CHAPTER 5

Ashton Etrigan

Age: 28

Current Mass: XX lbs/75 kg

Mental Status: N/A

Physical Status: Dead

Being dead isn’t as bad as most people would have you believe. I was back in the void where it was cold and quiet. There were no voices, no panicked people running around, no fire or dangerously falling debris, and nothing that could impose upon my tranquility. In my void there was peace, and it felt more real in there than most of my life ever had.

I thought back on my years at school, never really figuring out how to do what people expected of me, or how to connect with the average student. Then later, as I was starting to make a life for myself, both socially and professionally, I had no idea where to go. It took years to figure out what I wanted from life, and once I did there was too much other stuff in the way to pursue my actual interests in any way that would be significant to my future. It made my life feel… fake. Like it wasn’t my life, but rather some carbon copy of someone else’s existence. Everything I did felt meaningless and boring, even if it was somewhat aligned with an interest or talent I had, and it all culminated in my lack of faith in people, other than a few special people, like Emily… and Deimos.

Emily loved her life, despite the challenges and difficulties it presented her. Her work gave her joy, and she took that joy and spread it out into the world. She was genuine in everything she did, unlike most everyone else in the world. She was real, and in my eyes that mattered, given the feeling of dissociation I had towards my own life and most people in it. Almost every time I met a person I struggled to care about the things they said and did, because it all felt so mundane and monotonous. It was always the same thing, they missed their childhood, and sought ways to recapture that nostalgia through old stories, music or family, or they wanted children of their own to care for, or they did nothing but work everyday, which turned them into another mindless drone, incapable of making any significant impact on anything, anywhere.

Waste of space and air, all of them, and not at all real, in my eyes. Not like me or Emily… or The Doctor and her machine, The Well. And there was The Director, he felt real. As real as the emptiness I was floating in right now, feeling untethered to responsibilities and expectations for the first time in a long time.

I bet Emily would love a moment to herself like this, and not have to worry about all her responsibilities all the time.

Actually, she’d probably get anxious after only a couple of minutes of not having anything to do. She doesn’t have the patience to just float and enjoy the quiet and soothing nothingness. Man, she’s gonna hate being dead…

So, I’m dead, huh. This is death. Or maybe just the stretched out moments before my existence ends? Is this where I’m supposed to see all my memories flash before my eyes? Gotta say, kind of unimpressive, all things considering. Don’t get me wrong, the Void is preferable to the pain and suffering caused by that damn marble. Only, maybe not if I have to stay here… forever.

I admit, swallowing the thing was perhaps not the greatest idea of all time, but I couldn’t just do nothing. The Doctor said all kinds of insane things, and Deimos too acted like it was the most important thing on the planet. I really hope what I did was a good thing, at least for everyone else. Maybe Emily would be proud of me, and give me that genuinely positive smile of hers as she hears about what happened. Someone would tell her everything, right? Deimos… oh, maybe not. It’d just be her at the funeral then. All by herself…

I don’t want to be dead.

Hey Void, let me back out! I know I said I like it here, but I can’t stay here forever! I have important things to do! I can’t leave my sister all alone right now, she doesn’t deserve that.

Hello?

GREETINGS, ASHTON ETRIGAN

Gah, wh- holy shit, who said that?!

There was someone else in my void, or rather, something else, lurking around somewhere in the dark outside of my reach. The voice I’d heard was strange, almost as if it didn’t have a specific source, but instead came from everywhere all at once. It also didn’t have a distinguished male or female sound to it, because it didn’t really make “sound”. It was more like a vibration in space that I could somehow interpret as words.

“...”, I tried speaking, but I wasn’t able to produce any sound on my own, and even the physical components to speech seemed impossible, as I realized I couldn’t move my lips at all. In fact, I wasn’t sure I even had lips to begin with, out here in the void. Given those facts, I instead made an attempt with what had already worked once, and pushed my thoughts out as I made them, like a telepath would do.

Hello? Is anyone there?

GREETINGS, ASHTON ETRIGAN

Again the voice seemed to come from everywhere at once.

Uuuh, who are you?

MY IDENTITY IS UNIMPORTANT RIGHT NOW. THERE ISN’T MUCH TIME BEFORE YOU CEASE TO EXIST ENTIRELY. PLEASE MAKE A DECISION.

The voice spoke unhurriedly, without any emphasis to its soft words, which made the message they held seem somewhat unimportant despite their nature. It took me a few seconds to even process the information fully, and grasp what was happening to me. Apparently I wasn’t completely out of life yet, just extremely close to the end of that line between the world of the living and what comes after. I guessed I must have escaped to some form of mental safe space to not go insane from the experience I’d just had, where it was calm and cool, and I could be comfortably alone for a little while. That little while, however, was about to become not so very little after all, if the voice’s words were trustworthy. It could be hard to believe someone, or something, whose identity was ostensibly unimportant.

