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Dungeon Inc
Chapter 17: Archie

Chapter 17: Archie

It was two more days before Zack was ready to start accepting customers again. As he expected, it proved to be a massive pain to move the meadow out of the way, and he ended up despawning the castle to make room for it. He still had ideas of what to do with the tundra, but the castle room still evaded him.

Thumper was grateful to have his home back, along with the other inhabitants of the room. Zack took the opportunity to start digging out a second floor to add to it, but it would be a while before he could afford to properly populate it. For now, the goal was to extend the reach of his influence and increase his mana intake with new harvesters.

To his frustration, he learned that harvesters didn’t actually work underground. When he spawned one, he was met with an error message reminding him that they required a certain amount of open, unclaimed space in order to operate. He had hoped they would work inside the earth, but unfortunately it was not to be.

He was, however, able to simulate the function of harvesters in another way, By using long, tube-like structures that dug into the wall, he was able to drastically increase the amount of surface area his dungeon was exposed to unclaimed earth. This allowed him to increase his aether intake naturally rather than exclusively through harvesters. He didn’t bother adding monsters to this second floor, since he still had yet to unlock spawners capable of using more than five mana at any given time.

He really needed to solve that problem. Already his spawners were at their limit. They coudn’t even spawn the boss monster he designed for the spider warren, he had to respawn it manually between runs. He had, unfortunately, reached a stagnancy in his growth.

“Hey, Akashic System, you there?” Zack asked, directing his words toward that little voice inside his core. The dungeon was once more open for business, and with the new hub and extra rooms, they were accepting more customers than before. Alex and Chandra were doing a good enough job managing matter on their own, and Greg had the armaments covered. All Zack had to worry about was the spider boss, but so far nobody had made it to her yet. He could take a bit of time for himself.

Zack felt it the moment when the Akashic System’s attention fell on him again. It felt like a parent who raised their eyebrow, waiting to hear what their child had to say.

“I need stronger spawners. How can I get them?”

For moment, there was no answer. Zack was worried he might have worded the question poorly, but before he could ask it again, a new pop up appeared before him.

[Quest available: Back to Spawn]

[Learn or create an advanced monster pattern.]

[Reward: Spawner upgrades.]

Zack stared at the quest in confusion. What exactly did the quest mean by advanced monster? As soon as he thought about it, though, he realized what it meant. He had seen something similar to that before, but he hadn’t paid it much mind in a while.

Turning his gaze inward, he checked his own status again.

[Status]

[Name: Zack]

[Core type: Dungeon]

[Level: 10]

[Integrity: 100%]

[Mana: 34/80]

[Upkeep requirements]

[Influence: 68 mana per hour]

[Monsters: 10 mana per hour]

[Aether intake]

[Influence: 50 aether per hour]

[Ambient: 45 aether per hour (+35 aether per hour from harvesters)]

[Recovery: 10 per hour]

[Warning: Maximum Aether intake exceeds upkeep requirements. Risk of mana overflow increased.]

That was all information he knew, nothing new there. He continued past his basic information, though, and found what he was looking for.

[Patterns available]

[Basic Animal Creation: level 5]

[Basic Monster Creation: level 9]

[Basic Item Creation: level 5]

[Basic Potion Creation: level 4]

All of the patterns he learned or created since waking up fell under the basic category. He had nothing that constituted as advanced. He wasn’t entirely sure what it would take to consider a monster advanced, but evidently nothing he made so far came anywhere close. He considered that for a moment, wondering what it would take to surpass the basic pattern threshold.

Rather than dwell on it, he decided to simply ask. He directed the thought towards the Akashic System, and let it do all the hard thinking for him.

[Advanced Monster Creation]

[Pattern unlearned]

[In order to unlock this pattern blueprint, you must absorb or create a monster with the following characteristics:]

[1: The monster must be capable of using a minimum of two spells.]

[2: The monster must be capable of speech.]

[3: The monster must be capable of independent thought and self-governance.]

