To say Doc is curious about the future is an understatement. He peppers Leita with questions all day, and when he has a few minutes in the evening, he stops by and sits with us, asking more questions. It’s funny, transcendence is everything to Doc. His belief in it is what motivated him throughout his entire life. Now we come along with first hand experience of everything he’s been seeking. Still, his patients come first. He doesn’t come round until he’s seen every last one of them.

Doc’s a great guy. Of all the people I’ve met, I would say through his actions, he’s headed directly towards transcendence. This has me wondering a little bit about our cook Tara. If you’ve read ‘The Devil and Redemption’, you know about Tara. If you haven’t, I’ll just say the only time Tara shows up, is when she’s here to help someone transcend.

At first I didn’t think much about the Tara we have at the commune. Lots of people are named Tara. She certainly doesn’t look anything like the Tara I knew. She’s older and rougher, like she’s lived a little too close to the elements. Her leathery face only holds traces of a beauty that once was. I had no reason to think she was anything but just another person living on the commune.

But what about Doc? Maybe it’s his turn. I decided, for my piece of mind, I’d go visit Tara and feel her out. So far, we’ve only been cordial towards each other from across the food serving line.

‘Hey Tara,’ I said, when I found her at the canteen. ‘How you doing’?

‘Fine Ethan, and you’?

‘Good. Good. You know Tara,’ I said. ‘I used to know a Tara.’

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‘Oh’?

‘Oh yeah. She was a good friend,’ I said, giving her a chance to reveal herself to me.

‘That’s nice’, she replied. ‘Have you not seen each other for awhile’?

‘Nope,’ I said, and then very tellingly. ‘She kind of blew herself up’.

‘Well, I’m sure she had her reasons’.

See that right there. That’s not something you say when you just find out someone blew themself up. Wouldn’t your lead-in automatically be something like, ‘Oh, I’m sorry to hear that’? That reply got me thinking this was my Tara.

‘Listen,’ I said. ‘I know you’re you, and you know you’re you, so you may as well just come out and say hello to an old friend’.

‘Excuse me’?

‘You know you’re you. Who are you here for? Is it Doc’?

‘What are you talking about Ethan’?

‘You can say hello. Let me know how you’re doing. That’s all I’m saying.

‘I’m sorry Ethan, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’d like to participate in this conversation, but I have no idea what it’s about’.

Well, I guess if she has her reasons not to make herself known to me, that’s the way it goes. Still, I looked into her eyes for a moment. I couldn’t get past the feeling this was Tara. Somehow it felt like her, but as I looked into her eyes, I don’t know. I didn’t see the old flame. Mind you, the Tara I knew tattooed her eyeballs.

‘Maybe,’ I thought. ‘Maybe I’m just making shit up. Maybe she’s just someone named Tara’.

‘Never mind,’ I said. ‘I once knew someone like you’.

I left, but you know, I still have this feeling.