Friday, June 2nd, 1978, 2200
The incongruently loud boy's outburst broke up the tense atmosphere infecting the space around the fire due to our heated conversation. Rather than get angry at the interruption, Dani burst out in a surprisingly delicate-sounding fit of giggles. What a nice laugh, I noted.
In any case, her giggling was contagious and the previously tense crowd of teens around me steadily joined in until we were all chuckling around the fire.
Things went smoothly from that point on. After a brief round of somewhat awkward introductions and shuffling of bodies, the entire party dedicated its attention to the match blaring through the elderly ranger's worn-down camp radio.
I hadn't caught her name when we first arrived, but she had since introduced herself as Nan. The ranger wore an outfit of grey and red hiking clothing, with the insignia of the Pokemon Rangers stitched onto the breast and back of her jacket. She had shoulder length grey hair and seemed far too friendly to be here as punishment, as I had initially assumed when considering the checkpoints dotting the route to Vermilion.
Maybe she requested to be stationed here? She seems to enjoy mothering everybody.
Nan watched us in amusement as the group reacted in varying ways throughout the match, generously breaking out some kettle corn she prepared in a small black kettle over the fire, handing out portions around the fire with a gentle smile.
It was delicious, especially after a long day. The blend of salty and sweet seemed to suit the mood perfectly.
Shit, I completely forgot to eat today, I realized. I wonder if Nan is someone's favorite relative. She's so gentle, friendly, and considerate. My stomach grumbled at me as I munched on the savory snack, making me keenly aware of how hungry I was. I'll make some stew later, I guess.
The group around me seemed intensely focused as they tried to catch all the details the announcer delivered via rapid-fire in his buttery smooth radio voice, talking up the pokemon in a way that made me snort as I thought of Sula's Grumpig as fierce, of all things.
Rapidash was noble, Ninetales otherworldly, Charizard brave, and so on, although I knew the commentator was clearly biased when he described Sula's Lapras as fat, of all things. Although, I had to acknowledge it certainly made the match feel more important than it really was in the grand scheme of things—even if it was largely bullshit, in my opinion.
The camp reactions were something to watch, as well. The others cheered loudly whenever Sula's pokémon made a good move, their faces lighting up in jubilation as if they personally had done the deed. In comedic juxtaposition they groaned and hung their heads or bit their nails whenever one of her pokemon went down. Their over-the-top reactions were both cute and sickening to me.
The announcer's visceral descriptions even made me wince, especially his description of Sula's poor Lapras getting hit repeatedly by a powerful Solar Beam from such a well-known pokemon. The others cheered as if it was all just a game when he managed to weather the hits.
Their reactions weren't surprising. Normal people didn't really get how much damage powerful pokemon could cause to each other unless they saw a high-level match in person, up close.
Sure, they heard the noise and saw the expressions of pain, but it was different when you could practically taste the flesh sizzling. A Solar Beam like that could easily melt through just about anything besides solid steel if Kiriel's Vileplume was any comparison.
Still, despite my judgement of their naivety of the match, I found myself settling into the relaxed vibe around the fire. My new pokemon was nestled up against me, looking around with wide eyes at the very human reactions surrounding us. Eon and Nana, per usual, sat vigilantly behind me, keeping a close eye in case anything wandered in.
I sighed, kicking back and simply enjoying the moment.
This is actually really fun.
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Time blurred by, and before I knew it, Sula had won via a forfeit from the aging fire specialist, drawing gasps at the announcement.
Of course she did, I thought, with a confusing blend of emotions. It was inevitable. Sula will always get what she wants most.
Not that I didn't see the forfeit coming. As far as I knew, Blaine didn't have a pokemon that could match the remaining several Sula had in reserve, and I'm nearly positive he knew her entire team. It would be a waste of time and suffering to continue the match unless he thought he could come back. The boys seemed to think it was cowardly, but I saw it as wise.
After listening to Sula's match, we gathered contentedly around the fire. Although I was initially annoyed at the rude hand gesture I had received for no good reason, I quickly discovered that Jean, the culprit, was a die-hard Sula fan. He was currently gushing about the match, and I sat there in quiet disbelief while listening to his monologue.
"Can you believe Blaine just gave up?? I can't believe he would do something like that! He must have just been so scared of her presence. I heard she's terrifying in person, but I can't wait to meet her! My older brother told me he saw her in person once and always bragged about it! I can't wait to show him up! Arceus, I just want to see her Charizard even once," he said longingly as he glanced at his own pokémon; the timid Meowth who had lost to Dani's Venonat earlier.
