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Don't Take Life Too Seriously; You Might Die
Chapter 5: The Great Deluge (Part 3)

Chapter 5: The Great Deluge (Part 3)

Time at the Kite's Klub (TM Pending) was never dull. Aside from the daily itinerary that Lilac Governess kept, there was an inverse relationship between how bored the children were and how well-behaved they were; a bored child is a chaotic child, so this served as a kind of self-correcting mechanism for keeping the days lively.

We did have free time though, after breakfast and before bed, where we were left to our own devices. This is when parents, who had no intention of spending the whole day, would drop in. You could tell there was some variance in parental involvement. Anyware from almost daily visits to nearly complete absenteeism. Personally, I'm happy to say, that my parents seem to hit pretty close to the sweet spot, with mother coming by around twice a week (that is once every 5 days as they grouped days in sets of 10 and not 7), and father about once a week, which I could forgive, what with him being out on the hunt and all.

Honestly, I felt Mother wanted to visit more, but restrained herself. She really did have good instincts. In return, I did my best to give her my complete attention while she was there. I would tell her about my research with fox magic, along with other things. Still, I limited it to things that would actually be interesting to an adult and not just rehashing the boring things the kids learned about the Carvers or what refrigerator-worthy picture they drew. And it goes without saying that I would provide demonstrations too—couldn't let my accomplishments go unrecognized. She always looked really impressed, but I wonder if she was just humoring her son. Generally speaking, this species was more impressed with ends than means. That is to say, what you could accomplish, not how you accomplished it. So being able to start a fire without using a fireboard and spindle was impressive, while being able to cause something to grow hotter was only interesting at best. No wonder there were no scientists among us.

The visits to the shrine of the God of Clear Skies continued weekly like clockwork. Between that and the special education I received as "the God of Clear Skies' Chosen," I learned quite a bit about the Deity. For instance, he was in a running gun battle with the God of Weather, or I should say inclement weather as nice weather didn't count. And this actually explains why there were two shrines, one for when the God of Clear Skies had prevailed, and one for when the Deity just didn't feel like defending his title that day. No, I'm not kidding, that's how Lilac Governess explained it to me. That the God of Clear skies was an Alpha Chad, and the God of Weather was a resentful Beta, getting by on the Deity's scraps. Personally, I felt that the God of Weather was being unfairly maligned, that is assuming these gods even existed. His was important work that nobody appreciated in the moment, but would certainly be condemned if he failed to deliver. Everyone likes a bountiful harvest, but nobody likes the rain.

Anyways, the one shrine was for singing the praises of the Deity in good weather, and the other was for begging the Deity to step up and do his job. Well, more like asking for mercy, because you have to be discreet with those kinds of requests. The bad weather shrine was similar to the good weather shrine, except that the incense and statue were different. One shrine's incense had a sweet smell that vaguely reminded me of honey, and the other of wet dog (I wonder how they captured that scent?). Can you guess which was which?

I remember the first time I saw the statue for the bad weather shrine. We had been lucky for a while and had only made trips during good weather, but our luck was bound to run out sooner or later. On that day, the weather was particularly foul. Between the heavy rain and strong wind, I was freezing and soaking wet. I tried to use fox magic to warm myself, but the rain and wind were too much for me to keep up with. As we climbed those numerous steps, I felt a resentment for the God of Weather—who may or may not actually exist—growing exponentially. The Deity needed to go and sock him in the mouth!

When we reached the shrine platform, completely drenched and with no indication that the weather would improve anytime soon, Lilac Governess still asked Hailstone Priest, "Which do the winds favor?"

And he had the temerity to answer—as if that could possibly be a serious question—"The South."

I was so annoyed by his response and was so past caring at this point, that I couldn't help but let out the sardonic remark, "Are you sure?"

To which he responded—in all sincerity—"The signs are never wrong." The nerve of this guy!

The shrine was identical to the North shrine except for the statue. In this rendition, he wore a robe with the Sun and Moon nowhere to be seen. It perfectly captured the moment I thought, clearly depicting the God of Clear Skies in a bathrobe and slippers ready to kick back in his favorite easy chair, completely neglecting his cosmically ordained duties and leaving the rest of the office in the lurch. The procedure at the South shrine was pretty much the same as the North shrine, except the prayers we offered were for him to get off his lazy ass and do his job to provide for his people... Or for his mercy and protection or whatever. At least when Lilac Governess quieted the winds, the rain wasn't as bad.

Alright, so I was just a bit salty about being soaking wet and cold. It wasn't his fault that Lilac Governess was set on going to the shrine at the same time every week, rain, shine, or otherwise. As for predicting inclement weather, apparently, Hailstone Priest could tell by which way the wind was blowing, and perhaps by detecting changes in barometric pressure.

Speaking of Hailstone Priest, I couldn't help but get the suspicion that he might have a crush on Lilac Governess. I didn't have a baseline by which to compare his behavior, but it seemed that he was just a bit flirty with her. Lilac Governess's reactions didn't lend themself to any insight; she highly respected him, so that was bound to color her interactions with him greatly.

I was left wondering if this kind of thing was appropriate. Religious matters aside, I assumed Lilac Governess was in her mid to late teens. As for Hailstone Priest, I felt he was on the older side. There was nothing to justify this; I couldn't see any part of his body nor did he give any other deterministic indicators. I based my guess strictly on his level of maturity and my intuition. But even if it was the case that he was much older, I was unsure if this was an issue in this culture; I might be biased. Through most of Earth's history, this kind of thing would have been the norm. Of course, those marriages were mostly arranged, and I don't think that was the case here. Come to think of it, I had no idea how these things worked here.