If Zack had eyes, they would have bugged at those requirements. Technically he was already partway through the process of creating a monster that fit those needs. Jean-Claude was capable of speech, albeit broken and borderline froggy in cadence. The Medibolds, meanwhile, knew a single healing spell. He didn’t think creating a monster capable of two spells would be too difficult, but that third and final requirement…

How was he supposed to give a monster its own independent thoughts and self-governance? That almost felt like it spat in the face of everything he learned about creating mobs since waking up a dungeon. Wasn’t the whole point of him being a dungeon core to micromanage the whole dungeon by himself?

As soon as the idea hit him, he realized what a mistake that was. He was already in the process of automating most of the functions, from item creation and reward system to monster spawns outright. Even the Medibolds existed to serve as an automation to the safety protocols that Zack would otherwise need to oversee himself.

“Dungeon maintenance is too much work for one person to handle, even if that person is the dungeon itself,” he realized. Thinking mobs would be able to help handle some of the harder day-to-day processes that otherwise kept him occupied.

The issue was a matter of how he could give them independent thought. He was fairly certain he could assign them multiple spells if he so desired, but giving them the ability to think would be another issue all together.

“Akashic System, how do I make monsters that think?”

For a moment, there was no answer. When the words appeared before Zack’s eyes, they didn’t pop in instantly. Instead, they seemed to crawl across his vision, like something was writing them out.

Help support creative writers by finding and reading their stories on the original site.

[You already have.]

As soon as he finished reading them, the words vanished again. Zack stared at the empty space in confusion, wondering what on earth it could mean by that. No sooner had he started thinking about it, did he feel something tug on his influence.

A group of adventurers had just made it to Thumper’s room in the meadow.

“Thumper!” Zack nearly shouted in alarm, shooting his awareness into the room so fast it would have made him dizzy had he a physical body.

Sure enough, the dire hare boss was already camouflaged in the grass. Three customers were carefully stepping through the entrance, looking around with weapons raised. Zack didn’t pay them any mind, instead bringing up Thumper’s detailed status information.

[Thumper, Dire Hare]

[Level 3 Boss Monster, Beast]

[Fierce guardian of the Northville Dungeon meadows. Dire hares are exactly like normal hares, just dire.]

[Known Spells]

[Lesser Camouflage: Level 1]

[Power]

[The user can blend into their surroundings, hiding them from most enemies. Enemies on guard will be able to see through this power easily.]

As Zack read through Thumper’s details, the hare already got to work fighting the adventurers. They were caught off-guard by the large rabbit leaping out of the brush and slamming horn-first into their front liner. The three of them screamed in alarm and attempted to fight back, but Thumper was just too fast. The rabbit deftly avoided their attacks, diving in and out of the grass with the practiced ease of someone who’d done this many, many times.

A quick glance at their levels was enough for Zack to see the trio of would-be adventurers were all level 1, without a single spell between them. None of them were even approaching a breakthrough. Thumper wasn’t even bothering to hurt them, he was just dodging and playing with them.

“He’s thinking for himself”, Zack realized, his excitement mounting.

Thumper cast a momentary glance up to Zack’s disembodied awareness, earning him a smack on the head from one of his foes. The attack drew a thin trickle of glowing mana, but otherwise didn’t harm the rabbit. Angry at having his rythmn interrupted, Thumper turned away from the offender and kicked them in the chest. The blow sent them flying into the grass, and knocked the air from their lungs.

Thumper raised his nose haughtily and kicked at the dirt, as though the adventurers weren’t worth the trouble of finishing off. To Zack’s surprise, the Medibold jogged forward to make sure the adventurer wasn’t too hurt. Once they confirmed he wasn’t going to die, the kobold gave them a pat on the head before returning to position.

“That was definitely a behaviour the Medibolds learned from Chandra,” Zack muttered. Again, Thumper gave his disembodied awareness a look, but didn’t say anything.

Once more, the trio of adventurers formed into ranks and started advancing on Thumper. The dire hare, no longer entertained by these smallfries, decided it was time to finish the fight. In a blur of motion that took all three off guard, Thumper dashed behind them. He bit one in the achilles tendon, swept another off their feet with a swift kick, and gored the third in the thigh with his horn.

