CHAPTER 180

They all stared at him expectantly. “Well, for one it’s tier five not six so you all know it’s about three times better than my previous skills.”

“The Black Dodge component?” Keikain asked.

“It’s worse,” Tom told them honestly. “Significantly worse.” Then he hesitated. Did it measure up that badly? “I guess it’s not that terrible. Once the black dodge bonus kicks in, it’s actually better than the standard tier five dodge in terms of speed gifted. Then there’s the significant reduction in damage taken when the blow is unavoidable, which boosts it further. The issue is in precognition. The standard dodge skill is all about seeing the future and avoiding blows that way. True Dreaming as you know blocks it so this skill doesn’t have that bonus. That makes the standard version straight out better than this one if you only look at the dodge metrics. However mine also gets a massive release of fate, which is better because of the offense it can create.” Tom yawned aggressively even as he noticed his hands were trembling. He triggered Purge Toxin. “I’m exhausted…”

Food was handed to him. Unlike the previous night, Everlyn sat next to him.

“I’m sorry… I’m knackered.”

Everlyn shrugged. “I haven’t been brilliant company either. Too much crap happening in my head.” She gave him a sad, tired smile, which was more than enough to set off alarm bells in him. Caffeine Jolt immediately banished his headache and most of the stuffiness in his head.

“I’m sorry, I know I’m struggling… but. Are we good?”

Everlyn hesitated. “Can we talk about this privately?”

“Sure, let me finish.”

Why the system room? he asked himself. He knew that no one else could hear them if Everlyn wanted to block that conversation. If she wanted privacy it therefore had to be about body language. Why? Well, Tom could only think of a single reason.

He ate the remaining food mechanically not tasting any of it but knowing he needed to eat it to keep his strength up. Eventually he finished and put the bowl down. Everlyn forced a smile and then animation left her. He followed and then accepted the invitation and was in her system room a moment later. He was relieved that she hadn’t funnelled him off to an impersonal space. They sat together on the couch, watching the fire. Her favourite place for conversations, hard or otherwise.

The reasons they were here were clear in Tom’s head. “You’re breaking up with me? Aren’t you?”

“No.” she answered without sounding at all convincing.

“Because it sure feels like it.”

“No, I brought you in here to apologise. My emotions are out of whack. Gita, and you know what….”

“I understand.” Tom said darkly.

“And having them here. With us making them teammates for this…”

Tom hesitated and tried to moderate his tone but couldn’t. The annoyance, the circular arguments, it was too frustrating. “You know why I did it!”

“Of course… but… It’s all very logical, but that doesn’t make it okay. Nor do their circumstances change anything. They might have fallen into his path due to a series of progressively worse decisions but… Stop. Tom, don’t argue otherwise. I’m not an idiot. If the killers had been doing it because they were evil, you would have bound them the same way.”

He hesitated not wanting to admit as much and also not wanting to lie. “I would have put more restrictions in place.”

“And now we’re on the way to do something terrible.”

Tom put his head in his hands. Then took a few moments to compose himself and pick his words carefully. “I find both things abhorrent. Them…” he shoved his finger randomly behind his back. “Just because I understand why? Just because I can see the slippery slope that got them it doesn’t mean I approve. As for my plan. I might seem flippant… I may not appear to care but I’ve been planning it for fifteen years and it’s not as horrifying as I sometimes present. It’s abhorrent to me…” He hesitated. “Yes, that’s the right word, but I won’t be committing genocide… it’s not that level bad, even if I will find it confronting to execute in such a cold-hearted way.”

He focused and still had permissions to create objects in her system. The selection criteria he had puzzled out over years appeared in his hands.

“I know you think I’m cold and heartless, and in some ways I am. But I’m trying to do the best I can for my family. Same as you’re doing for your kids, ensure that there is a future for them. But throughout all that, I’ve tried to maintain my morals. I know what we’re planning is wrong and I’m going to use my gift to see if I get more information, but I doubt we’re getting a category A or B.” Tom chuckled. “Imagine if our target is a terror race. There would be no hand wringing necessary.”

He nodded at the book in her hands. “When you’ve read that, you’ll understand. I suspect we’re going to end up with one of the later categories. It makes things harder and easier at the same time.” Tom hesitated his throat catching.

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“I’ll read this, but this is not what I need. Are you evil?”

“I promise you I’m not.”

“Can you show me?”

“Show… what? We’ve been together long enough. You should know what I’m like.”

“You’re just so cavalier…”

“I’ve dealt with the problem they’re no longer killing…that’s great.”

“It’s how…”

“How else could I neutralise them? Kill them? Then you would have thought I was a heartless killer for a different reason.”

“No! Tom… That’s not what.”

“I’m not evil.”

“I know but…”

“Is it because I haven’t told you, my plan?”

“I don’t think so.”

“If it is.” He pointed at the book in her hands. “Once you’ve read it. You’ll understand.”

“Tom, you’re not listening. Not everything is about logic.”

“Everlyn, I’m trying here. Ask what you need and I’ll answer, but I’m exhausted. What we’re doing is right. Just read it, you’ll see.”

“Tom! It’s not about this.”

