Man, he can sing. Wonder if he still acts as a hobby. Elain thought as she listened to Alastor sing on the radio. The man’s talents seem to hold no bounds. Listening to him sing helped quell the anxiety she had, at least for a little while, until her Dad pulled up to the front of her new school, and it came all crashing down.
“You’ll be okay,” her Dad reassured her as he squeezed her hand. “Do you want me to come with you?”
“I should be okay,” she said after letting out a breath. “Nate’s with me, at least for one more year.”
“And even then, I’ll still be around.” Nathan offered with a grin.
Elain smiled, which eased some of the tension that rested along her shoulders. After taking a breath to try and calm her nerves, Elain stepped out of the car and looked at her new school.
Alderwood High School.
Built back in the 1940s with dark brick, it looked more like a fortress than a high school. It was two buildings rather than one, with the second building being an addition built in the 2010s. When Elain walked around the school for the first time to get the lay of the land, the layout reminded her of the last school she was at. Elain just hoped that being here wouldn’t bring up any more issues for her family.
Yet, now that there were students, parents, and teachers milling about, she all about froze in her tracks. Her heart was hammering loudly in her ears, she felt like it was hard to breathe. She couldn’t move. Her legs were shaking. Her whole body did, and her heart felt like it was about to burst.
Laughter filled her ears. It was as if those laughing students were laughing at her, just like from back then. Her vision blurred the more she noticed others looking her way. As if they were waiting for her to do something to mock her.
She shut her eyes, trying to even her shallow breathing, trying to calm down, but it didn’t work. She felt like she was going to be sick.
“El,” she felt her Dad wrap an arm, her upper arms causing her to jump slightly. But found that he was only trying to keep her from falling as Nate remained beside her if he needed to help for whatever reason. “If you don’t think you can, we can go home. You don’t have to try the first day.”
Elain knew that, but she didn’t want to run from this. She couldn’t run from this. She had to face this head-on. Elain was about to say, “Let me try,” but couldn’t get her voice to come out. Just seeing all of those people, mixed with what happened to her at her other school, began to merge in her mind and suddenly made her feel the need to vomit as her hand went to cover her mouth.
* * *
Well, that was a total bust. Elain thought with a sigh of defeat as she lay out on her bed. She was brought back home after she almost vomited due to everything coming back full force. Why’d I think that I’d be fine on the first day when I haven’t been in a crowded school in… what? Five months? “Fuck,” she muttered under her breath as she covered her eyes with her left arm. She should have tested it out first before trying, now she just felt like a total failure.
And now she was at home, completely alone. Her Dad wanted to stay, but he had his new job to go to, but he and Nate wanted to stay to ensure that she was all right, but Elain told them both that she would be fine even though she felt the furthest thing from it.
To try and get her mind off this colossal misstep, she pulled out some DVDs of anime to watch and ultimately landed on rewatching The Saga of Tanya the Evil. Given her self-loathing state of mind and desire to lash out, Elain thought this would help. At least for a short while.
By the time she finished the first disc, it was one in the afternoon. And still felt out of sorts. As if all of her emotions and feelings had fallen to the soles of her feet.
Turning off the TV, Elain looked at the clock before getting up and heading to the fridge but found nothing appealing to her. Shutting the fridge a little harder than intended, Elain headed out of the house, leaving a note beforehand and locking up. She needed to clear her head, but her mind just kept going back to the morning’s events no matter where she walked.
Just thinking about it made her angry.
So damn angry.
It made her want to scream, but the last thing she wanted was to look like a total crazy person to some random pedestrian.
Gritting her teeth in frustration, she began to run. Run and run and run until she couldn’t anymore. As she breathed heavily, leaning down until her whole body was in a squat she felt her tears burning her eyes and her shoulder hurt with a dull throbbing pain as she gripped it with her left hand. She was nearly clawing at her shirt in frustration.
Things were supposed to be different! She was supposed to move on! To start anew! A fresh start in life! So why? WHY?! WHY THE FUCK WOULDN’T IT LEAVE HER ALONE!?
Why was it that what happened nearly half a year ago still followed her like a fucking phantom she just wanted to forget?
