July 2023 ver.

“Ah, is the eve already upon us?” He looked to a clock on a corner shelf. Their grandfather sipped something from a teacup. Devin squinted as if she would be able to perceive what the contents were from the front door. He and Avery were sitting at the counter. The shop was technically open, but it wasn’t typical for them to be visited this late. Unless some adventurer really needed a quick help guide. Thus a chess board laid in their midst.

Rowan’s elbow nudged at her ribs, “Hey, look, a rousing game of chess.”

She groaned, quietly, so Chanoix wouldn’t hear.

“How fared your sparring?” Their grandfather seemed near carefree at the moment. Devin and Rowan joined their kin once again. This time they sat on either side of Avery. They both looked at the troubled boy before thinking to answer any questions. The kid was chewing a lip and had his head buried into a hand holding his white hair back to make way for his stare burning a hole into the game board.

“…Rowan won each match he bothered trying to win.” Devin deflated at her own revelation. It seemed Avery could relate in the moment.

“Experience speaks volumes.” Grandpa took another nonchalant sip.

“You’re telling me!” Avery finally made a move only for their grandfather to immediately hand the turn back to him. He didn’t even look. Meanwhile, “What!? I didn’t even-. How did-?” A low growl rose in the young opponent’s throat. He quickly skidded a piece into a new position only to be chided for it.

Again, without any hesitation, Chanoix made his next move, “Patience and strategy, Avery. Contemplate the consequences of each feasible outcome.”

“But you’re not even looking!” The teen crossed his arms and one of his legs started bouncing against a rung of the stool. He was fuming. The whole game was making him feel inadequate. “If I think any more my head is going to explode.”

Rowan was alight with amusement, “Why are you stressing so hard? It’s near impossible to beat gramps. I thought he kicked your ass enough to know that.”

Avery snapped back, “Yeah, but I’ve gotten a lot better! I really thought I could win this time and…” His mouth shut.

“And what?” Devin prompted.

“I can’t lose!” He slumped, “I bet on it.”

Rowan lost it, laughing almost all the way off his seat. He had to snatch the counter before he went to the floor, “You bet against gramps on chess!? Why would you ever think that was a good idea?”

While not finding it quite as funny, Devin couldn’t help a humored smile either, “What do you even have that’s worth betting?” That thought wasn’t quite as pleasant as the one that lead her to it. They really did have considerably little these days outside product for the shop.

He was growing more flustered, barely grumbling out words now, “I bet the shop.”

“Wha?”

A huff, “If I lose he leaves the shop in Devin’s name. But if I win then it’s all mine.”

Blink. Blink. Devin tilted her head at their guardian. Hadn’t he just been pushing her out? He noticed and winked while her brother was busy panicking. Was he testing Avery’s motivations?

“Well, speaking of the future…” She trailed. Now was as good a time as any, wasn’t it? “I thought on what we talked about this morning, gramps.”

“Oh?” His tone was surprised. “I trust you’ve refrained from rushing to a premature decision? You’re not so decrepit, like I, you need decide posthaste.”

“I’ve thought about it more than I realized.” A force grasped her heart making each beat hurt. She twiddled her thumbs. There was an aspect she hadn’t considered. How would their grandfather react? “Um.” He wasn’t exactly pleased with her cousin’s decisions regarding his travels. He hadn’t been too thrilled with her choice to put such a focus on fist fighting. Then again he had helped her to add magic to her repertoire. She glanced to Rowan for help.

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Her cousin denied her, “This is something only you can say and decide.”

Devin swallowed. Here went nothing. She found her eyes focused to just the left of the family head, “I think… I want to do what Rowan does.”

She heard him set his cup on the saucer. Slowly she drew the courage to look directly at him. He was staring into the tableware like he could see the pits of a hellscape swirling inside it.

“What Rowan does?” His parroting begged for clarification. Why had she chosen that phrasing?

Devin squirmed in her seat, “I want to help him search and help whoever we can along the way.” Her fingers pressed against each other even harder.

