November thirtieth two thousand and seven, just like June second two thousand and seven, nearly six months prior, was just an ordinary day. It was twenty-four hours long. There was traffic on the freeways. Grass grew. Waves rolled. Oxygen flowed. People breathed the air for the first and last time. The sun even rose and fell yet here was Anya and I, again, in the same place, unplanned, for the second time in thirty-seven years. When I saw her I internally gasped, not out of fear, but because I never thought I would see her again. As she stood there in a glorious posture with her twilight dark feathered hair and her exposed shoulders turned in my direction, I felt the excruciating urge to explain myself as to why I left her there alone in tears nearly six months ago with the same need she must had felt when she revealed her husband had cheated on her. I don’t believe I owed her details, but I did owe her an explanation. It was not in my nature to leave a woman, regardless of her circumstances, cold and alone without an explanation of some kind, and if I could not provide an ample one, I felt at the very least an apology was entirely in order.
As I walked toward Anya, she put her head down and turned her back to me, which raised the doubt my approach was a good idea, and that maybe I should walk away, but the closer I got, whether it was the fear she felt that I would do just that, the more her body acknowledged my presence although without the slightest of smiles. All I really needed from her though was an opening, an open door to at least apologize, and then move on to the rest of my evening…or better yet, life… if she didn’t care for an explanation. When I reached her she turned to fully face me with reservation as she stood next to her friend Debbie.
“Hi stranger.” I said.
“Hey.” she said quietly. “Do you remember Debbie?”
“Yes. Nice to see you again Debbie.”
“Nice to see you too.” said Debbie in a polite tone as she nodded her head.
“How are you?” I asked Anya.
“Okay. And you?”
“I’m okay. Thanks for asking.” I said. “How are things at home?”
“Oh…you know…the same.”
“I’m sorry. I was hoping things would change there for you.” I stated. “How are your kids?”
“They’re good. Thanks for asking.”
She smiled slightly when I asked her how her kids were, but by the tone of her voice it seemed my presence was unwanted. I didn’t know what to say, but I also didn’t want to ruin her night as I felt I was doing just that. It was clear the proper thing to do at this point was to just apologize, say goodbye and walk away.
“Well, I’m sorry to intrude…I just wanted to see how you were doing…I will let you go. It was nice to see you both again.” I told them. “Enjoy your evening ladies.”
After turning to walk away, I hadn’t taken two steps before hearing Anya’s voice once more.
“Do you even remember my name?” she bellowed just enough so I could hear.
“Anya.” I said as I approached her. “Pronounced “Awn-ya” and not “Ann-ya”. Of course I do. How could I forget?”
I didn’t know what else to say as seeing Anya again was completely unforeseen even in my conditioned mind of great hopelessness. I had abandoned her that night and the way she looked at me I could tell she didn’t understand why. In fact with the look on her face, I was surprised she even talked to me at all yet she still found the strength to turn and face me…to possibly give me a chance to make amends. She was not menacing in her response to me, and I didn’t perceive it as even anger, but rather hurt and confusion as it left me to believe that a complete stranger she felt a connection with was held to a higher standard. To be honest, with the pained look on her face, not one of aggression, not one of ire, but of melancholy, I found it hard to believe she had the courage to even take a single breath to talk to me again.
“Landyn, Debbie and I have to go home now.” she said abruptly. “It was nice to see you again. Take care.”
As Anya and Debbie both grabbed their purses off of the small table and started for the door, I felt the natural impulse to lightly grab Anya’s hand before she left because I didn’t want her to hate me. The warmth and softness of her hand as I felt it in mine for the first time dealt my heart a blow as she turned to me with sudden reddened eyes.
“Would you be willing to meet me for a drink somewhere so I can explain myself to you?” I asked as I looked directly into them. “You don’t have to talk to me ever again after that. Heck, you can even leave me there alone if you want to. If you…if you…could just give me an opportunity to talk to you for a little bit… I’d really appreciate it.”
She kept her head down and away in an effort to ignore my glance, but kept her hand in mine as several seconds passed before she gave me her answer.
“Where?” she asked as she tilted her head upwards to look at me.
“Luke’s in Huntington Beach.” I said. “Are you available next Sunday evening?”
“I can meet you there next Sunday.” she confirmed. “Is seven o’clock okay?”
