Osamu’s eyes shot open, bringing him back from his bout of unconsciousness and delivering him to the world of the living. The pale blue light of the electric lantern sitting on the rotten, wooden floor of the bowling alley pierced his hazel eyes like photon daggers stabbing through his retinas. 

A glossy sheen of cold sweat dampened his peachy skin and head of shoulder-length, raven hair. His dirty, black thermal was messily unbuttoned, exposing the golden peace sign necklace dangling against his chest as he tried to free his rope-bound wrists. His squirming and struggling made the wooden chair he was bound to creak and shudder, alerting his captor to his awakening.

The echo of high-heel shoes thumping against the ground reverberated through the abandoned bowling alley, serving as a heart-stopping reminder to Osamu that he wasn’t alone.

“I was beginning to worry you had died, Osa.”

His wicked, devilish ex-girlfriend, Yoko Akiyama, emerged from the darkness with the scent of strawberry perfume, vexation, and vengeance around her. Her elongated shadow grew smaller as she passed by the electric lantern, then stretched back out as she stepped towards Osamu. She pressed the heel of her stiletto against Osamu's chest and pointed her glimmering katana at his frightened face. 

Yoko had a demonic fire in her sapphire eyes, which clashed with her firebrick-colored hair. The lantern’s light illuminated the outer strands of her hair, enwreathing them in a cyan veil. Her raised leg meant that Osamu caught a glimpse of her strawberry-pattern panties beneath her flowing, pink skirt. She wore a denim vest and a white shirt with the kanji for ‘Love' printed on it, because certainly, someone who would kidnap another person knew what love was.

"Now then, are you ready to talk?” Yoko inquired, her smile thinly veiling her murderous intent.

"T-talk? Talk about what?" Osamu asked, his teeth clattering.

"Oh, I don't know, maybe why the hell you decided to come back to town after what you did!” Yoko lashed out. “Do you have a death wish?! You do, don't you?!”

"Yoko, darling, please listen to me!”

"Shut up." Yoko interjected, slowly gliding her sword down from Osamu's lips and to his chest and stopping at his groin.

"You're still as handsome as ever. It's too bad you're nothing but a filthy insect. Where would you like me to cut first? Your face? Your biceps? How about your—"

“Don't cut me anywhere! This is far too aggressive of a homecoming bash, Yoko! Even for you!” Osamu cried, trying to free his bonded hands.

Yoko sauntered over to the bleachers and plopped down in her seat with her arms crossed. “My my, and here I thought you loved me for who I was on the inside. Well, since I know the truth, I suppose I won’t be giving you the antidote anytime soon.”

She finished her sentence with a teasing wink. Osamu swallowed the burning lump in his throat, imagining some noxious brew of poison flowing through his bloodstream.

“Yoko…you poisoned me?!”

The redheaded ex snickered with amusement. “Nope! I just wanted to see the face you’d make if you thought you were going to die!”

“Please don’t play around with my mortality!” Osamu shouted with his head leaned back in both relief and vexation.

Yoko stifled a chuckle to speak. “However, you’ll never get me to tell you the code to deactivate the bombs I planted in the nearby kindergarten! Not until you formally apologize!”

“You rigged a school?!” Osamu gasped.

“Just kidding! I don’t know how to make bombs!” Yoko tittered.

“Why are you saying that as if that’s the only thing stopping you from committing a brazen act of terror?”

Yoko gasped. “My dearest Osamu, did you seriously believe that I, Yoko Akiyama, a virtuous and good-natured girl, a role model among role models, would ever commit an act of terrorism?”

“I don’t know, you already seem to have kidnapping down.”

“O, ye of little face.” Yoko sighed, shaking her head.

“Faith is the right word, Yoko!”

“Tee hee.” Yoko giggled. “I misspoke. Silly me. Indeed, faith was the right word to use, but I ask that you forgive me for my linguistic blunder just this once. After all, I’m only human. Both of the characters in the word ‘Faith’ contain the ‘Human’ radical, don’t they? It’s a rather beautiful thing. But I digress. I’ve had my fun teasing you.”