The only sound was that of the clock ticking. The game stopped. Avery was glancing between the two while Rowan seemed like he was trying to pretend he wasn’t there anymore. Or at the least trying to indicate she came to her own decision without his input. It didn’t seem it had occurred to him either how poorly this could go.

Her grandfather met her gaze. The sheer despair and disappointment hurt worse than the sparring mishap. He had never looked at her in such a way. Her heart broke. It shook her resolve and for a moment she thought she might burst into tears under some silly notion that this decision was the epitome of ‘letting him down’.

“I forbid it.”

“Wh-what?” At least the shock ripped her from the depths that threatened to drown her a moment ago. The curt firmness had her spinning. She could barely string words together, “Y-you’re the one who said you didn’t want to limit me! I didn’t even consider I could leave before. Why?”

“This is not open to discussion.” Chanoix had gone back to staring into his cup.

“You’re the one who asked me to think about it and now that I decide you just ‘forbid it’? And I don’t even get a reason why?” She could feel a flame growing. What happened to all of that support from earlier? Was he an entirely different man from this morning? Why the hell couldn’t she go with Rowan? Devin jumped up from her seat with the shriek of wood on wood, “Rowan was the same age when he first left home. Hell, a few months younger! So it’s okay for him to do it, but not me? Does everyone just forget it was our parents too? I’ve been training all my life because of-” The thought and her words cut off. It was too painful even after all these years. “If I can’t help others using what I’ve learned then what was the point?”

“Devin… I think maybe it’d be better to take a step back for now,” Rowan could see how worked up she was getting. Could see she was nearing tears at being shut down. “I’ll be here a while. Promise. We can think it over more, sleep on it, and talk about it again after we’ve had time to digest the idea.”

“No!” She slammed a palm against the surface in front of her causing some chess pieces to fall over, “I want to know now! Is it because I’m a girl? That’s it isn’t it!?” Their grandfather wasn’t budging. No tells to tip her off, “Or did you expect me to choose you and the shop so then you don’t have to feel guilty about me staying? Is that it? Offer me a fake choice hoping to guilt me into the one you wanted?”

She switched from questioning to accusing, “Or maybe you’re always just too drunk to stop him.” The tears were welling, “Don’t pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about. We’re not blind. I can smell it on you every, single, day. You don’t get to just say no and not explain because you happen to be sober this second. You have no right, Chanoix! You’re not even my grandfather!”

Her world froze. The recipient of her fury clutched his drink tighter.

“I-. I didn’t mean that.” Had she really just said that? The room grew heavy with regret. The girl ripped her hands from the counter. “I’m sorry.” She clumsily backed away nearly tripping on the stools, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it. I-” The tears rolled and her jaw clenched shut. None of them could bring themselves to face her. She’d gone too far. Why had she said that? Devin whispered one more time, “I’m sorry.” The sound of her choking on sobs cut into them. She went to the ladder, desperately fleeing for her room, trying to flee from herself despite impossibility.

Devin didn’t slow down until she had closed the door behind her. She brought the back of a wrist to her mouth trying to stifle her crying. The walk to her bed became dangerous as her vision warped. When she reached it, she braced herself on it. Did she really just say that? Why did she say that? Finally, she allowed herself to actually let it out.

She slowly crumpled to her knees. Why couldn’t he have just respected her decision? No. This wasn’t on her grandfather. She knew it wasn’t. She made her choices. But why did she have to choose to say that? Of all the things she could have said. Why did it have to be that? Devin dragged her stuffed animal from the bed to sob into. A patchwork calico cat. The final shred of her childhood. She didn’t want them to hear her. She wasn’t the one who had the right to cry over it.

He was the only grandparent her or Avery had ever known. He was the only father their father had ever known. He had taken care of them by himself for ten years. Yet, this was how she treated him? She was still willing to throw the fact they didn’t share blood in his face? Like none of what he did mattered? Why had she been so angry to begin with? What was wrong with her?