A black lagoon pooled at Mira’s feet. Unlike the other times she was trapped in this nightmare, she didn’t move when she saw the ashy snow. She fell to her knees in exhaustion. The smell of smoke filled the air and teased her to follow it. She couldn’t give in.

Mira wanted just one night. She now knew that that prophecy would always haunt her in her dreams if she tried to run away. In the endless darkness around her, there was only two things she could do: repeat the dream or do nothing.

She let herself collapse into the water below. It sloshed up to her hips and stained her flowy dress. She looked at the roaring, growing flames in the distance and felt the tears run down her face.

“I will never win.”

She spoke calmly as she came to terms with it. The sound of collapsing buildings boomed into the endless abyss around her. As the village crumbled in her sight, she sat as still as stone. Screams echoed her name into the abyss, and she couldn’t sit any longer. She hadn’t given up yet. Maybe, this time would be different.

She might as well try.

“I’m coming!” She ran towards the flames.

Embers burned her bare feet as she ran through the collapsing homes. Against the well, as always, was the stiff boy she wished was still alive. She knelt to Pallik and moved his dark hair from his once pale blue eyes.

“It’s your fault,” The words left the boy’s mouth, “You did this.”

“I know,” Hot tears ran down her face, “I wish it was me instead.”

“No, you don’t,” A soft voice called.

Mira turned to see Tella. The young girl screamed at her when their eyes met.

“I never want to see you again! I hate you! You’re not my friend!”

The words morphed into some demonic language as the two children were pulled into the flames around her. Tar-stained bandages wrapped around her and began pulling her into the inky darkness below. She felt so cold in the moments before she could no longer reach above the dark water. Flames rippled against the surface as she was pulled into the dark void below. As the lights flittered away, she almost felt peaceful. She hoped it would finally be the end of this torment.

Mira shrieked as she felt someone grab her arm and rip her from the murky waters. She fought against her attacker.

“Mira!” Jonen pushed the hair from her face, “Mira, I got you.”

She heaved and tried to relax. She turned over and took multiple deep breaths.

Mira frantically scanned to see a comfy little cottage in a snowy tundra. Children’s paintings hung on the wall. A loom with a tapestry in works rested against in the corner. A harp and a soft stool sat near the fireplace. She saw the doors that led to rooms with homemade plaques carved with children’s names. The warmth from the burning logs in the fireplace fought against the bitter cold that seeped through the walls.

“I got to you in time,” He relaxed as she took a deep breath, “Are you okay?”

Mira touched the frosty window as Jonen walked up to her, “Where are we?”

“My mother’s home in Vanora,” He patted the small couch next to him, “Sit with me.”

Black water dripped from her onto the woven rug against the wooden floor. She looked at her disheveled, drowned attire and back to him.

“I don’t want to –”

“It’s a dream, Mira. You won’t ruin the furniture.”

She hesitated but stepped towards him. She sat on the couch next to him and curled up into the small space next to him. Jonen stretched his arm along the back of the couch and wrapped it around her shoulders.

“You’re safe here,” He rubbed a hand against her shoulder.

Instead of the cold numbness, a fluttering warmth spread across her chest. Unlike most others, his presence didn’t overstimulate her. She could curl up into his arms and never move. The dark force inside of her never threatened to escape when he was next to her. Her body could relax because her knight stood at her side.

“Is this what life would be like?”

“I hope,” He kissed the top of her head before he hesitated, “Do you want to talk about it now?”

Mira buried her face in him and took in his smell. She didn’t want to leave this nice place. But if she wanted to keep Jonen in her life, she had to open up to him.

“How much did you see?”

“I can never get to the village before that thing starts attacking you,” He brushed the hair from her face, “This is the first time I’ve seen Tella. Is she okay?”

“She won’t speak to me anymore.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s all my fault,” Her voice shook, “Everyone she’s ever loved is dead because of me. Delpho, Reya, Mikel, her parents… Pallik. It’s all my fault.”

“Mira –”

“No, Jonen,” She moved the hand that reached for her, “It’s my fault.”

“How?” His stern voice shocked her, “Explain to me. Did you kill them yourself?”

“No, but—”

“Did you set the set the village on fire?” His voice softened.

“No.”

“Then it isn’t your fault,” He tilted her chin up so their eyes met, “It is not your fault.”

“If I never entered their lives, then they would still be alive,” Her eyes watered, “If Pallik just told Isaan where I was –”

“Then everyone at the temple would be dead. You would be dead,” Jonen rested his forehead against hers, “Mira, it is not your fault.”

“Then why do I feel this way?” Tears rolled down her face.

“Because you’re a good person. You protected them because you care about them. You miss them,” He spoke softly, “But Mira, you are not guilty of their deaths.”

“I failed them.”

“You cannot save everyone.”