Yoko lifted herself off the bleachers, skipping back over to Osamu with her katana in hand. She circled Osamu like a vulture sniffing out a fresh carcass, gently rubbing his left shoulder to unsettle him.

Yoko’s bright tone betrayed her poorly hidden anger. “So then, do you want to explain why you disappeared for four whole years?”

“What?” Osamu gasped. “Is that what this is all about?! Why are you so hung up about this?!”

Yoko stabbed the katana down into the ground. It stood perfectly still and upright without her holding it.

"Why?! Maybe because you suddenly moved away from Kyoto without saying anything to me!"

“I left partly because all my exes are insane!”

"What the hell did you just say?!" she furiously belted.

Yoko picked up the sword again, pressing it deeper and deeper into Osamu's chest. "We're crazy? Crazy?! After dating you, there's no such thing as crazy! All of this is perfectly normal to me!"

Osamu summoned what little defiance he had, shivering beneath Yoko’s wrathful gaze. “This is exactly why I left!” 

"So then? Why did you come back?” Yoko asked, inching her face closer to his.

The horrified excitement in him immediately died away as he remembered the greatest reason why he decided to return to Kyoto. His tone grew heavy, tinged with shame. “Because…I wanted to see someone…"

For some reason, he was met with an unbearable silence as he looked away.

(What? Why doesn't she say something? Wait...is she crying?!)

Osamu returned his gaze to Yoko, her ocean-blue eyes damp with tears. She dropped her katana and tackled Osamu into a sudden hug, bringing both of them to the ground and knocking around a few of the bowling balls laying around.

Yoko’s timbre had gone from threatening to overbearingly embracing. "Osa, you sweetheart! You really did miss me all this time?"

"Uhh..well..." Osamu mumbled.

"I won't lie, I hated you for leaving all this time, but if you want to start over and turn a new leaf, I'd happily do it with you! I love you, Osamu!"

(See this crap?! This is partly why I left!)

Yoko stood up, her skirt dangling over Osamu. Yoko's hands traced up the skin of her soft, milky thighs, lifting up the skirt. Her thumbs dug themselves underneath the waist straps of her pink and white striped panties.

 With a slight bend of her back, Yoko lifted one of her legs out from the confines of the underwear, followed by the other leg, and let her sacred, soft, slightly wet pair of panties fall onto Osamu's face. Oddly enough, Yoko's underwear had the sweet aroma of blooming flowers attached to it.

"Holy crap! What are you doing, Yoko?!

"Stripping! I want to make love, right here and now!" Yoko gleefully replied, the warm, wheezing, breathiness of insatiable lust permeating in her voice.

(Do you see why I left yet!?)

Yoko stripped off her vest and lifted her shirt to reveal her pink, see-through bra adorned with ribbons at the top of the straps. Her underwear depicted the kanji for ‘Ocean’, since the ‘Yo’ in her name was written with the character. Trying even harder now to free his hands, Osamu used any last ditch effort he could to calm her down.

"Yoko, wait, I'm not ready for this!”

Ignoring his protests, Yoko abruptly pressed her finger against Osamu's lips, silencing him as her tongue glided across her top lip.

"I want you to be rough with me tonight. Even if I tell you it hurts and beg you to stop, just keep going."

Yoko pressed her finger through Osamu's lips and inserted it into his mouth, for reasons that surely only had to do with love. She pulled her finger out and sucked on it, her face blushing at the taste. "You're so delicious, love! I’m so happy I get to taste you again! Let’s do it!"

“Wait!" Osamu yelled as a sudden explosion through the wall rocked the bowling alley and disrupted them. Osamu coughed and wheezed as smoke filled the bowling lanes as well as his lungs.

From the explosion alone, Osamu could already discern who was crashing Yoko’s party. ”Oh no, it’s…”

“Her." Yoko finished.

An armed squad of mercenaries stormed the bowling alley and pointed their guns and blinding flashlights at Yoko, casting her shadow upon the dilapidated bowling lanes behind her. A rather familiar voice rang out from the smoke.

