How does a cackling skull cackle if it has no throat to cackle with?

No idea. Magic is the catchall answer. But as truthful as I can be, it was cackling. I had no mouse pointer because reality, duh, but I was sure that thing's tooltip would say 'Lich'. Undead sorcerors seeking eternal life in undeath. I think it is eternal existence, not eternal life because they are un-DEAD. But whatever rocks their boats. The only problem is that, as legend had it, becoming a lich involves heinous acts that only evil people could do, and they are not even people anymore.

That was all my guess and also the reason I thought that the stairway to heaven was a good idea. Not heaven, just the surface but when you are in the bowels of the Earth, everything feels crappy and the surface sounds like heaven. So, this lady wasn't sure if all that glitters was gold but I'd buy one. Or make if the lich let me escape.

"I'm glad I was able to entertain you, sir," I told the lich with a bow.

Against my best wits. That was on vacation ever since I decided that wrecking an undead horde with a non-league-approved baseball bat was a good idea. If I got out, I'd take a week of vacation. Without bleeding too. Yeah. I could count on one finger the days in this second life of mine when I was awake and didn't see blood.

"My, my. What a polite girl," The lich snickered. "And you speak the ancient language too! Amazing. I was pretty sure nobody on the surface could speak it. Tell me, where did you learn it?"

I looked at him. I opened my mouth to say but then I closed it shut. I had no idea this lich stance regarding Tarhun or the gods in general and usually the undead and the divine were at odds with each other. So better keep my trap shut.

The light on the left socket of the lich flared stronger for a moment. The feeling I had was that it was the equivalent of raising one's eyebrow. Except he was bleached bones, so there's that. And everything about him was masculine. The body stance, the pattern of speech, the voice.

He shouted with a booming voice, "I said, tell me where you learned this language, girl!" I could feel a chill wind wash over me, making every bone in my body ache.

It was better to tell him, right? Wait, no. I wouldn't mention the gods until I could know it was safe. But I should say, what was the problem.

No.

I raised my head and stared at those pinpoint sources of light. "I'm sorry. I'll tell you where I learned the language. Right here, a few minutes ago when you spoke. What is this language called?"

He tilted his skull just a bit then returned to his haughty stance. That pile of bones really needed a chiropractor. Preferentially one with dinosaur hands. A good book by the way.

"You speak the truth. Amazing. And this metallic protection... Hard and covered in seamless crystal. Amazing too."

He touched the silicon bars I placed on the intersection. The fact he could tell the silicon was covered in quartz was astonishing, but it also showed he didn't know what material that was. Pure silicon indeed had a metallic configuration but it wasn't quite it.

"Honored sir, could you please tell me of a way to the surface?"

He stopped examining the bars and stared at me. It was unnerving. "The surface? I don't think you'll go to the surface. You hurt my children and now you have to pay for it."

What could I say? When in doubt, ask. "I don't know if your children were the undead or the blue..." there was no word for trolls in that language. "creatures from the water, but either way they were trying to hurt me."

"The water goblins. No, they are a pest. The undead, obviously," He puffed up his non-existent chest.

Water goblins. Not trolls. Good to know. It still didn't clear my way because I killed way more undead than goblins.

"I need to return to the surface. Would you take me there?"

"NO!" It shouted. "You are my prisoner and I will get what I want from you before I leave your soul depart at the end of times."

I was feeling dizzy again. I reached for the wall next to the alcove and Decomposed more rock to get oxygen. I was getting better at it and In a couple moments, I'd Decomposed about a tenth of a cubic meter.

I knew the lich was watching carefully but I had to breathe. "You transmuted the rock into air!" He squealed, its voice breaking. "That is the strange metal! It is rock without air!"

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

Smart one. Then again, dumb people don't reach an immortal undead existence.

"Do you seek knowledge?" I asked him. Maybe I could bargain with that lich.

"Yes, of course," He said matter-of-factly as if I had asked the dumbest question ever. Maybe I did. "What knowledge do you offer?"

"Promise to lead me to the surface and let me go unharmed. I will teach you about every single ore or rock we find on the way. You will learn about dozens of elements you never heard of."

The red lights flared at the mention of elements. I don't think that the word elements meant what he thought elements meant, but that was his problem. I was half-expecting that lich to screw me and not hold his part of the bargain but I had little choice.

Like fighting the lich. It was undead but it was sentient. Was it okay to kill it? I put my hand in my pocket while the lich pondered about my offer and checked him with Tarhun's tablet. No reaction but his gaze went to my pocket immediately.

BIg blunder, he can sense magical energy.

"You used divine energy right now!" He lifted an accusing finger. "You have a covenant with the gods!"