“Then why does she hate me?”

“Tella is a child. She doesn’t know who to blame,” He wiped a tear from her cheek, “When she’s older, she might understand.”

The genuine version of this novel can be found on another site. Support the author by reading it there.

“What if she doesn’t?”

“If I know anything about you,” He chuckled, “You will always protect her, right?”

Mira nodded. She made four people pledge their lives to protect the girl. She knew Tella would be safe from everything. The young girl would never have to worry. All her wants and needs would be taken care of.

“As best as I could.”

“Then,” He sighed, “There’s nothing else you can do.”

“Will it ever stop hurting?”

Jonen placed her hand over his heart. He often thought of his own failures. He remembered his late love and how his own power killed the girl he bonded his soul to. He still grieved her and wondered if they would meet again in her new life. After they last spoke in the limbo between life and his death, Shayleigh told him to choose life.

“No,” He smiled sadly, “But you learn to live with it.”

“Do you still think about her?”

“Of course,” He ran his fingers through his hair, “I hope to meet her in my next life. I’m sure wherever she started her next cycle, she’ll be happy.”

“Do you still feel guilty about her death?”

“It took me a long time to stop hating myself for it,” He pointed out the window, “Shayleigh and I would play not far from here growing up. Her house is only about a mile away. The day she died… we were practicing some sword drills her father taught me.”

Mira searched his face for what to say, “When did you stop hating yourself?”

“Not long after I met you,” He brushed a strand of curls behind her ear, “She visited me. Speaking with Irae and Nara, they helped me recognize that I couldn’t control myself.”

“Nara has helped me with understanding my own complicated –” She closed her eyes and sighed, “Having feelings is still new to me. I have not experienced as much as –”

“No need to explain further, I understand,” He nodded, “I know he didn’t allow you many things. I remember when I first tried to –”

His thumb traced her lips and he blushed. She leaned into his hand.

“I remember when I first tried to kiss you and your brand hurt you. I remember when every soft moment we had,” He sighed, “Those black lines would try and choke you. It hurt me to see you try and push through it.”

“I wanted to be happy with you,” Mira whispered, “You are so kind to me, Jonen.”

His sapphire eyes stared back at her. She reached up and kissed him gently. She liked the softness of his lips and how he held her. She wanted to stay in this dream forever.

“I love you,” He smiled, “I’m honored to share my heart with you.”

She blushed and nuzzled her face into his neck, “I love you too, Jonen Lafayette.”

“Mira, would you ever consider…” His words trailed off before he took a deep breath, “It’s too early to ask. We only just, well…”

His face turned a dark red as he remembered their lustful acts. Jonen put his hands over his face and shook his head. He had to focus on the question.

“What is it?”

“Would you ever want to bond with me?” He lowered his hands to look at her reaction.

“Jonen, I—”

“Not right now,” He squeaked, “No no no. I wouldn’t want you to feel rushed. It’s a big commitment.”

“What would happen?” She placed her hand against his face and forced him to look at her, “You explained it to me before, but I haven’t looked into it since.”

“It’s more permanent than marriage… Our souls would touch and give a small part to each other. No matter how far apart our bodies were, we would be together,” He smiled softly, “We would have each other’s memories. If you called for me, I would hear you. If you needed my strength, I would be able to be there. I would be able to tell what you needed, what you wanted, and how to help.”

She hesitated, “What if you didn’t want me anymore after you learned everything?”

“I will always want to be at your side. I promise.”

Mira couldn’t stand the thought of him experiencing all the pain she felt as a thrall. She didn’t want anyone to go through what she did. Especially not the man in her arms.

“You don’t have to answer,” He kissed her forehead, “We’re here because we bonded in a past life. If you don’t want to, I understand. I just want to stay close enough to help you. Nothing would make me happier.”

Doubtful thoughts swarmed around her. If Tella hated her, would he? As Mira looked up to answer him, the cozy scene around the darkened. The black lagoon seeped through the floor. Jonen stood and looked at her in confusion.

“I –” The violent feeling danced under her skin as she tried not to think about it.

Another Jonen appeared in the room. He yanked her from the coach. The fake Jonen threw her to the ground. His face scowled down at her. She flinched at the new apparition.

“You lied to me!” He hissed, “I gave you everything and you lied to me! You’re a monster!”

“Mira, that’s not me!” The real Jonen stood, “Wait!”

More clones of her wonderful knight appeared in their dream. The constant barrage of voices caused her to cover her ears. They screamed and fought with each other, and she couldn’t tell which was the real Jonen anymore.

“No no no,” She ran to the door and pulled it open.

The white fluffy snow around her melted into the dark ooze. She ran through it as they chased behind her. The cold flakes turned into warm ash, and she saw the flames rise on the horizon.

“Not again,” She ran towards the burning village.