"Meow?" it inquired with a downcast look, seemingly aware that his partner was thinking wistfully about my sister's Charizard. Not that I could blame him—Meowth didn't offer much beyond their application as phenomenal pets. Or, at least that's how the Seiichi viewed them, preferring not to waste their time with species without battle or infrastructural utility.
Jean continued, unashamed at how the insensitive comment had affected his pokémon. The poor cat pokemon practically shrunk into itself.
Not cool, man.
"I wish we were around a TV. The radio is great and all, but it would've been amazing to see it when it aired! What was your favorite part?" Jean inquired of Avery with an intense look, eyes practically glazed over in his furor.
Avery looked surprised at the question but decided to play along anyway. I hadn't spent that much time around men my age, but Avery seemed very down to earth from my impression so far.
Certainly better than Jean. I decided then and there that Jean rubbed me the wrong way, and I wanted little to do with him if I could help it. Dani's request to join us made even more sense if this was the norm in her group.
"Weel, I guess ma' favorite part was probably when her lil' pig knocked out that cocky horse," offered Avery casually. "I love a good underdog story."
I observed the interaction, thinking the other boys would be annoyed by Jean's obsession, but I was surprised to see that they were all listening attentively to Avery's response.
"Right! I loved that part, too!" Jean agreed before turning to Dani. "What about you, Dani? What was your favorite part of the fight?"
Dani looked to me as if gauging my reaction. I shrugged, curious what her answer was.
"There were lots of good parts, but I found myself most impressed when her Charizard took out Blaine's. Strategy is great and all, but there's something immensely satisfying about watching a simple competition of power with no recourse to tricks and luck. Say what you want about Sula, but her pokemon are strong." She sighed, looking down at the fire. "I'd like to be that strong, someday."
Nobody said anything at that, and we enjoyed the comfortable silence on the beautiful summer evening.
Huh, so this is how people look at Sula. Strength. Power. A champion. I grimaced as a tinge of jealousy flared for an instant before I swiftly quashed it. No use being jealous of Sula now that I have no chance to catch up without the Dratini Kiriel had promised me. Guess I'm all in on Larvitar, now.
The pokemon had fallen asleep and was leaning heavily against me. He was cute but would turn into quite the monster if the depictions in the guidebook were even remotely accurate, although I had no idea how consuming the Water Stone might impact his growth. Hopefully for the best, I mused. It's a shame just how far Sula is ahead, though. But it's not like it could be any other way.
My contemplative silence was interrupted as Ellie forcefully poked me, holding her finger up to her lips as if I was the loud one.
"Are you okay, Mare?" whispered Ellie, even as I attempted to stifle my surprised yelp. It didn't work; Dani glanced over in concern from across the fire, but I waved her attention away and she returned to staring at the fire with a dismissive shrug.
Ellie was sitting on a small stone with a dozing Petal in her lap and River by her feet. I found myself impressed that she avoided jostling her sleeping pokemon with the energy she had imparted into the deceptively strong poke.
"Ow! Don't poke me like that!" I hissed, rubbing the sunburnt, and now sore, spot. I made sure to keep my voice quiet.
"You look kind of upset. I just thought I would check-in. I may not be the smartest cookie, but even I noticed that you have some serious complex with your family," Ellie pointed out.
I rolled my eyes and snorted. "I don't know what you're talking about. I'm happy for Sula's victory; there's nothing else to it."
What is her deal? I don't have a problem with my family, I thought incredulously as I tried to figure out what this had to do with anything. Actually, I can't have a problem with my family, I mentally corrected.
"Cut the bullshit, Mare, we need to have a chat. Let's say goodbye to these guys and go back to the cabin," Ellie said, her tone leaving little room for argument.
Not that I minded, having already had my fill of the heightened energy. "Fine, but I think you're overreacting," I shot back without much bite.
I braced my core to pick up Larvitar, who was leaning heavily against my side. Oh wow, he's heavy, I realized as I struggled to find an efficient way to hoist him.
Much to the amusement of the others around the fire, I struggled to find a sustainable method to carry him, struggling through several different positions. I eventually settled on wrapping my arms around his stomach and resting my head next to his horn.
"Larrrvi," he cooed in annoyance at the movement.
"We're off to bed, buddy," I whispered in what I hoped was a comforting tone. "I imagine you're pretty tired."
