Everyone files out of the room. I’m the last in line to leave, but as the [Ox] lumbers out I instead slip behind a shelf near the door. The heavy mahogany slams shut, and I watch the [Dragon] from a slit between the books. His hands are clasped as if in prayer.

[Dragon]: You’re behind the dictionaries.

Instead of walking closer, I simply remove the volumes til I can see him through the shelf unobstructed.

[Yuri]: At that meeting were two Wolves, three Town, and one Seer. But you never told us who the second Wolf was.

[Yuri]: If your plan’s in good faith, say the second Wolf’s name.

[Dragon]: The Wolves will decide which two Townspeople die regardless. Reavling them wouldn’t change the plan at all.

[Yuri]: It could.

[Yuri]: There’s another way for there to be four survivors. We kill one Wolf, then the remaining Wolf kills no one during the night. Then we kill that last Wolf in the final execution.

[Yuri]: We could draw straws and choose whether two Wolves or the two Town will die. If all you really want is for the most to survive in the most fair way possible, that’s the best choice.

The [Dragon] stares at me, or what he can see of me, which is mostly my two blue eyes. Then he sighs.

[Dragon]: You’re calling me a hypocrite, but I can tell that you’re suggesting a plan that you don’t believe in yourself.

[Yuri]: It’s the plan that Lily would offer. But the difference between me and her is that I know you’d never agree to it.

I sit down at the opposite end of the table. The [Dragon] meanwhile is at farthest edge, where the head of a family might be at during suppertime. Of course, we’re all alone; if the [Dragon] is like a patriarch then he’s one whose descendants had long since left him.

[Dragon]: Have you heard of triage?

[Yuri]: Have you heard of staying on topic?

[Dragon]: Have you heard about it, [Snake]?

His voice is suddenly serious.

[Yuri]: I’ve read about it. In a situation where there’s a lot of sick or injured, it doesn’t make sense to treat people randomly. Doctors tag people with different colors to decide who to treat first.

He nods.

[Dragon]: Code Green. Minor injuries survivable without treatment.

Code Yellow. Severe injuries

Code Red. Needs immediate treatment.

[Yuri]: It’s a traffic light for doctors. Green means keep going, ignore the patient. Yellow means caution, slow down and evaluate. Red means stop where you are and treat the patient right away.

[Dragon]; Yes. But you’re missing two things.

[Dragon]: There’s also a Code Black. This means that the patient has no hope of survival, and it’s best for resources to be directed elsewhere.

‘Resources to be directed elsewhere.’ What a nice euphemism for leaving someone to die.

[Yuri]: I suppose it’s efficient.

[Dragon]: Is it? What happens if everyone’s Code Red?

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[Yuri]: Then you code people Red-Green, Red-Yellow, Red-Red?

The [Dragon] shakes his head.

[Dragon]: Traditionally, the young are prioritized over the old. People who are otherwise physically fit are favored over those with poor lifestyle choices or chronic illnesses that reduce their life expectancy. Doctors think about how to save the most ‘lifespan’ rather than ‘lives’.

[Dragon]: This kind of triage is most obvious when it comes to organ donation lists, but also happens in pandemic situations when emergency rooms are full. Or when a hospital has more patients than nurses can treat, which is more often than you might think.

[Dragon]: But ultimately there is no formal set of guidelines for when everyone is Code Red. It’s up to the doctor’s discretion.

[Yuri]: Or, in this case your own discretion. Mr. Doctor-In-Training, the Wolf in a white coat.

In the dim, flickering, library light, it’s all as clear as day. The [Dragon] sent his letter to three other players, the [Ox], the [Horse], and the [Rabbit].

Any four players can vote as a bloc and murder the others as a majority of four. It doesn’t matter what the two on the outside think.

…it doesn’t matter what the [Rat] and I think.

[Yuri]: Speak plainly. This is just a long way of saying that you’ll murder me tonight.

He closes his eyes, as if considering a lie. When he speaks again, he quickly rattles off a sequence of monotonous words.

[Dragon]: [Ox]. Physically fit, strong moral code. Main caretaker of a family of six.

[Dragon]: [Horse]. History of childhood asthma, but physically fit. Enthusiastic and tries her best. Straight A student.

[Dragon]: [Rabbit]. Worrying narcoleptic behavior. Needs further diagnosis. But comes from a wealthy background and has a high IQ.

[Dragon]: [Rat]. Extensive lung damage likely from incident in fire. Currently on disability. Repeatedly presents with anti-social behaviors.

[Dragon]: [Snake]. History of depression. Sleeps in late. Offered to die during the first trial. Signs of codependency.

[Dragon]: You should remember I’m just one Wolf. The other Wolf plays to win, though they fake idiocy during the day.

[Dragon]: But as for myself, I will be doing triage. That’s all.

I had always prided myself on my logic. If nothing else, I know I that I’m someone who can cast aside my emotions and look at a game, a plan, or my own life objectively without optimism.

And what the [Dragon] had said makes a kind of cold kind sense. But even though I understand it… even though it’s logical… there’s an emotion welling inside me that at first presses underneath my rushing thoughts but then surges over them. Rage.

[Yuri]: You’re a demon.

[Dragon]: I’m a doctor.

[Yuri]: You’re a high schooler! You can’t sum up people as a list of pros and cons. I made that mistake. I saw all the negatives in myself, and all the positives in Lily. And it blinded me on a way I could live.

[Yuri]: I understand that I’ll never be talented. I’ll never be rich, famous, wealthy, and I’ll never find someone I like like Lily again. Because I know how weak my strengths are, and that my future won’t be bright, I’ve always been so sad.

[Yuri]: But even if there’s nothing good for me, even if I can’t make myself happy, my life will be MY CHOICE. Bagging groceries, serving coffee, selling books, these are things that I never wanted in my future even if I know that might be all I can do. But I’ll at least choose what I like best between them.

[Yuri]: I won’t let you take that choice away from me!

When did I make this fist…? Why am I shaking? I hate it… I hate that a Wolf can make me feel this way… especially when he’s not looking at me with pity or contempt-

-Just boredom. The [Dragon] just looks bored. And shuts the book.

[Dragon]: If I choose you to die, this will be why. You’re very smart, no matter what your self-esteem might tell you, but you’re prone to rapid emotional turbulence. I don’t think you’re insane. But I strongly recommend therapy.

I’ve made up my mind.

A coldness washes over me. It’s good, this familiar feeling; the hot hatred that flashed in me before had scared me.

If he had told me everything two days ago, maybe I would have just accepted it. In my own thoughts, I’ve always called myself worthless.

But I still have a wish, however faint.

[Yuri]: I can’t abandon Lily.

[Dragon]: What’s that? I don’t know that name.

I have a date to keep; and whether it’s just to a Lily I imagine or a real one that’s waiting for me, I will fulfill that promise, to show her more of who I am beyond my love for the mafia. I swear it.

I’ll find the words that need to be said to persuade everyone. I will have the [Dragon] understand that he cannot tag and pin me like a sterilized butterfly’s corpse. And he will understand too his last mistake, that even if I’m terrible at life, that I am quite good at mafia.