I leave the basement behind with heavy steps. Without energy I walk and then trip forward. At the last second I can push myself against a wall. I press my head against it and just stay still for a while. The coolness of the material permeates into my head and extinguishes the fires of my emotions.
I didn’t expect it to hurt this much…
Why did I rush it?! Lis wasn’t ready! She is too distraught to accept me…!
That’s it, right? She is just a mess right now, because of what happened to Robert and that man. It was stupid to try and comfort her with sex when she is so afraid and sad. Did I even want to comfort her or just still my own lust?!
I punch the wall with all my strength, but it just leaves a bruise on my fingers. What a joke. Always acting like I’m in control or untouchable, even though I have nothing to show for it! How can I guide her to paradise if I can’t even keep her from breaking apart?
…no. No, this isn’t the end. This is setback at most. I will continue with the plan, even if I feel like throwing up. These crime lords are dancing in the palm of my hand, without a doubt they will come to the meeting as I arranged it. Then the RG can take them all in at once after I order it with Robert’s phone. With that I cut all loose strings and our path to paradise will be wide open.
Her rejecting green eyes flashed inside my head.
What’s the point? Even if I go through with this… Lis hates me now. She must be disgusted with me, loathe me… I bite deeply into my fist until I draw blood. The pain is almost numb to my turning and twisting mind. I can’t accept this outcome, even if I accept Lis.
Is it because we are both girls? No way, I know all about that case with the female client. That man was genuinely worried about it, so there is no doubt that it was true. Lis has an interest in women. She might not even realize it yet, but her body definitely didn’t reject my advances.
Then is it because we are sisters? Lis is such a pure girl; she might actually worry about that. If it’s just that I can make her forget her inhibitions over time.
“This is wrong.” That’s what she said, but did I misunderstand her meaning? It’s just too early… eventually she will understand. That we only have each other…
----------------------------------------
One more day passes. It’s finally the day of the final phase of my plan. I made certain that all pieces are in place and that all actors have entered the stage. The rest is up to the director. I send the message with the codeword and wish those government dogs best of luck. There won’t be any time for me to confirm their success, but if you can trust one thing then it’s that those guys follow orders.
I take a look between the blinds of the window. There are quite a few people outside, doing a bad job of hiding in the scenery and streets. Our house is surrounded, surveyed by several different factions. Looks like even the entire Gendarmerie has decided to show up for the big finale. Robert has entered this building over 24 hours ago, but didn’t leave. Despite my messages they are definitely suspicious.
I put the corpse into the basement after Lis left and locked herself up in her room. We will be gone before it will even start to rot, but I’d rather not leave it lying around in the open. Those hollow eyes seemed awfully resentful. Save it for Satan baldy.
The blinds snap back shut and I roam the office one last time. There is nothing that could give them a hint where we are going, but I’m too nervous to let it go. Maybe I should burn the damn place down after all… No, that would be a dead giveaway.
My leather jacket is covered in dust from all the rummaging, so I pat it down and realize in the process that I left Robert’s phone in the living room. They will be able to track it, so I won’t take it with me, but I can at least wipe its memory. Without hesitation I throw the office door shut behind me and don’t look back. All those years I spent in there arguing with the old man are now finally behind me. It doesn’t make me nostalgic, but it leaves a bitter aftertaste.
Inside the living room I am confronted with something that makes my heart sink into my stomach. Lis is sitting cross-legged on the sofa, Robert’s phone in hand. Her empty eyes are staring at the screen as if it is the beacon guiding her to the afterlife. I force myself to keep a neutral expression and hesitantly walk forward.
“Good morning Lis.” I speak slowly.
“…” She doesn’t respond. Her hair is a mess… and her eyes are red. She is still wearing the crumpled blue dress from yesterday. It pains me to see her like this.
“That phone…” I begin, but then trail off. I should know better than to beg for her cooperation now. Her eyes move ever so slightly as she keeps scrolling the screen.
“Robert… really was a secret agent.” She said with a horribly vulnerable voice.
“Yes.” I nod curtly.
“I didn’t really know anything about him…” She looks down with a lonely expression.
“That’s not true. You may have known him better than his family ever did.” They aren’t just empty words of encouragement. Lis has this ability to bring the true self out of people. Her mere presence allows us sinners to be ourselves and not feel guilty for it. Even if just for one day…
“…these messages say that you planned all this since last summer.” She muttered and kept tapping the phone. When did she learn to use it so well? That man never allowed her to own a cell phone, so he would have an easier time supervising everything she did. Maybe she really managed to use it from the few times I lend her mine?
“Last spring.” I correct her quietly. “Robert didn’t involve his superiors until later.”
“I did not realize a single thing.” Lis becomes so quiet that I fear she will stop breathing and fade away.
I can’t bring myself to reply. In the end she is completely correct, neither Robert, me nor Antonin Dubois wanted to involve Lis in this mess. We all kept her in the dark for her own sake… or at least I want that to be the reason. Now that she is lying there, like a doll without strings, I can see how our over protectiveness must have had the opposite effect. She is too sheltered to cope with this sudden trauma. That’s why I wanted to ease her into it.
