hurt by that monster and hadn’t moved away.

Mia.

But she would never talk to me. She would probably just think I thought she deserved it for how she hurt me. I never would, even though I feel nothing for her, I would never want her to go through something horrible at the hands of adults.

She was the only other person who I could try and get to say what happened, but she would never do that. Not with me, at least.

But she did like Lukas.

I did notice, whenever Lukas and I would be outside, Mia would always watch us, at first, I thought she was glaring at me because she saw me, but then I realized that she was watching Lukas, she liked him, I think she liked him more than a friend, but couldn’t seem to bring herself to talk to him. And whenever I did talk with Lukas, Mia would get mad.

What made me realize was that when Edward, Brandon and Josh, the boys in Mia’s group, made fun of Lukas, Mia would quickly cut in and tell them off for making fun of a boy in a wheelchair.

It also made me see that a person who could be a bully to some would want to stand up and defend others.

People are complex. I thought during recess as I sat in the shade under a tree reading my book. Mr. McCrae and Madam Andrews weren’t in their rooms, Ms. Miller mentioned a mandatory Teacher’s meeting today and now the majority of the students were outside playing with a few teachers trying to keep the kids from going too far with what they were doing.

“Amalie, what are you doing here?” Mr. Green asked as he came over to me. His injuries from Mr. Anthony were almost gone, his eye was still healing but he was no longer limping now. “You should be playing with your friends. Not reading. You can read in class.”

My grip tightened on my book. “It’s fine, I like reading.”

“Still, you should get some more exercise, with how thin you are, you should try to be a bit more active, it’s healthy that way. Plus, I bet you’d make a great athlete when you’re older.”

I shifted where I was sitting. I could tell he wasn’t looking at my face as I pressed my legs harder into the grass so the wind wouldn’t move my skirt.

I once thought about making myself a target, but then backed out, not because I was afraid of being hurt, but because I knew my Dad would kill him. Without a second to go by, he would do so, and make it hurt.

That much I knew.

I didn’t answer, no matter what I would say he would still try to get me to do something with him, he was like that with all of the students, I knew he meant nothing of it. He just liked being in control, over us, and even over other teachers.

I remember him bugging Ms. Shannon, the way he looked at her made her not happy. Not at all like Ms. Miller who seemed to like Mr. Green. But Ms. Shannon made sure that any of the kids wouldn’t follow him.

But Ms. Shannon wasn’t here now.

I didn’t like his tone, something about it just sounded wrong to me. Like we were all not important to matter like we were dumb and didn’t know anything so he’d talk down to us. It was what I thought even when I first met him, and how a lot of kids liked him since he’d secretly give them candy. Yet there was more than that.

It… it kind of made me think of my Dad when he spoke to others he didn’t like, but Mr. Green was worse. It felt, gross. I don’t… I don’t know how to tell what it felt like, just that it made me want to leave as quickly as I could. To get far away from him, even if it meant having to deal with Mia and her friends.

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I got up from where I sat and just walked away.

“Wait, Amalie. You can’t just walk away like that…”

I stopped and looked at him over my shoulder, my eyes wide, his hand was extended like he was going to touch me. It made my skin crawl.

“Don’t,” I said to him as my eyes locked with his. “Don’t touch me.” He seemed surprised by my voice, his hand pulling away as I kept going, the bell had rung, meaning class would start soon. Even then I could still hear him make an annoyed sound as I ran back to school.

And for a moment, the want to drag that monster into the light had cracked, because all I thought was wanting to call my Dad, for him to come to get me.

Even though I told myself I couldn’t because of what my Dad would do. But… he was my Dad… and I was scared. So very scared.

That is what I felt when I first met Mr. Green. That he was scary, and he intended to hurt other people, didn’t care who, just as long as he didn’t get caught.

What made it all the worse, was that when I felt like he was going to reach for me, I pictured something. An image flashed in my mind, of me, stabbing him with a pencil I kept hidden in my book.

There are times, when I can picture things, things in my head are so clear as if they are a memory even though I’m thinking of what I should do if something happened. I don’t know what it is exactly, but because of it, I always feel like I understand others far more than another person would. Like who they are deep under the surface that they try to hide from others.

Like with my Dad. Maybe it was because I was his daughter? Maybe I wanted to hurt that man just because? Like my Dad…

I shook my head. “Don’t be like him,” I muttered as I walked through the hallway to my locker to put my book away then to my classroom. “Don’t be like him, you aren’t him, your you. You will always be you.” I stopped when I got close to my classroom, I could hear kids snickering and laughing.

Ms. Miller wasn’t back yet, was one of the boys doing something silly again?

No, it wasn’t, it was something else.

