Rafflesia escorted me all the way home while making calming small talk. When we finally arrived home I didn’t feel that breath robbing tightness in my chest anymore. I breathed a true sigh of relief on arrival. These four walls are like a castle to me. There is no place in the world I would feels safer than here.
Why had I been so afraid? My mind is already hazy. I must be really tired. The appointment with Paul really tuckered me out.
As we enter the hallway and walk up the stairs I can feel Rafi’s grip on my arm waning. Eventually she lets go completely. I cock my head to the side in wonder at her sudden bashfulness.
“Lis, you must be tired. I will prepare the bath for you, so please just sit down for a bit and rest.” She glances at me as if I was some sick patient about to do something crazy.
“Oh Rafi, I can do that myself. I’m not that tired yet.”
“Sorry, I thought that you were still out of it because…” She trails off and then shrugs. “Let me do it anyway. Father will be back soon and I need to talk to him.”
“I also want to talk to Papa! I haven’t seen him in two days.” It is troubling for me to act like a little girl waiting for her daddy to return from work, but I can’t lie about my feelings.
“Alright, alright, just get your fresh clothes already.” She smirks and then pushes me towards my room. She has gotten a lot stronger since that last growth spurt!
I pout a little, but then go to my room anyway. It’s still slightly warm from the sunlight that had streamed in here just an hour ago. With a long sigh I belly flop unto my bed and enjoy the smell of fading heat and the perfume that still lingers in the air. I need to air out the room before I go to sleep.
With lazy motions I pull a nightgown and some underwear out of my oak wardrobe. The old wood has taken on a unique odor as well by now, so I take a sniff at my clothes. The only thing I can smell from them is the light scent of detergent. What a relief.
As I pass the mirror my eyes get caught on something. I stop in front of the image of me, staring back just as baffled. My blue dress is crumpled and there is a minor tear on the blouse’s sleeve. And there is also… there is…
I feel nauseous all of a sudden. The two red spots on my collar seem to glow in the dimly lit room. I have to swallow heavily to prevent the bile from rising to my mouth. The iron taste I had blocked out before returns to my tongue.
Blood.
It’s already dry to the touch, but to think that it had touched me makes my head swirl. The events of before flash before my eyes. No, I don’t have to think about that right now. That isn’t important. Robert must have called an ambulance for Paul and everything is resolved. Rafi told me to go to take a bath, so that’s what I should do.
A warm soak will feel really good right now.
I exhale several times and then leave my room. Steadiness has returned to my legs already, so there is no problem. I walk across the first floor and feel rather thankful for the bright lamps illuminating every nook and cranny of our home. The pictures on the walls are all so familiar that they seem like family as well.
When turning the corner I can hear the faint splashing of water. I can feel my mouth turn upwards in a smile already. Rafi opened the faucet and readied the towels for me. She is so thoughtful, even though she is the younger sister. Only two years younger, but still. To me she would always be small and precious. Maybe if I climbed on a chair I could actually pat her head normally again...
I chuckle as I enter the bathroom. The bathtub isn’t even half full yet, so I just set down my clothes on the dresser and then grab a bottle with bath salt. This is a real delight for the skin! Sometimes you have to treat your body like you treat your lover. At least that’s what I read in a magazine once.
I put two spoonfuls of the salt into the water and watch it bubble up. Then I proceed to lower the output of the faucet and stretch my arms. I want to check if Papa has come home yet before I dive in. First of all I really need to take off this dirty blouse, though. I don’t want Papa to worry, so I put on a clean camisole.
Papa’s office is downstairs right next to the eastern garden exit. Sometimes on a hot summer day he keeps the door open and lets the garden air flow inside. Of course he always complains about the flower petals and leaves strewn all over his floor afterwards, but that’s one of his funny quirks. We sisters always clean up after him and he just groans as he raises his feet so we can get under his desk.