It was when I had such questions that I turned to my long-suffering tutor, Lilac Governess. With these kinds of inquiries, she always had an answer. "How do you find a mate?" Lilac Governess repeated with curiosity regarding my inquiry. "Are you already interested in these things?"

Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

"From a strictly academic standpoint." Needed to make that clear.

"Well, you need to find a sojourner, or you could sojourn yourself... When you are old enough of course."

"Sojourner?"

"Yes, you can't take a mate from a member of your tribe. It is forbidden."

"Why is that?"

She looked up thoughtfully. "That is the way it is. It would be weird."

Most likely this was to deal with inbreeding, with such a small tribe this would certainly be an issue. The way she expressed "weird" made it feel like you would be dating your cousin or something, so I supposed if that was the case, it wouldn't require any further explanation.

With questions such as these, Lilac Governess was an invaluable resource. However, when it came to other topics I had a burning desire to know…

"What does the world look like?"

"I don't know."

"Where are we in the world?"

"I don't know."

"What other races are there?"

"Hmm... Humans, small humans (for lack of a better word), there are others, but I am not familiar with them."

"How long do we live for?"

Rubbing her chin in thought, "Well, Leaf Governess was 62 when she died." Oh, so we don't live as long as humans then? Bummer. But then again, this was a primitive tribe, maybe we would live longer in captivity. "But Grey-Fang Weaver had to have been at least 100." Oh, So maybe Leaf Governess died on the younger side. "Really though, it's not something I think about."

Apparently, we are a carefree people.

The bullying continued. Or attempted bullying anyway. Sticks and stones can break my bones, but the words of grade schoolers are hilarious. Their verbal bullying was laughable to a man of my maturity, and it was only a handful, so it wasn't like I had the enmity of the entire Kite's Klub (TM Pending) and was shunned. That left the sticks and stones to watch out for. Yet, ever since the dust-up between Dry-Wood, Dawn, and myself, the usual suspects were more cautious about their methods—they actually had to invoke their higher cognitive functions and think. It might actually have been good for them in the long run.

The first line of defense any assailant would have to bypass was Dawn and River. That incident at the sacred lake had really upped Dawn's street cred. Those rascals now saw messing with her as an act that could have actual ramifications, and River was already a bit of a loose cannon. Their presence deterred most transgressions. However, Dry-Wood was still salty about before and, with the aid of his henchman Gale, would take every scant opportunity to harass me. They employed several strategies:

Fake accidents: Carry something heavy and "accidentally" stumble and drop or crash into me. Or drop something from a tree they just happened to be stationed in while I was passing by. They were obvious at the beginning, but quite daft by the end. Unfortunately, I was wise to them by this point and just steered clear of them. They had little success with this.

Framing: Think pulling someone's tail and blame somebody else. Thanks to fox magic, they could easily do this from a distance. All you needed to do was yank the appendage of a nearby child, and just let the natural accusations fly. You could also apply this by causing accidents to happen right next to your target, like knocking over a bowl of that green fruit sludge. Jokes on you Dry-Wood and Gale! You did me a favor! In reality, this didn't work very well. I would just point to Dry-wood and Gale, who were never far away out of necessity, and said they did it. Perhaps they could have gotten away with it if they weren’t such known menaces. And that green fruit stunt was particularly sweet to savor, not only did Dry-Wood get blamed for it—though that didn't really mean much—but I also got to pretend I was so upset by the personal attack that I had no appetite and couldn't possibly eat anything. I was sure to thank him afterward.

Pot shots: By far the most effective. You couldn't be vigilant all the time. Sometimes you just had to accept that you were going to get hit with a spoonful of whatever we were eating that day. There are worse fates.

However, Dawn and River were not always around, and sometimes they might take a more direct approach. I was clearly at a size disadvantage, so I had to rely on my wits and subtle uses of fox magic to maintain my dignity. I didn't want a repeat of last time. To this end, I started carrying several charges of a spicy pepper seed crushed into a paste substance. I kept them wrapped in leaves and on my person at all times. Honestly, I would prefer not to use them. They were just dumb kids after all, and these made my eyes burn as I was preparing them. I would use them only in the case of consequential bodily harm.

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This was how I rounded out my first year at the Kite's Klub (TM Pending). I was two years old and now had a solid grounding in how things worked here. My fox magic had gained considerably, and I would put it against any of the other tykes in the group on any measure. In no small part, I had the dastardly duo and Dusty to thank for my rapid development. Nothing like an arms race to give you that extra push.

I was also on good terms with most of the other children. This was due mostly because I would take some of the tutoring responsibilities off of Lilac Governess's shoulders. I couldn't help much with village lore, but I was more than capable of teaching what passed for math here. And helping out with whatever projects my peers were working on was, quite literally, child's play. Having an engineering background proved helpful when someone wanted to create an automatic watering system for a plant he was taking care of; I applaud his ambitions. This wasn't too difficult actually. Getting the specifics down was a bit tricky, but the challenge just made it interesting. The solution was a pot with a small hole on the bottom that would leak just the right amount of water into the plant when hung above it. He was quite proud of himself, and Lilac Governess was sure to shower him with praise. I was glad I could help.

However, as good as things were, there would soon be a big change in my daily life at the Kite's Klub (TM Pending). One that would come suddenly and with great lament.