"Well, well, well. Look who we have here. Yoko Akiyama and Osamu Ashikaga. My rival and my first love, both in one place. Perfect."

Yoko bit her lip. ”Damn it, and I made sure I wasn't followed!"

Out from the smoke came Isabella Bailey, an American girl with long, blonde hair decorated with metal beads, emerald-green eyes, and quite the nice rack. Her nails were each painted red, white and blue, in honor of her home country. A silver angel wing necklace dangled below her collarbone.

(Yoko, you're so stupid! You can't forget her father is a US general! She has connections to the US military and even more connections to mercenary groups across the globe!)

Yoko boldly stepped forth two paces, as if to guard Osamu. "How rude of you, Gaijin. We were just about to make love after four years apart." Yoko always loved to call Isabella 'Gaijin' for being just that—a foreigner.

"L-love?! Osamu, you cheating bastard!" Isabella yelled with a flustered expression.

"How is it cheating?! We already broke up!"

"But I still love you, you dummy! How could you just leave like that?!"

"Osamu loves me more.” Yoko proclaimed. “Your affection for him means nothing. Now scram, Gaijin."

Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

Isabella's anger festered and quickly boiled over at the mere utterance of her disgraceful nickname. "Don't...call me...Gaijin!"

Isabella whipped out her lustrous, golden desert eagle and aimed it at Yoko. At the same time, Yoko grabbed her panties and katana off of the floor, pointing the latter at Isabella. The two were locked in a deadly, jealous standoff.

"So? What happens now? Are you really ready to die?” Yoko asked, her fierce stare focused on Isabella's eyes.

"Please, you crazy bitch. I'm the one with the gun here."

"Both of you, stop this immediately! This is cr—"

(Wait a minute! This is the perfect time for me to get out of these ropes and escape! They might kill each other, but I can at least be free! Just gotta work these ropes off...)

The two exes stared daggers into each other’s eyes, ready to interpret the slightest movement, the slightest twitch of the eye, as a threat. When Isabella dared to blink, Yoko suddenly had the excuse she needed to escalate the violence. Yoko slashed the gun in half with her katana and kicked Isabella into her squad of guns for hire. She dashed back to Osamu, quickly cutting his ropes and taking his hand.

"Damn you! Shoot them!” Isabella ordered, winded from the kick.

As they ran out of the bowling alley and out into the empty, dark streets, they avoided the storm of bullets behind them that tore apart the walls and shattered the glass of the abandoned building. They kept on running, refusing to even look back.

Osamu lamented this twisted trick of fate as Yoko led him by the hand. “I knew I should've just stayed home! This is all your fault, Yoko! Why did you have to kidnap me?!"

"My fault?! What am I supposed to do against her?! She has too many connections! If anything, it's your fault for making your return so high-profile!”

"What the hell do you mean?!” Osamu recoiled in offense.

"I saw you posting photos on Twitter, you jerk!"

(She stalks my social media?)

"This is bullshit!” Osamu cried, wondering if suicide was really such a bad thing after all.

Yoko took Osamu into an alleyway, where they could hide from Isabella's army of mercenaries. Even if just for a moment, the darkness and silence of the alley offered them a sense of peace after all of that chaos.

"We lost them for now.” Yoko said, catching her strained breath as she peered out into the streets from the shadows of the alley.

She held up her pair of panties, remembering she still hadn't put them back on. Of course, any normal girl would recognize it if it felt a little too breezy between her legs, but for Yoko, it always felt like that when she longed for Osamu.

"Oh, did you want to have a whiff before I put these back on?” Yoko offered, as if it were a matter of common sense and politesse.

Osamu shook his head. ”No, that's fine! Go ahead and put them back on!"

Yoko shrugged as she began putting her underwear back on. ”Okay then. Don't complain later.”

"Believe me, I won’t!" he sternly replied.

“…You weren’t complaining the first time we slept together…” Yoko mumbled.

