“For the last time, Miss Carlisle, I’m omnipotent, not omniscient. While I wield a tremendous amount of power, I’m unable to tell the future. I had just as much warning about those attacks as you did.” Doing my best to maintain a calm expression, I waited for the journalist to ask her next question. I hated doing interviews, which is why I did my best to avoid doing them whenever I got the chance. Unfortunately, the attacks last month forced this upon me. People were demanding answers, and the news, in their frustrating way, were making them up on their own. I use the term “news” there lightly. It’s less news these days and more people in suits offering opinions as facts with nothing backing their claims except indignant self-righteousness.
“Yes, as you’ve said three times already,” Rebecca Carlisle responded. She leaned forward on the desk separating us, obviously playing it up for the cameras surrounding us. “But we still don’t understand. If you’re so powerful, then why couldn’t you stop the attacks? Hundreds of people died at your churches around the world.”
I tossed my hands up in frustration. How many different ways could she pose the same damn question!? I snapped a finger, causing a dictionary to appear about six inches above the desktop, letting gravity carry it down to land with a loud thud. The woman jerked back in surprise, then looked up at me.
“Wha…?”
“You seem to be having issues with your language comprehension. When you get the chance, look up the differences between omnipotent and omniscience. I’ll give you and all your viewers back home the short version: all powerful and all knowing. I’m the first. You reporters think you’re the second.”
Unable to rally a response, she just gaped at me. I continued pressing her and, by proxy, every other talking head that thought they knew what I was thinking.
“I’ve been watching the coverage of what happened. More importantly, I’ve been watching what you reporters, journalists, and ‘experts,’” I threw up some air quotes for experts, “have been saying about me. The gist of it all seems to be that I somehow wanted this to happen for whatever reason. Am I wrong?”
“Of course you are!” she responded hysterically. “We’re just trying to get answers! Our viewers want to know why this happened.”
“You know why this happened. The perpetrator himself released a video saying why right after he did it. Jones is so terrified of getting the death penalty that he’s spilling everything to the FBI and Interpol in the hopes of getting some sort of plea deal. 37 different countries want a piece of him because at least one of their citizens was killed in the attacks. He’s given us the names of each of the bombers, his connections around the world that he used to coordinate the attacks, and where he got the explosives from. Hell, he’s even given us the names of the people in his organization that knew nothing about the attacks so that they’ll be shown some leniency. And yet here you sit, on live tv, demanding to know why this happened from me.” I leaned forward and looked her in the eye. “Fine, I’ll tell you why I think this happened. It’s because humans in general are selfish creatures.”
A very puzzled look crossed her face. “What does that have to do with this?”
“Everything, Miss Carlisle,” I said, sitting back in my uncomfortable chair and crossing my arms. “Walter Jones wanted something. Wanted it so bad that other people didn’t matter to him. What he wanted wasn’t going to happen though. So, he tried to bully his way to making it happen. He somehow got it in his head that if he killed enough people or caused enough chaos, I would do what he wanted. Clearly, he forgot the lessons that world leaders were forced to learn when I first revealed myself. If I wouldn’t bow down to their shenanigans, why would I do it for some clown in a cheap suit and plastic fairy wings?”
“So there was nothing that you could’ve done?” she asked tentatively. “Not even bring back the dead?”
I shook my head. “I’m afraid not. For all the power I have, that’s one of two things I can’t control. If someone still has a chance at life, the weakest pulse, some neurons still firing away in the brain, anything that a doctor may place hope in, I can save them. Once that last spark leaves their body, however, there’s nothing I can do. I was able to put the bodies back together for their family and friends to say goodbye to, but that was the most I could do for them. I admit that even I don’t know what happens once that indefinable spark of life leaves the body. I’m honestly not sure if I’ll ever experience it myself. Maybe one day, at the end of Everything, but who knows?” I shrugged. “If Texas couldn’t do it to me, though, I don’t know what would.”
The blond reporter suddenly sat bolt upright in her chair, eyes about to fall out of her head as she stared at me. The studio we were in went dead silent for a second, then exploded into a beehive of activity.
“I’m sorry? Did you say Texas? Were you involved in what happened in Texas?” she asked softly. So softly I’m not even sure her mic picked it up.
