The spring of 2018, when schools have ended and the next academic year awaits the graduates. But on this carefree period of relaxation a few find themselves confined in an office. Sitting one seat apart from each other on the worn metal chairs, two odd individuals with very different characteristics but here for the same crime.
His head of ruffled up black hair bounced as he turned to make small talk.
“Are all schools like this or is ours just hellbent on the rules?”
His confusion was reasonable thought the girl with long blonde hair neatly tied up in a ponytail.
“Yeah… I didn’t realise things could end this badly…”
“But you seem pretty chill.”
“You do too!”
They were getting along pretty well regardless of the fact that this is the first time they are hearing each other’s voices. Having made eye contact for a while from their chairs, both laughed awkwardly.
“So, what is your name? I’m Gabrielle.”
“Well, Gabrielle, I’m Marius. A pleasure to meet you, partner.”
“Partner? I guess we are partners—partners in crime.”
“We sure are!” He giggled as he recounted their most embarrassing moment.
“You find this situation as hilarious as I do, but I think we should put on our best innocent faces as well…”
“Oh yeah… will your parents actually make it?”
“I think they will, we don’t live that far from here. What about yours..?”
“I… don’t really know. I would rather they don’t.”
He looked away.
She noticed and decided to change the topic. “Well whatever happens, we will get out of this unscathed, partner!” For some reason she felt the need to lighten the mood.
And it worked pretty well, he was elated at her confidence and charm.
“Haha! Sure-”
His gaze shifted behind her and towards the corridor. A man with a beard approached speeding his way through the corridor.
As the girl noticed the sudden silence she turned to the progressing footsteps from behind. She immediately stood up.
“Dad?!”
He stopped huffing and puffing, but with the sharp look of rage still intact.
“Gabbie, is it true?!” His voice alone echoed through the empty halls and shook her internally.
“…uh.” She held her mouth with her shaky hand as she failed to speak.
Marius at the edge of his seat thought to himself, “What happened to her confidence from just moments ago…? This is… bad.”
“GABRIELLE! Is it true?! Is it true that you cheated on your finals?!”
“Yes… yes, I did. I-I am… sorry.”
“You think being sorry is enough, this was important for you staying in this school for your senior year!”
“I’m sorry, dad! I…I don’t know what I was thinking!!”
“DO NOT RAISE YOUR VOICE!”
She couldn’t keep her head held up anymore.
“You disappoint me, Gabrielle…”
The words although not as loud anymore were not just an exhibition of his rage anymore. She knew that she had made a mistake but she could never be prepared for the piercing words of her father.
“Stop it…” The boy watching from behind had enough of this behaviour and stood up.
“And who are you…?”
“I made her cheat. I was the one pushing her to help me…”
“What?!”
“You heard me!” He clenched his fists hoping to make it clear.
Gabbie turned around and faced Marius, her face full of confusion. She grabbed her Dad’s arm to divert him from the false information Marius was spewing.
“N-No…” She paused as Marius made ridiculous hand gestures to stop her from revealing the truth.
“No..? Is he lying?”
“NO!
I meant ‘No’, as in, ‘No, don’t lash out on him!’…”
Just then the teacher walks into this mess and escorts Mr Bellrose, into the office cubicle.
“Phew~! He’s gone.” Marius exhaled in relief.
Gabbie marched straight towards him. “What the heck?! Why did you do that?”
Only inches away from each other, Marius was forced to comply and answer.
“Well… you were in a pickle so I helped.”
“Are you kidding me? Why would you lie about yourself like that?!”
“Like I said… I wanted to help you.”
“Why help me?!”
“…”
“I don’t know…?”
She finally pulled back for the close confrontation and shifted to the side.
“You don’t have to pity me… that man is always like that.”
He almost immediately obstructed and screamed loud and clear, “I don’t pity you! Why would I?”
“Why shouldn’t you? With a father like mine… even I pity myself sometimes…”
“Then does that mean the confident and levelheaded you five minutes ago was a façade?”
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“No… that was real. It was genuine and I said it to calm both you and I down.”
“Then you did cheer me up, you did a great job! I don’t always know how to sort problems or calm them down, but I wanted to help and sort out something that you did not deserve!”
His words of affirmation was something she didn’t know she needed. Up until now, it felt suffocating to never speak her mind about anything to people she considers family. Everyday was a struggle to meet expectations, but more than her being pressurised by the people around her, her own determination became toxic.
