“Alright Ben, please get onto the selection pad.” Volos said, after guiding Elise to one of the beds.

Her transformation would now begin, and as she chose the Storm Valkyrie race it wouldn’t be an intensive transformation that first reduced her to a pile of goo to entirely reconstruct her body from scratch. She would still fall unconscious for a while, but she could keep her clothes on as she retained her current size and humanoid shape.

Ben stepped onto the pad, and the light bloomed around him. His own naked form appeared before him, looking like a dark elf with silver hair and a deep purple-grey skin.

“Two hundred and twelve races, not bad.” Volos said. “Predominantly rogue types, so you’re going to see a lot of descriptions suggesting a whole race being nothing but thugs and thieves. As you managed to get your pickpocketing to level 5 and have assassinate skills, you’ve unlocked some stuff more specified than your run of the mill rogues. That’s more a class thing, but I see your first racial recommendation is thanks to your efforts as well.”

The first option was the Dark Elf species, Innocent Urchin race. A boyish-looking elf, with a hint of dashing rogue peeking through.

The Innocent Urchin Dark Elf

This race requires +5 in any stealth skill, lvl5 in a pickpocket skill and the Backstabbing Bastard! Achievement.

Dark elves are a bunch of dastardly, thieving and cheating bastards, with no exceptions! Most people know this, and don’t let their progressive spirit lead them astray with these mongrels! But every once in a while, the Innocent Urchin manages to fool some old grannies and naive damsels into trusting him before showing them why you should never trust a dark elf.

Pickpockets rather than cutthroats and hasslers more than thugs, the Innocent Urchin usually grows up to become a swindler or thief. But right now, they are still just adorable enough to try their hand at social interaction and squeeze all the goodwill out of a person before shivving them.

+5 Dex, +4 Cha, +1 Int. You gain the Dark Elf innate powers, +3 Blend into Shadows (Already obtained) and +1 Rustling for Roupies. The skill limit of Pickpocket and Blend into Shadows is extended to lvl20, and all thieving skills train +5% faster.

According to Volos, Dark Elves were widely mistrusted for being thieves at best and murdering slavers at worst, and NPCs treated them accordingly even if they logically should have never heard of the species at all. A Ratling that lived their whole life in a dank cave and never met outsiders according to their backstory, would still innately be more distrustful towards Dark Elves than a ‘proper’ species. The Urchin didn’t lose that entirely, but the race negated it some.

Still, the race was a good build that retained much of the Dark Elf boons while boosting the whole thieving and burglary aspect. Which Volos claimed was going to be more useful in the coming floors than it had been in the last two.

“But I also have backstab, assassinate and such. Wouldn’t an assassin race Dark Elf be more logical? Or do those not exist?” Ben asked.

“Oh, they most certainly exist. But a lot of people probably unlocked those, and if available the AI recommends the uncommon races.” Volos said. “They won’t recommend at the expense of quality, but there are plenty of people that got assassin gear or trained skills for taking down bosses faster and easier. Especially for the first two straightforward floors without much storyline, people aim for an assassin build while burglary is usually overlooked.”

“Now, don’t think that I’m pushing you in a certain direction, or that there is some hidden broken ability here that will allow you to ‘win’ the dungeon.” Volos continued. “But generally speaking, those patches and fixed abilities that you’ve been hearing about are for the more common builds while the less used skills and abilities end up on a to do stack that they usually won’t get to until after this crawl ends. If you find an exploit, you can use it longer or it can be more broken. Don’t mention you know who because I’m not really meant to tell you guys this, though.

“But something I am allowed to tell you guys: Things that people usually pick up as a secondary focus tend to be balanced to have easier odds. Lockpicking and pickpocketing are things that people rarely focus on and instead pick up on the side unsupported by class and race, so the general difficulty is lowered to allow them to succeed at all. The audience doesn’t want to see a party that never manages to pick a lock because no one in the party took a full lockpicking build.

