“Have you ever heard where women dominate men and govern a domain?"
"Look over there! Beyond the seas, you can find them hiding..."
It is just a precipice resembling a fate that we nearly have a slippery descent in our hands. I pray for Lady Wellicia’s guidance and insights, not foreboding events. Same as always, me; kneeling here before a covenant. I am just hoping for Kehina, especially Lady Anda’s wellbeing, that would be alright. Thus far, in accordance with Lord Aisla’s assumption, Kehinan armed forces can't be at par with the Inglovians in a high-pitched battle. The Kehinan army alone is at ten percent (10%) strength - thankfully, we have support from several nations and allies to sympathize with our cause. And as of now, the manpower and the abilities outside our grasp rise for about forty percent (40%), as Clyden (Lord Aisla’s lieutenant) has predicted.
“Lord Gervđas, it has been thrice in a row you’ve been here. What are you trying to communicate with Lady Wellicia this time?” as one of the oratory ladies approaches me when I am about to take a seat.
“Oh, hello there… I didn’t notice you there. How are you doing as of now?” I am trying to divert the conversation, I reply on impulse.
“I’m just fine, thanks for asking. And now, what are you doing here, milord?” she persistently asks the same question.
“Well, as you can see. I ask for guidance. It seems all of them have not been answered, it makes my whole existence right now void. For the request of safety? Well, look around you? Do things seem safe and sound as of now?” I ask the woman who sits beside me.
She leans closer to me but not, too near, she then replies: “If you look at things thus far, milord. At least, we are alive, right?” with no connection to what I have asked her. It is because lately, I am starting to question myself if my dismemberment of my flesh is a part of the test.
“It is not like that, you hear me?”
“What is happening, milord? Why are you so aggravated all of a sudden?”
An awkward stare between us has occurred. I pause as I am looking inside of her eyes, she retaliates with the haze of her own. Eye-to-eye. I break off the eye contact as I can feel the heat of our stare rising up. I wipe my chin and my lips then brush my hair upward. I always wanted to say or to ask if what I am doing is right. If this is what I am supposed to do - for all the crap that I have gone through. For all of my right ear and my right forefinger had several things to do with it! I had have enough to place my plight of my servitude to Kehina. However, I can't show this insecurities in front of this lady beside me. Or worst, the people whom they confide in me - Kehina, the place that I called ‘home’. But hearing the names of ‘Lady Wellicia’ and Hrililal makes my gut hurt. Rancid. An astringent substance with a high viscosity that I want to puke out of my body. Nevertheless, there are many predicaments to this since I am fully integrated in the system.
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“Nothing… it was just I am having- -... *ugh*” I sigh as I forget to complete my sentence.
“Is that it, milord? You can't speak articulately because you're stressed out? You are only mortal like us, Lord Gervðas you know? It is better to seek guidance from us from time-to-time. Even though, you are highly intellectual, there are still some matters of thoughts that you missed to learn.” she says.
“Meaning… ?” as I find it offending though.
“I don't mean to offend you, milord. We are just concerned about how you act as of recently… it is not my place to behave so laid back and all since we are in the midst of the crisis. But, usually, we should take time for ourselves. Even just for a day, we should rest for a while.” she answers.
Yes, what I am feeling is like a pestilence infecting within my body - not only physically, also my intellectual and especially my emotional. It feels like something is rotting inside of me. My whole body is losing cohesion due to fact that I don't even know myself anymore. I am beginning to question what is the purpose of my tribulation for the sake of Kehina. Why am I being like this? Do I deserve to be in this state? Is my sacrifice enough to be recognized for this lady whom I am conversing with right now, for the people, and for Kehina?
“I am starting to doubt of myself lately whether what I did in Inglovia is sufficient to be called a ‘work’.” I express my pent-up feelings inside my chest.
She sighs and places her hand on my shoulder, saying: “Milord, sometimes we need to see the value of how hard a person works. Of course, in that sense, we have not seen what you have done in Inglovia. However, it is for us not to judge the basis of whatsoever or if ever, some people might deem to show an affidavit of your good work,” as she then embraces, enveloping her arms around me, “Don't be a skeptic about yourself, Lord Gervðas. You are the epitome of frugality in terms of spirituality. I have heard the rumors that you had spread the good news among the people of Inglovia in the north coast to western banks of Eisschrein.” the hug grows tighter where she engulfs me with a welcoming gesture upon me.
“I don't think of myself being the symbol of this kingdom. I am sorry. I could not ever think of it as one. We have Lord Aisla who works diligently protecting the interior and against the impending dilemma of the Inglovians. We have Lord Geoff as well, cooperating with other nations to form a coalition against Inglovian aggression. Also, we have- -...” blabbering about the accomplishments of the other lords in the inner circle of the council, where she puts her finger on my lips - stopping me to talk and shushing to calm me down. As I can see it in her eyes.
She is tapping my back during the sustain of her embrace on me, she suggests: “It's okay, Lord Gervðas. There is no necessity to compare yourself with other lords. It is because we, the people of Kehina, are aware of your doings on-and-off the scene as long as you do not have to lose hope in yourself. Not anyone could have done what you have done in those lands. As a matter of fact, if someone is to be on your sole, Lord Gervðas, no one could pull it off.” as I return her hug back.
I am giving my gratitude to you, stranger lady. I am in need of these words. As there are tears oozing out of my eyes, the cascade seems to be not stopping for a time being.