Eryk found himself wandering alone through the bustling spaceport, a sense of surreal detachment creeping over him. The world around him seemed distorted, almost dreamlike. Strange, unfamiliar scents wafted through the air—sweet, spicy, and bitter aromas that seemed to trigger half-formed memories of things he’d never experienced. Sounds buzzed and whispered in his ears: snippets of conversations he hadn’t had yet, melodies that felt like déjà vu wrapped in confusion.
Then it hit him. His heart wasn’t beating. Eryk clutched his chest, panic rising in his throat. “Wait a second… what the heck?” he muttered, feeling around his chest, but there was nothing. No rhythmic thump of life, no steady pulse. “Am I… dead? Dreaming? Or just really, really unlucky?”
Desperate for answers, Eryk stumbled toward the nearest living—or semi-living—thing he could find. And, of course, in this universe’s typical fashion, he found himself face-to-face with a gigantic crocodile, lounging lazily on a pile of levitating moss. The crocodile’s toenails wiggled, releasing loud, echoing farts that smelled like rotten marshmallows. Small, shiny droplets of goo oozed from its claws, and a flock of robotic pigeons swooped down, greedily licking up the goo like it was the finest delicacy in the cosmos.
Eryk’s brain felt like it was melting. “Nope, nope, nope,” he whispered, backing away from the farting crocodile. He stumbled onward, dazed, and spotted something new—a gaping hole in the side of the spaceport wall. He cautiously approached and peered through, only to see the vast, endless expanse of space, stars twinkling in the cosmic distance.
Then a shadow passed over him, and Eryk’s breath caught in his throat. “Holy svit!” he yelped, as a gigantic face loomed over the hole. The face was so huge and terrifying that he was sure it was some ancient cosmic being come to devour him. But, as the face came into focus, he realized it was just the hull of a space ship, designed to look like a giant face, with eyeballs that rotated open to reveal docking doors.
The doors creaked, and a red projectile string shot across the spaceport, anchoring into the ground right next to Eryk. Tiny space monkeys in ninja outfits rappelled down the string, brandishing plasma bananas and peanut butter nunchucks. “Oh no,” Eryk whispered, his face paling as he looked up and saw Captain J.A.M., still in his outrageous Space Ninja Pirate outfit, cackling from the ship. “Not again!”
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Without a second thought, Eryk spun on his heel and ran. The monkeys and floating pieces of toast gave chase, brandishing their absurd weapons and causing chaos in the spaceport. But this time, something strange was happening: the bizarre creatures were visible to everyone. Space travelers, merchants, and android cats screamed in panic as the monkeys and toast ran wild. “Pirates! Run for your lives!” someone yelled, and the whole spaceport descended into utter mayhem.
Eryk dove into a nearby trash can, hoping to hide, but the trash can rumbled angrily. “Buzz off, pal!” it growled, standing up on mechanical legs and waddling away. As it walked, it dropped bags of trash that burst open, releasing hordes of tiny, screaming spiders. “Run away!” the spiders shrieked as they scurried off, leaving Eryk more confused than ever.
Then, the entire spaceport darkened as a massive spaceship descended from the sky, surrounding Eryk with towering metal walls. A voice boomed over the intercom: “THE COSMIC CREATOR HAS BEEN DETAINED.”
Eryk had just enough time to say, “Wait, what?!” before a thick cloud of gas filled the air. His vision went dark, and he collapsed into unconsciousness.
When Eryk woke up, he was lying on a dingy metal cot. He sat up, groggy and disoriented, and noticed he was holding a cheeseburger in one hand. “Not this again,” he grumbled, taking in the sight of his other hand resting in a warm bowl of water next to the cot. The water sloshed as he pulled his hand out, and he shivered.
Eryk glanced around the cramped, grimy room. A cracked mirror on the wall reflected his face—or so he thought. He looked closer and nearly fell off the cot in horror. The mirror showed a giant fish, scowling back at him. “Ahhhhh!” he screamed, clutching his face.
But then he realized the fish was actually there, floating lazily in the room. It was a massive, blue pout-pout fish, and as it stared at him, Eryk felt a weird sense of déjà vu. “I’m… the Pout-Pout Fish?” he whispered, reeling from the realization.
Before he could question his sanity further, the stern space military officer from before burst into the room. “Eryk,” she said, her expression grave. “I have terrible news.”
Eryk blinked, still clutching his cheeseburger. “Terrible… news?” he echoed.
The officer sighed, her shoulders slumping. “You’re the most powerful wizard in the universe. And it just… happened that way.” She looked genuinely apologetic. “I’m sorry, but you can’t stay here. Your very presence is destabilizing reality.” She raised her right hand and pointed at it. “Look at my hand!”
Eryk stared, confused. “It looks… normal?”
The officer nodded. “Exactly.” And before he could even react, an invisible force slapped Eryk across the face, leaving him dazed and more confused than ever.
Eryk clutched his cheek. “Ow! What was that for?” he demanded.
The officer just shook her head, her face etched with worry. “Things are only going to get weirder from here, Eryk. Brace yourself.”
Eryk sighed, glancing at the cheeseburger still clutched in his hand. “Weirder?” he mumbled. “I don’t even know what normal is anymore.”
And somewhere, in the depths of the universe, the forces that had set all this madness in motion chuckled, knowing Eryk’s adventure was only just beginning.