The desperation that made her do the forbidden somehow ended on a happy note. Although the future she had imagined was now at the furthest reaches, she felt carefree and blissful as she dreamed of the present rather than the future.
An odd encounter with a certain someone, who had somehow grasped her true self in an instant and brought out the best in her. Someone who was always there to listen and support her decisions and lend a shoulder to cry on when times were tough.
A sinister giggle suddenly echoed through her little fantasy it seems the little distraction that was playing out had ended. The girl stood like a bystander in her own memories. She wasn’t shameful to admit that she needed those memories so badly after trying to dispose of them several times.
The high pitched voice of not very stable decibels and a distorted culmination of voices through the years spoke.
“So? Do you remember now?”
The girl with shaking knees, unaware of who it was and where the voice originated, did not feel the need to answer. Both knew, she could never refuse the offer. But the captor knew her ins and outs more than she knew them herself.
“Are you happy…?”
Those words kept repeating and every time she hears them, the more she winced.
Unable to focus on her revolting thoughts, she was slowly succumbing to the temptation of experiencing those forgotten times yet again. The cracks in her life were becoming clear, she now knew why all of this had happened and whose fault it was. Just as she questioned her own misery she was also simultaneously falling prey to the manipulation of the manifestation of herself.
The scenery was falling apart. A void opened in the school, where the real her hid behind the window. Consuming everything like a black hole, it left nothing behind—the chairs, tables, windows, the students and even her father— all, except herself. Standing alone on her own shadow in a room of ashy white.
The more she faced the floor under her feet, she realised that she was never standing atop anything. Her face had forgotten emotions, she had accepted her fate. She was no longer sad, happy, frightened or angry— all she felt was loneliness. In the endless bleached environment she treaded with no destination or goal in mind— it was as empty as the endless white.
Moments turn to minutes and then to hours and finally to eternity. She did not mind walking for an eternity because she couldn’t even feel the floor on her bare feet.
At last, a touch to her toes was enough to pull her back to consciousness. She looked down but was a little confused by the object beside her feet. A black coloured piece of chalk rolled away from the impact. Obviously she picked it up out of curiosity or just to be able to see something other than white.
She examined it a little and found it a little ridiculous to see a black coloured chalk; it had no apparent purpose for any blackboards. She dragged the chalk on the floor, it worked like any regular chalk would leaving a gritty trail as she used it for its intended purpose.
The obedient chalk firmly gripped between her fingers was finally let go but instead of falling to the ground and rolling away it stood back up and glided on the floor on it own. It quickly drew multiple black lines intersecting each other and zoomed away. The web of black lines were odd to look at and seems to resemble a fishing net and just a few seconds later it was confirmed to be a net. It rose slowly and enveloped her completely.
A subtle knock on the door, three at a time like always, which would always be answered right away by the first sequence.
A boy opened the door still half asleep and yawning away.
But he still had the energy to answer in his most sarcastic tone “Hey there~!” He was clearly not expecting visitors at six in the morning, but this particular guest couldn’t be turned away.
“Why are you doing here?” He rested his elbow on the door frame and brought his head closer to the shorter figure in front of him.
Stepping away she answered, “Rude! I thought you said I could come anytime.”
“Ah… did I?” His eyes diverted to a dark object hidden behind her back. He immediately figured out what was going on. It seemed to have slipped his mind that today happened to be an important day.
“Hm? Who said you could dress up this cute whilst I’m in my pyjamas?”
“Jeez… you finally remembered your own birthday?” She shoved a rectangular box covered in red wrapping paper against his chest as she walked in.
“Happy 18th birthday, Marius!”
The beautiful smile was all that he ever needed as a gift. He was beyond content and happy to be able to see her first thing in the morning.
She looked around the quiet house and turned to him. “So, are your parents home?” She was quickly interrupted by a gentle tug to her waist.
With a gentle grip on her torso and his head resting easily against the back of her shoulder he muttered with overwhelming pleasure, “Thank you…”
Before she could reciprocate his brimming affections, she tried to withdraw from his hold. “What are you doing?! Aren’t your parents home!!?”
He let go unwillingly and mumbled, “No, they aren’t home. I told you they left for a vacation, didn’t I?”
“Oh..?” Something had slipped her mind as well. “Why didn’t you go with them?”
“Wouldn’t you miss me if I was gone?”
“Really..? That’s your reason?” She looked at him with dubious eyes.
