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Carry arrived home in a stupor as she stumbled onto the couch trying to remove her shoes. "Ugh, I need a drink," she said getting up and heading toward the refrigerator where she pulled out a can of champagne. As she turned around to proceed back to the couch, she got spooked and jolted in place. Placing her free hand on her chest, "Oh, your home." She continued her exit from the kitchen and returned to the living room. "I'm not staying, I'm just waiting for a phone call before I go. So just make something for yourself tonight or buy something. I'll leave cash on the table if you need it."

She popped open her can as she brushed off her dress. Once she sat, she took out her phone only to notice that Lucy was now standing right next to her. She gave a look of confusion before turning her attention to her phone.

"Mom, I need to talk to you," Lucy said. Without looking away, Carry continued to fiddle with her phone. "Mom, please, I have to ask you something." Her mother's eyes were scrunching as she gave all her concentration to her phone. There's this boy that I know." Now even more distressed, Carry tried her hardest to continue fiddling with her phone until it rang.

With a smile on her face, Carry got up, "Oh, Hi Chad. I know I promised to call you but I was so busy at work. Can you believe it, they made me go into overtime. I'm getting sick of having to work. I wish daddy would just give me a larger allowance. I can't live like this." She walked towards the front door and stepped outside.

"You could've at least put your shoes on," Lucy commented.

Returning to her room, Lucy locked the bedroom door and sat on her bed, her phone laying next to her.

She heard the entrance opening and from the base of her bedroom door saw her mother's shadow slowly heading to the adjacent room. Once she heard the door shut and the lock click, the only sounds were the barely audible muffle of her mother laughing.

Scorn was on Lucy's face as she fought the desire to cry. She looked at her phone again, reading the message that she sent Johan, then closed her eyes and softly said, "I got nothing to lose."

--

When he was not rubbing his eyes, Johan tapped the mattress with his fingers. 'I have to get out of this bed eventually,' he thought as he kept staring at the ceiling. It was when the discomfort of forcing himself to sleep was unbearable that he sighed before finally getting up.

Exiting his room, Wendy was sitting on the couch, minding their own business. Johan stood behind them and said, "You usually say, 'Good morning.'" Wendy simply took a sip from their cup. He continued, "I guess I deserve that, after what I said. I'm sorry. I was not thinking straight at the moment. I had quite a bit on my mind with an issue I had to attend to. An issue I could not get an answer to. I took it out on you and that was wrong of me to do so. So I formally apologize. If you wish to remain angry with me, I understand. I"m sorry for offending you."

"I'm not mad at you," Wendy responded. "I don't care what you said about me. I've heard worse. My old name doesn't offend me at all. It is who I was, after all."

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"Then why the silent treatment?"

They turn their head, "Because I didn't want to offend you."

"Offend me?"

"Yeah," Wendy said as they got up and approached him. "I'm worried about you. You were nearly in a car accident and just walked off. I don't know what was going through your mind but I was so scared. I thought it was all over. I thought death had come to take its place."

"Yeah, and it was all my fault. I'm sorry. Everything was my fault."

"But are you okay? Are you really okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Are you really? I mean, I'm sorry to say this but, I don't know if you really are well. You've been acting weird for some time. Since high school, in fact. Specifically... when I changed me."

Johan cleared his throat, "I said I was sorry about what I said."

"I told you to forget about that. I want to know how you truly feel. I mean, I'm still shocked from the incident but you're acting so... aloof, as if death didn't bother you one bit."

"That's not true. I was pretty scared at the moment."

"I guess that's a relief to hear."

"But why would you think that?"

"Because I really hope that you don't think lightly about life."

"Wendy..." A strange feeling had enveloped Johan. One of sorrow, one of eagerness, one of discomfort. He tried putting on his best face, but he could not get himself to smile. A neutral expression would have to do. "For a brief moment, after the accident, life wasn't so bad."

"What does that mean?"

"I just felt alive for some time afterward. I felt like life wasn't as bad as I thought it was. I felt like life was worth living, in a way."

"But what happened after you walked away?"

"Life hit me again, reminding me how terrible it is."

"Johan, do you want to talk about it?"

"No."

"I'd rather you say yes."

"But I don't want to talk about it."

"But you used to. Remember how we used to always talk. We always shared how we are doing."

"Your exaggerating. We didn't always talk and we didn't talk about everything."

"Well, maybe not everything, but still, we used to talk. But I guess you were used to talking to someone else."

Seeing the sad expression that Wendy had displayed, Johan put his hand on their shoulder. "It's not you, it's me, okay? More specifically, this has to do with the past but we can't turn back the clock. We got to keep moving forward. You know, progress. That's what life is about. Everything about the past is gone, but we can't let that keep us back. No matter how much we desire a period of time where we were happy and without worry, we can't get that back, ever." He sighed as he let go. "I don't even know if you understand me."

"I think I do," responded Wendy. "I never considered our high school lives differently than our college lives. I always thought they were one in the same. But, I guess, I'm the prime example of change. I guess it's too late for me to change."

"I guess. Well then, I'm heading to my class."

Johan stepped outside his apartment, thinking on his way to his car. 'Edwin, what are you talking about? It's not too late for you. You never left. You've always been a scatterbrain, you know. But... there's no turning back for me, because unlike you, I can't change. There is no on and off switch for me. An opportunity to change was never an option. I've been living in denial for so long and have been deceived by the world. I can't change like you. I am who I am. But what does that mean? I am an individual with no identity to call my own. I'm lost in this world of cliques and mobs. The world is my enemy and it wants to stomp me to the ground. But I want answers, and if the world doesn't want to give them to me, I'll seek them out myself.'

Once he entered his car, he exited the garage. As he pulled into the street, his mind recited the words that made him shiver from fright and determination. A piece of his life he fought so hard to forget, yet it pulled him right back to where he started from. An invitation that he so dreaded to hear and yet gave him a euphoric feeling that made him feel so guilty.

Can you meet me at the train station at noon this Saturday? - Lucy

Sure. I'll be there. - Johan