“But those that do choose such a build can usually use it whenever and wherever they want. If a boss chest has a lock of level 20 on it, most people will only be at level 5 and have to kill the boss for his key while the specialist can do it mid-combat with ease. They can even do things like lockpick portals or NPC doors that are supposed to be inaccessible to crawlers, because 99% of the crawlers cannot do it and that suffices. Higher level locks require more sophistication and finer craftsmanship, so placing truly unbreakable locks everywhere comes with a significant price tag even for the kind of people that can turn an entire planet into a dungeon.

“Remember what I said in the beginning, though. It’s not some hidden broken power, it’s a possibility. I’m just giving you some advice from my own run, I don’t know if pickpocketing in particular is still as broken as it was before.”

“I see. I don’t think I want to put all my eggs in one basket, but I get what you’re saying.” Ben said. “I assume that assassins are still good, though?”

“Definitely. They are a staple of the dungeon crawl, and there’s a decent chunk of the audience that much prefers rogues over attention seekers and frontliners.” Volos said. “But be aware that the more popular your party gets, the less the AI and the showrunners will allow you to resolve everything fast and easy, or by hit and run tactics. A fight of one strike after minutes of slow stealth to crawl into position isn’t interesting for the audience, after all. Slow and reliable doesn’t get good ratings.

“Until now there was no such filter yet, but it becomes more prevalent the further down you get. Mobs can always be assassinated with ease, but bosses start saving on their rolls unfairly often or will notice you despite being well-hidden. Not if it would be a dramatic twist mid-fight or for bosses disliked by the Kua-Tin, but it will get harder to kill like an assassin the further down you get. Especially if you’re not the most popular crawler of your group.

“You can be an assassin if you’re alone, but being an assassin in a party with equals will see you nerfed. And assassin builds not meant for combat in particular get the short end of the stick here.”

“I see. So it’s kind of like plot. One ninja is an unstoppable force, but a horde of ninjas are just mooks easily dealt with.” Ben contemplated. “I could be an assassin, but I’d have to keep in mind to be a crowd pleaser that assassinates only when it would be most dramatic or appropriate. Or be all by myself.”

“Yes. And that’s easier said than done.” Volos said. “My group had two assassins, and both ended up underlevelled because they just couldn’t shine even occasionally. By the time they learned how it worked, they couldn’t leave the party and survive on their own anymore.”

“And you?” Ben asked. “You’re a regular rogue, right? Did you…”

“My class no longer exists, for… certain reasons I cannot discuss directly.” Volos said. “I used to be a Slippery X, but it’s a word that we’re not allowed to say out loud. Never say the word ‘skipper’ after the first part of the name of the Borough Boss you guys just fought, unless you want your adventure to be accelerated. The Kua-Tin take particular offense to that phrase nowadays.

“The class itself was all about being able to slip in and out of your enemy’s reach without getting hit, and generally being untouchable as long as I kept moving and didn’t do anything that committed my movements. The moment I combined it with pickpocketing enemy gear, the class broke in a way that allowed me to make it to the eighth floor.

“Pressure from the showrunner’s own people about my class name made them offer me a better deal to remove me from the game before my popularity rose too far, a much better deal than you usually get on the eighth floor, so I wouldn’t know if I could’ve made it to the tenth floor by myself. But still, eighth floor despite this species is still nothing to scoff at.”

The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.

“I see. So don’t pick a full Dex build or go assassin to break the damage thresholds, because they balanced that out. There go my first two ideas.” Ben said. “Let’s see what else we got.”

The second recommendation was the Split Shadow, a creature that somehow seemed to exist not in shades but in dots like from the old-timey comics. Ben was just a silhouette in the light, and would grow ever-darker until he was pitch black in darkness. Only in between the two did he stand out as polka dots that replaced his shade and transitioned into fainter versions until there was nothing left. He was see-through, his light side being a blurred version of what was behind him with the polka dots being a purer and stronger colour thereof.

This form would automatically affect most of Ben’s armour the same way, unless it was shiny or had immutable factors. His weapons wouldn’t change so in a battle there would always be a floating knife, but this was a constantly active stealth skill that worked both in utter darkness and full light.