A caravan of chills traveled down Osamu’s spine as the cold of the night sunk its fangs into his skin. Goosebumps riddled his skin, forcing a nervous shiver out of him. This chill felt familiar, almost nostalgic to Osamu. 

He remembered this exact sensation, this gnawing, supernatural bite of cold. Once he recalled the sensation, he also remembered the person it belongs too. He turned around and saw yet another ghost from the past before his eyes.

Out from the darkness of the alleyway emerged a beautiful girl with raven hair, skin as pale as rainclouds, and lips stricken with cyanosis. As beautiful as she was, the girl bore the visage of a corpse drained of its warmth. 

The thing is, that’s exactly what she was. More specifically, she was the one and only Izanami-no-Mikoto, an actual, living goddess. Her sleeveless summer dress depicted swaying branches of cherry blossoms, drawn against light, white fabric.

"You?! Coprse!” Yoko insensitively shouted.

Izanami's voice was as gentle as a spring meadow, which made her audible offense even more guilt-inducing. "Corpse? Why would you say something so hurtful?! What have I ever done to you?"

"You are Izanami, after all. I assume you're here because of Osamu as well?” Yoko questioned, recovering from her initial surprise.

Watching his two exes converse with some familiarly between them proved confusing to Osamu. ”Hold on, since when do you two know each other?"

"It's a long story, Osamu." Yoko replied.

Izanami hugged Osamu from behind, refusing to let him go as he resisted. She spoke with a playful bounciness in her tone as her cheeks turned pink with excitement.

"I heard the noise up ahead and knew it was Izzy. The only thing that drives her crazy enough to use deadly force is Osamu! Why didn't you tell me you were back in town, Osamu?! Do you wanna come over to my place and watch movies? There's no hard feelings between you and me, I promise! You left without any warning, but I forgive you! Let's catch up and talk, okay?"

"Listen, I've had the worst night so far!” Osamu said as he tried to reason with perhaps his most reasonable ex-girlfriend.

"Osamu is coming home with me, and we are going to have rough sex until the break of dawn!" Yoko exclaimed.

"Like hell we are! I just want to get home!” Osamu protested.

Those words echoed through Izanami's precious, porcelain heart. She began to cry as she fell to Osamu's knees, hugging onto his leg as she looked back up at him with tears running down her cheeks.

"I-is that true, Osamu? Do you still love Yoko?” Izanami fretted.

Yoko pointed her blade at Osamu, her blue eyes shining fiercely in the darkness.

"What's that for?!” Osamu asked with a nervous chuckle.

Yoko didn’t blink once as she began her prattling. ”Well, Osamu? You do love me right? Go on. Tell her. Tell her how much you love your beautiful, precious darling, Yoko Akiyama. Tell her you love me, we're getting married soon, and we're going to have twenty-four babies."

"For god's sake, twenty-four?! Are we starting a clan?!"

"We're revitalizing the Akiyama and Ashikaga clans, to be precise."

"Well? Who do you love?" Izanami curiously asked.

Out from the streets, yet another familiar, apoplectic voice rang out with a thunderous shout. ”Let him go!"

Osamu’s world stopped for just a brief moment. All of the chaos surrounding him seemed to melt away as the girl’s familiar voice enticed his ears. Taking a gander at her, his eyes confirmed the girl’s identity as Aika Mihara.

Aika stood just outside the alleyway, the tendrils of her wavy, chestnut-colored hair flowing in the wind like a tattered battle flag. She wore a floral t-shirt with a leather jacket over it, the shirt depicting thorn-covered roses and tiny hearts broken in half. Her brown eyes matched her hair, and her black, torn jeans matched the darkness of her jacket. The shirt was a little too short, teasing a partial view of her pierced belly button.

"Seriously?! You too?! How the hell am I gonna get rid of three bodies?!” Yoko asked, as if she were actually considering committing a triple homicide.

"Izanami, let him go! I still owe him a black eye for breaking my heart!" Aika said with fury in her voice.