“Oh…” Shit! I thought as I leaned forward and buried my face in my hands. Somehow, I just knew at that very moment that around the world and orbiting the planet a bunch of women were also burying their faces in their hands while five kids stared at them in confusion, the sixth only being a couple months old and not caring about anything beyond feeding and sleeping.
Not your brightest moment, dear, Persia’s voice floated through my head.
He’s a goddamned idiot is what he is, Rhia responded. I thought we were going to wait until the kids were older.
What’s done is done, offered Ephine. May as well move up your schedule. Your world could use a miracle right now after this mess anyway.
You know they’re definitely going to blame me for this, right? I reminded them. Millions died during The Event, remember? Can’t exactly sweep that under the rug.
You’ll do fine, dear. Either be completely open or bend the truth a bit. It’ll work out in the end. I have faith in you. My personal Goddess of Compassion strikes again, causing me to smile a little behind my hands.
“Um, Mr. Zekken?” Rebecca leaned in a bit. “Texas?”
I sighed and dropped my hands, meeting her eyes. I decided bending the truth just a bit wouldn’t be a bad thing. If I told her everything that happened there would undoubtedly be riots. Sometimes not knowing everything was better in the long run for everyone.
“Yes, I was in Texas during the Event. No, I didn’t see what caused it, nor did I cause it myself.” Not a word of that was a lie, too. Let’s just leave out the fact that I was the reason for it though. “Why was I in Texas, you may ask.” Carlisle nodded. “I was living among you. The best way to figure out how to guide a society is to see it from within, right? That’s what I was doing. I was living in an apartment in Central Texas working in fast food. I played video games. I watched tv. I had a dog. Paid my taxes. Voted in elections. The whole American dream. Then one morning I woke up and everything was gone. My apartment, the clothes I was sleeping in, everything as far as the eye could see. Just gone. It was then that I decided to return to the moon and try to figure out what happened.”
“There was nothing else you could’ve done?” she asked. Grabbing a tablet, she scrolled through what looked like notes she had prepared. “It was six months after the Event that you revealed yourself at the Vatican. What were you doing all that time?”
Working his way through his staff of maids, Rhia thought, a hint of amusement in her mental voice.
“Investigating,” I answered, ignoring the external thoughts floating through my head.
“And?”
“And, it is my belief that whoever or whatever caused the Event perished in the process.” Definitely not a lie. Rhia was quite clear about Inton’s intentions and he knew full well that his act would kill him. Now, time to shift the blame elsewhere while setting the stage for the next set of issues Ephine warned me about. “While I can’t be certain of the exact source, I believe the event was caused by an off planet entity.”
The hectic activity in the studio once again ground to a halt.
“I’m sorry,” Carlisle said, shaking her head in disbelief. “Perhaps I misheard you. Are you saying aliens did that?”
I nodded somberly. “To put it simply: yes. I believe an alien, for whatever reason, be it intentional or accidental, wiped Texas off the face of the Earth.”
“And you know aliens exist… how?”
I smiled. “Because five of my wives are aliens.”
“Whoa! Hold on now!” She held her arms out and sat back in her much more comfortable looking chair. “Okay, this interview is not going at all like I planned. Let’s recap the breaking news for the viewers back home.” She began ticking off points with her fingers. “One: You’ve been on Earth far longer than you’ve let on, living among us like an everyday ordinary human. Two: You were in Texas during the Event and was its sole survivor.”
“Actually, my dog survived as well. She was sleeping on the bed next to me and my body blocked the blast. She’s running around on the moon as we speak. Sorry, Genesis, I mean.”
“Okay…” she drew out, then continued on. “Three: You think aliens were responsible for the Event, and you know aliens exist because Four: you’re married to five of them. Did I miss anything?”
I shook my head. “Seems like you’ve got it pretty well summed up.”
She leaned forward again, a glare forming in her eyes. “Mr. Zekken, do you think I’m a fool?”
*
“Hahahahahaha! Serves him right! Bloody idiot!” Rhia roared with laughter and threw popcorn at the screen as she watched John stare openmouthed at the reporter. The interview had gone off the rails spectacularly and watching her normally charismatic and witty husband flounder on live TV was just too funny to her.
Aisha and Angela shared a confused look, then shifted their attention to Persia, who just sighed before explaining how life on Earth worked.
“Ok, where to begin? Humans, to their knowledge, have never met anyone from another planet. They’re not even sure they exist. That’s because until recently most races avoided Earth.”