System room, caffeine jolt, the argument they were having… none of it was making a difference. He had a pounding, growing headache. “I’m going to sleep and maybe tomorrow we can chat more. I’m wrecked despite the Caffeine Jolt. I’m sorry I can’t be the person you want.”

“That’s not what I’m saying.”

“I need to go.”

“Tom! Please wait.”

Tom left before she had finished her sentence. He wasn’t sure what was happening. He had no experience in this sort of thing, but the way she held herself told its own story.

Everlyn’s limp body came to life next to him.

“I don’t have the energy.”

“I know. Go to sleep. Just hold me while you do.”

Feeling sorry for himself, Tom shut his eyes. Everlyn was hurting, but he didn’t know what to do about it. There was nothing wrong with her examining her feelings, but it was clear she was upset with him. Hopefully, the selection criteria he was using would help ease her concerns and she could get over her issues.

As he felt himself drifting into sleep. He deliberately didn’t trigger a dream. Michael may have recommended a whole host of skills to help him recover, but it wouldn’t be enough. A part of him understood he needed unbroken sleep to reverse the damage the last few nights had done.

Existentia was not Earth. He couldn’t afford to go around in a zombie state due to lack of sleep.

Maybe because of the Everlyn turmoil or despite it, Tom found himself having pleasant dreams. They weren’t on an urgent march instead it was the same team taking it more cautiously. Instead of being exposed to the mountain birds because they were rushing, they took their time and counter ambushed them. Every single one that attacked them was ruthlessly eliminated without leaving a single survivor to launch another attack run on them.

The dream changed abruptly.

As always, he knew exactly when his dreams became real.

He recognised the fortifications before anything else. The signs of the recent war against the longjoules. The walls were freshly repaired in what ended up being futile preparations because the wyvern had promptly driven them out without striking a single blow against the walls themselves.

There was only a two-day window that could fit the timeline.

“After Gita this is dangerous.” The body he was in said flatly.

Tom was pretty sure this was not Keikain. The calmness in the other man was not present. This mind was more jumbled and chaotic.

The eyes that he was seeing out of that had been facing the wall turned to reveal both Clare and Keikain. Which identified him as experiencing this scene through Sven. While Keikain’s mind had been focused and calm, Sven’s was anything but. There was a fatalistic streak there, and the mind was jumping everywhere.

“We need to change strategies. Our existing one is dumb and cruel. You should have seen Jin. I’ve never seen someone be so distraught.”

Keikain’s face scrunched up in a manner that he had never used around Tom. He looked almost deranged. “DEUS’s Oracle questions did not make us purchase this bloodline only for us to fail because of a lack of will.”

“She was so distressed. I’ve never experienced anyone screaming like that… and it wasn’t worth it. The energy we extracted from Gita was pathetic. We took this class intending to kill aliens. That’s what we have to do. Humans aren’t giving us enough juice. We need to strike out on our own.” The horror that Sven felt was very real.

“What are you suggesting Sven.” Clare asked tiredly.

“We pick a direction and walk that way. Try to find some natives to kill.”

“We’ll go mad before we find any.” Keikain explained calmly. “We don’t have a choice. I don’t believe that the Oracle questions made us take this bloodline purely to kill off some random human then sacrifice ourselves. We were told to purchase it for a greater reason. We’re going to become super powerful. We can’t give up before we reach that level.”

“I’m going mad doing this…. We can’t just.” Images of Sven sacrificing himself to stop the other two rushed around in the spell sword’s head.

“The alibi ploy worked.” Keikain said. “We’ll finish the current wave, then as a group we’ll set off to a border, one more sacrifice and we should be close enough to strike off on our own. All we need to do is hold our nerve and we’ll be successful. We won’t be caught I promise you.”

“It’s not about discovery.” Sven said in horror. “It’s all the killing. It isn’t working for me.” He almost yelled the words.

Clare hit him. “Quiet!”

Embarrassment ran through Sven. He knew they were covered if they chatted, but not if they yelled and made that much noise. “I’m sorry I know I shouldn’t shout, but it’s too much. Jin!”

“We’ll delay the next one as long as possible.” Keikain said. “And we won’t involve you. Clare and I will do it.”

“No, I can’t do this anymore. We need to find another way. Tomorrow after we defeat the event wave we should leave this place. If we use fate to get us a suitable victim we won’t go mad.”

“Fate.” Keikain said with a dismissive tone. “Tom’s a talented fighter and a hard worker, but he’s trust in fate is misplaced. It’s not strong enough to bring an alien to us.”

“It might be.”

“Someone like Mus?”

Sven stopped talking, and Tom took a moment to assess the man’s mind.

He recoiled.

Sven’s mind was even more fractured now. He was tortured with guilt and had considered killing himself. In his private time he was cutting himself to punish himself for the people who died. But he also wanted to stick to his oaths and to live. The confusion was evident.

The dream shattered, and Tom found himself pondering what he’d experienced for a moment. He knew talking to the man that Sven was in a terrible state, but that mental turmoil went beyond anything he’d ever personally experienced. There was enough emotion in there to run a power plant.

Sleep claimed him, but he woke up. Still puzzling on why that particular dream had been shown to him. It had to be important in some way.