Well, dear readers, sad news. I was in a crappy little cave. I’m talking low-level, tutorial cave.

As I inched my way through the darkness I came to realize that the cave only had about a half dozen or so distinct chambers, connected by a central tunnel with some branching paths. The dinner options were likely limited.

The first lifeform I came across was a spider, slowly wrapping an egg sack in silken webbing in a rock alcove.

I stared at the spider with my eyespots, concentrating. An awareness popped into my mind.

[common cave spider]

I crawled closer but the spider was too fast and skittered up the wall out of reach. I took a bite out of its egg sack. Imagine crunching into hundreds of tiny pustules filled with underdeveloped exoskeletons doused in Elmer’s glue. Might do for a snack, but I craved something more substantial.

The mama spider regarded me with ten beady black eyes, nonplussed, as I digested an entire generation of her offspring.

Further in the cave I came across a gaggle of slimes. There were four of them, bounding about aimlessly with idiotic smiles incongruously plastered on their faces. Again, I concentrated.

[common slime]

Wouldn’t be my first choice, but beggars can’t be choosers. The slimes appeared not to have a care in the world, and as I crawled into their midst they didn’t even give me a second glance. That is, until I bit the stupid face off of one of them. It tasted like expired mint jelly mixed with gasoline.

Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

New knowledge crystallized in my consciousness once more.

[Attack Discovered]

[Bite, Level 1]

Wow. Doesn’t take a genius to figure that one out.

Uh oh. It seems the slimes didn’t like me giving their friend a facelift. And I admit, I am not a licensed plastic surgeon.

The three (and a half) slimes began to crowd around, bumping and jostling me. They were pushing me, knocking me back against the cave wall. Who knew slimes could be so aggro? A sizzling noise filled the air as their gelatinous bodies pressed against my ‘wooden’ frame. Some kind of chemical reaction was taking place. Wisps of steam curled upward.

Suddenly, a new awareness.

[Attribute Discovered]

[Immunity - Acid]

Suckers.

I grinned a sharp-toothed, malevolent grin. CHOMP! CHOMP! CHOMP! I quickly tore the faces off the other three and shoved my way through the blockade.

As the stupid slimes bumped blindly against the wall, I rested in the middle of the chamber, picking bits of goo from my teeth with a tentacle. I felt a bit queasy. These slimes had almost no nutritional value to speak of.

Arachnids, slimes. They weren’t hitting the spot. I still felt weak from hunger. I needed something more. I sniffed the air and caught a whiff of an alluring scent deeper in the cave. Something with fur. Something… mammalian.

Before I could investigate, a gurgling noise sounded from behind. I turned my body around just in time to see the four faceless slimes slamming their bodies together. They were changing… coalescing.

Bounding toward me loomed one enormous slime.

It had a face, but this time it was not smiling.