Angela furrowed her brow. “Why? What’s wrong with Earth?”
“It’s not the planet, sweetheart. It’s the people. Humans are surprisingly xenophobic, which is odd, considering they don’t believe in aliens.”
The author's tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.
“But if they’ve never met them, how do you know humans fear them?” asked Aisha.
“You watch those sci-fi shows and movies with Daddy, right?” Rhia said around a mouthful of popcorn. Persia raised an eyebrow at the normally dignified woman but said nothing. She was clearly enjoying herself, even if it was at their husband’s expense, and Persia wasn’t going to get in the way of that. The twins nodded at Rhia’s questions. “Have you noticed who the bad guys are in most of them? Aliens. They’re always attacking Earth for one reason or another. Usually water, which is stupid. Any race that can develop space flight to the extent of reaching this backwater planet wouldn’t need to invade it in the first place.”
“Anyway,” Persia picked up, “it’s mostly a fear of the unknown. Quite a large number of societies and religions on the planet are built around the idea that everything was created for them. While most acknowledge that Earth is not the center of everything, the closest they’ve come to an intellectual equal on the planet would be the dolphins, and they train them to jump through hoops. Should a species arrive from across the stars, a lot of those beliefs would be tossed out the window, and people who have built their lives around those beliefs wouldn’t know what to do with themselves. So, it’s easier to pretend the possibility doesn’t exist than to accept what he just told the world.”
“To be fair,” offered Ephine from where she was sitting with Uther, “we weren’t exactly planning to tell the world this for a long time. Your father just messed up a little. I’ve seen something like this happen before on many worlds. Earth will be fine, it’s just going to be hectic for a while.”
“Just wait until those ships you told us about show up. Everything Persia said about life being turned upside down may actually come to pass.” Rhia adjust herself on the couch, silently cursing John in her head for doing this to her (the fact that she begged for a baby was not a memory that crossed her mind). “The humans seem fine to accept myself, Persia here, and Anai because we’ve performed what they see as miracles where they could see. So, they chalk it up to the divine. In truth, John and Aunt Ephine are the only true members of Divinity in this solar system.”
Angela and Aisha shared another look. Anai’s declaration of divine punishment against Walter Jones had been broadcast to the entire world, which had caused a large number of people to create faiths surrounding her. She’d accidently added herself to her father’s pantheon alongside her mothers. While no one knew her name, an upswell of small temples and shrines were going up worldwide for the Angel Catgirl of Justice. Anai was embarrassed, but both Angela and Aisha were amused to learn that there had been a surge of angel/catgirl manga in the last month in Japan.
“Okay, I think I get it,” said Angela. “I’ve read stuff about that. What about him being married to you though? I know there are some places where people can be married to a bunch of others. Why would that upset her?”
Persia glanced at Rhia, but it was Su who spoke up, having entered the media room during Persia’s lecture.
“Because it’s viewed as the height of selfishness for some, and an affront to the religion of others.” All heads turned towards the head maid. If anyone knew about the development of human society, it would be the woman who’s seen it from the beginning. “You’ve read the story of Adam and Eve, right?”
Angela nodded while Aisha shook her head. “But I saw something in a TV series about it once,” the little cat girl offered. Su smiled and nodded.
“A lot of people use that story to justify what they believe to be the only true form of love there is, which is hogwash if you ask me. Besides, if anyone has the claim to being Eve, it would be me.” She smiled brightly. Rhia scoffed.
“Everyone that knows you knows you’re more of a Lilith, dear.”
“Only at night, Mistress Rhia, as you know well.” That pulled a blush from the other woman. “Anyway, back to the point. Because of those beliefs, anyone that takes more than one spouse is looked down upon. As far as this twit in particular goes,” she gestured at the woman still berating John, “I don’t think any of that has to do with her attitude. I’ve seen some of her stuff before. She likes to think she speaks for all women, and any women that disagree with her are obviously brainwashed by the patriarchy. All nine of us wives could show up on her doorstep, tell her our actual feelings for John, and she’d still find some way to blame him for it while assuring us that she knows what we really want.”
Ephine perked up listening to Su’s description of Rebecca Carlisle. “Oh? Those are my favorite type of people! Persia, would you care to take a quick trip with me to save our dear husband?”
Rhia’s eyes went wide as she stared between the two women. “Wait…”
“No, you can’t go. Not in your condition. You’re about to pop, remember?”