My desk had been drawn on again, even after finally catching Mia and the others in the act and they had gotten in trouble for it, and it looked worse than before as I got closer as the kids in my class snickered, and watched, wanting to see how I’d react.

I could only stare at my desk as it was covered in marker, words saying that I smelled, that I was gross, a freak, to go die and covered in glue. While the kids in my class laughed, others trying not to be heard, I could hear them anyhow, they thought this was funny.

I didn’t say a word as I looked at the mess. Why did they write on my desk telling me to kill myself? And why were other students laughing? How was this funny?

“You’d think we’d stop because the principal said to?” Mia asked. “Are you that damn stupid? Maybe they should just put you in the hospital. Or better yet, you should just die, die and disappear like the freak you are! Nobody even likes you here! who would even miss you?”

“A few would,” I say. “Like Mr. McCrae, or even Lukas.”

Mai’s expression changed, from enjoying her jabs to shock to a glare. “Yeah right, no one would miss you at all! You think anyone at this school cares about you? Anyone at all!?”

I glanced at Kaya, she looked like she wanted to say something but didn’t, afraid of what Mia might do. “Yes I do, I think there would be many who would be sad. Can you say the same thing, about yourself?”

Mia stopped, I don’t think she ever thought I would ask that, but it was an honest question, she wanted me to die that badly, I don’t think that’s actually what she wanted. The look on her face said as much.

“Shut up you freak!” Mia yelled. “No one would care about you, I bet not even your Dad would! You should just die! Die and disappear like those missing people!”

“Yeah!” Jill joined in. “It’d be better if you were dead! Just go and die! Disappear like all those other people, like that lady Lauren. I bet she’s not even alive! Yeah! Die like that Lauren girl in a ditch somewhere! No one will miss you!”

Everything in me stopped, a feeling I never felt before began to grow in my stomach and reached my heart. I turned to look at them, and I saw them laugh. But what hurt the most, was not the bullies laughing at me.

But Kaya…

She was laughing too, her hands were covering her mouth but I could hear it.

Why?

Why was she laughing?

Did she want me to die too?

Did she hate me?

Was wanting to be friends a lie?

Why was telling me to die, to kill myself so funny?

How was that funny?

Why was that funny?

Was it funny?

Telling another person to end their life was just that funny?

As I stared at them, saying nothing as they continued telling me to die as some of the other kids laughed or joined in while others watched with worry, I thought of Lauren.

She was the kindest, funniest, nicest person I knew. She cared about me.

Always doing what she could, acting her heart out. Wanting to love life ever after everything she had been put through, she wouldn’t just give up, she wouldn’t just die.

That wasn’t her, not at all. She’d fight. Fight, and fight, and fight to the bitter end. That’s the kind of person she was, she is.

Was this funny? Did I find it funny?

No.

No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

It wasn’t funny.

There was nothing funny about this!

How could they?

How could they?

HOW COULD THEY!?

I turned away. I couldn’t feel anything, my anger was gone, I just felt…

Empty.

Like all of my feelings, my emotions just disappeared…

I felt nothing.

“Yeah, that’s it! Go and die just like that girl!” Jill said as she laughed while the others continued to do so and point at me telling me to die.

No.

Without thinking, my hands grasped the nearest chair and threw it at them with all of my strength. It missed them, just barely, hitting the wall at the end of the room. And the laughter stopped when the chair crashed into the wall, but it didn’t matter. None of it mattered.

I was done.

They were shouting, but I didn’t hear what they had to say, I only grabbed Jill and pushed her to the floor and hit her, and again and again. Mai was shouting and ran to me, hitting me in the face trying to get me to stop while Kaya and the other girl remained frozen, even the boys looked scared. I only looked at Mia before hitting her with my left hand, the look of shock on all of their faces as Mia stared at me confused. She couldn’t believe I’d hit her.

Before turning into anger and tackling me, she was shouting, but I couldn’t hear what she said, I only hit her again, before kicking her in the side to stand. She shouted, trying to get others to join, but no one did, so she lunged at me, and I grabbed her overalls with both hands before hitting her in the head with my own. It didn’t even hurt. The pain was something I could handle, more so than others. It was something my Dad had, but he once told me, that as a girl, I was even stronger than he was when it came to dealing with pain. I wasn’t sure if it was because I was only a girl, or if it was because I was his daughter.

She was shouting again, telling me to die as the others tried to pull us apart.

I didn’t care.

They think I’m a freak? That I don’t deserve to live?

Fine.

Think about what you want.

Just know that I won’t stand by and let you do or say what you want.

Not anymore.

Say anything about the people I care about and I don’t care who you are. I’ll do everything in my power to stop you.