The attacks happened so quickly that Thumper didn’t even need to stop running. He accomplished all this, then drifted through the grass to return to a comfortable starting position. Zack couldn’t believe his eyes. The rabbit was actually grinning. He had the kind of smug look normally reserved for nerds beating their bullies up on the playground.

Once again, the Medibold rushed forward to tend to the adventurers. A little bit of healing magic helped heal their wounds, and then the trio decided that they couldn’t fight Thumper. They fled with their metaphorical tails between their legs, weapons discarded in surrender.

“Wow,” Zack chuckled, quickly reabsorbing their tools before turning his awareness to Thumper. “I didn’t realize you were so clever.”

To Zack’s surprise, not only did Thumper respond, he did so in a very human-like way.

He shrugged.

If Zack had a jaw, it would have been resting on the floor. As it was, the Medibold served to emulate the emotion for him. This had to be what the Akashic System meant when it said he had already created a monster capable of independent thought and action. Zack had surely never taught Thumper how to do anything like what he just saw.

More than that, Thumper adapted to how his opponents behaved. He wasn’t just charging mindlessly at them, but changed his strategy mid-fight to account for the way they behaved. This was completely different from any other monster in the dungeon. Not even the Medibolds were capable of such a thing. They only reacted to specific triggers that Zack programmed into them.

Thumper had no such triggers.

“How long have you been self-aware?” Zack asked.

The rabbit made a face, as though considering the question in depth, before shaking his head. Zack had to assume he either didn’t know, or had no way of conveying the information.

Zack needed to give Thumper the ability to talk, and fast.

It took very little effort to move this current iteration of Thumper out of the meadow and into the lab. Or rather, to despawn him and then respawn him.

“Okay, are you still self-aware in here?” Zack asked, once the blue hare was sitting on the ground before him again.

Thumper nodded.

“Give me a second, I need to summon your replacement in the meadow.” Zack quickly flung his awareness back into Thumper’s boss room, and flicked the spawner again. An exact duplicate of the dire hare dropped to the floor and looked around curiously.

“How about you, are you self-aware?” Zack asked it.

To his surprise, this version of Thumper didn’t respond to him. Just in case, he conjured a wisp and repeated the question, vibrating his mana to make sound. The hare’s ears twitched, but otherwise didn’t respond.

“That’s… interesting,” Zack murmured, before returning to his lab.

To his shock and delight, he found this version of Thumper standing on two legs. The dire hare was pacing around the room, and only dropped back to all fours upon being noticed by Zack.

“I need to give you a voice,” Zack explained, once he was sure he had the rabbit’s attention. “The only problem is, right now, I’ve only got a frog voice I can give you. I’m not sure that’s really your style…”

Thumper shook his head against the idea, clearly uninterested in croaking like a stooltoad.

“It’s the only voice I have to give right now,” Zack explained.

Thumper cocked his head and frowned, as though thinking it over. Then, he bit down on his front paw, drawing a thin trickle of mana. Zack conjured a pair of floating cartoon eyes in the air, and made them swell in surprise at the sight.

“Your insides are mana!” He exclaimed in delight. “I don’t have to give you a voice at all, I can just do this!”

Zack conjured a new wisp in the air between him and Thumper. The hare seemed to know what to do. Once more, he rose up on his hind paws, clasping the wisp between the front pair. Then, he shoved the wisp into his mouth and swallowed it.

For a few seconds, a faint green light seemed to emanate from Thumper’s throat. Then, it faded away. Thumper cocked his head from side to side, as if deciding whether or not the wisp tasted gross

“Tes… Tes…” Thumper whispered, his voice soft and coarse.

“Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my GOSH!” Zack squealed in delight. “You’re talking! You’re actually talking!”

“Tes…ting…” Thumper coughed, patting his chest. That time, his voice came out squeaky, like he inhaled too much helium. He held up a paw, miming for Zack to remain silent while he fumbled with his new magical voice box. “Testing. Testing.”