“Seven. Perfect…thank you. THANK YOU.” I said. “Well let me let you go…goodnight. Goodnight Debbie. Please drive safe.”
Both Debbie and Anya waved goodnight to me as they exited Sonomas, and after they left I felt like my night was over as well so I headed home about ten minutes later. All I needed was for her to know, if not understand, why I left her there that night. I didn’t plan on going into the details of my past relationships as I felt too embarrassed to share them, and quite frankly I despised the “oh woe is me”, “poor baby”, “things didn’t work out for me” anthem as I felt if I shared the details of my past bad luck with women, I’d appear weak even though it would better explain why I left her there. Anya had been cheated on by someone who promised to love her until death parted them, and I didn’t want to add to her pain. She was clearly hurt by what I did and undoubtedly suffered from low self-esteem issues like I had my entire existence and I couldn’t have that on my conscience. I had to make it right, and being a person who had been stricken with low self-esteem for years, I felt it was my responsibility to raise hers. I also felt the added burden to set the record straight as I needed to obliterate the unbroken silence of this irritable ideology I held inside about her situation as well; a sickness about it all I held inside for the last six months.
When I returned to work on the Monday after my vacation, the very second he saw me, Clyde Kirchner asked me to come into his office and to shut the door. He then requested that I have a seat and handed me a newsletter of some kind. Before I could read it though, Clyde informed me what it was all about.
“Jackson Caiaphas kindly donated twenty thousand dollars to the Ashley Cunningham Family Fund, a fundraiser he is sponsoring to help pay for the family’s medical bills. I thought we should make a donation to the cause as well.”
“Sure.” I said. “How horrible. It looks like they lost two of their three children in an auto accident.”
“The father, mother and their remaining child are all in the hospital without any medical insurance.” Said Clyde. “I thought it was a nice thing for Mr. Caiaphas to do.”
“It certainly is.”
“I also brought you in here to let you know that Mr. Caiaphas and CPG have decided to hire us as their auditors.”
“That’s fantastic!” I replied, perking up. “That’s great news. Huge news!”
“Landyn, I initially wanted you manage the engagement, but I decided to have Kevin run it instead.” he informed me.
“Okay.” I said a little stunned and wholly disappointed but fighting not to show it. “I didn’t do anything wrong did I?”
“Well, after your impressive presentation to Mr. Caiaphas, I would like to have you accompany me on other meetings I have scheduled as I’d like to get you more partner ready.” he said. “I’d prefer to have you one day be the lead partner on the CPG engagement and not the manager.”
“Wow. I don’t know what to say. ” I answered, truly surprised. “Thank you.”
“I appreciate your efforts Landyn.” he said before standing then walking around his desk, patting me on the shoulder before opening his office door. “You’re on your way son. You’re on your way.”
As I shook Clyde’s hand before I left his office, I felt torn. I was ecstatic we obtained CPG as a client as I knew this would take the firm to the next level; we were now all on our way, not just me, but on the other hand, it appeared to come at the expense of Kevin’s promotion to partner. I just always assumed he would be partner before I did because of his tenure, but knowing all the struggles he had at home and how their improvement depended on his promotion, I couldn’t enjoy the positive news at all. Unable to embrace the moment as I walked back to my office, I suddenly heard Kevin’s voice call me from his own.
“Land!” he yelled. “Landyn Lastman! Get in here bud!”
“Hey Kev! How’s it going?” I replied cautiously entering.
“It’s going good. Did you hear about us netting the Orca? CPG?”
“I did. Clyde just told me as I walked in. Isn’t that somethin’?”
“Clyde must have gave Jackson Caiaphas one hell of a pitch to get that account. Guess who’s managing the engagement?”
“Who?” I asked in an effort to play dumb as I remembered Clyde told me no one was to know I went up to San Francisco with him on the pitch meeting, and I didn’t want it to appear Clyde had revealed anymore CPG related news to me than I already had to Kevin.
“Yours truly!” he exclaimed excitedly as he extended his arms outward. “It sure sounds like a promotion to partner is in my near future if they gave me that account to manage. Doesn’t it?”
“It sure sounds like it Kev.” I said as cheerful as I could. “You sure would deserve it.”
“Well…it sure looks much clearer now after they handed that account over to me. I was starting to get a little worried especially with Sadie riding me every day about our current living arrangements at her mom’s house with the baby on the way. It would really help my situation…you know?”
