July 2023 ver.

He stared at the document under his nose. He was leaning onto the counter with one arm, holding his head up with it. He overdid it. No matter how he squinted he couldn’t logic out the numbers on this. He looked terrible. He knew he did. Chanoix had spent the night at this counter. It wasn’t possible to sleep after that dream…

“Grandpa?”

He sat up and at least smoothed over his white locks, “Morning, Avery.” The teen was looking at him from the top of the ladder. Waves of worry rolled off the boy. He finished his climb to walk over.

“Are you all right, grandpa?” Avery didn’t take a seat, just came to place his hands at the bar opposite him.

“No need to fret over my person, I’ve navigated a near century. I have no intention of stopping short.” The man pulled at his vest to straighten it as well.

Avery’s frown merely deepened. It’d be a minute before he ventured another question, “Have you eaten anything?” Chanoix didn’t answer directly. His shoulders slouched and that was all the answer his grandson needed. “I’ll make something.”

“Avery, you needn’t-”

“Hey. It’s fine.” The smile was painted on. He was placing undue stress on him. He was supposed to be the one who did the worrying. Avery breezed past into the kitchen. Chanoix took to cleaning up his mess so there would be room for them to eat. It wasn’t like he could get any work done.

The sounds of chopping ceased a while ago, “Avery?” He tested the waters for his inquiry.

“Yeah?” They had to holler, but it was still easy enough to converse.

“Tell me your thoughts on this matter with Devin.”

“You want my opinion!?” Avery yelped as soon as the words were out. “Ow.”

“Avery? Have you injured yourself?”

“Just a little burn! It’s fine! Nothing I can’t mend myself!”

Chanoix felt even worse, “Have I sown such an environment that it’s un…” What was that word again? “…unfathomable I would seek the opinions of my grandchildren?”

“What? No! I just-! I don’t know. It’s a big deal. And I know she was angry, but what she said-”

“Disregard the end.”

“But!” His objection was immediate.

“Devin, and you, are a tumultuous stage in your lives.” Something was wrong with the sentence, but he went on anyway. “One where you must keep in mind to be forgiving. Forgiving of each other as well as yourselves.” He was still capable of generally speaking sensically, right?

“If… you say so, grandpa” He could hear Avery sigh, “I don’t want her to leave. But maybe she has to? I didn’t want Rowan to leave either, but I remember before he did he used to be angry.”

Chanoix climbed out of his seat to join Avery in the kitchen. The feline gave him a cursory glance from the stove where he was cooking up a stew. It was easy and they could heat it up throughout the rest of the day. Grandpa lit a new fire with a snap of his fingers at the fire pit built into the side of the building. He hung a kettle on the hook spanning over the space. Both utilized the same chimney work so they stood very close.

“Like, angry all the time, you know? At everything. He tried not to be, pretended not to be, but,” he ended the sentence with a shrug. “Since he started traveling, maybe he’s still frustrated, but he seems better. Focused? I don’t know. I think Devin is angry too. Or lost. I don’t really remember what happened so I don’t really get it, but maybe they both need it.”

Chanoix nodded along as he finished, “Quite astute, Avery. Mulling it over, I’ve arrived at a similar conclusion.”

“Y-you have?”

“Indeed.”

Avery placed astounded gaze on his grandfather, “Does that mean you’re going to let her go?”

“It was never my prerer-,” Chanoix gripped the bridge of his nose prior to another attempt, “prerogative to stop her.” He then foolishly stared into the flames he had ignited. Until he felt a pat on his shoulder.

Avery flashed some teeth in a big grin once he had his attention, “It’ll be okay.” Chanoix couldn’t help chuckling and patting him between the ears. “H-hey! I’m not six.” His hand was swatted away.

After only a few moments of focusing on their tasks, Avery had a new question, “But is Rowan okay with it? He didn’t really say anything yesterday.”

Chanoix shook his head, “I haven’t the foggiest on his position. The knowledge I do possess is the fact he would venture to the ends of the world for either of you.”

“Mm. Unless that venture involved staying home, right?” He couldn’t exactly blame him for taking such a crack at his cousin.

You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author.

“…are you certain you’re not sitting atop a mass of your own frustrations, Avery?”

The teen’s smile turned meek, scratching his ear, “Maybe some?”

Grandpa poured the bitter substance he had been roasting into his mug and blew on it before continuing casually, “Might you wish to join them?”

He flinched like someone smacked him on the shoulder, “I- I- I, uh, um…” The boy couldn’t even keep stirring the pot the question had struck such a chord. “…would you be mad? I don’t want to be the odd one out…”

“Never. Not with you, nor Devin, nor Rowan. It’s only my duty as your elder to voice concern over dangerous choices. I’ll never be… delighted with Rowan selecting a path in the hopes of vengeance. I feel I’ve failed as a guide. Failed to teach him the value of his own life. And I’ve known since the day he left that you and Devin would be swift to follow.”

“Oh…” Avery snuffed out his flame. The meal was ready.

“The two of you were always at his heels. Eager to impress.”

“I guess you’re right about that. But grandpa, I think you’re being too hard on Rowan. Aunt Luci is still out there, isn’t she? We didn’t find her body,” the energy drained from his lithe frame, “like the others. If it were my mom, I wouldn’t be able to pretend I was happy living a normal life without her either.”

