Novels2Search

Chapter 65

“Margaret, I don't know what to say anymore. I don't know what to do.”

“You can start by telling me what's going on with you.”

“I've tried so many times, but I just don't know how to say it without pushing away any more of my friends. Why can't I just speak my mind?”

“Why do you believe you're restricted? Why can't you just say what you want to say?”

“Because... because... I have fallen in love with Lucy. There is no denying it. I'm in love with her. I don't know why and I can't find a logical explanation either. The only thing I can do is just accept it, but I can't. I'm not supposed to. I can't fall in love with Lucy. And this is complete misery.”

“Again, you're not making any sense, but by the sound of it, you seem too afraid to actually make any sense of it. But as I said before, why not just be with her? Why all this drama? Why all this pain you are inflicting on yourself?”

“Because I keep being told that I can't. I can't be with her.”

"Who does? Who keeps telling you this?”

“Everyone. Everyone I talk to. Everyone I call a friend. Every person I've ever known. There's no winning here. They keep telling me that I shouldn't be with her, that I'm actually hurting her. I don't see what's the big deal but maybe they're seeing something I'm blind to. Maybe they're right, but the reason is out of my grasp, so I listened and kept my distance, but this decision is filling me with so much grief.”

“This is getting even more confusing. How can your presence be hurting her? You're one of the most courteous people I've met in my life. You wouldn't dare hurt a fly.”

“I'm just as confused as you are, because when I was with Lucy, those brief moments I was with her, all seemed right in the world. She told me that she had never felt happier before. Not even her parents are giving her happiness. I can't read her mind but I felt a connection with her because I was the same as well. All the agony, all the anger, all the anguish, all of it extinguished when I was with her, and I'd like to think that she felt the same.”

“So she's having trouble at home?”

“I don't know all the details but apparently so. That's why I told her to talk to her parents instead of seeing me. I felt like she was using me as a coping mechanism. That her strained relationship with her parents was what was driving her to me. That's why I urged her to talk to her parents and stop seeing me. I felt that was the right choice.”

“Wait, is that what you told her? To talk to her parents? But is she safe?”

“Safe?”

“I mean, did you meet her parents? Are they abusing her?”

“Abuse? What?”

“Johan, she could be in danger. Her parents may be violent.”

“Violent? What? No. She didn't show any signs of violence. She didn't have bruises or anything.”

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“Then perhaps she's being verbally and emotionally abused. I don't think you should have told her that.”

“Oh my gosh, why didn't I think of that? She just said she was being ignored. I didn't figure they were doing anything heinous.”

“Well, you know the situation more than I do so maybe you are right. Maybe she is just being ignored. But I guess at this point, she might as well just move out of her parent's home..”

“What do you mean?”

“I don't know what the situation is but I figured the best solution is to move out. I don't know if you are still in contact with her but if you are, maybe you should convince her to apply for a dorm or an apartment. If she can't afford a place, I'm sure she can become roommates.”

“Oh gosh, no. I can't even tell her that either. She can't move out of her house. Not right now.”

“I don't see why not. Does she not go to our college?”

“No. That's not it. She can't move out... and I can't tell you why.”

Unable to face Margaret any further, Johan turned around. So much disarray was wreaking havoc on his mind that Margaret couldn't help but notice his defeated demeanor. She grabbed his hand where she noticed its uncontrollable trembling. Holding firmly onto it, “What are you afraid of? Johan, why are you so scared of revealing this girl?” Johan just stood in silence as she let go.

As Johan stood by one of the large windows of the shopping center, watching the rain continuing to pour, he saw his reflection drowning in the river of tears from his face, being buried by the tapping of the rain.

“This date is over,” Margaret said, "but it's too early to go home." Confused, Johan turned around. “Get in your car and go to Lucy.”

“Margaret, I know I haven't explained myself but trust me when I tell you I can't see her.”

“Hey, here's an idea you should try. How about you turn off your brain and listen to your heart.”

“What?”

“Turn off your brain and listen to your heart. If I said something that offended you, caused you to stay away from this girl, and made you feel like this, then I apologize. I'm quite vain, maybe selfish, but I'm not heartless. As much as I wanted to be with you, that's never going to happen. I can't have your heart because it belongs to someone else. So forget whatever I said, or whatever anyone else said, that made you feel like this. Listen to your heart. Disregard the world, just listen to your heart.”

Johan was bewildered with emotion right now as her words struck a chord with him. “Listen to my heart?”

“Do what you think is best; what you believe is the right thing to do.”

As if some force had come and swept away his anxiety, Johan felt a sense of enlightenment. The heavy burden in his spirit lifted away when he stood up straight. The clouds on his mind had parted and light beamed within him. “The right thing to do? What is the right thing to do? The right thing to do... is to make her happy. The right thing to do is to make Lucy happy. And her happiness was the same happiness that we'd both been longing for. For so long...”

“Then give her a call then. I'm sure she'll be happy to hear from you, and maybe you can spend the rest of the evening with her.“

“Margaret, I... don't know what to say.”

"Just tell her how you feel."

"No, I meant to you. I don't think I've ever thought about it but, perhaps for so long, this is what I wanted. To hear something like this. I guess I wanted someone to give me an answer, any answer. Margaret... thank you."

“Don't mention it. Besides, I'm still jealous of Lucy so I'm not too thrilled about this. So just go already. Don't worry about me. I'll just get a ride home or take the train.”

“Train?” In that instant, his elation had taken a turn as a great shock emitted through his entire being. “Oh no. The email!” Johan immediately pulled out his phone. As soon as he unlocked it, the screen switched to a blank screen with the battery icon. “I ran out of battery!”

“What's going on?”

“I got an email from Lucy earlier. I can't recall what it said but I remember she mentioned something about being on a train! I think she's running away!”

“I take it that's bad. Do you want to use my phone?”

“Yes, please!” She reached into her bag and handed him her phone, “No, wait, I can't use your phone! I can't use anyone's phone!” He paused momentarily to take a deep breath. “I'm sorry Margaret but thank you all the same.” Turning around, he bolted straight out the door and into the barrage of water pouring from the sky, holding his blazer tightly around his body as he raced toward his car.