“I know. It sure would. Absolutely.”
“Where are you headed off to?” he asked.
“I’m actually staying in the office today to catch up and then back on the dusty trail tomorrow in Despairia.”
“Well, enjoy it.” he said. “I have a meeting lined up this afternoon with Jackson Caiaphas to go over the audit.”
“That’s great. Good luck with everything.” I said as I began to leave his office. “Oh…and congratulations.”
“Thanks Land.”
As I left his office I shrieked inside as I suddenly realized Kevin would soon find out that “Landman” was at the meeting in San Francisco. I almost went back in to tell him about my presence there, but then reasoned there could also be a chance Jackson would not even mention it as I felt he had overlooked me enough to possibly forget. If he did tell him however, I would let Kevin know the truth, but at least for the moment, I didn’t want to take any of his hope away as even though my promotion appeared favorable it was still uncertain. I know Kevin felt a ton of daily stress and if I could lift some weight of the universe off his shoulders in my silence, I would become a mute.
The work week went by pretty quick, and when Kevin returned from his meeting with Jackson Caiaphas without the slightest clue I was there at the pitch meeting, it brought me great relief. All week long though, I seemed to drift away in my thoughts about Sunday evening with Anya as this meeting had a different feel than the first one. The goal of my first meeting was to help her find the love missing from her marriage. The goal of the second meeting was to help her understand why I left her behind nearly six months ago, and I had a lot to say to her. Things that I never knew I even carried an opinion about, but they were strong, and they were there. Beyond all else, the main goal of this meeting was to build her self-esteem back up again and to apologize. I also prepared myself for the very plausible chance she may leave me there too, or even stand me up, but I knew I’d deserve it. As long as she gave me the chance to apologize, she could run for the hills, and I’d wish her the best of luck. Before I headed to Luke’s though, I decided to visit my parents in the late afternoon for it had been a couple of weeks since I last visited. When I arrived, my dad wasn’t home, but when I went to my mom’s room to surprise her, she wasn’t there either as I was greeted by what had to be a hundred packs of various Duracell batteries that nearly covered her entire bed.
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“Hi Honey!” my mother said as she suddenly appeared from out of nowhere and then swiftly bear hugged me from behind. “What are you doing here?”
“Hi Mom.” I said as I warmly touched her arms that held onto me. “I just thought I’d stop by…it’s been awhile. What’s going on in here? Are you Duracell’s version of the Avon lady now?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, there seems to be more Duracell batteries in your room than at the Duracell battery factory.”
“Oh these? Oh…these are just batteries Duracell sent me. Really nice of them huh? I’m not going to run out of batteries for a long time!”
“That’s for sure. Why did they send you all these batteries?”
“Well…” she said as she tried to catch her breath. “Sorry…kind of winded here. It’s because I wanted an Energizer Bunny.”
How the Energizer Bunny, the mascot of Energizer batteries was related to Duracell, its greatest competitor, as their batteries littered my mother’s bed, could baffle even the great Sherlock Holmes. If my mother had created the board game Clue, no one would ever win.
“Mom.” I stated so I could pause to wrap my head around all of this before me. “You want an Energizer Bunny, yet you have Duracell batteries? Why wouldn’t you have Energizer batteries?”
“Well, you see…let me catch my breath…was working out in the yard. Do you know my friend Pam?”
“Pam…the lady who works at the school’s cafeteria with you?”
“Yes, that’s her. She’s been over here a few times.”
“I know who she is. I remember her.”
“Well she has Cancer. Stage four which is the worst kind.”
“Really? I didn’t know. I’m sorry to hear that.” I said.
“Even though she has a poor prognosis, I’m always trying to lift her spirits. There’s always hope!” she exclaimed. “Pam is amazing. She never takes a day off even when she has chemo treatments. She even stays late if she has to. She never stopped coming to work even after she lost her hair. She’s always buzzing around…getting things done…just really inspiring to watch. She just goes, and goes, and goes…so everyone at work started to call her the Energizer Bunny. I thought it would be neat to find the Energizer Bunny for her to put in her office…but everywhere I looked…I couldn’t find one anywhere.”
“The bunny with the drum that keeps going and going? They don’t sell it at any stores?”
“I’ve looked everywhere so I decided to write the company to see if I could get it directly from them.”