The lich was hysteric. The lights flickered on and off like an accelerated heartbeat. I got a hunch that they betrayed his emotions. It didn't seem like a voluntary act.

"I'm sorry. It was something harmless."

"So you admit! Tell me, girl, WHAT DEITY DO YOU WORSHIP?"

I felt that cold chill hit my skull and ricochet inside. My mouth opened on its own and I got a hint of what he was doing. The bastard bone-man was using magic on me. Compulsion magic. That was the third spell he hit me with, but now I knew how to resist. I knew how to tell if I was under the effects of mind-bending magic. So I stood my ground, focused my mind and propped my jaw shut with my thumb. I stared back at these unliving eyes and answered.

"I don't worship any deity in particular."

"LIAR!"

This time the wind blew strong enough to ruffle our clothes. His robes fluttered around, the eye lights flared like lasers, I could feel fear run all around my bones. I felt like peeing and running at the same time. I held on both. Maybe I dripped a bit. Just a bit.

"Not a lie. Or do you doubt your compulsion magic failed?"

Good job, Sandra! Hit him on his metaphysical balls and cave in his wizardly pride. It always works so well with mad mages!

The red light of the lich scanned me from head to toes. "You have divine protection! You are an exorcist!

"YoU cAmE HeRe tO dEstrOy Me!"

It waved its hands and I could see a blue glow around the bones. The silicon barrier cracked, then broke, and pieces flew all around away from him. I crossed my arms in front of my face and Decomposed the silicon away from me. I still felt the shards hit me, but they were blunted and spread around by my power.

My fight or flight response triggered. I ran in the lich's direction, intent on using Decompose on him just like I did with the zombie. He waved a hand and I flew backward, slamming my back against the alcove wall. I hit the bench with my butt and fell forward, falling as a triangle supported by my face and knees.

I stood up, spat blood, and ran ahead again. The lich roared, then plunged its hands on the ground and raised both hands up like some cheap prestidigitator signaling something was about to rise. I felt vibrations from the ground and an image flashed in my mind. Spikes of stone.

I jumped and focused on decomposing silicon beneath me. The spikes came out and the few that were aimed at my feet and legs spread around as if a play-dough cylinder was suddenly thrown head-first against a wall.

"KNEEL, MORTAL!" The lich commanded.

The cold wind once again froze my brain and I saw the bones of its hands and skull shake. Why not kneel? It was such a polite request. This lich could be my friend and showing some decorum to the master of these mines turned catacombs would surely earn some points with him.

So as it was proper, I knelt before the eternal existence before me. I was but a bug before...

FUCK YOU.

I stood up and instead of attacking, I just glared at the lich. Inches away.

"Stop messing with my mind, sack of bones," I hissed at him. "Get me out and you can keep ruling over the other sacks of bones that shamble around these dead tunnels. Try to mess with my mind again, and I'll show you what the lack of a single element can do to bones."

Someone give me my low magic setting back, please?

The lich took a step back. "Insolent bug. I will crush you now."

It raised a hand, the blue glow once again manifesting around the bones. I grabbed it and Decomposed the calcium out of the wrist bones. It hurt. It felt as if all my blood was going to rip my skin apart and depart the body through the gash. I knew I had to press and win against the necromantic power animating the undead. So I did. I bled unconscious for god knows how long in that tunnel. If I went down, those bleached bones would go with me.

I felt like I broke through some barrier and the calcium came out on the other side, between my fingers. I broke the soft dried collagen bones, and the blue glow snapped.

The magic flowed back to the lich and struck over where its heart would be. The lich threw its head back and its jaw unhinged.

"Gaaaaaaa!" It screamed in pain.

True pain. I doubted it felt real pain in centuries. The lights flashed blue and back to red but they were dimmer. It gave me an idea. Why the heart? I seized the moment of vulnerability while the lich held its severed wrist bones to shove a hand over the chest, Decomposing the robes - I felt a mild resistance but I was working with carbon, one of the elements I knew best - and shining the beam of light from the flashlight inside its ribcage.

A shriveled heart was beating soundlessly inside its chest.

I spent a lot of energy to Decompose the wrist. But from the shine in the lich's eyes, I knew he was also close to being OOM. He glanced down, my hand right in front of the hole of his robes.

"No!" It gasped in disbelief.

It tried to run away. I dropped the flashlight and grabbed a rib. I shoved my hand through the ribcage. I reached for the heart.

Then I did like Josh Brolin. A snap of my finger and it crumbled.

The light in the sockets went off.

The bones clattered in the ground.

The robes fluttered down, now hanging on the rib I was still holding.

I used up all my energy on that last Decompose.

I fainted.