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Larvitar yawned before settling in against my arms.
Beside me, Ellie also picked up her much lighter grass type, who barely stirred as she lifted her without visible effort. River picked himself up, looking more than ready for bed.
"Y'all headed to bed for the night?" asked Avery from across the way.
"Yes. I'm afraid we'll have to retire now. It's been a long day, after all," I told him as I moved towards our waiting cabin, Larvitar in hand.
"Thanks for having us! This was a lot of fun!" shouted Ellie with a wave as she followed my lead. "We'll see you guys in the morning!"
"Was our pleasure. Dani here was just tellin' me that we'll be travelin' partners for the next few days anyhow, so I'm sure we'll have a chance to talk more. I'm pretty tuckered out, misself, now that you mention it," Avery said as he stood up with a stretch. His large frame cast ominous shadows into the surrounding area.
"See you folks in the mornin'! Lads, let's get to bed. G'night, Dani," he said with a deferential nod at the older trainer.
"Night, Avery. Sorry for getting upset earlier. I just don't like people talking down to me, and I overreacted," Dani replied with a serious face. "We good?"
Avery's eyebrows shot up at the apology; I could tell he had not seen that one coming. Neither had I, for that matter.
She's more mature than I gave her credit for, I thought. Sula would've held a grudge forever in this situation, taking every opportunity to poke and prod at him.
"We're good, Dani. See ya in the morning! Thank ya verra much, Miss Nan," he said politely to the ranger before heading into darkness.
"Good night, boys and girls! Thanks for joining me on this fine evening. What an exciting way to close out the day! Make sure to brush your teeth before you go to bed. I'll have breakfast ready in the morning for whoever is up early enough," Nan called out as she made her way to the central cabin.
The other boys obediently followed suit behind their apparent leader; they were in one of the larger cabins closer to the center of camp. Besides Avery and Jean, the others had yet to speak much besides their over-the-top reactions during the match.
"Alright, enough stalling. Let's get back to the cabin," said Ellie.
"Fine," I responded drily as turned away from the fire. Eon and Nana headed off ahead of us to scout.
Rather than head off with the boys, Dani made her way towards us, catching us just out of the fire's dying light.
"Mind if I join you guys for a second? I just had a quick question before you go to bed," Dani whispered, looking over her shoulder to ensure the other boys were out of earshot.
"Sure, what's up?" I asked curiously. I wonder what's on her mind?
"I couldn't help but notice that you seemed a bit upset when the match finished. The other guys don't know you're Sula's little brother yet. Do you want me to keep it a secret so things don't get weird?"
Why does everyone think I'm upset? I struggled to figure out what was giving people the wrong idea. Something wrong with my face, or something else? Am I upset?
"See! Mare, I told you something was wrong," Ellie interjected before I could respond. "He looked pissed, right?"
Dani looked a bit surprised when Ellie answered the question. "Yeah…We just met, so I don't want to step on any toes. I doubt any of those idiots picked up on it, but you looked like you had bitten into something sour but were trying to keep your face from scrunching up," Dani explained.
"That's such a perfect way to describe it! Like this!" Ellie said and pinched her cheeks together demonstrably.
I grimaced at the unfortunate facial expression. I'll have to be more careful. I hope they're just being dramatic.
"Oh. I didn't realize I was doing that," I answered honestly. "I'll be careful to monitor my expressions better next time. Sorry for the inconvenience. I'd love if you could refrain from mentioning who I am, as well."
I expected a quick acceptance of the apology and was caught off guard when both stopped in place and fixed me with a look of apparent confusion and something else. Pity.
"What? Is there a problem?"
"Mare, you don't need to apologize? You didn't do anything wrong. We're just checking if you're okay," said Dani with a crinkled brow.
Ellie glanced over at Dani with a searching look, and the other girl stared back unruffled. Is this some type of girl thing I don't understand? I wondered as I stayed out of it.
Ellie must have found what she was looking for considering the next words out of her mouth. "Dani, I'm not sure how much he told you on your swim or whatever it is that you guys were actually doing, but Mare's family is fucked up with a capital F. That's what I wanted to talk to him about, but if you're going to be traveling with us from now on, you might as well join in if you're serious about it," said Ellie. "Let's get into the cabin before we continue; I don't want to get interrupted by anything."
"I'm in. I doubt the boys are even still awake; they snore like Snorlax and fart like Tauros at the end of the day," confirmed Dani with a frown as she trailed behind us. "It'll be nice to get some space."