“What happened? Did Energizer send you Duracell batteries to get rid of you?” I laughed.
“No Stunod!” she said. “I accidentally wrote to Duracell instead. Here’s the letter.”
The letter appeared to be hand written by the president of the Duracell Battery Company as he informed my mother of her blunder in a polite way; however he also included the address to Energizer for her along with a generous shipment of Duracell batteries. After I read the letter, I was truly moved by it. The president of Duracell responded to a letter, from a non-customer wanting an item from its greatest competitor yet instead of seizing the chance to make its competitor look bad, decided to take it as an opportunity to make someone happy instead. He could have tossed the letter in the waste basket and never responded to hurt Energizer’s reputation, but instead he did the right thing by being honest while building the Duracell brand in the process. In a greedy world, when the public is wary of corporate greed and its lack of integrity, this man with just a simple yet honest gesture, solidified a set of core values missing from today’s business environment. To me, he was a true capitalist, as Rockefeller and Carnegie as they come, and what our forefathers dreamt this country’s value systems would be as I learned from this simple letter, more than I could learn from inside thousands of textbooks in how you do business with not only someone, but with everyone. Honesty to this man, was truly the best policy.
“That was really nice of them.” I said as I handed her back the letter. “Very professional. Very ethical.”
“Wasn’t it? I wrote Energizer yesterday. Would you proofread the letter for me before I mail it out since you’re here?”
“Sure.”
“Where are you going all dressed up?” she asked. “On a Sunday night? I know it’s not church.”
“I’m going to meet a friend for a little bit this evening.”
“A friend? Okay.” she said. “Do I know this friend?”
“No…I just met her.” I said. “We’re just friends.”
“Okay honey.”
“Where’s Dad?” I asked.
“He’s at the park.”
“I see.”
“I don’t know why he works at that park so much. He’s retired now.”
“Yeah…well…I guess it gets him out of the house. Keeps him busy.”
“I guess.” she said. “So who’s this friend?”
“A girl I met about six months ago. I ran into her again last weekend. I was rude to her a few months ago so I wanted to kind of make amends.”
“Is she a nice girl?”
“Oh really nice girl. I just want to explain to her some things. It shouldn’t take more than an hour.”
“Maybe she’s the one?”
“I don’t think so Mom.” I laughed knowing all she didn’t. “She’s just a friend.”
“You never know what the future holds.”
“That’s true…but she will always be just a friend.”
“Landyn honey, I know you have gone through a lot with girlfriends in your life. I know you have a loving heart and sometimes that hurts you. Just do me one favor.”
“What’s that?”
“Don’t let anyone ever change who you are. The right girl will appreciate your heart and believe me…she’s out there.”
“I know…things happen for a reason. Right?”
“It’s more than that.” she said. “That’s part of it…but it’s more than that.”
“I’ll do my best to remember that.” I said as I smiled at her.
After she gave me this advice, we talked a little bit more, I proofread her letter, made sure it was sealed and even offered to mail it for her. After she accepted my offer, I gave her a hug goodbye but before I left she made sure I had a good supply of Duracell batteries to take home with me. On my drive to Huntington Beach, my mind was flooded, like my mother’s bed full of all those batteries, with all the things I wanted to say to Anya as I wanted to make sure I was efficient in communicating my reasons to her in case she left before I could have a chance to.
This time, I found myself inside the bar before her, and since there was no sign of her, I immediately presumed she had stood me up, but I decided to wait fifteen minutes before I convinced myself of that assumption. I was the only one at the bar area when I arrived, and at the very second I sat down on the bar stool, the bartender immediately spotted me and took my drink order. Even though the bar area was huge much like the Pacific Grill, the restaurant area at Luke’s was much larger and quite lavish as each table was adorned with a white table cloth, a set of wine glasses and decorated porcelain plates. I noticed just next to the bar, just about fifteen feet away from where I sat, was a glass door that led to a patio area. A minute later when a couple emerged from those very glass doors, I could hear the waves from the nearby beach crash along the shore as I thought whoever Luke was, he sure had some prime real estate.
At just three minutes past seven, twelve minutes before my assumption became official; I felt a light touch on my shoulder. As I slowly turned around I caught a familiar scent of a sweet mixture of lotion and perfume. Even though I felt she wasn’t the kind of person to not show up, I was still surprised when Anya did.
