It felt as if the glass broke around him. He only saw a blinding light, and he could not breathe. He was drowning in space. He could not see past the blinding light, could not touch besides the sparks in his palms, and only heard a deafening silent whistle. All he felt was burning pain and the inability to escape it. He tried to let out a breath, a scream, only to feel himself fall until he slammed into the bottom.

_______________________________________

“I guess I will start at the beginning,” Conan said to Luna.

He was standing in front of her and pacing. They were outside on Luna’s balcony, overlooking the forest surrounding them. Her back patio was pretty compact, with only room for a small bench, a few potted plants and cheap market lights. A few bulbs were flickering and added to the eeriness that grew thick in the air. Luna perched in a little ball on the bench. She was still wearing her soaking clothes and boots. Her hair was damp and stuck to her cheeks. She was desperately clinging to her cigarette and was slowly easing with every pull.

When they got back, Conan immediately raided the fridge, found two beers, and went straight outside. She still seemed frazzled from what she saw, or not seeing. Conan was not sure what she knew and did not know about the spirit world, so he decided it would be better to start it as a one-way conversation and she could ask questions when she was ready. He made sure they were alone and she had some vices to assist her in the information overload. Conan was breathing heavilyas he paced back and forth. He did not know where to start and had never tried to explain the concept. So, he decided to begin with the basics.

“So you are probably familiar with the laws of life and death?” Conan began. “They are two sides of a coin, so close but can never intersect. Usually, one is born, lives a full life, and dies at the intended time. Through the passage of death, things will come to mind: memories, regrets, loves, the big things. Some people become very fixated on their regrets or unfinished business, so they are instead almost taking a side step from their path. They continue to exist on Earth and try to succeed in their final purposes. It could be watching over a family member, finishing a project, finding something, improving their souls, anything. Not everyone takes this side step, most people go straight to judgment and thus heaven or hell. However, I was fixated on this side quest souls can take. I wanted to know more about what purposes they had, what they consisted of, can people see them… I had a lot of questions about this afterlife.”

“You are probably wondering why you can sense something supernatural. I have theorized people who have had encounters with death, or seen death, are given some version of this sight. A gift almost, and a connection to the other world. I am assuming it was gained after you watched your mom pass.”

Luna only looked down. Conan continued.

“I saw death in my brother. He died shortly after childbirth, and it was very troublesome for my family. I was too young to understand what death even was, but I think the idea of my little brother causing mayhem as a spirit worked as a coping mechanism. And since then I have been studying ghosts. I had a few personal encounters with phantoms and lost souls, but nothing too out of the ordinary. But I was still obsessed with other stories and legends. I think it all stemmed from contacting my brother again. But I now know he passed on immediately. He had no business. He just wanted us to be happy.”

“However, at the time, I decided to do a project on the laws of the afterlife, and hopefully find more contact and answer some of my questions. It was a far stretch, but I figured if I researched enough, I would have some form of video or proof to show their existence was legitimate. I was also hoping to connect to my brother again, but I was wrong.”

“I had almost no material as the studies into this phenomenon were slim. So, I convinced my best friends at the time, Stella and Terrance, to come with me and we did a weekend trip in the woods. I was part of a few public forums for ghost encounters and there was a location relatively close to us that had a large spike in phantom activity. We hiked for a full day to the campsite and decided to rest on the outskirts of the beginning radius of the recorded encounters. My friends fell asleep, but I wanted to wander. I began doing tests on the electronegativity in the area and just some simple tests. I was desperate. My identity rested on my beliefs of these laws and I wanted so badly to be the person that connected these worlds.”

“When I was about to turn back, a wisp showed up in front of me. A wisp is a small, ghostly figure. They are pretty cute actually, but they are neither alive nor dead. They are not lost souls but are almost a form of guardian angels to help guide one towards a destiny of some sort. They do not speak or interfere, only guide. I was almost drawn to it and I began to follow. They led me deeper into the radius of the spiked activity, and I knew it would be dangerous to be going alone and at twilight, but I was too fixated on my personal desires to care.”

“Now, the next parts are a little hazy, and I have been trying to correctly remember for a long time. All I really remember is following the wisps for a while through the forest. Based on my research, we seemed to be heading towards the center of the diameter of the spiked activity. Then, the wisps just stopped their trail. They disappeared. So, I was where I was supposed to be, but it was still the middle of the forest. Nothing stood out, and it was just pitch black. The only thing I could see was the stars above. Then, I watched clouds begin to cover the starry night sky. There was no more light. Then, out of the pitch black, I saw brightness and I began to feel the lightning bolt.”

“I can only describe it as immense power flowing through my body. I only saw brightness and heard the sounds of my cracking skin and my own screaming. My nostrils filled with the smell of burning flesh. All I felt was pain. It only lasted a second, but that feeling of death still haunts me. I would not wish that feeling on to anyone. But, I realized later that I truly did die.”

Conan stopped and Luna watched the shell-shocked feeling run over his eyes. Conan slowly unbuttoned his shirt and let it slide down his shoulders. Luna was confused and a little scared at first, but she let out a gasp. From Conan’s center, an immense fractal scar covered his chest, and its fingers spread through his shoulders and down to the tops of his arms. Luna couldn't see, but the scar also covered the majority of Conan's back and even ran down the side of his upper thighs. It was the only thing in his human identity that displayed the accident and showed his abnormality.

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“I have no idea how long I was out after the strike, but I woke up and saw the starry night above again. I almost thought it was just a dream, but my clothes were in tatters and I smelled strongly of smoke and a stench masked the air. I felt a burning in my chest and when I looked down, I saw the Lichtenberg Figures.” Conan then looked down at his chest again.