Osamu could only look around at his assortment of ex-girlfriends, darting his eyes from one girl to the other. “How does everyone know I even-"

(Wait, Yoko said she saw me post pictures on the internet! Does that mean they all stalk my social media?!)

Seeing the evils of social media, Yoko gave her sage advice to Osamu on the matter."You should really just throw all of your electronics in a river, Osamu."

"No way! Osamu wants to watch movies with me!" exclaimed Izanami, lightheartedly protesting against Aika.

"He wants to make love to me and rebuild our relationship!" declared Yoko.

Aika could only respond with a simple yet effective, "Shut the hell up!"

In a bout of callous hatred and probable insanity, Aika tossed a bundle of live fireworks into the alley, their fuses already hissing as sparks traveled from their tips towards the explosives.

Yoko, in utter shock, muttered to herself. "That...that crazy bitch! Run!”

Everyone bolted out of the alleyway and back onto the street as the fireworks splashed inside the alleyway and flashed blue light all around, accompanied by explosive blooms and ear-ringing whistles. Once again, everyone stopped to catch their breath, unable to believe that the night could get any worse.

"Maybe I really should just stay with Yoko..." Osamu conceded as his hope in humanity waned by the minute.

Izanami flicked her eyes to Osamu with a gasp. ”Osa! I thought you loved me!"

"I don't like repeating myself, Corpse! He loves me!” Yoko re-asserted.

"I don't give a damn who he loves! He's dead! Osamu!” Aika interjected as she came around the bend.

Osamu, trying to reason with maniacs, did his best to curtail Aika's wrath. "Aika, baby, lets talk about this! There's a lot that none of you guys know!"

"Baby?!" Yoko shouted, like an inquisitor that just caught a whiff of heresy. "Oh, I see what's going on here, Osamu. This Rock n' Roll whore is your mistress!"

"How could you jump to such an insane conclusion, Yoko?!” Osamu cried.

Aika charged towards Osamu with the intent to punch him, but...

“Whoa! Aika, wait!” Osamu warned.

"Don't tell me what t—"

She suddenly fell face first on the pavement. She tripped on her shoelaces, of all things. Truly a blunder among blunders, an embarrassment among embarrassments. 

"You were never good at tying your shoes…" Osamu sighed.

Aika, with a bloody nose, began bawling like a baby. ”Don't look at me!"

"You were always a crybaby too. Here,” Osamu said as he passed her a handkerchief from his shirt pocket.

(Thank god I'm one of those assholes that always carries around a handkerchief.)

"F-for me? Really?” Aika asked, shocked that Osamu would do anything remotely nice for once.

"Come on, go ahead and use it. I've been meaning to talk to you Aika, about a lot of things.”

Aika saw lament in his eyes, her anger dissipating for just a moment. ”Osamu…"

"Keep staring at him lovingly like that, and I'll gouge your eyes out.” Yoko calmly interrupted.

Aika retaliated. "You don't scare me, bitch!"

Izanami simply sulked while the fires of vitriol consumed the group again. ”I want a handkerchief too..."

"Ah-hah! Found you!" Isabella shouted as she returned in full force.

(There she is again! And she brought her troops with her!)

”Oh, so it looks like all of the exes have come out of the woodworks!” Isabella teased. “It's time to die, everyone! Are you ready, boys? Fire on my mark! One! Two! Three!"

(So this is how I'm going to die, gunned down in the streets like some animal. Here I come, Death. Embrace me gently.)

Suddenly, one of the mercenaries' digital watches rang out with a rapid-fire beat.

"What the hell is that? That's not gunfire I'm hearing!” Isabella cursed.

The mercenary captain gave the signal to his comrades to end their operation. “All right, pack it up folks! This is all the time we got paid for, Ms.Bailey. Have your father wire the money whenever he can."

The soldiers for hire all dispersed into the streets and headed back home, leaving Isabella all by her lonesome. It was a beautifully euphoric moment for Yoko, who erupted into taunting laughter as Isabella's face turned beet-red.

"Oh look at that! Gaijin is all by her poor, lonesome self while I have my man and my blade! What are you going to do, Gaijin? Will you run and cry back to the United States of Crybaby Land?"