"Great!" replied Ellie with a prim smile.
At this point, we had made it to the camp's outer edge and were approaching our dimly lit cabin.
I felt increasingly confused at what was going on. Was this some type of intervention, where they needed to save me? The genuine concern they displayed for me left me feeling distinctly uneasy as I woodenly opened the door and sat heavily on my bed.
Is this what it was supposed to be like? Is this what friends and family are supposed to do when something is wrong? I'm not supposed to hide what I'm feeling?
"Earth to Mare, snap out of it, dude," Ellie called as she waved her hands in front of me. "You have this crazy intense look on your face like you're about to face down a raging pokemon." She turned to Dani. "We don't bite, right?"
"Right," agreed Dani with a crooked smile. "Not usually, anyway."
"What is even going on here?" I asked, my voice hard even though I didn't want it to be. "What do you want me to say? Is this some sort of emotional intervention? I don't need your pity. I'm fine. I already told you nothing was wrong. I must've just been making a face for some reason. We don't need to do this."
Panic rose in my chest as I realized I basically freaked out for no reason. They probably think I'm overreacting. I can't believe I'm already fucking things up this ea-
"Mare, just shut up and listen for a second," said Ellie firmly, interrupting my spiraling thoughts. "We've known each other for like, almost two days, and I can already tell that you're a hot fucking mess from your family. You're avoidant, cold, analytical, and act like anything you do is an opportunity to prove your worth, or something to be judged, and it's concerning me."
"Maybe I should go…" said Dani awkwardly as she stood there, uncertainly. She was fidgeting and wringing her hands nervously and it actually made me feel slightly better knowing I wasn't the only one reacting to the situation.
"Nope. Sit. You already said yes," commanded Ellie as she gestured at one of the empty beds. Dani quickly complied, finding herself unable to resist the younger girl's snappy orders.
"If we're going to travel together and actually do what we're supposed to do, this isn't going to cut it. I don't give a shit about your bitch mom, or arrogant sister, or passive dad. But I do care about my dad—and you, if you can believe it—and if you keep doing what you're doing, this whole plan will fail," said Ellie passionately. "Mare, I know I couldn't possibly understand what it's like to have a sister like Sula, but I know what it's like to feel alone and unable to express what you actually feel."
She sighed, running her hands through her hair. "You probably don't even think of me as a person, right? Probably just think I'm some deadweight you need to carry through this assignment. Someone you just need to keep alive until the next nine months are up. I'm right, aren't I?" Ellie accused.
I looked away, unable to respond to her accurate assessment. I had thought of it like that, but maybe not quite so harshly as she characterized it. I did think of her as a person. One of my only friends, even if I had just met her. But she was close enough that I had little to say without making even more of a fool of myself.
"I knew it," Ellie breathed, mistakenly interpreting my silence as tacit agreement. "Look. I'm new. I'm not as good as you or your family, but we need to work as a team to make this happen. Please, just let me in a bit here and talk to me about what's going on with you," she said with pleading eyes. "I can be good. I can be great; I know I can. But I can't do it if you're storming ahead in your own world, dragging me along for the ride."
Ellie was nearly in tears, and I could feel my face burning in shame at the fact that I might have some role to play in her feelings. Stop crying, please, I pleaded internally. I am nothing worth crying over.
I didn't know what to say or do, having never experienced someone talking to me so emotionally. So earnestly. It was all happening too fast.
"I'm sor—" I paused, unsure how to word what I wanted to say. Taking a deep breath, I continued. "I'm sorry, Ellie. I didn't know you cared so much. Nobody has ever talked to me like this before and I honestly don't know what to think or do. Never really worried about me like this."
I laughed bitterly, thinking of Sula's 'check-in' before I left home on the first day.
Larvitar looked up at me in concern from his position on my lap. "Larvvv," he cooed in consolation. I rubbed his scales soothingly, although whether for him or me I was unsure. "It's okay, little guy, just go to bed. I'm fine now, I promise."
"Cute," Ellie whispered airily before returning her attention to me. Dani had yet to move from her position, but she was clearly interested in the conversation as evidenced by leaning forward with an attentive gaze.
I took a breath, gathering my will to continue. "Whenever my family ever actually asked me how I was doing, which was rare, it never felt like they were genuinely concerned or saw me for what I was feeling. It felt more like a mechanic checking in on a piece of machinery to ensure it was still functioning rather than genuine compassion. If there was ever a problem, they dealt with it in a logical and pragmatic fashion regardless of my feelings. They never even asked me what I wanted."