“How could I forget?” grumbled Rhia. “But is this wise? You’ll be revealing yourself to an entire planet that still hasn’t completely accepted John for what he is. Last month proved that, and they don’t even know he’s just a regional god. You’re the Galactic Goddess!”
Ephine shrugged. “It’s not like I have to tell them that, right? All they’re going to see is a ten foot tall black woman with yellow hair.”
“And a blue woman with red hair,” Su interjected. Glancing at the raised eyebrows around the room, even from the children, she shrugged. “It’s been a long time since I visited Earth in my natural form. I want to see how this plays out with my own eyes. Also, even though I’m actually a human, the first one in fact, I’m different enough to lend credence to his claim about aliens. For him, I’ll play any role he wants.”
Persia rolled her eyes at Su’s insinuation but stood up to join her. “Fine. If we’re doing this, then let’s not waste a moment. I sense John is about to say something stupid again.” Looking at the TV, it was obvious John was only moments away from losing it at the tongue lashing he was receiving.
*
I was seriously starting to regret ever agreeing to this interview. It had gone so far off the rails it may as well be in orbit at this point. Yes, I’ve seen a lot in the last 17 years since I woke up in what used to be Texas, but this went way beyond any tongue lashing Rhia had ever given me for horsing around while she was trying to teach me how to be a god. I hoped this interview was on a delay, because some of the words coming out of her mouth were definitely not safe for work. She really is a special brand of stupid, really. I tell her Texas was destroyed by an alien and what does she focus on? My wives. Ugh.
“And of course the great and powerful Zekken would turn out to be just another womanizer in power!”
Yep, she was still going on. Can’t really argue that point though. I’m definitely a man in power, and I do love women. Of course, there’s a vast difference between being some jackass that just sleeps around with any woman that crosses his path and actually having a consensual relationship with multiple women who all chose to enter it of their own free will.
“You seem to think you know what’s best for us, don’t you?” a familiar voice sounded from over my shoulder. My eyes widened in shock. There’s no way she just revealed herself to the world, is there? Judging by the look that crossed Rebecca Carlisle’s face, I’d have to say yes. Yes, there was indeed a ten foot tall woman standing behind me.
“Humans are so cute when they’re being self-righteous, aren’t they?” came Su’s voice.
Hey now, you’re human too, you know, I thought.
“Miss Carlisle, a pleasure to meet you.”
Carlisle’s mouth dropped open. “Y-you’re the angel! The one who healed everyone after the attacks!”
I glanced back to see the three women standing side by side behind me, none of them making any attempt to hide their vastly different appearances. Persia was even sporting her wings, ears, and tail. She gave Carlisle a quick curtsy.
“I helped as much as I could. I’m only sad that I couldn’t do more.” She took a step forward and placed a hand on my shoulder. “I’m also Zekken’s wife. You may call me Persia.”
“And you two?”
“My name is unpronounceable to any tongue on Earth, but you may call me Su. I am also his wife.” She smiled brightly at the reporter.
“And you may call me Ephine. Like these ladies here, I am also his wife. Like him, I am a divine being. A goddess.”
“A goddess? You expect me to believe that?”
Ephine quirked an eyebrow at the much smaller woman. “You doubt me, Rebecca Marie Carlisle? Daughter of Mary Carlisle and Brandon Jarvis?”
“Uncle Brandon? I think you’re confused, lady,” Carlisle responded, clearly agitated.
Ephine shrugged, then sat down in a chair next to me. A luxurious looking chair that wasn’t there a second ago. “Perhaps. I imagine you’ll be getting a call from your mother once we’re off the air.”
Persia also willed a couple of chairs for herself and Su into existence and sat down next to me. “Now, Miss Carlisle. We understand you have some objections to our husband and things he’s told you. Can we help shed any light on the matter?”
The woman looked past the cameras to the shadows beyond, but it was easy enough for all of us to see someone giving her a keep going signal. It was understandable. It’s not every day you have this kind of lineup at your desk, right? While them showing up was a complete surprise to me, having them here greatly relaxed me. Leave it to the cavalry to show up just in time.
“Um, yes…” she said hesitantly, glancing at the intimidating presence of Ephine, who smiled sweetly at her. “Um, he said something about aliens…”
The three women nodded, but said nothing. It was difficult for Carlisle to put together any argument against their existence when three very different looking women were arrayed in front of her. Three women who only resembled human women in their basic anatomical structure.