Flustered and infuriated beyond belief, Isabella's power and maturity seemed to devolve into that of a bratty little girl. "Damn you, Osamu! Why did you come back here?! You should've stayed gone!"

"Don't talk that way about my eternal husband!” Izanami harshly interrupted.

Osamu's mind was blown from the sheer boldness of her assertion. "Husband?!"

"You don't want to get married?” Izanami questioned, confused by Osamu's confusion.

Amidst their arguing, the howling roar of a jet engine cut through the air. The deafening power of the droning jet hushed the entire group. Isabella’s phone rang in her pocket, and she hesitantly answered the call.

“H-hello?" Isabella nervously muttered.

"Isabella, this is Fox One-Niner, target in sight and JDAM being released in five, four…”

"Oh my god! Duck!” Isabella shouted.

Osamu stood utterly dumbfounded and perplexed by Isabella's sudden panic. "What's happening?!"

"Just duck!” Yoko screamed as she forced Osamu down to the ground with everyone else.

Everyone huddled on the sidewalk together as a fighter jet released two JDAM's in the direction of Osamu's house. The explosion and subsequent tower of black smoke was visible from their position, rocking the entire neighborhood like Godzilla's footsteps.

Osamu’s hands shot up to the back of his head. ”Izzy! Did you call an airstrike on my house?!"

"I'm sorry! He came late!” Isabella said, verging on tears.

"That's not the problem here!” Osamu shouted.

"Isabella, this is Fox One Niner, good effect on target. The building is completely destroyed. Returning to base, over and out.

Yoko smugly rubbed Izzy's mess up in her face. "See? You always mess everything up."

“Crap…” Izzy regretfully moaned.

"Now I have nowhere to live...I'm homeless! I'll have to beg for money and dig for food in trash cans!” Osamu lamented.

Yoko threw her arm over Osamu's shoulder, holding him tight like a graceful savior. "Save your tears, my love. Tears do not belong on a man's face! Until Isabella can find you a new place, you can come live with me! It works out great, because now I can massage you to relieve you of your stress! You know, down there!"

His vision coning, Osamu slumped down on the sidewalk, cursing his predicament. “I hate my life..."

(I think...no way...I'm so angry...that I'm starting to lose consciousness...)

Osamu blacked out right then and there just from the sheer anger and stress of it all. The girls shrieked and huddled around him in the middle of the street, each of them wearing oddly angry expressions on their faces. It was as if they felt it was unfair Osamu was able to fall unconscious instead of being awake to comprehend their rage and psychotic love. Despite their attempts to keep him lucid, Osamu fell into a deep, dark slumber.

Raptured away from his maniacal exes, Osamu used this time of freedom to air out his thoughts to himself. The stupefying intensity of his exes’ expressions of love and hatred were to be expected upon his return, in all truth. Perhaps not to the degree they displayed that night, but in a way, their irrational actions did make him truly feel like he had finally come home.

(That was her...the one I wanted to see. I mean, I wanted to make amends with all of them, but especially with her...with Aika. I wonder what she's been up to since I left. I wonder how she's been. I wonder...if it's too late to say that I'm sorry for her loss.)

When he awoke, he was in a bedroom, laying in a king-sized bed. A blue lava lamp on the table next to the bed provided a ghostly glow of ocean-colored light.

(What is this? Was it all just a bad dream? Did I die? Or...)

He turned to his right and saw a naked Yoko cuddling with him, half-asleep and softly breathing onto his chest.

(This is Yoko's place?!)

Yoko, half asleep, moaned with soft breath. ”Mmmm. Osamu, you beast. That felt so good."

(Dear god, was I molested while I was unconscious?!)

Osamu nervously grinned, curious enough to ask a question but ultimately scared of the answer. ”Umm..did we..."

“No. That…was a ruse…” she whispered, drifting back to sleep.

(I don't know whether to be aroused or to call the police...but I guess...this is how my first night back starts, huh? This is going to be one hell of a ride.)

End of the First Day