Each step sunk her further into the only water below her. She waded through the liquid that threatened to swallow her whole. She did not deserve the happiness he wanted to give her. She deserved the chaos and the pain that awaited beyond the crumbling walls of the village within her reach. As she sank into the abyss below, a blood curdling scream left her lips.

The force of someone shaking her violently woke her up. Black sludge splattered against his chest as she sat up. Jonen patted her back until she could breathe normally.

“Are you okay?” He panted and wiped the tar from his chest, “What’s this?”

“I’m still injured,” She sighed, “It’s been a while since –”

The door to her room swung open with a swift kick. Jonen protectively threw his arm over her as the first lamp in the room flicked on.

“Mira, I’m here,” Bo walked towards the bed, “Just give me a –”

“Bo –” She tried to stop him from approaching with the light.

He dropped the lamp when he saw Jonen in her bed. He clinched his fists and sneered. He stomped towards them and threw a nearby book at him.

“What are you doing in here?!” Bo shouted.

“Why did you just barge into her room?” Jonen bundled the sheet at his waist as he stood to protectively cover her.

“I’m paying for this room. It’s just as much my bed as it is hers,” He snarled, “What are you doing here?”

“Bo –” Mira stood, and the sheets fell from her, “Stop.”

“Cover yourself,” Bo grabbed one of the fur blankets from the floor and threw it at her without looking, “You spiteful seductress. You decided to sleep with him? After everything I’ve done for you?”

The large orc stomped towards her, but Jonen grappled his arm. The elf was just as tall with broader shoulders, but the orc had more muscles condensed in his form. Bobabano shoved him and connected a fist to his jaw. He stumbled backwards before throwing his own punch. The two wrestled across the room to keep the other away from Mira.

“I won’t let you hurt her!” Jonen yanked him by the arm.

“How dare you?” Bo slammed the man’s head against the floor, “I would never!”

“You just flaunt her around like some sort of trophy!” He pushed the orc away, “I make her happy. Why wouldn’t you want that for her?”

“I would make her happy if she let me!” His fist slammed into the half-elf’s eye, “You don’t even know anything about her!”

“She knows I actually love her!”

As the men scuffled, Mira sank to the floor and wrapped the blanket around herself. The violent darkness inside of her begged to be let free. It teased her with a sweet release from all the overwhelming thoughts that thrashed in her mind. If she gave in, then she wouldn’t have to deal with anything anymore.

Footsteps thundered towards the commotion. Jonen grunted as he was forcefully thrown through a wall. He looked back to see Amethyst and Tiero running down the hallway at him.

“Bobabano,” Mira stood and simply commanded, “Stop.”

The orc grabbed the burning mark on his chest and fell to his knees. He tried to fight against her command but the pain from the glowing seal that bound him to her burned him down to his core Black lines edged from his mark as he struggled. He yelled and slammed a fist into the wall to calm himself.

“You used your power over me for this?” Bo looked at her with a deep sadness, “For him?”

“Just… stop,” She sat on the bed.

“What’s going on in here?” Amethyst grabbed Jonen in the hallway, “Why are you…?”

“He’s –” He attempted to cover himself, “He’s gone crazy.”

“You don’t know a damn thing about her, halfbreed,” Bo yelled through the hole in the wall, “When you learn and hate her for it, I’ll still be here. Right at her side, where I belong.”

“You don’t know that!” Jonen stood back up and jammed a finger in his chest, “I will always accept her!”

“Tella didn’t.”

As Jonen went to punch him for bringing up the girl, Amethyst stepped in to pull them apart. Tiero grabbed Bo’s shoulders to pull him back. Rage seethed the future goddess and she had enough. Her glowing white eyes where the only thing that could be seen in the darkness surrounding her.

Mira’s jaw clenched, “Get out.”

“Yes, you all need to leave,” Amethyst threw the men apart, “Can’t you see that –”

“Everyone,” She barked, “Get out!”

The lights extinguished at her words. The orcs grunted and gripped at the marks on their chests. Amethyst cursed and stepped through the door until the spiking pain stopped. Even Tiero fought against the order to get into the room. Jonen pushed past them to the bed.

An eerie darkness spread across the floor and Mira was thankful he couldn’t see it. Jonen fought against the fearful feeling and moved towards her.

“Mira, I –” Jonen reached towards her.

She jerked away from him and held her head in her hands. She wanted to run away. The screaming pain in her mind threaded to burst out. She couldn’t let Jonen see what was happening. She needed to escape.

“Let me get you some clothes,” He went towards the dresser, “We can—”

Mira screamed at the violent feeling that ripped through her. She couldn’t turn into that thing. Not here. The agonizing cry caused everyone to shuffle through the darkness towards her. When Bo scrambled to get the lantern lit again, Mira was gone.