Okay, so I’m not all dead… yet. But how is that possible? And what do you mean, what kind of decision are you talking about? My body is broken, I can never function as a human ever again. How is that supposed to be a life worth living? Why would I want to go back to that, my life was enough of a burden as it was, and we don’t have the resources to fix anything as it is. It would be better to stay here, wouldn’t it?

Silence filled the space around me.

Hello?

No one and nothing answered me. I was back to being alone in the void, endlessly floating in my personal pocket of lonely existence.

… please be there? I don’t want to be alone, not really. I guess it just feels easier that way, but to be honest, I would never have gotten even this far on my own. I don’t know why or how, but I’m bad at talking to most people, especially when I feel like they’re not really..real, and I realize how that sounds, but what am I supposed to do?

So I’m by myself alot. Perhaps not always physically, but very much mentally. I have very few truly enjoyable interactions with people, and I would love to have more, but I just can’t seem to connect with most people. Only Emily, my sister, a couple of friends from my youth, and Deimos, my best friend, have I been able to really feel connected to. Except Deimos lied to me. Maybe not for long, but it was a pretty big lie, and I don't know how to feel about it. It led me here, wherever here is, and to you, whatever you are. I heard what the Doctor said, what she called you, but I’m not sure if I’m ready to face that reality. If I die, I won’t have to, right?

The void had grown dimmer by now, and I could no longer see myself as clearly as I could before. The comfortable cold floating sensation was slowly being exchanged for a sinking feeling, like when you get that sinking feeling in your stomach when you realize something that scares or worries you, except I felt it everywhere. My arms were getting heavier, my legs were bent at the knees, and I couldn’t straighten them out, and I was so very heavy. I realized I was shivering, not out of fear or anxiety, but from freezing. I shouldn’t be shivering. Shivering was a sign the body was trying to heat itself up, which in here would be pointless. I didn’t want to be in the void anymore.

Except, I really don’t want to die. Just like I don’t really want to be alone all the time. I want to live, and have friends, and do things that bring some form of joy to myself and those around me. I want a proper life, full of experiences and memories, good or bad. I want to be happy, and I want Emily to be happy. Truly happy. And I want to eat more real food. Lots and lots of it.

As my last thought left my mind I knew I had decided, and the only thing left to do was wait.

For what could be anything from four seconds to four thousand years, nothing happened. Silence filled the space like an oppressive force, like gravity, but instead of pulling me down to the earth, it pressed in on me from all angles simultaneously. It was a strange sensation, but not all together uncomfortable. It was like I was being wrapped in a large ball of cotton.

Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

Then, all of a sudden, the void rumbled, and a new, sort of larger voice vibrated around me.

ASHTON ETRIGAN. YOU HAVE THE POTENTIAL FOR GREAT HUNGER.

That was all I managed to comprehend before the rest of the words became spikes of bright agony that pierced my mind until my vision went blurry, and then blank. The void transformed again, like before, when Deimos pulled me out from my unconsciousness, but this time it didn’t happen gradually. One second it was dark, cold and quiet, and in the next there were lights and noise everywhere, and I was being pulled along the floor by someone in a bright orange uniform, with tufts of long, black hair sticking out from under a large mask that covered their mouth and face, with tubes coming out of it and running over their shoulder into a tank on their back.

They were pulling me by my arms, who for some reason were bare from the elbow down, and more straight than what I could remember from last time I was conscious. My vision swam, and I lost focus again, but not before I noticed a giant syringe, with the thickest needle I’d ever seen, jutting out of my right thigh, plunger shoved all the way down. I heard several strong voices shouting above and around me, and as I once more closed my eyes and started slipping into unconsciousness, I heard the person dragging me yell out to someone far away.

“Miss Etrigan, I think I found him! He’s badly injured and needs treatment, immediately!”

Oh good. My sister is here.

⬨⬨⬨

This time there was no void. One second I was being pulled across the floor by a blond stranger, the next I was waking up to soft beeping noises, lying on a very comfortable bed, covered in the softest sheets I had ever felt. It was like waking up inside a cloud, apart from the splitting headache I got once I opened my eyes and saw nothing but white. After only a few seconds my eyes adjusted, and I was able to make out the blurry sight of fluorescent tube lights that dotted the ceiling of the room I was lying in. The lights were circular, like someone had twisted the fluorescent tube like a balloon animal, and shone with the uniquely clinical vibe that only hospital lights could. I started to look around as my eyes continually grew more focused, but I was suddenly reminded of something, and I had to stop and blink furiously for several seconds.

