"I don't want to risk anything," Wendy said when as the car was loaded onto the tow truck. "It's not my car, after all."

"We understand," Francesca said. "We can always take Hera's car."

"That's right. You can ride with us," Hera said.

"I think I'll stay for a while," Wendy said. "I'm worried about Johan."

"Of course," Francesca said. "I'm also worried about him."

"He must be okay. He got off the car easily, after all."

"But where could he possibly have gone?"

"I don't know but I would rather just wait for him." Wendy looked in the direction that Johan had taken off, then the car that he left behind that was loaded onto the truck, looking at the huge dent on the side from the passenger side door. "I guess there's no point in waiting for him here." They turn toward the two. "I guess he'll just show up at home when he's ready."

Hera patted Wendy on the shoulder and all three left the scene as the tow truck started driving away.

[https://i.ibb.co/5xTFm9T/ch21-a.png]

“It was all just a blur,” Johan said. “It was so sudden and ended just as quick, yet it felt like I lived a thousand lives and experienced a thousand deaths in such a microscopic amount of time.”

As he continued to walk on the bridge, Johan rubbed his face. "I thought I had it under control. I thought that those emotional outbreaks were out of my system. I thought I conquered my emotions." A wave of seething anger that had been suppressed was rising with a vengeance. “In my own car. They just had to in my own car without any shame.” He took a deep breath but nearly coughed it out. When he cleared his throat, “My jealousy almost got us killed. I almost killed everyone because I got jealous."

He finally stopped as he looked toward the river on his left and leaned on the rail. “I can't remember it. I almost died but it's all a blank. I can't recall the truck, the curve, or the wall I nearly crashed into. I can't even recall how I got out of the car. But those flashing images, all those memories, memories that may not be mine. Memories from a world that I only have access to in my sleep. Why? Why do I recall every single one of those memories perfectly yet not recall a near-death experience that happened to me minutes ago?

“Stories. Stories about love, gallantry, remorse, vigor, loss... love. I've seen them so many times, those two falling in love, embracing each other, being torn apart, and ultimately meeting their demise.” Droplets of tears were now forming in his eyes. ”Why do I mourn them but do not feel for my companions? Why do my tears go to people I never met but see my own life with so little value?

“Was that the past? Was it even the future? And yet... that one image, the one that concluded the brief slideshow. The one that finally made me return to reality and turn the wheel before the brink of my destruction. The one that has now been imprinted on my mind... that I just can't get rid of.”

Streams of tears were now running down his cheeks, watching as the drops fell into the river below. "Lucy..." he says quietly as the sun begins to set behind the high-rise buildings. "I can't fall in love with you. I can't. It's not possible. There's got to be another explanation for all this. There's no way all of this is meant to be. But, what is that explanation? I'm incapable of falling in love. It's not going to happen. At least, I shouldn't. This can't be love, it must be something else.” His hands gripped the rails. “Can someone just please explain to me what love is, just so I can be assured that this isn't it?"

A heavy sigh leaves him as he releases his hands from the rail. "Maybe I'm being pressured by everyone. Maybe society is the one that is crushing me. I know we're suppose to take responsibility for our own actions, but I have no idea what I'm suppose to be taking responsibility for, and for what exactly?"

With a stern look in his eyes, he raised his head. "Why am I doing this? Why am I struggling so much, suffering like this, just to appease a world that despises me? I have no love for this world anymore, and I could do well without it. I don't want to live like this, but this is who I am. If the world doesn't want me, then I don't want anything to do with it. I made up my mind. I'm leaving this stupid city, maybe the whole country, and seek a place where I don't have to put up with this unfair punishment. I've had enough of this stupid world. I can't take it anymore. My comforts were nothing but an illusion propagated by everyone's hypocrisy and I have no desire to continue this charade."

Though he felt no pride in his declaration, he stood up straight with a feeling of justice within himself. He was far from feeling better but believed that he was finally understanding the world and its merciless ways.

The vibration from his phone interrupts his thought process. Pulling it out and turning it on, Wendy's name was present in the notifications of them trying to communicate with him. He gripped the phone tightly, resisting the urge to dunk the phone into the water below him. Instead, after a momentary pause, he proceeded to open up Google chat. A small piece of his recent history was archived here, forever to remain artifacts of his last sense of joy and happiness as he scrolled through the wonderful time he had with Lucy.

"I'm sure she deleted the app after that encounter. The way she ran away, how could she not? But I must admit, I was the happiest I could ever remember before that meeting. I must confess that I wish I could have said a proper farewell when I had the chance."

In his remorseful trance, as he scoured through the messages that once made him smile for hours on end and made him forget about the world that he wanted to escape from, an idea occurred to him as he started typing away.

You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.

[https://i.ibb.co/6nV2TSr/ch21-b.png]

Her head was light and groggy with her eyes feeling like they were being pinched from behind. School was an eternity of torture as concentration was a struggle. Not even the bell signaling the end of the day gave her any joy. Entering her apartment, she called for her mother. When no one answered, she submitted to the silent atmosphere.

She started heading to her room while holding her head. "Maybe I should take a few days off from school. Or maybe I've been skipping too many lunches. Yeah, I should eat something." Taking a detour to the kitchen, she opened the fridge and found bottles of salad dressings, an old apple that was beginning to brown, and three six-packs of canned champagne. Taking the apple, she sliced off the brown part and proceeded to eat the other half. But only after a few bites, her stomach started to grumble making her feel nauseous, leading her to disposed of the rest. "I don't feel like going grocery shopping. I'm just going to my room and lay down."