Volos said that it was a great form of stealth, as it was permanently active and not magical or illusionary. There were races that were just straight-up invisible, but those could be countered in various ways. This one was immune to most forms of darkvision, detection, true sight, dispelling and magical warding that would just ignore other camouflage and stealth methods.

But the real kicker of this race was the shadow ability. Split Shadows could merge with their own shadow, which was Ben's inverted form of darkness with lighter polka dots, to become a normal-looking shadow. Ben would be two-dimensional until he returned back to his own form, and could use this to his full advantage. As a shadow he could only move over smooth surfaces, so he couldn’t be on another creature unless it was very big, and some things like grass interfered with this power, but moving through the crack under a door would be child’s play.

After the pickpocket race and the stealth race, the third recommendation was an assassin race. A Dracula-bat looking creature called a Nightgaunt, these creatures were ambush predators described to be a species comprised of nothing but assassins and thieves. Volos was right, the descriptions really were bare and similar for most of these rogues. They came with various skills and resistances that looked very good even in a direct battle, including flight and piercing plus poison resistance.

“These guys are good and some of their skills priceless, but some things like those resistances you can get by killing one and using their skin as a cape.” Volos said. “You can usually find them on the fifth floor and sometimes as bosses on the third, so I personally wouldn’t pick them just for those resistances. The flight and ambush skills are good, though.”

“I’m not against edgy, but this guy is almost like if someone wanted to make a Batman who’s an actual man-bat. And if assassinate isn’t that great in practice, let’s not get too invested in it. I still keep my item buffs either way.” Ben said. “Let’s look at the other choices, but these recommendations are going to be the best ones, right?”

“Jup.” Volos said. “Many people never even look at more than the top three, and it’s not a bad call. Usually those that go through the other options end up picking a recommendation anyway.”

They went through the other options after that, and while earning some laughs from weird races including reverse-clothed moonwalking Ben, a praying mantis with katana-hands and a stuffed doll with the gimmick of looking cute and inanimate before going full murder rampage, most species and races were just the same rogue builds with detail differences.

Ben could spread out into multiple areas, but he agreed with Volos that one mastered skill would be better than coming just short in everything. Which meant that his three recommendations were indeed the best options for their expertise, and he had no interest in a specialised lockpick, intimidation or charlatan race.

The classes were much the same, but were more spread-out in their focus this time.

The first recommendation was a direct National Treasure reference, an Earth class all about finding out and investigating the whereabouts of great treasure items, with skills for heists, thieving, lockpicking and hints of puzzle-solving and deception.

The second was a charisma-enhanced pickpocket charlatan build, telling the story of some slippery lizardfolk that sounded much like any other smooth criminal tale to the Earthlings. Deception, persuasion and confusion skills to complement their sleight of hand and disguise tricks.

“I wouldn’t get that one in combination with stealth, Ben. Charisma is meant to make you more noticeable and actively interferes with stealth except for hiding in the spotlight variations.”

The third recommendation went full Batman again, an assassin build that focussed entirely on assassin and rogue stuff. On paper it sounded like Nightgaunt with this class would dominate, but Volos said that unless Ben set off to fight by his lonesome it wasn’t going to work. Though with this combo, a solo build was certainly possible.

“I should mention that most Guides make people pick their race before their class because the former unlocks more class options while the latter doesn’t unlock anything for the former.” Volos said. “So it’s possible that you get better options recommended if you pick your race, and that looking at the classes before picking a race only leads to confusion.”

“I’m not sure if I want to go fully into one field, just in case it ends up not being broken after all.” Ben said. “So I see four options. Dark Elf National Treasure Thief to double down on thieving, Split Shadow National Treasure Thief to get that stealth gimmick and a good spread of rogue skills, Dark Elf Slippery Charlatan to switch to a charisma pickpocketing build, or Nightgaunt Nightbe’er to just go full damage after all. I can always look for a better combo once we make the choice.”

“Don’t take this personally, but your social skills aren’t great for a charlatan.” Thomas said. “You’re an honest kid. Even I can tell when you’re lying because of how uncomfortable it makes you. I’m not sure if your stats and build will change that, but…”

“Wasn’t a big fan of that one, anyway.” Ben said, more relieved that someone made a choice for him than embarrassed or angered by the frank assessment. “And I trust Volos, so let’s scrap the damage build. So, thieving or sneaking?”

