Earlier today, we’re in the shed, hanging out and discussing whether there’s alien spacecraft so small they can fly up your nose, enter your bloodstream and take control of your entire being. Now of course, being from the future, I already know aliens rarely use spacecrafts, and they never have evil intentions. Our civilization is on the cusp of reaching Enlightenment where violence becomes a thing of the past. Technology advanced enough to produce Alien travel reflects a civilization far past Enlightenment. Technology is a reflection of understanding. You’re well past the warmongering animal characteristics of pre-enlightenment if you’re capable of being an interstellar invasive species.

That’s not the point though. The point is to be the smartest one in the conversation, and so I’m just starting to tell them my theory that it’d be more efficient to go in through the eyeball and directly to the brain, when Kate comes storming in.

‘There’s going to be a surprise government inspection tomorrow. I just found out about it this afternoon’.

With no more how do you do than that, she says, ‘I need you two,’ pointing at me and Bubba, ‘to clean up, and try to look respectable tomorrow’.

‘Andy and Jason I don’t want to see you at all. Is that clear?’

‘Well, I don’t know...’ Andy began.

‘Is that clear?’

‘Yes,’ they both answered.

‘Raven you have to go home. No wait. Stay here. Maybe we can make it look like we have some kind of indigenous cooperation thing going on. They love that stuff’.

‘Yeah, sure,’ Raven says. ‘Exploit my people some more’.

‘Oh come on Raven. You know we love you,’ Kate replied, looking Raven over critically. ‘Maybe you can play a council member or something’.

‘Fuck me,’ Raven said shaking his head.

‘What about Tasha?’ Bubba asked.

‘Probably should hide her’, Kate reasoned. ‘We’ll give her an axe and send her out into the woods.

‘Don’t send her too far,’ Raven joked. ‘You might need her to clear out the inspectors if things turn sour’.

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‘Everything will be just fine’, was Kate’s familiar reply. ‘As long as you guys do what I tell you, we’ll have a wonderful day and the inspectors will be gone before we know it.’

‘How come Bubba and I have to clean up?’ I asked, not sure if I was willing to go that extra mile.

‘You’ll be employees,’ she replied quickly and a little under her breath. ‘Now then,’ she said, clapping her hands. ‘Everyone knows their role. Make sure you’re all where you’re supposed to be tomorrow’.

Then she starts making her way to the door.

‘Wait a minute,’ I said. ‘Who’s going to be Tasha? She’s an employee’.

‘Tara’.

Tara’s kind of the head chef, and looks after the kitchen. She’s not an employee; just believes in communal living. She’d definitely make a better Tasha than Tasha would. That part made sense.

‘But why do you need me and Bubba to be employees?’ I pressed.

‘Because I need bodies that sound at least halfway intelligible, and you two are the closest thing I’ve got’.

‘Well that’s true,’ I thought. ‘We are halfway intelligible, but why does she need us to be employees’? That was the question.

‘It looks to me like you’re bullshitting these government people. They think you have more employees than you do. That’s what it looks like to me’.

‘Well, no-one will work here,’ Kate countered defensively.

‘That’s a lie’ I said. ‘You could put Tara on salary, and Paul for that matter. You’re scamming those people’.

‘No, that’s not it.’ Bubba cut in. ‘Kate’s not about scamming people. I think it goes deeper than this. I think Kate’s motivation is psychological’.

‘Psychological? Oh, yeah. That’s what it is,’ I said. ‘It has something to do with all those demons running around in your head’.

‘No it doesn’t,’ Kate quipped, defensively.

‘But it does. I can see that now. This is about power. You won’t hire people because then you’d have to give up some of your power. You have to run everything, and you can’t give even a little bit of it up. That’s what this is about’.

‘That’s ridiculous. I don’t have to be in control of anything. In fact, I’d be a lot happier if I wasn’t’.

‘Lies! You’re a control freak. You know it, and now we know it. You love being in control. It gives you some warped sense of happiness. Well just remember this Kate,’ I said wagging my finger at her. ‘From now on everything’s going to change around here. No more coming and telling us what to do, because if you do, Bubba and I will start getting more involved in things around here, and taking on more responsibility. Responsibility away from you’.

‘No you won’t. You’re too lazy.’

‘Okay, but remember this,’ I said threateningly. ‘We know. Me and Bubba here. We know. We’re not going to forget we have this on you’.

‘Whatever,’ she said in leaving. ‘Make sure you have a bath’.