I can barely suppress a giggle as I pass the living room to get to the office. Telling by the coat hanger, Papa is indeed back home. He must have come in right after I went to my room. Rafi sure is quick to ambush him like always. I think she is even worse with loneliness than me. She might not admit it, but she really loves him dearly.
The large office door is tightly shut, but I don’t see the key inside the hole (from the inside), so someone is definitely there. When I strain my ears I can actually hear them talk even in the hallway. There is nothing to it though, I just have to knock and push the knob. I raise my hand and put it against the white door, but the sound is drowned out by a yell.
“NO!”
I jerk back a little at hearing Rafflesia’s loud voice. This is strange. I’ve rarely ever heard her so… mad. It takes me aback.
The conversation continues quieter, so I can’t really make anything out. This is really making me nervous. It’s like I am listening in on them. At the same time I don’t know if I should interrupt them right now. Whatever they are talking about sounds really important. Once Papa has reached his serious mode there is nothing that can stop him.
But what could they be talking about? They usually never argue. The only thing that comes to mind is… Rafi’s school? Maybe she has been slipping on her grades a little. She seems so distracted sometimes, a real scatterbrain when the topic doesn’t interest her. Papa shouldn’t be too harsh on her for something like that. Rafi is already studying more than I ever did.
I lean slightly forward and put a hand on the knob again. Maybe I should put in a good word for her.
“…novelty… luxury… give her… clients…” Bits of Papa’s words reach through the door again. Clients? Is he talking about my job?
“…ME… promised!” Rafi replies with a heated voice.
I gulp and lean my ear closely against the door.
“That is up to you. If you can’t keep your end of the bargain, I will act accordingly.”
“…fine. Just think about it a little longer. At least until you are back from your trip.” Rafi is backing down, I can hear her sigh deeply.
“I will only be gone for three days. My mind is already made up. The ball is now on your side. If you cannot come up with something I will do exactly what I promised. Are we clear?”
“Understood.”
The sound of a chair grinding over the floor makes my heart flutter. I immediately rush back into the living room and then hastily return to the bathroom.
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The heat of the water has soaked into my body and reached my heart, healing it completely. My muscles are all relaxed and my hurting back seems recovered. I leave the tub and rub my body dry as gently as possible as not to hurt my sensitive skin. Looking at my left arm, there is still that light red mark from where I was grabbed so forcefully. The pain has long since faded, but the reminder stays.
It’s okay. These kinds of things disappear over time and all emotional scars would fade alongside them.
Wrapping myself in the long blue towel, I take a stand in front of the mirror and take care of my hair. Drying it is only one of the many tasks that fall on a long haired lady’s shoulders. The tub is draining anyway, so Rafi has to wait a while until she can take her own bath. For some reason she always waits until after I’m done, even though she should have more time to take one before I come back from work.
After putting on the nightgown I sling the towel across my neck and put my drying hair over it. It’s already curling up again…
I sigh sweetly and leave the bathroom with rejuvenated feet. It’s so dark outside already that the hallway lights create a perfect reflection in the windows. I can see myself stagger over the floorboard and then hastily straighten up. Maybe I should pay more attention to where I am going instead!
My eyes do feel a bit heavy. After a hot bath I just want to fall over and slumber. It’s only a few more steps to my room. Hang in there, me.
“Lis.”
And just in that moment of haziness I suddenly feel two arms wrapped around my shoulders and neck. My heart skips a beat and I nearly lose balance again. The person clings to me even harder to prevent my fall and then presses herself against my back.
“R-Rafi, what’s gotten into you?” I reprimand her for scaring me. She never used to do these things when she was younger. She was always quiet and shy, never even once pulling a prank on me or anybody else. That sheepish little sister…
I can feel her chest press against my back as she tightens her hug. That’s right. My cute little sister has grown up, hasn’t she? Nothing is left of that frail tiny girl. Only a few more months and she will finally be an adult. The last bastion of being the elder sister will finally be gone. Even though I am happy that she has grown up so wonderfully, it still stings a little. Those are the worries of any older sibling.