Damn it. I bite my lip and sit down on the couch, right next to her. She doesn’t seem to care what I do for now.
“I’m sorry for… for… touching you like that Lis.” I force myself to wring out the words that make me feel more anguish than anything I’ve felt before. My own hands are no better than those I tried to cut off before they could reach my beautiful Lis.
“…” She reacts with a flinching face. That breaks my heart all over again.
“It won’t happen again. I will never do anything to you that you don’t agree to.” I lower my head into my hands and apologize with blurry eyes.
“…why did you kill Papa then?” She asks with a twisted voice.
A cold shower runs down my back. That doesn’t sound like something Lis would say. I turn to her in fear and realize that she has the same expression on her tear swollen face. Those words must have slipped out in her painful state of mind, but she seems more horrified than me.
“It had to be done.” I reply with a semblance of guilt. I don’t regret killing that bastard, but the way it hurt this pure girl makes it a sin I can’t ever forgive myself for.
“You said that you did it to protect me… so that I will not be touched by my clients… so that I am not a pawn anymore…” She clings to the phone so strongly that her hands turn white.
I want to confirm it; I want to shout it to the sky outside! But it all gets stuck in my throat.
“I… wish… that I would be a pawn… be used… rather than this…” Lis says with tearful eyes.
My heart snaps.
Without hesitation I jump forward and pin Lis down with my hands. The phone slips out of her grip and hits the floor loudly. My eyes are only focused on her shaking eyes and lips.
“Freedom is painful, isn’t it?” I say seriously.
“!”
“That’s why I said… you should just be mine.” I twist my mouth in pain. Holding her down like this and forcing my feelings on her, how am I better than that man?
“…why Rafi? Why are you going so far… for me?” She must have cried an endless stream of tears already, but even after an entire day there was still so much more sadness to spill from her pretty eyes.
“Because… you are my Daylily.” I reply with a forced smile. “If you wilt away, then so will I. If you stop saving me, then I will fall. It’s all for my own selfish self-preservation. Even my love…” My lips move ever so slowly as I speak the words. “My love for you is just a horrible wish not to be abandoned.”
Lis' eyes widen. I can’t read her face, but for the first time since we started talking I feel that my words actually reached her.
Without waiting for her to process my words I rise up and hastily leave the living room. I picked the phone up from the ground while I was at it. This thing has outlived its usefulness, so I smash it against the edge of the cupboard until it breaks open. The SD-card peeks out from its corpse, so I pull it out and then snap it in half.
This act of anger is just a redirection of my true feelings. I hate myself so much for speaking that curse in front of Lis. I’m so unfair. So cruel.
But this world is even crueler! If I can’t even muster this much cruelty, I won’t be able to reach paradise.
After a few minutes of checking around the house for anything important I overlooked it’s finally time. When I return to the living room Lis is still lying on the couch with her face pressed into a pillow. I want to give her more time to come to terms with reality, but we are out of time soon.
“Lis… we need to leave in an hour.” I say sternly.
“…” She must have heard me, but she doesn’t reply.
“We will abandon this house and everything that’s unnecessary for travel. The DGSI will confiscate this place the moment the operation begins. The moment we step out of the door there will be no going back.” My words are matter of factly and urgent. I hope that Lis understands how serious I am.
“Where…” Her voice is muffled, but I can still understand it.”Where are we going?”
My mouth turns upwards ever so slightly. She wouldn’t be asking that question if she was still lost in the void. Even if just a tiny but, she managed to find a hold. I have to bet everything on Lis strength now.
“I prepared a car. We just need to get to the place where I parked it and then I’ll drive us far away from Paris. We need to head north to Hauts-de-France until we reach Lille.”
“Lille…?” She puts the pillow down and looks up with a dreamy expression.
“Right, that famous city.” I haven’t heard many bad things about the capital of the Hauts-de-France region, but compared to Paris it is probably quite lacking. Still, for someone who never travels like Lis, this must be something like an adventure. If her natural curiosity can help distract her from the pain, then I will gladly even play tour guide for her.
“Why there?”
“I have a contact there that will get us to Belgium. Then we will go to the nearest airport and move far away. To a place where nobody can ever reach us.” I believe in this dream with all of my heart. Maybe I managed to convince Lis, because she finally seems to think about the future again, rather than the past. The shadow of that man still hangs over her, suffocates her and keeps her down… but she can move again.
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“What about our luggage?”
“I already prepared the essentials. We will pick up some stuff once we reach Lille.” The lighter the luggage the easier it is to abandon it in case of emergency. Nothing is allowed to tie us down. Once we are out of the country I will buy whatever we need with the money I transferred. I can’t leave a trail for the RG, but as long as I do it right before the flight it should give us a head start.
“Can I… take a shower?” Suddenly Lis blushes and holds onto her crumpled dress.
My heart aches.