It hurt to talk about this, as it brought up all the disingenuous conversations I had over the years. I had never once felt like my family cared beyond my ability to perform.
"I'm asking now," said Ellie with a relieved smile as she realized I'd made my decision. "What do you want? What are you feeling?"
I couldn't help but return the smile, feeling slightly better.
Arceus, I'm lucky. She might be a rank amateur, but I'll take this over the Seiichi any day.
"Truth is, Ellie, I'm not fine. I didn't realize I was making such an obvious facial expression, but I couldn't help but feel disappointed when Sula won. I feel like an awful brother for even thinking that, but some part of me just wanted it to happen. Just once, so I could know that I had a chance to catch up to her and actually be seen by my family," I admitted, feeling nauseous at the admission.
They probably think I'm awful for thinking something like that. I braced myself for the disgusted reaction I knew was impending, but it never came.
Instead, Ellie nodded encouragingly. "It's okay, Mare. I think that reaction makes complete sense."
I looked at her incredulously, my voice getting louder. "How can you say that?! It goes against everything I've been taught. Willing ill against a family member is the gravest sin I could have! All I know is to do my duty, follow their words, and support the clan." I spat the words out, venom filling them. "If Kiriel heard any of this, she'd probably disown me without a second thought, besides briefly regretting the waste of resources. And my dad, don't even get me started," I said with a contemptuous shake of my head.
"He just goes along with whatever Kiriel says and is too afraid to stand up to her over anything. He knew I had my hopes up for that Dratini. He knew I wanted even a fraction of the attention that Kiriel and the rest of the clan shower Sula with. And he just sits there, trying to smooth everything over so that no one's feathers are ruffled. It makes me sick. I can't believe I'm related to such a fucking coward."
I was practically growling at this point, but I couldn't stop myself. I spent so much time actively suppressing every ugly emotion I was feeling that it was now leaking out in a pathetic way. I could feel hot tears dripping down my face to pool aimlessly on the dirty cabin floor.
"And Sula. My big sister, my best friend. The only one who shows me any compassion at all. It hurts the worst, actually. It hurts because I know that if she deemed me a legitimate threat, all her affection would disappear instantly." I snorted. "Sure, she's nice to me, teaches me, and has dragged me all over the world, but her mind is only ever truly on one thing: to be the best."
I took a deep breath, only now registering the embarrassment I felt at such a vulnerable profession of my inner thoughts. I quickly wiped my tears away with a fist, trying to act like nothing happened.
They're going to think I'm weak, I realized in dawning horror.
"Sorry about all that. I don't know what came over me," I explained as I finally looked up at Ellie and Dani. I had been staring down at the ground the whole time I was talking and recoiled in surprise when I saw them.
Ellie was crying, and not just a little bit.
"What's wrong? Did I say something wrong?" I asked, my brow crinkling in confusion at their reactions. This doesn't make any sense.
"No! You didn't do anything wrong! I'm so glad I'm an only child in a broken, albeit normal family," sobbed Ellie as she wiped away her tears. "That's so wrong! You're just a kid! Clans in Kanto are stupid!"
Dani gave me a strained smile; I could tell she didn't know how to act in such a setting. Not that I could blame her, if our positions were switched I wouldn't know what to say, either.
Welp, there go my chances with her, if I ever had any.
"I have to agree with Ellie here. Hearing all that from you makes me grateful for my relatively normal upbringing. I'm sorry you went through all that, bud," she said awkwardly.
I grimaced when I heard the "bud." Yup, definitely no chance in hell now.
"Uh, thanks for listening, I guess? I feel a lot better. Like, really good. Honestly, I didn't realize I was so upset until you said something. How'd you get so good at talking to people, Ellie?" I asked, feeling genuine admiration for her ability to get me to open up for the first time in my young life.
"Ha," Ellie said smugly. The tears had stopped, but her green eyes stood out vividly against their red edges. "Try being an only child with parents that hate each other, with the slightest misstep causing a complete fucking mess. Nothing like trying to mediate your parents' everyday fights to make you emotionally perceptive as a fucking Togepi!"
"And Mare," she said, her voice soft. "Thanks for letting us in. It's nice to meet you, for real this time."
"Yeah," I smiled, for the first time in the journey feeling like things might get better. "Thank you, too."