I can see!? How!? My eves melted from the inside out, how am I seeing anything in here right now? How am I even here? Where is “here”? Where did all the pain go?

Those questions, and hundreds more swirled around in my mind as I started inspecting every inch of my body. I discovered I could move my arms and legs, but they were extremely sore, and each twitch made small tingles flare up in the nearest joints, so I decided not to push too hard, like getting out of bed or anything like that. I ran my hands through my hair, which I discovered I still had, then kept going down across my face, over my eyes, nose and lips, even going inside my mouth to check that I still had teeth.

I kept going, down to my chest where I found a white patch above my heart, with a line stretching from it to the softly beeping machine next to me. I checked my stomach and nether regions, finding everything where it should be, then I checked both my arms and legs individually. Nothing was broken in my limbs, and I honestly felt good apart from the active prickling coming from everywhere I touched. It was like that feeling when your foot falls asleep, except it was my whole body that was now finally waking up after a very long time. It was more annoying than painful, but at the moment I’d take even more pain over not having my arms legs, and generally being alive. A loud sigh escaped my mouth as I leaned back into the pillows that were propped up behind my back, and I basked in simple sensations flowing through me.

I had been laid back for maybe a whole twenty seconds before I heard heavy footsteps quickly approaching from outside the door of the room I was placed in. Someone slammed hard into the door and nearly knocked it off its hinges as they tore it open, and suddenly I was faced with the frazzled features of someone who clearly had spent too much time without sleep. A pair of bloodshot pale blue eyes and sandy blond hair tied into a messy bun was all I had time to see before she jumped straight into my hospital bed and wrapped her arms around my neck. I nearly choked, but as soon as I saw who it was I just put my hand on her head, and let her hold onto me while she sobbed hard enough to shake.

“Hey, Em. It’s okay, I’m alright. Look at me, hey, shhh,” I pleaded with my sister as she just held on tight.

“I’m awake now, and I feel fine. I can move all my fingers and toes, and, shh shh, look, I’m talking, that’s a good sign. I can hear you and see you, and I can very much smell how much you need a shower and some rest, but that’s okay, I’m very happy to see you.”

The sound of my voice must have helped, because after another sob or two she lifted her head and looked me over. Tears were freely streaming from her eyes, leaving wet stains on the sheets, but I didn’t care. I was just happy to see her.

“Are you okay, Em?” I tentatively asked her as she kept inspecting my face. She was still crying a little while she looked me over, but her sobs had at least shrunk to just small sniffles. She answered my question by punching me in the shoulder, not hard, but like she would if I was acting like a smartass, or whenever I would be particularly annoying. I felt the punch land, but I just laughed softly and waited for her to speak. Besides, it didn’t even hurt one bit.

“You don’t get to ask me if I’m okay or not! I’m not the one that was caught in some stupid explosion that collapsed a whole building!” She yelled at me, in the way people do when they still don’t know if what they see is real or not, and they want to alleviate some pent up stress. I decided it was best to just let her talk.

“I feared the worst when I saw the news on my phone. I got in the car and broke every speed limit in the galaxy to get to you, but when I arrived the building had already collapsed, and there was nothing but smoke in the air and… bodies on the ground. I didn’t even have time to park before some EMT from the hospital recognized me and handed me a defibrillator, then pushed me towards the triage tents.

“There were so many injured people I had my hands full constantly, but all I wanted to do was look for you. I told everyone I could get a hold of what you looked like in that stupid suit Deimos got for you, and they said they’d look out for you, but I could see in their eyes they thought I was crazy to keep hoping. I nearly broke down when that guy pulled you out, but I wasn’t able to stay with you. There were too many injured.

“Besides, they put you in an ambulance and took you here immediately. I was told you were critically injured, and had clinically died one time already, before someone defibbed you, and they couldn’t treat you on site so they brought you to the emergency room as fast as possible.

“I wasn’t allowed to see you for several days after, but some of the other nurses who were in the operating room with you have been telling me all kinds of weird stuff while you were unconscious.”

I was caught off guard by how fast she fell back into her habit of spewing words like a waterfall, and I barely caught all the details of what she was saying. I was still feeling pretty messed up all over, but I didn’t want her to worry, so I just sat and listened to her tell me about all the things she’d had to do that night.