“That Split shadow seems to have a few skills you probably cannot get by any other means, and it could solve some issues that we otherwise can’t.” Darryl said.

“True. That one does seem better, even against stacking skill gains. With how fast the skills are improving anyway, getting a skill improved straight to level 10 probably isn’t that good anyway.” Ben said.

Ben went back to the racial options and selected the Split Shadow, and then returned to the Class options which had indeed increased in number. Even the recommendations had changed, and not just because Ben had been discussing his preferences where the AI could hear it.

“Looks like you got some better thieving options, now. It's thanks to a combination of your racial stat improvements enabling more stats to be reached with your to be distributed points, and unlocking certain skills.” Volos said. “The National Treasure Thief is still there, but you can now also pick some classes that play better into your species.”

“Oh no, more choices.” Ben complained, only half-serious.

“I’d personally recommend to ignore the reference, it’s not really specialised in anything but heists and it’s still doing a poor job in that regard. These other two specialise a lot better.” Volos said.

“The Battle-klepto makes it easier to pickpocket and steal in combat, by decreasing the cooldown between pickpocketing and increasing odds against enemies aware of you and your intent as long as they are distracted by combat.” Volos summarised the class. “Mostly works on items that they are wearing or carrying, but you’ll also get a better interface for your pickpocketing to steal faster and better in a pinch.

“And the Between the Panels Illusionist is a class exclusive for your new species. This class can get a bit janky, because it literally comes with meta powers. You can turn other creatures and your surroundings to look and act the way you do, stealth better even if your presence becomes very obvious because the world literally shifts to look like a comic book, or make items temporarily gain your camouflage ability. And, more broken, you can gain ‘awareness’ of the panels, being able to move across or in between them like Deadpool.”

“Tell me more.” Ben said with a frantic smile on his face, his attention dead-centre on Volos.

“Well, uhm…” Volos said, unnerved by sudden intense focus. “For example, you could move from one panel to the other, literally ceasing to exist until the rest of your party gets to the next location where you can just walk back in from off-screen. Or use meta-attacks by stabbing someone in the future by stabbing into thin air and your hand temporarily going into the next panel.”

Ben started to vibrate from excitement.

“But! But, there are two huge downsides to this class.” Volos said. “The first one is that it’s an Illusionist class. That means you’ll have to invest in Intelligence to increase the effects of your illusions and Charisma to convince people of them, and remember that Charisma directly interferes with your stealth. So you could end up barely able to use your powers on a large scale unless you put a lot in Intelligence, or for enemies to always notice your sneaking or always save on their checks to see through your abilities. This class is going to force you to make a choice between stealth and meta-magic, combat prowess and combat tricks.

“The second one is that this class is going to be janky. Meta-classes always are. They are rarely balanced, but unless there’s something that can be exploited you may end up with a weaker class because they make it a bit below the curve just to be sure. Most meta-classes end up being kinda shabby in all but one or two things, and Borant may still end up balancing those in the patches.

“And then there are the hard rules that apply even for meta powers. For starters you cannot interact with the past, not even the Syndicate can do that. There are some precog races and classes that skirt the line, but generally time travel backwards is infeasible. So no stabbing people with attacks made in the future, shouting to hear your own voice a few minutes back, stuff like that. Most exploits like teleporting into someone else to put something in their heart have a large-scale patch too.”

Ben stopped vibrating and pouted. “So it’s not that good after all. Bummer.”

“It could be, but you’ll take a huge risk for that chance.” Volos said apologetically.

“Any other exploits or powerful options you can tell us about?” Ben asked.

“Uhm… You usually get a Platinum Box if you choose to swap your gender.” Volos said. “Otherwise, not really.”

“Split Shadow Battle-klepto it is. Male Split Shadow Battle-klepto, I should add.” Ben said, before looking at the others. “Right? Or am I overlooking something?”

Ben let the awkward silence linger for a bit, took a deep breath and steeled himself to make the choice that would change him forever.

“Alright, here it goes.”