But then, this wasn’t something that could just be easily forgotten. Elain knew that her arm, shoulder and eyebrow were proof of that. Scares that would never truly fade no matter how much she wished it to. To even the darkest part of her mind, wanting those who hurt her to suffer more than she ever did, for them to scream and be in absolute agony begging for a mercy that would never be granted to them.
But before she could do anything about it, to quiet her darkest thoughts, she heard a familiar voice call to her from the street.
“Miss Ortiz?” her head snapped up and turned to see Alastor in his car, with his subtle smile but his grey eyes holding concern. “Are you all right?”
She looked away, feeling ashamed. This was supposed to be a fresh start, something new and away from that other place. She was supposed to feel safe. Yet here she was, on the verge of a mental breakdown. Before she realized it, Alastor was now kneeling in front of her and merely offered her a hand. “Have you eaten?” he asked. “If not, why not have something at my place? I have quite the verity if you recall.”
With slight reluctance, she took his hand with her good arm. Where he led her back to his car and she slid into the front passenger’s seat when he opened the door for her. Then quickly strode back to the driver’s side and started the car.
Elain didn’t say anything as he drove, with only the radio filling the silence.
This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it.
First you say you do
And then you don't
And then you say you will
And then you won't
You're undecided now
So what are you gonna do?
Now you wanna play
And then it's no
And when you say you'll stay
That's when you go
You're undecided now
So what are you gonna do?
I've been sitting on a fence
And it doesn't make much sense
'Cause you keep me in suspense
And you know it
Then you promise to return
When you don't
I really burn
Well, I guess I'll never learn
And I show it
If you've got a heart
And if you're kind
Then don't keep us apart
Make up your mind
You're undecided now
So what are you gonna do?
I've been sitting on a fence
And it doesn't make much sense
'Cause you keep me in suspense
And you know it
Then you promise to return
When you don't
I really burn
Well, I guess I'll never learn
And I show it
If you've got a heart
And if you're kind
Then don't keep us apart
Make up your mind
You're undecided now
So what are you gonna do?
Now if you don't love me
I wish you'd say so
I love you so much, honey
I just got to know
I'm just a fool for you
What are you gonna do?
Elain had never heard this song before. It sounded old-timey, maybe from the 30s or 40s?
“You seemed to like the song,” Alastor spoke when it ended and glanced her way. “Are you curious about it?”
“A bit, yeah.”
“It’s called Undecided, and this was sung by a very talented woman named Ella Fitzgerald in 1939. It was written by Sid Robin and Charlie Shavers back in 1938. It’s very upbeat, one of my many favourites.”
So, I was close. Elain thought. “This isn’t being played from your work?”
“Hmm? From time to time, I find modern music to be somewhat, lacking so to speak. Whereat times, it all sounds the same to me. Though I’m aptly aware of how this music could also sound the same to others.”
“Really?”
Alastor nodded. “But if such music isn’t to your liking, you’re more than allowed to change it. I don’t mind.”
Elain leaned back in her seat as she stared out the window. “It’s okay, it’s different, so that’s good…”
The man didn’t respond as he continued to drive, his smile still faintly present as they made their way to his home Elain merely followed. Her body felt like it weighed a ton. Her mind kept going back to that same event again and again.
This wasn’t good.
She hadn’t felt like this in a very long time, not since the incident from five months ago.
“Please have a seat in the kitchen, Miss. Ortiz, I’ll be just a moment. There’s something I need to take care of.”
Elain noticed that he was carrying something under his arm, something in a large container. Was it meat? He must have gone shopping on his way home from work for dinner.
“Sure, I’m in no hurry.”
His smile brightened. “I’ll be right back. Feel free to turn on the radio if you wish.” And then disappeared down into the basement where she could hear music from a record player; it was a song that, again, she didn’t recognize. But at this point, what did it matter?
She reached up with her left hand to turn on a retro radio that was on top of the fridge, standing on her toes to reach it. The fact that this man had a piece of history that worked perfectly was something she marvelled at when watching Amalie that one night. But that was just a passing thought as she slumped in the chair and closed her eyes to listen to the music.
This song had no lyrics but was fast pace had a good rhythm and beat to it. She especially liked the drums. It made her think of her frustrations were being struck by the vigorously playing drummer.
“Miss. Ortiz?” she opened her eyes to see a slice of dark chocolate cake waiting in front of her. The enticing bastard. When was the last time she even had a cake that looked this good? Birthdays notwithstanding.