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“I’m sorry.”
“You have been apologizing a lot to me lately.” I don’t try to struggle out of her back hug, it would just make me sweaty again.
“I’m sorry about that as well.” She says with a hint of humor. That’s very cute.
“Gosh, what will I ever do with you?” I chuckle. This feels more like out normal interactions-
“You smell good.” She puts her nose against my neck and inhales.
An electric shock goes through my spine and I suddenly feel heat rushing to my cheeks. I can feel her breath on my skin. Every movement of her face feels like it’s transferred to me through telepathy.
“W-what are you d-doing!?” I stutter in response to her movements.
“There is no trace of that horrid perfume left on you. That’s much better.” She whispers tranquilly.
Horrid? That is my favorite brand! I let my shoulders slump a little after hearing her explanation. I didn’t know she disliked it that much. The perfume was special to me, because it was one of the few presents that Papa gave to me. He is a little awkward with buying presents for young women, probably because he was never married. When he gave me that red bottle of perfume on my first day of the job, I was overjoyed. It was the first ‘adult’ present I ever got. Now whenever my reserves run dry, he buys me new ones without fail. In return he doesn’t have to think of any special presents for my birthday or Christmas. It’s our little agreement.
Sense of smell varies from person to person, so it’s not surprising that Rafi would dislike something I hold dear. It still makes me a little sad, though.
“I tried out a new shampoo. You can try it as well if you want.” I offer as a sort of truce.
“Maybe I will…” She doesn’t seem very interested. “Lis?”
“Yes?”
“I… I’m afraid.”
“Afraid?”
“I’m not sure I can do it.” She clings to me so strongly that I can feel the contours of her entire body against mine. It’s almost like I’m carrying her on my back.
This needy side of hers is something I’ve missed. She used to come to me and rely on me so much, but then she went and became more independent than I could ever be. I will admit that made me feel lonely sometimes. If just occasionally she would rely on me again, that would be…
“Could you call me a good girl?” She asks in a low voice, perhaps out of a sense of shame.
“Gosh Rafi, you are so needy.” I say those words almost as if to convince myself of them. It’s like she read my mind. Just as I had thought about wanting my little sister back for a moment, she suddenly becomes like this.
“Please… I can only do it… I can only go through with it if I know that you will be waiting for me at home. That you will welcome me with open arms even if it goes wrong.”
Whatever could have her so uncertain and shaking? Was it connected to her talk with Papa? That must have been it. Then it was probably about school. I think right now would be exam period for Rafi’s year. She is so smart and yet she doubts herself? As her sister I can only smile. There is no way she could fail. Once Rafi sets her mind to something she will pursue it with all her might. She will never stop.
“I will always be there for you Rafi.” I say softly. My hand naturally finds hers and our fingers intertwine. “You are much smarter and stronger than me, so don’t be afraid. If you really stumble along the way, I will be there to help you up.” That’s a promise. My promises are never broken.
“I’m glad.” She admits quietly and then lets go of me. Our hands part reluctantly and I can finally turn around to look her in the face. Whatever she had looked like during our exchange, now that we are face to face, she appears completely fine. Her hazelnut hair is slightly disheveled, the last signs of the earlier struggle.
“Are you alright?” I’m concerned.
“Yes, now I am feeling perfect.” She replies with a bright smile.
“Your little surprise really woke me up, so I don’t need to go to bed yet. It would be delightful if we could eat dinner together.” I fold me fingers and hope for the best.
“I’ve already eaten. Maybe next time.” She denies my offer politely.
“But if Papa goes on his trip we can’t eat together for a while.” I make my dejection known, even if it’s not quite fair to Rafi. For a moment I’m too distracted with pursing my lips and complaining to realize my mistake.
In a flash Rafflesia’s expression had changed completely. Her eyes were open wide and her mouth turned down. There was a deeply terrifying glint inside her green irises.