Thumper ran through a series of different voices, before he settled on one he felt fit him comfortably enough.

“Rubber baby buggy bumpers. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck of a woodchuck could chuck wood.” Thumper tested out his new voice by running it through several tongue twisters. The words came out of his mouth in a deep cadence. Not quite as deep as Greg, but definitely more baritone than Alex or Zack. “Peter Piper picked a patch of pickled peppers.”

“Thumper? Buddy? Are you good?” Zack asked. He conjured a wisp, both for an added source of light and to give his monster something to look at. To his surprise, Thumper looked past the wisp at Zack’s disembodied awareness, and continued to do so up until Zack recentred himself inside the wisp.

“You don’t need to conjure those for my sake.” The horned rabbit pointed with his nose up at the wisp. “I can see you well enough without them.”

“Holy… You can talk! And think!”

“Yes, I can.”

Zack’s excitement was momentarily dampened, and his wisp turned pink as he realized something. “Oh gosh, that means you’ve been listening to me—”

“Rambling and raving like a lunatic when you thought nobody could hear you? Yes. Yes I have,” Thumper grinned and crossed his arms. Then, he frowned and looked down at his hands. “Do me a favour, would you? May I please have some thumbs?”

Zack’s wisp glowed brighter in surprise. “What? Why would you need thumbs?”

“They’re very handy,” the rabbit explained, smirking at his own joke. “Also would it kill you to give me some clothes? I’ve been naked since the day you created me.”

“Um, sure?”

Zack conjured a pair of pants right onto the rabbit. They were loose fitting sweatpants, the kind he saw Greg wear sometimes. In fact, this exact pair was from a pattern Zack earned when eating Greg's duffle bag. They had to be properly sized to the hare’s proportions, so it was easier to make them this way than by trial and error. Thumbs were a bit of a harder ask. Zack would need to despawn Thumper before he could give him thumbs.

“Also, to answer your earlier question: I’ve been self-aware since you assigned me as a boss monster. I’m not sure if that will apply to every boss monster, but it certainly applied to me,” Thumper continued, admiring his new pants. “Not quite the style I would have chosen, but they will do in a pinch.”

“I have so many questions,” Zack breathed.

“They should perhaps wait until after closing, no? I believe my existence independent from the counterpart in my old room implies that I am, well, much more than a simple monster.”

“Yeah, no kidding… Wait, old room?”

“Surely you don’t expect me to return to fighting low level adventurers like a feral animal, do you?” Thumper asked, crossing his arms indignantly. “Please. I’m a gentleman. At the very least I should be pitted against adventurers worthy of my skill.”

“I… I guess that’s true. But the meadow still needs a boss monster, I can’t just remove you from it,” Zack pointed out.

“Then don’t. Leave a feral copy of me to guard the meadow, the same as I always have. Let me take over as the next floor’s boss.”

Something about that rubbed Zack the wrong way. “Now wait just a second! I can’t have Thumper be the boss in the meadow twice! That’s just lazy!”

The hare’s lips pulled back in a grin. “Evidently I am much more than Thumper, wouldn’t you say? In fact, I would argue that this warrants a new name.”

“I’m guessing since you brought it up, you’ve got something in mind?”

The hare formerly known as Thumper bowed graciously to Zack, tipping his whole body forward. “You may call me Archibald Thumperson.”

[Pattern Updated]

[The pattern for Thumper, Dire Hare has been updated to Archibald Thumperson, Dire Rogue]

[Would you like to overwrite the existing pattern? Or save it as a new pattern?]

Zack quickly chose the second option, worried about what might happen to the Thumper presently entertaining guests in the meadow. From the way the monster before him grinned knowingly, Zack suspected he knew exactly what he was doing when he renamed himself.

“Fine, but I’m going to call you Archie, got it?” Zack said.

“I find the term reasonable,” Archie declared, rising to his full height. “Now, before you despawn me to apply the requisite modifications and upgrades, I have a few suggestions I would like to see implemented.”

“Hooboy.”