As I ascend into a pillar of dust, pulsating colors form around me—the brightest pink, the lightest blue, the warmest orange, and the coolest purple. I reach out with a belief that there is meaning behind each, but they elude my touch and only pass through me; their beacon. These colors then blend to create even more vibrant ones, as uncertain shapes and figures begin to appear as if created by the subtle strokes of an invisible brush. Forms that eluded my initial understanding until I realized a familiarity exists with each. I first sense, then begin to know, that these spontaneous shapes and colors are in some way tied to my emotions.
Each shape elicits a great emotion in me, and as their colors grow more vibrant, I feel a deeper connection to them. In what appears in a lively plume of smoke, a radiance of pink dances around and through me as I feel a familiar bond to this particular form. I reach out to embrace this rich silhouette, but it escapes my sense of touch. Just as sorrow consumes me, however, it suddenly produces a soft and joyful voice, its cadence in the most beautiful melody; one I recognize yet cannot name.
“What’s wrong? You act as if I’ve been gone.”
Before I can identify its significance, this mysterious shape vanishes, and another silhouette forms under a shroud of light powder-blue. At the moment I reach out for it, this newborn form embraces and moves through me, its color burning brighter and more intensely as I yet again feel a sense of familiarity and comfort with it. I then hear a voice; a soft, saddened one, but another I fail to name. As my emotions swell inside me, I realize this voice is from someone I saw myself in; someone I felt greatly for, like one would feel for its soul mate.
“I miss you more than ever. Haven’t stopped thinking about you. This is a difficult time for me. I struggle because we’re not together, and I miss you so much. I don’t know what to do. This is by far the hardest thing I’ve ever been through.”
Suddenly surrounded by a dark blue, similar to the oceans seen on Earth from space, I watch the shape disappear only to be greeted by another larger and robust figure, with a much deeper pitch. And although I’m unable to recognize the source of the voice yet again, my heightened emotions tell me I know the reason behind its color change.
“We’re sorry to inform you that you’re no longer a fit for us .”
I suddenly feel as if I am falling and fading away, fully aware that there is nothing under me but an endless dark hole. I then see an even larger shape form from a light green-colored cloud, but it quickly changes into the darkest green, like a dense forest of trees, and splits into two. As my emotions sense their impatience and judgmental nature, they barrel towards me to surround and hover above me menacingly, with the sole intent to accelerate my descent into the void below. Nothing seems to change, as once again I’m unable to recognize the callous and scratchy tenors that bellows from them, but the strong emotions they illicit suggests I knew the reason for their contempt.
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“I need your plea.” Demanded the one in front of me. “The city prosecutor is going to ask the judge to put you in custody.”
“Look at these letters. I see ten of them here; all nothing more than a voluminous collection of nonsensical ramblings!” Roared the second silhouette from behind. “Then there’s these ‘All I Know’ texts you sent that can only be defined as the anthem of a stalker. These texts alone are not only considered an act of violence, but also a criminal act! You are completely psychotic! Do you understand the victim wants nothing to do with you? Do you understand the victim does not love you? That she doesn’t want to hear from you ever again? I’ve had jury trials for murderers and read their guilty verdicts as they sat in the same exact seat you’re sitting in today, but never, never have I in all my years behind the bench, have I sentenced a convicted murderer whose mind was as out of touch with reality as yours!”
I begin to fall faster, like a meteor into the atmosphere as my breaths disappear and my greatest fears run amok. My descent then suddenly slows, like a bug caught in tree sap, and stalls completely. In this state of suspension, I’m now greeted by yet another shape—the reason behind my idle position. This one is entirely different than the others; one I can only feel but cannot see. Without a visual to guide me, my only knowledge of this shape is to know it’s there, in the guise of the darkest black as it all fades into darkness. Now, completely unaware of my surroundings, it feels like I’m caught in quicksand as I’m slowly pulled down by this shape into the black hole below. Unlike the voices before it though, I recognize the deep, sinister voice from the void beneath with the greatest of certainty.
“Let me tell you something right now. You may know me, but you have no idea who I am. I am a powerful person in this world, and will do everything within that power to destroy you. I will take from you anything you’ve ever owned and everything you’ve ever loved. I can destroy whatever I desire, and whoever I desire. You can count on one thing: the life you now know will be coming to an end. I’m going to put you in a deep hole that you’ll never be able to get out of. This is only the beginning. I own you today, tomorrow, and forever. She lied to you about everything. I know who you are—I’ve known for years. I know what you do. You’re a fool--a complete psycho. Your life belongs to me!”
As I fade away from the hot breath and an awareness of a character appearing to be evil in its purest form, I continue my descent. Falling with celerity, I reach out for a hand no longer there and into a more familiar realm—the greatest sadness imaginable.
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