“And, um, multiple wives…”
Again, they just nodded without saying anything. They’d already declared that each of them were my wives, and they’d done so quite sweetly without giving any evidence that it was something they had issues with. I had a feeling that if it were standard, run of the mill human women, Carlisle would’ve launched into her tirade about the evils of men or some such nonsense, but faced with these three, she was at a loss.
“What seems to be the matter, dear?” Su asked. “You seemed so energetic a few moments ago while you were yelling at him for having a completely consensual polygynous relationship with us.”
“Polygynous? Did you mean polygamous?”
“My dear, don’t correct my Latin. I’m one of the very few people, if not the only one, who speaks it fluently. You can look it up later, but I guess today you would call it a harem? Although that’s not strictly accurate either, since that’s a secluded part of a household that a man keeps his wives and concubines. But I guess words change over time. Anyway, yes, we three, and six others, are married to this man. Of our own volition. If anything, Earth is the weird planet for being so prudish about love.”
“Prudish!?” Carlisle suddenly erupted. “What’s so prudish about wanting a stable environment to raise children in? One man and one woman! That’s what it says in the scriptures! That’s how it’s supposed to be! It’s in the Ten Commandments!”
“Oh? Which one?” asked Ephine.
“Though shalt not commit adultery!”
“Well, we’re all married, so that doesn’t count.”
“Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife!”
“Again, we’re all married. No neighbors in our area either.” Ephine smiled.
“Look,” I said, trying to steer this back to something constructive. “You’ve got three divine beings sitting in front of you that can testify that those commandments, while helpful as a moral guide, were not handed down by a god, but written by humans. I’m particularly fond of most of them. If you’re going to follow any rules, those are good ones. Never really had time for the first three, although having a guaranteed day off is always nice, but the remaining seven are outstanding rules to live by. Just don’t try and use human rules or commandments to tell a god how he should live and love, okay?”
Carlisle was well and truly flummoxed by now. I almost felt bad for her as she stared at us, mouthing working like a fish out of water.
“Miss Carlisle,” Persia leaned forward and rested her arms on the desk. “I have no doubt you once believed you were working for the betterment of women, and I find that admirable. There are still so many places in the galaxy where gender equality is a pipe dream. But you cannot confuse equality for hatred of men. Jo-Zekken,” she quickly covered up the slip she almost made saying my real name, “is indeed a man with a lot of power, but in all the years you’ve seen him working tirelessly around the world to help humans see a brighter day, have you ever seen him treat anyone as less than him? Man, woman, adult, child, gay straight, black, white, large, small? Any of them? I have personally known this man for a long time, and the only times I’ve seen him get truly angry is when someone was oppressing someone else.”
That wasn’t strictly accurate, but there was no need to open up old wounds, and I did get an adorable set of twins out of the deal. She must have been reading my thoughts, because Persia reached over and took my hand and smiled at me while still talking to Carlisle.
“We all love him deeply. We love each other as sisters we couldn’t have found anywhere else. How we choose to love and live our personal lives, quite frankly, is no business of yours, and you are not someone who can judge us for it. We will be happy to answer any questions about life off of Earth that you may have, but when it comes to sticking your nose into our family’s business, that’s completely off limits!”
Even Ephine raised her eyebrows in mild shock. She named Persia the Goddess of Compassion for a reason, so to see her aggressively bark at the reporter like was a surprise to all of us.
“Um, uh, right,” Rebecca Carlisle stammered out. “Let’s do that then. Right. Aliens. Um… let’s take a short commercial break and continue after that.” She stared at the shadows, her eyes boring holes through him, willing him to send us to commercial. As soon as the On Air sign dimmed and someone announced we were in a commercial, she bolted from the desk and disappeared through a side door.
“Bathroom break, you think?” Su asked softly.
I shrugged. “Maybe, but I doubt it.”
Sure enough, a couple minutes later a young man in a suit slid into her seat and turned to face the camera just as we came back from commercial. The interview fascinated audiences around the world as the girls told what they knew of the galaxy, Su making up complete bullshit on her part since she was from Earth and Ephine being a little too vague about what she knew, so Persia filled in the rest. We later learned Rebecca Carlisle quit the network when she bolted from the studio. She never worked a live broadcast ever again.