“Hi.” I said as I stood up before she took a seat at the bar stool next to mine. “Thank you so much for meeting me here.”
“Of course.” she said as she sat down.
“Excuse me! Bartender?” I said as I motioned for him to come over to us.
“David Arthur 2003 Cabernet?” I asked Anya as her eyes widened and she paused briefly to possibly catch up with her thoughts before she spoke.
“Yes…please.”
We both smiled at each other before I told the bartender what she would have. As he turned to get her drink I came upon the natural instinct to tell her she looked nice as I felt it would be a rather non-gentlemanly thing for me to not do so. The truth was though, she did. She looked very nice in her black blouse and dark blue jeans, and it would have been a crime not to acknowledge it regardless of the circumstances.
“You look really nice tonight.” I said.
“Thank you.” she said with her brown eyes widened again as if it was the first compliment she had ever received.
I looked sheepishly away until the bartender arrived with her drink as I wanted to buy some time for the alcohol from my beer to kick in a little before I spoke. When she received her drink, she didn’t immediately reach for it. Instead, she looked at it pensively and didn’t take her eyes off of it. After ten seconds had passed, I began to understand this wasn’t normal procedure for a fine wine drinker as I felt it was the right time to step up to the plate, but before I could, she threw one right down the middle.
“You broke my heart.” she said.
“I broke your heart?” I asked sensitively but with astonishment.
“Yes.” she confirmed with her cab still untouched.
I was shaken by her unexpected reveal as I had never truly broken anyone’s heart before and had become so accustomed to being the breakee. I felt the sudden need, like I had just stumbled upon a live beehive to get away to a safe place in case I was stung again, but I needed privacy and a natural artist’s exquisite ambiance to do so.
“Anya, could we talk outside in the patio area?” I asked.
“Okay…” she said quietly as she picked up her still untouched glass of wine.
I made a couple of large strides so I could get to the door before she did. As I opened the door for her, she thanked me as we both entered the patio area together, an area we had all to ourselves, and into a pleasantly warm early December air with a breeze that breathed lightly. We then walked up to a long counter with tall wooden chairs placed across a small boundary wall that gave us a view of a full moon and it’s radiant anti-shadow as it shined in our direction upon the ocean, a body of water that rose and fell just fifty yards beyond our sight. After we both took in the art museum worthy view, we turned to face each other as I broke the awe inspired silence.
“I’m sorry Anya. That’s why I asked you to come out here. I wanted to apologize.” I said. “It was rude to leave you there all alone…I should have stayed, but I needed time to absorb what you told me. It was really heavy stuff and it was unexpected. I truly apologize. I didn’t mean to break your heart. I left you not because I didn’t like you.”
“Why did you leave me then?”
“I left you because…” I said as I looked down to pause briefly. “I left because I saw myself in you. I saw my own reflection…I saw my own soul…that’s why I left. I was afraid to get hurt.”
Her dark eyes, with the moon as their backdrop, gazed into mine as they formed an emotion I could hardly process, a mixture of surprise and sadness.
“I guess I could understand.” she said. “My situation.”
“Your situation.” I said. “I don’t understand.”
“What don’t you understand?”
“A lot.”
“What do you want to know?” she asked. “I’ll tell you anything.”
“How many times did your husband cheat on you again?”
“Four times.” she confirmed. “Once when I was pregnant with Andrew…that was with another married woman. Another time about three years later with another married woman. Two years after that with a sales rep of ours, and then three years ago with our receptionist… but that one I never got any proof of unlike the other times he admitted to…I just kind of assumed from past experience especially after he fired her for no reason. At that point I became numb. Numb to love. Numb to everything. He’s chipped my heart away and there’s just nothing left anymore. I just focused on my kids. They are my everything…but you know, I should have known the day he told me he would trade me in for two twenty year olds when I turned forty that I would be hurt eventually.”
After she detailed her husband’s gross infidelities and I cringed upon his insensitive trade-in remark, I thought about the Duracell batteries scattered on the top of my mother’s bed at home as I realized those could stay there forever because my mom and dad shared different beds, and the sadness in that shook me. It didn’t matter what was on the bed, there was no intimacy, no passion, not even cuddling, and I began to feel for Anya’s situation even more, and even though I know the past pained her and I hated to bring it up again, I needed consistency from her. A consistency I could latch onto, something I could trust, like an unchanged story from six months ago, but I also received more than I intended to hear, and a lot more than I wanted to know, but it was all I needed to know, as everything she said pierced my mind, like a hundred Excaliburs, and it prompted the release of all I ached to tell her for the last six months, but was never able to.
