Party's over. Winter is ahead of us, and I'm feeling quite lonely. Lord Geoff seems to have left as per Lady Anda's instructions. It is a long cold night and now that the season of fall seems to be over too. I take a leeway as I requested of the queen, which she agrees to my demand. As she instructs me: "Take it easy." and left me with a broken smile and sultry leers with her heterochromic eyes. Now, I am in my shack from the countryside where we are holding a bonfire. Hoping to meet the cold sensation in the shape of a snowflake. My friends, from this area, are all around me, but I can't seem to focus on the conversations they're having. All I can think about is the long and hard winter ahead of us and the struggles we'll face to keep our agriculture and livestock alive. Of course, I hold the position and the responsibility of being a statesman close to Lady Anda - the queen of Kehina or so they call 'the chieftess' in the account of the foreigners. In an abrupt moment, my friend's voice breaks through my thoughts. "Hey, why don't you come over here? We're having a great time," she says with a smile and it sounds like Lady Anda's voice pierces through my head. The smile looks exactly the same, the figure of its shape. I force myself to hiccup whereas to cover my previous reaction. I am reluctant to join them, but can't seem to find much to talk about. Everyone is talking about how much fun they had that night and what their plans are for the harvest week.
I'm about to excuse myself when one of my friends turns to me and asks me what I think of the upcoming winter season. Give me a break, will you? I am having a short vacation right at this moment. Suddenly, all eyes are on me. I tell them that while it will be difficult, it's nothing new for us laborers and farmers alike. Yes, I almost forgot that Lord Aisla gave me his praise whilst they were away. Military work. He also said: "You deserve such exultation. If you need a break, I'll give you one. Lest, Lord Geoff and I, take care of things from now on. I require you to use it. That's an order. Thanks again for looking out for the queen." in an imperative tone. No, Lord Aisla. "Thank you!" as I unconsciously say it beneath my breath.
Their eyes are sticking up on me. I protest by saying that I am just vocalizing my voice since my throat is being strained for so long. Some do buy my logic but most of them do not believe. But do hold what I stand for because it is the truth. They seem not to follow me. Oh well, that's what life gave me.
"Oh, stop it! Lord Guan, you have always been like this. Everytime you take a lax from the rural lands. You stay quiet." as my friend says, where the surroundings get so tense up.
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"I am just being me. Life was so hectic when I set foot at the castle. All of my duties, I've done it cleanly." I say, in a calming manner.
"You seemed to be in a war-shocked mode. What's happening lately, Lord Guan?" as the bombardment is starting to roll in, but I decline to say another word for now.
I miss the capital, even though, how hard the work is, I'll definitely get notice from others. And that's what the medal is for. My hard work pays off in a certain way that either fate had or I have predicted it. 'The Medal of Frugality' is the symbol and the proof of my existence. My work has been noticed. Of course, I am glad that everything that is given to me needs to specify my credit. The exact reason why I am chosen to be the next consort of the Queen Kehina's council. My hard work is what I've learned from my father because I was born in Inglovia. Another Inglovia, the other dimension. My father told me that a person who knows pain and hardship will ensure the people in its life will never befall upon them. I have the purest heart in the entire masculine community that I encountered. People seem to overlook something. What's definitely worthwhile and whatnot. But I tend to focus on what is the task to be done, if I can't finish it today then I can do it tomorrow. Eventually, what is appointed from me, I'll definitely resolve. A kind of mindset that is still attached to me at this point.
Callous on my hands, cut from my wrists, all of them are visible on my skin. It may be rough but tough is just an only sign of growth. If only I could read and write, I would send letters from the capital - Lord Aisla and Lady Anda. But all seems impossible because I am not capable of doing such things. I talk big… a lot. I sometimes boast feats that are beyond me. I admit I should stop doing things like that. Lord Geoff and Lord Aisla were being too annoyed if I did such an act. In a man-to-man conversation, wholeheartedly they talk to me about this attitude that I am showing, my kind of behavior. I am trying to return back to when I was too innocent and if ever I could turn back the time, I wished I would be humble. Too ignorant to the things that I want to learn but not trying to surpass the people who are above me. And if I go back in time, does it mean do I still meet the 'Queen Kehina' in this alternate scenario?
"Lord Guan, are you hurt or something? Are you alright?" my friend says, beside me to my left.
"Why?" I ask, in a confused face.
"They are tears falling in a cascade in your eyes." where my pal replies, as I confirm it with my own hands.
It is true. I am crying. Where does this come from? I look pitiful when they are witnessing me crying. The bawling of my eye does not stop. I look pathetic in this state. As I meet with two hands on your hand. A gentle tap.
"It's alright, you are fine now." my friend consoles me, consoling my 'sorry-state'.
"Thank you…" I reply and as to cover up the weight inside my chest, I really let it out, as I make a strange noise, trying to make them laugh afterwards.