“College admissions are nearing and I assumed you would need someone to talk to about your decisions, right?”
No matter how many layers she kept her thoughts hidden from the world, it would instantly be put into display when he was around. She didn’t mind it, speaking her mind was something she could only do with him. His unbiased and supportive responses only made her realise how much she loved him.
“Yeah…” She agreed to his words.
He chuckled as he stretched his arms out in front of her. “Now where’s my birthday hug?”
With immense joy she rushed over and placed her hands on his face and pulled him closer. Instead of a hug that he was awaiting, they’re lips met.
“Wow… you are really melting my heart right now.”
She slapped him on the back still under his arms and looked up at him. “Don’t be so dramatic, it’s not like this was our first kiss.”
“I still feel the same way I felt when we actually had our first kiss. Honestly, best birthday ever!”
Little did she know this was the last birthday they could celebrate together before what she considered ‘home’ would permanently disappear forever. She was grateful for all that she was given but in the bitter end, some left her broken and indescribable pain. As she betrayed her family the complicated feelings surged only to manifest into her trauma. And every time she ran away, the gripping fingers of guilt wrapped around her body. The more she tried to forget and forgive, the more tighter the grip became. As she slowly distanced herself from her own home, the unconditional love she was showered with became a craving though. She believed she only needed time and hard work to prove herself worthy and win their trust again. With a newfound resolve, she aimed for her acceptance—both by herself and her parents.
Ding Dong! The ring filled up the empty residence. The person awaiting for someone to answer grew a little anxious about his untimely visit.
A minute clang of metal followed by the clicking of the door handle, he was finally at ease. The door didn’t open completely as he was expecting but a tiny crack of bright light shot through the opening. Soon a head of blond hair peeked through the crack revealing nothing more than one of his green eyes.
The visitor bent over to his side to get a better look at the person “Hi..?”
The door finally opened up completely. The boy wasn’t very thrilled about his appearance.
“Why are you here?”
“Easy question. I’m here to collect your wonderful sister.” He was surprisingly chirpy and overly confident for someone who was unwelcome.
“Gabbie would’ve appreciated a heads up… and, Mum and Dad don’t like you.”
“Kid, stop picking a fight with me and go call your sister.”
“I do not condone violence. Also, how did you know when our parents would be out of the house?”
“I have my ways~!”
“Kae-Kae! Lighten up would you? Weren’t you our number one supporter of this forbidden relationship?”
The boy backed away a little disgusted. “I’m not a supporter rather I’m not a tattletale!”
Loud thumping noises echoed from the inside of the house and quickly reached the front door.
“Kaelin? Did you check who it was?” Gabbie finally reached the living room. As she approached the scene closer her face grew into terror.
Her stomps were furious as she walked closer to the both of them and throwing Lin off to the side.
“What. Are. You. Doing here?!”
The harsh response was very much expected and perfectly on point for Gabbie. Marius didn’t have much to defend against it but welcomed it with open arms. He ended up wrapping his hands around her and pulled her close.
Whilst patting her back like a baby he said sarcastically, “Yes, I love you too…”
The real Gabbie, the true owner of these memories stood like a bystander—like nothing more than a passing stranger in the background. The moments were real and she knew that well, but every sentence that was spoken felt unreal and unacceptable to her. Was there really a time she didn’t feel as empty as she is now? That empty feeling leaving her stranded on a island devoid of emotions and feelings and the incapability to recall those fond memories without breaking into tears became who she is now. She glanced the area and tried to remember what it was like. The house— although always a mess— was homely and peaceful along with it moments of scrimmage. A big dreamer she was, dreaming of becoming the president at the funny age of six and moving on to a surgeon at the age of twelve, only to finally settle with a sustainable and well paying corporate job in the end. And whether it was the president or a corporate desk job all of it required her hard work at school. In a competitive world, where giving up might serve as a easier option, people race to reach the top spots only to be knocked over in the path of success.
She started to think after her prolonged session of emptiness.
What was the point of everything I’ve done?
Now that you’re gone… Why do I regret my life more now that you’re gone..?
Were you the only reason I was happy..?
Even if my life fell apart I could never resent you. I loved you with all my heart, or that’s what I thought…
I’m sick of myself to pin the blame on you, but…
…Did I really love you?
She looked up and the fog of dark murk vanished from her eyes. The familiar scents of real life hit her olfactory nerves but that wasn’t enough to convince her that she was back to the real world.
“Oh..? Home…”