In July 2012, scientists discovered the Higgs–Boson particle, an elusive atom always believed to exist. They coined it the “God” particle, theorizing it not only held the universe together, but also contained the power to destroy it. Each day, the universe evolves with routine regularity as galaxies are put on course only to collide with each other. If we dared to imagine the sheer energy and force generated when planets and stars collide, how could it not be the most incomprehensible thought of all possible comprehensions? An ominous silence followed by the most horrific intensity of sound no human ear could ever unhear. A cosmic tsunami with each impact carrying out an exact purpose—not one of complete annihilation, but one of immaculate execution, bringing one galaxy’s end into another’s beginning. A survival of the galactic fittest—construction by destruction; the way of the universe mirroring the way of life on Earth.

Ultimately, this construction by destruction is not just another tree falling in the forest, but rather an accumulation of force and energy so great that when the “God” particle does succumb to its own expansion, it will be indisputable. That on the day this morbid interstellar paradox takes place, when the entire universe collapses upon itself at such a high velocity, it will spare us both pain and recognition—a reflection of God’s love for us all. Only after it all fades to black, caught within the rock, fire, and wind of this relentless and unstoppable cosmic force, will the greatest scientific fact known will be answered by the Universe: that energy can neither be created nor destroyed.

We carry a Higgs-Boson particle inside each one of us. We can never see it. We can never even touch it, yet something well beyond our awareness and even our own subconscious binds us together as we expand our lives through failure and triumph, pain and joy, and even heartache and love. During our lifetime, without consciousness and through consequence, through even our simplest decisions and actions, we naturally destroy some aspect of our lives only to construct ourselves into who we were always meant to be. We are oblivious to the entire process, each of us connected to the universe by design. A oneness with the reality of a truly unreal existence.

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Construction by destruction—the way of our universe, and so it is within us all.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this for me, at least what I dreamt it to be, but nothing in my life has ever been the way I imagined it. I lie conscious in the freezing cold, yet I feel nothing but warmth. There are frantic voices high above and even next to me, yet I fail to make out a single sound. There are shapes around me, yet I can’t distinguish them enough to know who they are and what they mean. The only thing I can clearly feel, hear, or see are my thoughts, and they are more real to me than anything I’ve ever known before. All I can do is drift in them without any idea where they are headed and wait for them to cease into darkness forever. I could’ve never prepared myself for the reflections I have at this moment—well beyond my temerity to imagine, and although I’m swept away by the deepest of regrets, this fear and sorrow have also strangely led me to the greatest peace I’ve ever known.

There seems to be more stars above and they are closer than ever. Or maybe I’ve just never cared enough to notice? Could it be that I’m actually moving towards them? Or are they coming towards me, longing to be touched? Or was this just an hallucination from the drugs I used to give me the courage to be here? Although no unsure of what is real anymore, one thing is perfectly clear—I’ve arrived at the ultimate truth and it’s more real than life itself as all I ever struggled to understand, now has full meaning.

To reflect upon things so real is painful, but it’s a positive acceptance—one I’ve always longed for because it resides within truth and devoid of fantasy.

The truth about my existence.

The truth about love.

The truth about life itself.

I always felt that I had a purpose here, but never realized it until now.

The timing alone beckons forth the irony of it all.