Turns out that walking down the road without a weapon in sight and all by my lonesome wasn't exactly the brightest of ideas I'd had so far. As any man with a bit of forethought could tell you, I probably looked like an easy target. I'd like to think that was my master plan, but honestly, I can't. I think things through about 45% of the way on a good day. Today was not a good day. I was hungry, tired, sore, and my head still fucking hurt. Needless to say I wasn't in the best mood.

  As I walk along the road I hear some shuffling in the trees, I give them a quick glance and think nothing of it, just some squirrels or something. This was my first mistake. As I proceed along the road I see a group of people waiting for me, all nicely lined up, I thought "hey, might as well see what's up". This was my second mistake. As I approach them I fail to notice that they are all pretty decently armed. You guessed it, third mistake.

  I call out to the people, hey, how goes it guys? They responded by laughing and proclaiming that he's a dumbass. I'm noticeably annoyed at this point, and ask just what the big deal is? They quickly pull out their weapons and proclaim that all of my stuff now belongs to them. To hand over my bag and to empty my pockets, and they'll send me on my way. I'm astounded, not quite grasping the situation. I, in a not so friendly tone, tell them they can suck my cock. Thankfully, this is the last mistake of the day.

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  It turns out that bandits don't like being insulted *SHOCKER*. They speak amongst themselves for a minute and then their leader steps forth. Alright you little cunt, you think you got what it takes to step to the big boys? I'll give you a once over right quick I swear on me mum. I quickly stepped forward and socked the son of a bitch in the forehead. What I failed to remember was my lack of strength. He seemed very surprised but soon recovered enough to kick my ass.

  I'd like to say I put up a fight, that I got a few kicks in, but it was even. I would be lying if I said that, so I won't. He firmly and completely kicked my ass. I felt like Bruce Lee's punching bag. The worst part was that he didn't even look tired. He just kept going at it. Sometimes he would hit me softly, sometimes he would hit me very hard. Sometimes he would miss, but I could tell by the grin on his face that was only to give me false hope. To put it shortly he beat the ever-loving fuck out of me.  

  Eventually he grew tired of beating me and pulled out his sword. I didn't know what to do, I had to think of a plan. Magic is the obvious answer, but it takes focus to channel mana. I knew I should have practiced a bit before getting into any confrontations. It's not exactly like I planned this though, it kind of happened. Wait a second here, I've wasted all my time for strategizing. FUCK ME. We locked eyes for just a moment. As I looked into the eyes of the bandit, I realized I was completely and utterly fucked.