Apparently a lot of people from the outside had come to help in the triage tents, and hundreds of people had helped with everything from blankets and water bottles to carrying the injured out of the building. I quietly wondered how many out of the thousands of spectators had made it out of the burning ruins of the conference hall. Then I thought about Deimos, and how hurt he’d been after the ordeal with Doctor Astra. I was still conflicted in my feelings towards his betrayal, because I was still angry at him, but at the same time I wanted to know if he was okay or not. I decided to ask Emily if she knew anything, but not right away. Then I had another more pressing thought.

“Hold on, days? As in multiple of them!? How long have I been unconscious?” I nearly shouted at my sister.

“Hey, not so loud! You’ve been in a coma for the past three days, due to the physical trauma you experienced. It’s honestly a mystery how quick you woke up, considering your injuries and probable mental state. Every other patient in a similar condition to yours when we took you in still hasn't woken up, and isn't expected to do so for another four to five days,” Emily calmly explained.

I looked incredulously at her, and I almost started yelling at her for almost forgetting to mentions something so important, but I was interrupted before I could even begin as a different nurse came in through the open door, holding a tray with what looked like a bowl of steaming hot soup, and a cup of water. She wore a sign on her chest with the name “Jainey” printed on it, as well as the logo for the Andromeda, the hospital that Emily worked for.

“Oh, finally. Here, I ordered this when I saw you were awake and asked Jainey here to deliver it when it was ready. It’s a light stew with potatoes, carrots and beans, with some added protein and sodium tablets. Open up,” she ordered as she grabbed the tray from Jainey and started feeding me.

I was about to protest, but forgot my annoyance immediately when I smelled the food in the little bowl. I hadn’t noticed it yet, but the fact was undeniable; I was starving. After the first spoonful of stew I grabbed the bowl from Emily’s hands and started shuffling the contents into my mouth, swallowing spoonful after spoonful with tremendous speed.

“Hey, take it easy, you’re still not fully healed, and we have no idea how fragile you are right now. Here, drink some water and slow down. We can get more if you’re still hungry later,” Emily hurriedly said as I had nearly emptied half the bowl in a few seconds after taking it from her hands. Something she had said earlier got me thinking, however, and I swallowed my last spoonful of stew while I looked down at my arms and bare chest. I looked fully healed, and I felt honestly pretty fine. There was no IV anywhere on me, and no saline bag anywhere either, only the patch that connected me to the heart monitor machine.

“In what way was I injured, exactly? When they found me, I mean,” I asked her curiously. I still wasn’t entirely sure about what had happened to me in the Void, or what it meant that my body was healed and functioning again. I needed to know more, but to find out I had to twist the truth, just a little, in the hopes that Emily would tell me what happened while I was unconscious. It was worth a shot, so I kept talking.

“I remember mostly what happened at the convention, all the work we did the first day, and the things we got to look at during day two, all the way up to the main presentation. That’s where some things start getting fuzzy,” I told Emily. She sat and watched me, but said nothing, waiting for me to finish before answering my initial question.

“I remember the explosion, but just barely,” I continued. “Then I was in and out of consciousness, and I see only darkness when I try to recall what I saw whenever I came to.” This wasn’t a complete lie, but I decided it was best to leave out the gory details, and everything related to Deimos and the marble, for now.

“The last thing I remember is the masked face of the person who pulled me out of there before I blacked out again, and then I guess I woke up here. And then you came,” I finished with a small smile. Emily sighed and looked down for a second, then back up, into my eyes. I could tell she was relieved, but there was also a twinge of something else behind her bright blue eyes. Worry? Some form of unease? Fear?

“Look, Ash,” she started, then cut herself off. She took a deep breath and looked conspicuously around the room. Jainey had left us after deløivering the bowl of soup, and we were alone in the brightly lit room. The only sound in the room was the soft beeping coming from the heart monitor that was stationed next to my bed. I was about to say something, but Emily put a hand over my mouth and hit me with a hard look. I looked at her questioningly, but she ignored me and walked over to the beeping machine. She picked at some of the cords and cables that were hooked into it, then followed the line from the patch on my chest all the way to where it was attached to the machine. Then she pulled it out.

I sat in my bed, looking expectantly at Emily, waiting for her to say or do something else. It took almost a full ten seconds of her just staring at me before I noticed what was wrong. The machine was still softly beeping steadily, except it was no longer connected to my pulse. As soon as I realized what was happening, I looked down at the patch on my chest, where the cable was still embedded presumably by an electrode or needle, and carefully peeled it off my skin.

It came off without any issue, because it turned out it was simply glued to my chest, without any form of measuring instrument actually reading any signals from my body, such as my pulse. I looked from the patch to Emily, then to the machine which was still beeping steadily, and then back to my chest.

“I’ll tell you what I know, just don’t freak out,” Emily said as she locked the door.