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Death world (an attempt at a grimdark fantasy comedy story)
Cause of death: alcohol and a board game.

Cause of death: alcohol and a board game.

The basilisk raiders assaulted the camp during night. The attack was swift and brutal, a dozen or more of them rushing into a barracks building at once to kill all before they could even pick up a sword.

The raiders clad in poor quality leather armor with ragged cloaks over their shoulders were armed only with knives and pitchforks and other crude weapomsfor weapons but it didn't stop them from slaughtering everyone in the camp.

 It took less than two minutes until every man had been killed but one who ran out screaming that his comrades lay dead on the floor while he still lived.

The hundreds of raiders whom participated in the event cheered on as the camp was burnt after they took every piece of gear they could loot.

For in this brutal world there Is no mercy for the defeated.

The burning lasted deep into the night, as the raiders feasted upon the cooked meat they made of the bodies of the dead soldiers and all the food they could find.

The basilisk raiders were humans like those they had slaughtered, they simply had a basilisk as their symbol for some reason.

When morning came they left without so much as an apology or a feeling of regret for what they have done – they were just another group of raiders ready to pillage whatever settlement they could.

After all...

In this world survival of the fittest is all that matters.

 A group of knights was riding through a dark forest. Their golden armor signified their power, thus keeping away any bandits or other threats lurking around in the darkness.

 They rode slowly along the path, making sure not to fall into any traps and keep watch lest they be attacked by unseen creatures hiding between the trees. One knight's horse stumbled on something hidden under the leaves and he dismounted quickly when he realized that the ground beneath him was rotten corpse of a human.

The other knights dismounted their horses turned towards the forest around them in alarm and forming a circle, fearing the worst; however, no threat came up, thus the knights remounted their horses and resumed their advance, albeit even more carefully than before.

They reached a clearing where stood a small hut covered in vines and surrounded by several large bushes which blocked off its view from outside. When they approached closer the smell became unbearable, causing many of the knights to gag and cough.

"What kind of foul stench is this?" asked one of the knights to the others, "I thought we'd encountered nothing worse than a few bandits."

One of the men pointed at the entrance of the hut: "It looks like someone, or something has died here," he said.

"Stating the obvious is not the work we were sent here to do" said the leader of the knights. 

He quickly dismounted his horse and walked straight towards the door of the hut, pushing aside the branches blocking the way. Inside it was what  looked like a simple room, except for all the bottles with strange liquids placed seemingly at random inside it.

As soon as the knight entered the hut, a shadow emerged behind him, moving fast enough to avoid being seen by anyone else.

He jumped back and called out: "dismount and draw your swords!"

A moment later three shadow like monsters appeared in front of the hut.

Dark red eyes shining brightly through the dim lit forest. 

For a moment, there was only silence.

The intense few moments before the battle. The calm before the storm.

And then suddenly everything happened. Swords clashed against swords and projectile attacks breaking against shields.

There wasn't time for the knights to give orders or move into better positions for should one  lose focus for a second, death will come knocking on his door.

All sixteen knights fought bravely, taking turns trying to strike the shadows, using both their sword and shield. But despite their efforts none of them managed to hit anything.

The enemy was too quick, dodging attacks with ease, and counter attacking fiercely.

The battle dragged on for hours, neither side giving up. Due to the knights massive numerical advantage, it was possible for some of them to rest for a bit while the rest kept the enemy at bey. And yet, each minute felt like an hour, as the shadows seemingly never run out of energy nor patience.

Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.

yet slowly but surely they were weakening, and they started to lose.

Finally, after 7 hours straight of combat, the last remaining shadow was defeated, his body disappearing In a scream of agony, leaving only black smoke lingering in the air.

The knights sheathed their swords and collapsed onto the ground exhausted, breathing heavily. After a long pause they finally started laughing hysterically, tears rolling down their cheeks.

Three casualties were taken on their side. Three for three.

Considering the power of their foes, this was a huge success. Only the captain remained standing tall and proud. His face full of joy and pride, although he did feel slightly guilty about losing three of his men during the fight. But there was nothing he could do about it. After all, he was more than used to the reality of this world by now.

After half an hour of resting In the forest, the knights looted the hut and the weapons of the shadow monsters and returned back to the city. 

Their mission complete, they went home happy.

John's life sucked in his opinion. He was a programmer. John spent most days sitting in a chair staring at a computer screen, typing words that many people wouldn't understand anyway. Every day the same routine. Wake up, go to work, come home, eat dinner, sleep. Repeat.