My breath is trapped in my lungs and I notice, too late, that I slipped up. I mentioned Papa’s trip, but I only knew about it because I listened in on their fight. This is information I should not have. Could not have. I’m guilty, I can’t hide it, why did I say that? Sweat runs down my back and I feel like I messed up gravely.
“Ahh, he told you already?” And all the tension dissipated in the blink of an eye. “That senile old man. It was supposed to be a surprise.” Rafi shrugs derisively and badmouths Papa as usual.
“T-truly? I didn’t know that.” I reply with slight delay and adjust the towel around my sweaty neck.
“Yup. He is going to Belgium for a few days.”
“For business?”
“Probably. But I managed to badger him until he promised to get us some chocolates as a souvenir.”
“Belgian chocolates!” My mouth is already watering at the mere mention of these delightful treats.
“I know you love them.” She says with her head slightly tilted to the side. “Knowing him, he will probably forget about it though.”
“Rafiiii, Papa isn’t that old.”
“He definitely won’t get younger.” She lets the sarcasm roll right off her tongue and then walks towards the bathroom. Right, she still hasn’t taken that shower. “You can tell him that I said that by the way.”
“No way.” I shake my head in disappointment.
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“This whole incident is highly regrettable.” Papa breaks the bread in his large hands and pushes one half into the garlic dip. He really enjoys those strong flavors.
“It wasn’t Monsieur Bonnet’s fault. I think he was desperate, because he was pushed into a corner.” I lower my head and lightly nibble on my marmalade covered toast (I passed my self-imposed challenge today).
“Lis, do never justify a criminal’s actions based on sympathy. I am deeply troubled by Robert’s lack of attention. He should have been able to determine the instability of your client during their conversation.” He always speaks harshly and to the point. But I can feel that he only does so because he cares.
“Monsieur Robert begged me to come with us, but I told him not to worry so much. It’s my fault that everyone-“
“You are the least responsible of all.” He cuts me off immediately. “Always remember, all of us are here to protect you. There is no replacement for you.”
I feel my cheeks get flushed again. Papa thinks too highly of me. It is really sweet to hear him say that his daughters are irreplaceable to him.
“Robert, however, can be replaced. I will give him a stern talking to once I return from my trip.”
“To Belgium, was it?”
“Hm. I see Rafflesia already informed you.” He puts the garlic soaked bread to his mouth and chews roughly. His grey eyes are focused solely on his plate. “A great opportunity has presented itself. Your father is rarely this lucky.”
“You always work hard, so you deserve it. When will you depart?”
“The gods of commerce are fickle. I will take the earliest possible flight. The weather forecast said there is a storm brewing up north, though. This doesn’t bode well. Airline companies are even more fickle than the gods.” He crunches some celery and then spits out the fibers. Geez, his manners will never improve.
“I will pray for a safe flight then.”
“And I will pay for it. Money usually works better than prayer.” He suddenly cracks a smile that is more disturbing than funny. His facial muscles are not used to this position. Papa only makes jokes when he is excited, a rarity in itself.
“What happens if the flight gets cancelled?”
“Then I will damn well drive there by car!” He hits the table a little too harshly and his bread falls over the edge. I squint my eyes and he pretends not to have noticed.
“No swearing Papa. And don’t drive inside a storm, that is dangerous.”
“My Peugeot has anti-aquaplaning systems.” Of course he takes the opportunity to talk about his car again. This is one of the few things that get his mouth to spill words like a waterfall. This will continue for a while, hm?
I put my face into my hand and smile. Occasionally I nod in response. Sometimes I feel fulfilled just by continuing like this.
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The next day I wake up late. Without my alarm for work I can barely tell what time it is. The outside is so cloudy that Paris looks like a noir painting. The storm Papa spoke of has already arrived. I rub my eyes and yawn lightly. The humidity in the air from my half opened window is making me feel drowsy. The crackling of thunder in the distance seems comforting for some reason.
