It was one day after school, he was sick and lonely and tired and he stumbled into his room and sat down about to give up for the day. He looked to his clock, his bag full of homework, and wanted to cry. He looked through his porn folder on his computer warily, bored. Usually, he had 'that' activity after school, but not today. If only, if only he didn't have to play this impossible game anymore, an endless game of cat and mouse boredom and excitement chase. He prayed to god, mocking himself as he did. God's don't exist.

"Anything, just, anything to get me out of this mess!"

"Anything?" Said a god that appeared from under his chair.

"Jesus! What the hell," the main character said as he backed away.

The god righted himself in the air and gave a smile.

"Oh, don't mind me. I'm going to make you a hero. Transport you to another world, give you super powered abilities, you'd like that, huh! Little cliche, but it's an enjoyable story, how about having some fun?" 

"Um, who are you?" He said as he backed away, the god floating up with a sparkling robe right in our main character's face. He backed away, again.

"I'm a god. Want to fight about it? Or just get your wish granted?" Smugged the god.

"No, actually can you-" just leave, he wanted to say. 

"Too bad. Off to Etheria you go! By the way, Royal Road Legends, if you get to the top rank, I will grant you everything you desire!"

The main character disappeared into a vortex, his life forfeit to another world. He was floating through the ether. Royal Road? Whats that?

He fell onto a goblin, which exploded. It's unfortunate, that was a goblin prince who has a country class weapon on him, his spirit broken he's wandering as an adventurer seeking a living taking down strong monsters. If only this didn't happen, Ralphos might have lived out his life staying away from wars and politics. But no, he is goblin chunks now.

A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.

"What..."

He got up, green blood all over himself and saw a girl with cat ears looking at him in shock.

"R-ralphos!", she cried and went to the main character standing in goblin goo. She was in rapt shock when the main character heard a voice in his head.

"Oh, you need powers right? Best on royal road huh, that's impossible! Dance for a little, though, such is the life of you mortals! Now! How about you're a dragon? Nah, I'll just give you dragon powers, no one wants to actually be a dragon right? Maybe I'll make 'that' part a dragon for fun." 

"Oh, no...", the main character said in dread as goblin meat cuts fell off of him. He stared into the shocked white haired catgirls emerald eyes, she looked like reality was far away from her.

He felt a ray of light and the goblin's corpse disappeared while he turned into a goblin.

He looked at his hands in shock. Then the catgirl looking at him eyes came back into focus. She made a stuttering noise.

"Oh. Uh, Ralphos. Guess you're fine. You had me worried there, exploding like that! I thought you died in some horrible way! Out of nowhere," she muttered. Her sole reason for living almost lost, a mysterious process of thinking fostered itself in her mind.

"No uh," the main character tried to explain it away. There was a more important question, he had to ask to keep his wits about him. This wasn't going well at all, he wanted to yell but he was too polite and unassuming for such a thing. 

"Catgirl, person. What's Royal Road Legends?" He staggered that line out.

"Ralphos, did you hit your head? I'm glad you're alive, maybe I hit my head earlier..." she trailed off her light voice. "Come on let's go, we've got to defeat that Shadow Demon you know? Good thing we have your bulletblade!"

Ralphos's body containing the main character searched himself. Bulletblade? I had to see that! At least let me see that!

Time froze the world going a pleasant and trendy grayscale. Ralphos felt his new goblin body and felt something like 'that' down 'there'. Oh, dear, am I going mad?

"What!" Ralphos complained mentally as he felt energy flow into him in the frozen time. I see, so 'that'- he didn't want to say it out loud no matter what. 

He followed after the catgirl's tail which made turns, her white shoulder length hair blowing in the breeze. She seemed rigid, but he had nothing but turmoil in his mind as he plodded after her. Chills whispered through the air as he pulled out the weapon by his side.

"This is..."