“I can’t comprehend this…” I said as I shook my head while I held it in my hands. “This is so hard for me to wrap my head around.”
“What can’t you comprehend…I’ve told you nothing but the truth.”
“I can’t comprehend how a man, who has everything I’ve always dreamed of having in life…a beautiful wife, and wonderful family…how he could go out and cheat on them all, with another married woman nonetheless, when his wife is at home carrying his unborn child. On this earth, out of all the things a person who you trust to love you can do…he does the coldest thing imaginable, and really the only reason you know about it is because…is because he got caught. ”
When I had finished my statement, she then pulled her lips from her wine glass, and laid it down on the mini counter to look directly at me without a tear, as it gave me the assurance to continue.
“Of all the times to cheat on you, he chose a time when you were most vulnerable. A time when you needed him the most. When you’re going through morning sickness, along with the everyday aches and pains that come with carrying not only a child, but his child…as you sacrifice a body that will never be the same again for his love. And that’s just the physical toll as I’m sure the emotional toll was just as, if not more overbearing as you were left alone to care for two children, one born and one unborn while wondering why he is so absent. And while you’re going through all of that, he’s running around on you with another man’s woman that caused you so much distress that Andrew was born prematurely? And he then had the audacity to cheat on you again years later? After he made a promise to you, his wife, before God and family…to honor and cherish you…through sickness and in health…through good times and bad until death do you part? In my book, I don’t care how many options his success allowed him to have in life, that’s not a husband. That’s not even a man…That’s a monster. Please forgive me for not comprehending how someone like him….gets a wonderful person like you.”
Like a lyricist who wrote a chorus to touch millions, Anya looked up at me with the sincerest look of astonishment as her now tearing eyes told me I had struck a melody inside of her, a place I don’t believe anyone had sung a song or even dared to sing before, but I wasn’t through as it seemed I was not in control of these thoughts that brought forth words that naturally poured out of me.
“And where does his betrayal lead you to Anya? It leads you to believe that marriages are unrealistic so you can protect your heart whenever your marriage fails you. It leads you to believe love doesn’t nor could it possibly exist. It leads you right into the arms of another man because you believe something you deserve is still out there while they all tell you two wrongs don’t make a right, and for the most part that is true, but where there is love…it is love that makes everything right in the end, but it’s up to you to believe that…and I believe we were put on this earth to trust just that. How could anyone be denied love when all the love the world promised to offer them is cruelly taken away?”
Before I could say another word, her lips had found mine, and I was swept away like the sand in the waves that thundered along the beach in front of us as my irritable ideology ached inside me no more.
“I…I just adore you…” she said as she slowly pulled away. “I’ve thought of you so often over the last six months. I never thought I would see you or hear your voice again. I just want to be happy again.”
“I want you to be happy again…I think it’s important. In fact, I think it’s everything. If you’re not happy, I don’t know how your well-being could be intact for your children, especially in your situation.” I said as I held her hand, and put it on my heart as I looked into her eyes. “I want you to trust in love again. I want you to know no one in their right mind, who truly loves you, would risk losing everything by cheating on you. I want you to know that someone would want a divorcee with “baggage” because they know that so called “baggage” is really a bonus package. I want you to feel safe and secure in all of what I just said. If you’re not happy you should just leave…I’d even wait for you. ”
“I can’t promise you anything but my heart…but I would never leave him unless you were there for me.”
“What do you need from me Anya? What would you need from me for you to choose happiness? What would I need to do for you to promise me you would leave him? I need to know. If we fall…we need you to catch each other.”
“I would need you to sweep me off my feet.”
As I gently grabbed her hand, and looked deeply into her soft eyes, I again saw my own soul, and as I touched her warm soft face and I kissed her again, I knew sweeping her off her feet would be the easy part—I was made for this. Just like the Higgs-Boson particle that held the universe together, there was no uncertainty, it still dwelled inside me and would soon dwell inside of her as I truly believed it would undoubtedly keep our universe together through whatever may come.