While rubbing the sleep out of my eyes I take one of the bottles on the shelf and inspect it. The ruby red glass chassis is beautiful and cool to the touch. I instinctively wanted to spray myself for a second, but then I remembered last evening. The word ‘horrid’ echoes in my head. It smells so good to me, but if Rafi hates it…
I set it back on the shelf and then go downstairs.
“I will be calling you back once I arrive in Brussels. No. Yes, that too. Give me the short version then.” Papa is having a heated conversation with someone on the phone. He is trying to bind his tie while keeping the phone stuck between his head and shoulder.
I silently gesture him to flip the tie and he gives me a confused look. It makes me chuckle. Sitting on the couch near the TV is Rafi, giving me a look that is at least twice as tired as I felt when I woke up. She is daintily sipping on her morning coffee. The steam rising from the cup tells me how hot it must be.
Finally I take a look at the grandfather clock in the corner of the living room. It shows 10:06! I’ve been sleeping in quite a bit. No wonder Papa is already about to get ready to leave. They could at least have woken me up.
“…do what you must. This can wait until later. Just lock the account for now and send a search team. She is on her own, so do your job. No excuses.” Papa slicks back his silver-grey hair and seems to be fed up with his conversation. He forcefully presses the disconnect button on his Smartphone.
“Trouble in paradise?” Rafi asks with a disinterested expression.
“None of your concern.” He replies curtly and then picks up his suitcase. “I will be off now.” He approaches me. “Don’t go outside until I am back Lis. Yesterday’s incident should not be repeated.”
“I won’t leave Papa.” I promise with a lowered head. My next job is in four days, so he will return before I have to leave.
“That’s a good girl.” He uncharacteristically puts his big hand on my head. Is he trying to comfort me? As fast as it happened, it already ends and he retracts his hand. For a moment he looks over my shoulder and his cheeks stiffen up. “And I expect your response by the time I return, Rafflesia.”
“I will give you a piece of my mind next time we see each other.” She mutters into her cup. Gosh, she is so bad in the mornings! Lack of sleep makes anyone grumpy.
“…” Papa glares at her for a moment, but then turns away and heads for the main door.
“Safe travels!” I call out to him as he opens the door.
“Thanks.” He holds on to the door for a little longer than usual and then gives me one last look. “You are all grown up now.”
“Pardon?” I tilt my head to the side.
“We should have a long talk as well once I come back.” He says with a hint of a smile. “I think you are ready for new challenges.”
“Really? I’m looking forward to it!” I don’t really get what he is trying to say, but if Papa says I’ve matured that is making me very happy.
Papa gives me a short hoarse chuckle and then walks out the garden gate, pulling up his remote car keys to unlock it from a distance. I wave him goodbye all the way until he is out of sight and then close the front door.
There was a single drop of rain on the marble steps before the door was completely shut. A downpour is imminent.
I look back into the living room and gasp in surprise. Rafi is sitting on the couch with a torn up pillow inside her hands. She is shivering intensely.
“Rafi! What happened, did the thunder scare you?” I rush over and put a hand on her cold face to calm her down.
“I’m fine… I’m fine… I’m fine.” She repeats it several times while digging her nails deeply into the pillow. She doesn’t seem fine at all. “I’m going to school.” She rises up all of a sudden and rushes out the room.
“You are going through that downpour?” I look out the window and see that it’s raining buckets already. Papa was lucky to have gotten to the car in time.
“Lis, I will be back late. Don’t leave the house, okay?” Rafi comes back with a long rain coat and umbrella.
“My, why are you two always so worried about me? Just get to school safely and don’t catch a cold.” I don’t want her to treat me like a princess all the time.
“I will lock the door. Watch some TV or something, okay? Everything will be alright soon. For all of us.” Rafi looks at me with a sympathetic expression as if I was the one who had to weather that storm. She takes my hand in hers and puts it to her face.
“Of course we will be alright. We are family after all.”
“Yes!” She replies happily and then lets go.
We are separated again by the door and a wall of rain. Deep in my heart I wonder what this impending sense of dread means.