“Uh, Mr. Hilmarsson, is… is that for me?”
“Why, of course, it is. Why else would I put it out in front of you?”
Elain merely looked at the picturesque slice of cake. It was almost black with how dark and glossy the chocolate was.
“Are you sure I can have this?”
His smile grew. “Of course, go ahead and give it a try. It’s only one slice.”
But still, she hesitated as he turned his back to put the cake on a cake stand, clearly noticing that she had done nothing, yet he merely asked as though she had asked his name in a questioning tone.
“Yes? What is it?”
“I’m just wondering, what is it? And why do you have cake, if you don’t mind me asking? It just seems a little random.”
“It’s a Spiced Dark Chocolate Fudge cake. I bought it from a very reputable baker, as to why it’s a recently started tradition. When Amalie starts a new year of school, I will give her cake after her first day. The reason for that is because of what she went through last year. For some reason or another, some of the kids at her school don’t like my daughter. Originally, she was supposed to start at a different school this year, but things became rather… complicated.”
When does it not? “I can relate to that, but I hope things get better for your daughter. She’s a sweet girl.” She offered him a smile of her own, one that was a little bit sad.
His smile and gaze became soft. “She is indeed.” He then glanced at the slice of cake. “Speaking of sweet, you should give it a try, don’t you think?”
“Oh, right. Thank you.” Taking the fork in her right hand, she stopped and swapped it with her left. Even after all this time, she hadn’t grown accustomed to using her left hand. After taking a piece, she tried it.
She could taste the spices and the sweetness of the chocolate. It was good. Really good. It made her feel good, something she hadn’t truly felt in a while.
Then she began to cry.
“Miss. Ortiz?”
“No…” she said, immediately putting down the fork to wipe her eyes with the back of her sleeve. “No, I’m… I’m not crying because it tastes bad. It… it tastes delicious.”
“Then why are you crying?” but he seemed to know the answer anyhow. “Does it have something to do with you not attending school today?”
“…yeah…” she admitted in almost a whisper as he knelt beside her, just like before as her whole body shook. “I was supposed to start school… but… I couldn’t… I couldn’t go. I ran away… like a total coward. How stupid is that? I’m not even there anymore. I’m not at the same school, hell, not even the same damn country. But I still… I ran away. I still…” Her tirade of words came to a halt when she felt Alastor gently rest his hand on her right hand.
“No, you’re not.” He says softly. “From what little I’ve seen, you’re the furthest thing from a coward. But trauma has a way of digging its roots deep inside. Refusing to let go of a person’s heart that’s been hurt by another or something else that went horribly wrong.”
“I just want it gone.” She admitted.
He squeezed her hand in response. “Sadly, it’s not something that can just easily go away. You can’t rip out the roots or burn them because it can cause your heart more harm and leave permanent damage from trying to force it out. The only thing you can do is untangle that mess wound around your heart a little at a time, regardless of how long it takes, before finally pulling free. There’s no quick fix-all to things like this. Believe me. I wish there were because then people like you wouldn’t be suffering like this.”
Elain merely looked at him. He sounded almost as though he had been through something, something terrible of his own.
But he merely offered her a smile as he took out a handkerchief to wipe away her tears. “I mentioned this before, but I’ll say it again. You’re more than welcome to come and talk to me if you feel that you can’t with anyone else.”
She took his handkerchief from him to dab her eyes. “I don’t want to drag you into it.”
“You wouldn’t be dragging me if I’m willing.”
Elain laughed a bit. The way he said it made her think he meant it literally. “I think you’d be a bit too heavy for me to drag you anyhow.” He seemed to chuckle at that but had yet to remove his hand from hers. the longer she stared at it, at him, the more she felt that she could. “Do you mean it? Can I tell you? Even if it’s rather gruesome?”
“I can assure you that I am not faint of heart. But you don’t have to push yourself either. I’m not a licenced psychiatrist or therapist after all.”
She hesitated but found herself wanting to speak to someone, someone who was outside all of that mess. “That’s fine. If you’re willing to hear me out, then… I’ll tell you.”
His smile seemed to change, but she wasn’t sure how. It was one she couldn’t aptly describe, but still. For the first time in what felt like forever, she could talk about anything with him. Regardless of how gruesome it might be to hear.