Hey Mimic! Long time reader, first time writer.

My question is how do mimics reproduce? Just thinking about those gooey appendages of yours has got me all hot and bothered. If you’re ever in Sao Paulo hit me up. I’ll make it a night you won’t forget.

Ricardo Covas

San Paulo, Brazil

Age 42

Boa tarde, Ricardo!

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Although I am sincerely flattered by your offer, the answer to your question may change your mind. Mimics are asexual, and thus we reproduce asexually.

Where’s the fun in that, you say?

Mimic reproduction is actually a beautiful process. A real miracle of nature. Almost poetic.

First, after mimics reach Mimic Puberty(™), and we have plentiful food and territorial stability, we are able to begin this elegant asexual process.

First, I splooge all over all the walls, floor, and ceiling of my environment. I coat the surroundings with a thick carpet of gluey, pungent slime that I excrete from my many orifices. Embedded in this ‘spawn splatter’ are tiny parasitic spores that grow until they form immature mimic buds.

Then I abandon those little bastards, leaving them to eat my skeet glue, one another, and anything else stupid enough to wander into my Jackson Pollock-esque goo graffiti.

Brings a tear to your eye, doesn’t it?

At this point I honestly don’t know how many offspring I have out there in the wide realms, although I get gender-nonspecific Parent Day cards in the mail from time to time.