“I… I know, Avery. But I fear he’ll never ascertain her whereabouts or perhaps worse…” That he will.

x x x

Rowan was the first to join them today. Chanoix and Avery had eaten hours ago and were already at work. The youngest cleaned while the scholar finished a sale. He hoped correctly. Swapping wasn’t exactly viable either when he’d end up breaking something attempting to clean it.

“Morning!” the young man chimed, pretending last night hadn’t went the way it did. The two bounced the word back at him.

Chanoix waved their customer a goodbye. When he looked to his eldest, his mouth opened only to find he couldn’t spit out any small talk. Rowan was drawing near behind the counter so of course he noticed this. He lifted a hand and went to speak something, to save them from the awkwardness, only for a weird noise to escape instead. He dropped his hand and sighed.

Grandpa broke the silence first, “I believe we have no option alternative to confronting the dragon plaguing us.” The other rubbed at his neck in that nervous manner he often did.

“Yeah… let me eat.” He disappeared into the kitchen for a while. Perhaps he wanted to avoid eye contact until they were ready. When he finally reappeared, the two stared at each other.

“S-say, why don’t I watch the store for a while, grandpa? You and Rowan never get time alone.” Avery was obviously searching for a way to remove himself from the equation.

Chanoix was happy to oblige, “A marvelous suggestion, Avery. I’ve neglected seizing a moment for fresh air.” He approached Rowan, placed hands on his shoulders, spun him around, and pushed him from behind until they rounded the counter. Soon enough they were outside.

It was becoming overcast. Which was good for them as it meant people fleeing the streets in anticipation of rain. They had no where to walk to nor anywhere close to sit. So there they stood in front of the shop’s display window.

He let the other start since he looked ready to burst, “I didn’t tell her to come with me. I didn’t suggest it at all.” His hands were really going too. “Honest. Hell, I even said it was probably a bad idea, but that she had to make her own choices. Wh-why are you laughing?” He gave his grandfather quite the puzzled expression.

“I’m well aware, Rowan.” Did the boy really still care that much about what he thought of him after all his time away? “I’m glad I’ve not decimated every remaining speck of your respect.”

“Everyone has problems. You’re still family.” He shrugged through it like it was the most logical thing in the world.

“Yes,” Chanoix stated it with a grim note, “but family can oft be the ones inflicting the heaviest abuses on an individual.” His memories were threatening to take him from the present.

Pupils peeked from the corner of the young mage’s eyes, “But that’s not how it is. You’ve done a lot for us. Kept a roof over our heads. Kept us clothed and fed. You did your best. I’m sorry I’ve never shown you any appreciation for that.”

“I perpetually ponder the truth of those words.” Rowan had stepped up to fill the holes that his ‘best’ had left. This wasn’t the conversation he meant to be having, but it needed to be said, didn’t it? “I know Devin decided on her own. Avery is seeking the chance to ask the same of you. Both have idolized you since birth.” He felt a smile crease his face, “For good reason. You’re strong. Stronger than I.” Rowan was growing fidgety again. “But I must know, when will this cease, Rowan? At what point will you be sated with playing hero? Every instance you leave I’m left to wonder if you’ll ever return. Now Devin and Avery insist on gambling the same…”

“…it ends when I find her.”

“Rowan.” He sighed at the determination. “Rage and bullheadedness do not make one impervious. You may never locate her and the next blunder could be your life.”

The younger male had cinched his eyes shut and the quirk of his mouth spoke of his rising frustration, “Then. Then I guess I’ll die trying.” The fact he seemed completely okay with that stabbed deeply. How had he failed his grandson so much?

“Then what of your cousins?” Chanoix stared. “You may not have asked for the responsibility, but nevertheless it falls to you. Do you intend for them to follow you into death?”

“Don’t be stupid! Of course not!” Rowan snapped at him. He didn’t see the disconnection. Or maybe he did and was scrambling for a way to ignore it. “They’re not-. It’s not-. I won’t let that happen.” He shook his head, “What else am I supposed to do?”

Chanoix gripped his shoulder, a reassurance he was still there for him. He was on his side. “Let go. You need not throw yourself on a pyre! There is plenty to be done, plenty of good to be done, sans endangering your well-”

“Don’t you think I’ve tried that!?” He didn’t make any move to throw him off, but a blue fire burned in his eyes. A fire directed at his grandfather. “I can’t! I can’t just let it go, because who else is going to fix it? Who else can make it better? No one. It’s my responsibility.”

“…it’s not the responsibility of a child to correct the failings of their parents.”

“So I should run and hide? Like you have?”

Chanoix couldn’t muster a response. Words fell short. He couldn’t argue that he was wrong when he wasn’t.

Rowan finally shook him off, “I know why mom hated you. I know why you’re not Ram’s father. I know why we survived.” It felt like the boy was tossing him a bone before snapping it in half with the last addition. “I do care what you think. I can respect the choices you’ve made; understand the choices you’ve made; and I still love you, but gramps… at the end of the day, you’re a coward. And I’m not. I won’t abandon her. I can’t.” He could tell it hurt Rowan to say it as it hurt him to hear it. His face twisted in pain. “It’s not who I am. It’s not who Devin and Avery are either. We have to do something. I have to do something. Whatever the consequences.”

The elder eventually found the only thing he could say, “I only wish you to live long fulfilling lives.”

He spoke as if fate was written. Immutable. “I know, gramps, but that might not be the hand I was dealt.”