“It still stings every once in a while, but it was the most painful right after. I had no idea what happened, I still really don't. For a while, I thought I was just struck by lightning, but it still wouldn't explain my powers. All I could think about at that moment was getting back to my friends. Again, this part is kinda fuzzy because I was pretty out of it, and I was lost in the woods for hours, but I was able to find our campsite again as the sun was rising.”

“When I got back, my friend Stella had just risen. She looked so scared when I walked out of the woods. I remember her running over to me and pulling me in for a hug, but the scar burned and I moaned in pain. She immediately stepped back and was confused. Then I think she noticed the burned clothes and my lifelessness. I began to feel my legs buckle and she was able to wrap herself under my arm before I collapsed.”

“That was when I first found my powers. As she was walking with my weight on her shoulders, I fell through her. I didn't know then, but that was the first time I went intangible. Stella dashed to the side and stared at me in horror. I didn't know what I did. She tentatively put her hands under my arms to pull me up, but her horror increased as her hands phased through my body and only pulled a blue smoke. We both watched the smoke dissipate and stared at each other in silence. I started to hyperventilate. I did not know what was happening to me. I looked at my hands to only realize they were shifting between visibility. As I was getting scared, my power was unstable. I couldn't control it. I could feel the power building and felt a brightness cover my body, I originally thought it was lightning again, but it felt okay. Good actually. When I felt the power stop, I had taken a new form. My legs were replaced with a tail-like wisp and I felt my body lifting off the ground.”

“I looked over at Stella to see she was still staring at me in horror.”

“G-G-GHOST!” she screamed and was backing away from me.”

“My dumbass, I remember I really responded with “Where?!”

“Terrance then emerged from his tent with sleep still tugging his eyes and a pillow imprint pressed into the right side of his face. But his expression immediately changed when he looked at me. He also startled and ran over to Stella, and pushed himself between the two of us.”

“P-Please, back off! Go in peace! What? I don't know what the fuck to say. What do you say to a ghost? I didn't even think they were real, I just came out here to support Conan and his stupid-ass,” Terrance said.

“Hey,” I responded.”

“Terrance looked at me in shock. He looked at me for a few seconds, then tentatively asked, "Conan?”

“I almost responded with a “Who else would it be?” but now, I don't blame them. My best friends were seeing my ghost half. To me, I look like me, but to them, I was just dead.

“Stella walked around Terrance and held up her hand, to which I placed mine on hers. She didn't feel like herself, but I could still feel it. My lungs were still breathing in oxygen, I was not dead. As my head and heart settled, I felt my body drift back down to the floor. Then, the light came again, but this time I had transformed back into my normal form. I looked at my hands again and they were normal. I remember we all breathed a sigh of relief. I wasn't dead. I could not be dead. I refused to be dead.”

“I then spent the rest of the morning relaying the events of the night to my friends. I was downing some dry cereal from the box, I was starving. But they only listened intently in between my mouthfuls.

After I finished both the story and the box of cereal. We sat in silence and contemplated. What was I? What happened?”

“Even though I value more of the arts, both my friends were scientists at heart. I could see both their minds forming calculations and wanting to test my new powers. We spent the rest of the weekend trying to figure out what I was. I got better at changing between my two forms and began pushing what my abilities were. I could fly, phase through solid objects, turn myself invisible and even got the hang of channeling the lightning that was powered in my soul and could blast it through my palms. It was amazing. But, we still could not find out why this happened to me or what I was.”

Conan decided not to tell Luna about how he can manipulate one's mind or he can transfer his powers while touching them. He did not want her to think he had tricked her in any way, which is ironic as she is one of the only ones he really cannot affect, he thought.

Conan continued, “We concluded I definitely was not dead, but not fully alive either. It was almost like I was supposed to die but it didn't fully work. Some of our theories, since I have disproven, included: portals, demons, sorcery, divinity, other ghosts… I still have never really figured it out. I was stuck on it for a very long time, but now, it doesn't matter.”

“After the long weekend, we headed back home. The three of us blew off the rest of our commitments and continued reading and researching my illness. However, there was almost nothing. We were only met with dead ends. Eventually, we kind of just accepted it. My friends were amazing through all of it. They were doing so much for me. But, they were sacrificing and ignoring their lives for mine. I couldn't let them do it anymore.”

Conan paused. In reality, he had learned how to manipulate minds while trying to share his power in one of their experiments. He had promised his friends he would never use it on them as neither of them was able to fight it. Conan discovered later only those with sight were able to fight off his power or persuasion. But Conan broke his promise and made them forget who he was completely. He watched them live their lives from afar. They graduated, each had their families and kids, and they were happy. It ended up working out as he soon discovered he was not aging and had his other stuff to work through. No one knew about his power. He was able to learn alone.

So, Conan changed the ending. “I lied to them. I ended up telling them I was actually dead and was haunting them. They were my obsession and my unfinished business. But, I understood they would have happier lives without me, so I wanted to pass on. They fought with me for a while about it, but eventually accepted it as truth, and I faded out of their lives for good.”

This was the hard part. Conan didn't know if he could tell her this next part, but he had to. She had to know, or someone does.

“That was over 50 years ago,” Conan added quietly.

Luna's eyes grew more spacious than they already were. She was quiet. Conan did not know what else to say, so he simply sat down next to her on the edge of the bench.

Conan looked at the sky. It was almost the same as the night of the accident. The silence continued to grow between the two of them. At first, Conan worried, but then it felt peaceful. Luna slowly slid her hand into Conan’s. He felt the weight and warmth. They existed with each other for a little while.

Luna eventually sighed and looked back up at Conan. “Well, I don't think my superstition can stop my feelings for you. So just promise me you will stay this time.”