This particular day, though, was different. This was the first day of the new year, and the company wanted to throw a party for its employees. A celebration! What fun!

Only problem?

John had a tendency. No, make that a problem actually. Whenever he drank alcohol, he would for some reason, get really honest. Painfully honest. This is a usual thing for people when they get drunk, but John was already a brutally honest person, and was very good at insulting people when he wanted too.

So you can imagine how well things usually went when he drank.

Today, however, was going to be different. Today, he promised himself, I'm gonna stay sober. And I'm not going to get into trouble.

He arrived at the office early and began helping the others to set up chairs, tables, decorations, and such.

Many else showed up shortly after him. All of the new workers were looking rather excited for tonight's festivities.

Arrogant fools. In capitalistic society companies don't tend to invest much into these types of things. At least not this one.

Soon enough the party got underway and everyone was having drinks and snacks, laughing and talking.

 John tried to act normal and blend in the party, but things were getting very awkward for him, what with the level of alcoholic drinks in the room diminishing by the second, and the amount of drunk people steadily increasing.

Someone passed by and told him that he shouldn't worry about getting drunk and it would be fine. he probably drank a lot because this coworker (that goes by the name of Alex) once saw what happens when John gets drunk.

But John was determined. He wouldn't drink. He would hold. He could do it, he beliv-

He gave up.

Everyone seemed to enjoy themselves, so why not join them? So he grabbed a glass and downed the contents in a single gulp. As expected, the result wasn't pretty.

Tony was a new guy in the team. He had a heavy Italian accent, Wich made it hard sometimes for John to understand what he was saying.

 Coincidentally, Tony was also a very strong and emotional person. Many on the team liked him, and he was a very nice person.

Unfortunately, john had his problems, and this couldn't end well.

"Hey, John, wanna play a game?" asked Tony, waving a boardgame in front of his face.

John stared blankly at him.

"You know, Monopoly right?"

No, no no please no, don't do what I think you are going to do.

"Monopoliiiii...?" Said John.

"Yes, yes, that's right. Monopoly" said Tony.

"what about ittt?" John asked.

"Do you want to play with me, steve and alex?"

Oh god, please no.

"Mmnm I guess...?"

"Great! I am taking the car!" Said Tony excitedly.

The bloodshed that followed was brutal and inexcusable.

The incident became a joke on social media, as many people laughed at the death of a man that was caused by a game of Monopoly.

The incident became a joke, and was discussed about all over the world, before becoming a massive source of memes.

----------------------------------------

John woke up in an empty white space.

He knew immediately what had happened. He had gone crazy.

"Not like this, come on! Why...?! I am going to become a joke!" shouted John furiously.

Suddenly he heard footsteps approaching him, coming from somewhere above him.

"Greetings John" he heard a familiar voice say. 

No way...

"Steve?!?!" 

"Not really.  I am actually a god that changed his appearance and voice to look and sound like Steve. You're awake now. How do you feel?" Not-Steve asked.

"Incredibly embarrassed, but other than that fine I suppose. Where am I?"

"In the afterlife. Don't worry though, you won't be here forever."

"Why? What happened? Did I die?"

"Sort of. Yes. No. Maybe. Kind of."

"What does that mean?"

"Well, let us put it this way. Your soul is still alive and kicking. However, due to various circumstances, your physical body is no longer functioning properly."

"So what are you trying to say?"

"I am trying to say that while your body died the sheer power of embarrassment kept your soul alive"

"WHAT?!" exclaimed John, almost screaming. "Are you serious!?"

"No." Replied Not-steve.

"Then why-"

"Because I just wanted to see how you react when I tell you that your own sense of shame kept you alive. It was rather funny." Said not-Steve.

"Alright screw this. So how much longer am I going to stay here?" Said John in a defeated tone.

A screen than popped up in front of me reading: "bonus power"

 "What the hell-" John started saying, but was cut by non steve:

"You are going to reincarnate into a new world. A brutal one. Thus, you will be granted some benefits that you may choose. You get to create one power (with a bunch of rules, but all those will be inserted into your brain, as I cannot bother to explain them myself),  The power you choose will be shown on the screen. Choose wisely." said not-Steve.

John sighed.

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He didn't have much choice.

He made his choice, closed his eyes and locked it down.

He opened his eyes again.

His hands were glowing purple.

Soon after he was teleported away, to whatever grimdark world awaited him.

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