Entering her room and being too tired to change into her sleepwear, she dropped the backpack onto the floor and laid on her bed. She was tired yet closing her eyes gave her discomfort. "I don't want to sleep anyway." She says softly. "I'm tired of having these awful dreams. They are nightmares now. I don't care about them. I don't want to see him again." As she rested on the bed, feeling like she was on a bed of coals, sweat starts seeping everywhere on her body with a light headache adding to her grief. Her body was heavy, not even able to get up to turn on the air conditioner.

"Those stupid dreams were the reason why I almost got kidnapped. They lied to me. I didn't find love. I just found a stranger waiting to take me away. But, he was a stranger... who looked familiar. I recognize him, but I don't know from where.”

A lump on her throat temporarily lodges itself before it disappeared, which caused her to cough. Her breathing was now getting heavy, her eyesight was starting to blur, and her mouth was drying. “Was that really him? Johan? Isn't he just some strange man? Or was he the one who dreams the same dreams as I do? The one I've been chatting with for so long? That was the one I wanted to meet? The one I wanted to see so desperately? But it couldn't be him. He's too old. Johan is supposed to be my age. If we're reincarnated, why did an adult show up?" Among the sea of sweat over her face, tears were now converging with it. "Johan. I'm sorry. I don't know who you are. I am too confused and scared to figure out what is going on. But perhaps... perhaps... it wasn't meant to be. I'm sorry but... nobody cares about me... and I don't know who you are. I'm so scared now. I'm so scared... and tired. But maybe... maybe... if only we could have at least one more chat."

With what little strength she could muster, Lucy pulled out her phone from her pocket. As she looks at her sorrow-filled face in the reflection, she turned on the phone and stared at the empty slot that once had Google chat. Staring at the screen, as her vision blurred and the light from the screen dimmed, her mind started to wander.

She was in a dark void and could see nothing for miles. It was an empty vacuum and the only thing that was visible was a lit-up panel. There were buttons on it with strange symbols that were hard to discern due to the light shining so bright that she needed to cover her eyes. Yet, through the discomfort, she recognized the shape of one of the symbols and proceeded to press it. Letting the button go, a horizontal line started to grow above her. When the line was a few feet apart, two vertical lines growing from each end along with one in the middle started to go down.

Much like a door, the two rectangles began to open, releasing a beam of light stronger than the panel emitted which caused her to turn her entire head. Her eyesight eventually adjusted as she was welcomed into a completely white room with a green ceiling. Standing in the middle was him, waiting for her like always but her vision became so blurry that he was indiscernible. Her unable to describe him was juxtaposed with the paradox of finding him very familiar regardless and was hesitant to meet up with him. Yet when he walked towards her she reached out her arm to touch him. He was tangible to her touch and it felt so cold. Two drops fell on her hand. Even being so close she could still not see his face but at the same time noticed that he was crying. A cold and monotonous voice started to be heard. Despite the very straightforward way of speaking, the words themselves carried the weight of his emotions as he began to speak.

Lucy, I hope you forgive me for communicating with you once again, but my heart aches to hear from you one more time. Even though I believed it was the right thing to part ways, I now feel like I have lost a part of myself. I don't know why it had come to this, why we are the reincarnated lovers of our dreams, but it appears that it has affected me so much. My heart aches every day knowing what my fate has become, but I know that we are not destined to be together because of our age difference.

I saw how scared you were when we met in person, and I understand completely that you never want to see me again. In fact, I'm certain you have deleted the app. That is understandable. Yet, I could not let this go, no matter how hard I tried, and I needed to do something, anything, to calm my heart and allow my mind to finally move on from this.

I'm sorry I caused you so much worry, I'm sure you were so scared when you saw that it was an adult who met you on that train platform. I didn't mean to frighten you or cause you any harm because I didn't know who I was chatting with myself. I didn't know I was talking to a kid.

I blame myself for being such a fool. All I can do is continue to live my life and try to put this behind me. I hope this message doesn't make you uncomfortable because that is not my intention. I just wanted a chance, a final chance, to share my feelings because I have no outlet to do so.

Then again, you're probably never going to read this message. It will never be seen because you probably have already moved on with your life.

The only thing I can do is express my feelings, even if there is no audience for it. If that is the only thing I can get out of this, then perhaps that would be all that I deserve, and pray that I can finally move on with my life.

When the last word was uttered, the man standing before her faded away, the room dimmed, and she was back in the infinite void of darkness.

Lucy opened her eyes, leaving the world of slumber, and returning back to the real world. She sat straight up, hyperventilating, to the sound of her stomach growling. She felt a cold sensation on her finger as she saw that her hand was pressing against her phone.

She hastily picked it up and after dimming it, she looked at the screen to find a familiar interface, Google chat. Her astonishment at seeing the once deleted app intensified when she saw that it was the browser version. "What is this?" she said with surprise as she witnessed the once empty chat room now crowded with a single long message.

Her eyes were still adjusting themselves as she fumbled her way through the interface. The text-to-speech option was present and with the words being so tiny in her current state, she pressed it and listen to the robotic voice.

“Lucy, I hope you forgive me for communicating with you once again, but my heart aches to hear from you one more time. Even though I believed it was the right thing to part ways, I now feel like-”

The robotic voice stopped when the phone slipped from her hand, slid from the bed, and hit the carpet.