Eryk took a deep breath, preparing to tackle the next item on his ever-growing cosmic repair list, when a new notification flashed across his screen:
“System Alert: MULTI-DIMENSIONAL DEBATE INITIATED – TOPIC: THE TRUE NATURE OF SEA CUCUMBERS.”
Eryk rubbed his temples, feeling the weight of this ridiculous yet somehow universal argument already bearing down on him. The notification pulsed with a blinding light, growing in intensity until his vision was filled with a sprawling arena in a floating dimension, bustling with cosmic representatives, nations, and universes all armed to the teeth and ready to debate.
He blinked, taking in the scene. Entire planets had sent emissaries. Star systems were represented by colossal beings in shimmering robes. Every corner of the multiverse seemed to have an opinion on sea cucumbers, and they were all eager; no, desperate; to prove they alone held the ultimate truth.
In the center of the arena, a holographic sea cucumber spun slowly, glistening in its aquatic glory, as if taunting every attendee.
“Are sea cucumbers vegetables or animals?!” someone shouted, the words echoing across the cosmic assembly.
“They’re definitely animals!” a crystalline alien with a face made of stars argued.
“They’re metaphysical beings that defy simple classification!” bellowed a glowing sphere that pulsated like a heartbeat.
“They’re obviously vegetables,” a sentient patch of moss declared haughtily, floating in on a miniature asteroid.
Eryk’s jaw dropped. This was somehow bigger than any of the multiversal crises he’d handled so far. He was about to wade into this cosmic mess when the entire dimension was suddenly filled with a deafening, system-wide ding.
“System Message for All Realms: CUSTOMER HELP DESK HAS BEEN INITIATED.”
The announcement echoed through every universe, every dimension, even permeating the edges of reality itself. A help desk?
“To request assistance,” the system voice continued, “please dial Pi to the 100,000,000th digit using the nearest central ionizer diffuser communications device. Alternatively, eat one cosmic coin to initiate a collect call or locate the nearest Help Desk Representative.”
A collective groan swept through the arena as representatives turned to one another, trying to decode the instructions. A small alien with three mouths and one eyebrow began counting Pi aloud, attempting to manually dial it, while a hulking creature nearby tried chewing on a cosmic coin, hoping for a faster connection.
“Well, that’ll keep them busy,” Eryk muttered, glancing at Dill, who had been hovering nervously by his side.
Dill leaned in, whispering, “Creator, perhaps they expect you to offer… clarity.”
Eryk swallowed, gazing at the crowd with a sinking feeling. “Clarity? I don’t know the first thing about sea cucumbers! I don’t even know why everyone cares!”
Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.
Suddenly, a booming voice addressed him from the other side of the arena. A towering figure, cloaked in robes that shimmered with galaxies, pointed a long finger directly at him.
“Cosmic Creator! The multiverse demands your stance. What is the true nature of sea cucumbers? Are they animals, vegetables, or something beyond?”
The entire arena fell silent, every eye, or whatever equivalent each being had, trained on Eryk. He tried to think of something—anything—that would satisfy the crowd and keep him from declaring war on half the universe.
Just then, Dill whispered, “Perhaps… they’re both, Creator? A balanced blend of life and vegetable essence?”
Eryk’s eyes lit up. “Yes! They’re both!” he declared, feeling a spark of confidence.
The holographic sea cucumber stopped spinning, and a hushed murmur filled the arena. Representatives exchanged glances, their minds racing to process this new possibility.
But before they could respond, the system dinged again, louder than before, and a blinding flash appeared in the center of the arena.
Out of the light stepped a creature that looked suspiciously like a sea cucumber, except it wore a tiny crown and a flowing cape adorned with cosmic symbols. Its expression was unreadable, but it radiated authority and wisdom.
“I am King Cuke, the Supreme Ruler of Sea Cucumbers,” it announced, its voice a low rumble that seemed to vibrate the fabric of the universe itself.
Eryk’s jaw dropped. “King… Cuke?”
“Yes, Cosmic Creator,” King Cuke replied with a regal nod. “I have come to end this fruitless debate and reveal the truth that only a true sea cucumber can proclaim.”
The crowd held its breath as King Cuke gazed solemnly around the arena, taking in each cosmic representative.
“We are neither animals nor vegetables,” he said slowly, his words resonating like a cosmic bell. “We are… the Foundation.”
Gasps rippled through the arena, and Eryk blinked, trying to wrap his mind around this revelation. “The Foundation?”
King Cuke nodded. “Yes. Sea cucumbers exist in a liminal state, neither bound to plant nor animal, supporting the structure of all dimensions. Should we cease to be, the multiverse itself would collapse.”
The crowd erupted in shocked murmurs. Some representatives looked horrified, others enlightened, while a few skeptics muttered that they still thought sea cucumbers were glorified underwater snacks.
Just then, a notification appeared in front of Eryk:
“System Message: Multiverse is now stabilized by the Foundation Principle of Sea Cucumbers. Additional clarity achieved. Thank you, Cosmic Creator!”
Eryk turned to Dill, speechless. “So… sea cucumbers are the load-bearing beams of reality?”
Dill beamed, clearly proud. “Exactly, Creator! You just saved the multiverse by recognizing their importance.”
Before Eryk could respond, King Cuke raised a flipper in a regal gesture. “As a token of our gratitude, we hereby grant you the highest honor in the Kingdom of Sea Cucumbers.”
A shimmering sash of green seaweed appeared, draping itself across Eryk’s shoulders. “You are now a Knight of the Cuke. May your journey be ever brined in wisdom.”
The crowd burst into applause, cheering for Eryk and chanting his new title with reverence.
“Hail, Eryk, Knight of the Cuke!”
“Long live the Pickle Sovereign!”
Eryk stood there, utterly bewildered, yet strangely proud. Somewhere along the line, he had become both a knight and a cosmic pickle overlord, and now he was responsible for maintaining the stability of all realities by acknowledging the humble sea cucumber.
As the crowd dispersed, bowing to him and King Cuke, Dill floated closer, a proud smile on his little pickle face.
“Well done, Creator,” Dill said, giving him a small salute. “You’ve united the multiverse, and it only took a little cosmic chaos and a few… unconventional ideas.”
Eryk chuckled, clutching his sash. “If only everything could be solved with sea cucumbers and pickles.”
“Who’s to say it can’t?” Dill replied with a wink.
Eryk shook his head, glancing at the horizon where King Cuke had disappeared into the cosmic ether. The multiverse was wild, strange, and absurd, but for now, it was balanced. And with the Pickle Sovereign and Knight of the Cuke at the helm, Eryk figured it might just stay that way… at least until the next cosmic crisis arrived.