“Of course.” I nod with a wry smile. To her leaving the house meant looking her most presentable and beautiful. That routine was deeply carved into her mind. I didn’t expect she would still have that much will left in her, but a hot shower will probably clear her mind a little. We still have an hour left, so it should be fine.
Lis leaves the living room and wanders upstairs. Humans are incredible. Even in the face of utter despair, our bodies keep moving as long as we have a goal ahead of us.
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“Do you really want to wear a dress?” I ask with a tilted head.
“I… I don’t have anything else.” She replies with shame.
“You can wear one of my pants.”
“They… er… don’t fit me.” She mumbles.
Oh. So she had tried that already. Not even with a belt…?
Somehow I become overly conscious of my waistline, but I can’t let it get to me. I clutch the strap of the backpack around my right shoulder a bit tighter. Lis is carrying a small bag in her hands as well. That’s all we will be taking along with us.
Outside the main entrance I can still see the observers trying to appear completely inconspicuous. They were taking shifts, but if everything was going according to schedule…
“Now.” I press the button on my Smartphone and then swiftly open the backdoor.
“W-wait Rafi, y-you’re too fast.” Lis is lagging behind me as I rush through the garden and to the gate.
I have no intention of leaving her behind of course, but I need to immediately check if my diversion is going according to plan. Mere seconds later I can hear some people on the street arguing.
“Woah look out old fart. You’re blocking the fucking street.” A youth complains to a middle-aged man who stands next to a lamppost. “Are ya daft? Just standing around in the middle fo the street staring into the sky?
“I’m sorry, I didn’t intend to-“
“You tryin’ to pick a fight?” Two more guys join him and they corner the man. They had arrived on bikes and are completely on collision course with this bystander.
A few meters further a car bumper is hit by another bike rider. The man sitting inside honks his horn and yells in rage at the teenager. Many more of these sudden clashes happen all over the place and I can even hear the shattering of glass as someone throws a brick into the window of the house on the opposite end of the street.
This sudden chaos is far from natural of course. It’s all staged by my instructions. They aren’t happening all at the same time to make it less obvious, but those stake-outs will get that they are actively attacked soon enough. By then we will be far away though.
“Scary…” Lis watched the commotion with fear. I extend my hand and gently take hers. The touch of our skin is sending sparks through my body, but I don’t let it show on my face.
“They will be busy for a while, so let’s sneak out.” I don’t let go of her hand and pull her through the gate. Then I push the hood deeply into my face. Lis is wearing one of my beanies, but I have no hope that her long curly hair can ever be hidden below that. We just need to hurry and slip away.
Our steps are not in sync at all, but we reach a good pace. If we were running it would catch too much attention anyway. The streets around here are always busy and the crowd is only getting denser in the direction of my escape car.
“Don’t let go.” I say over my shoulder. Lis nods with thin lips. She is extremely nervous. Can’t really blame her.
With a bit more force than necessary I shove myself through the crowd. The people around us are typical Parisians, so we get quite a few passionate shouts and glares in return, but some of the younger men also immediately try to hit on Lis. This city is unbelievable…
“Bonjour Mademoiselle! Why in such a hurry? It’s such a beautiful day, why don’t you take a seat in our café and rest a bit?” It’s one of those advertisers that are supposed to draw in customers with their good looks. He seriously walked in front of us and blocked our path just to annoy me.
“Not interested.” I walk around him and pull Lis with me.
“I insist.” He says with a polite voice and then suddenly grabs my wrist in a steel like grip.
“What? Let go-”
“It won’t do if I don’t show the Dubois girls our best hospitality.” His slick smile sends shivers down my back. In this exact moment I realize what’s going on. That man had been complaining about how some upstart gang started taking over his territory. He wanted to go after them once the deal in Brussels was finished. This guy posing as a waiter is definitely part of that gang. His grip on my arm is intense, because he just caught the most important prey of his life.
My eyes scan the area and I find three more of his type standing in wait. They all wear the same red earring on the right. So that’s how they are going to do this…
“EEEEK! Molester! Let me go! Someone help meeee!” With all of my vocal capacity I start shrieking and screaming like I’m being attacked by some player.
“Huh? Do you have no dignity at all Dubois-?” He is definitely surprised, but even more disgusted by my act. Among criminals, calling for the help of the authorities is looked down upon. If he wants to bring us to his boss we should normally get into negotiations. But I don’t have time for these upstarts.
“Monsieur, would you let this young lady go?” Several middle-aged men with clean hair-cuts and mustaches are approaching us and already snapped the guy’s wrist back, so he lets me go. This is another part of Parisians I usually don’t like. They will never skip an opportunity to impress a girl with their ‘gallantry’. It’s quite useful right now, though.
“Lis keep moving and don’t look back.” I whisper into her ear and she tenses up. Even she was used to this display of city men doing their thing, but she has no idea how dangerous that guy really was.
We hurry through the crowd that gathers around the righteous men beating the crap out of the waiter. His pals already ran to his aid, but that just means they can’t follow us. My boots crunch on the pebbles as we skip the sidewalk and run straight through a small park. The escape car I prepared is right behind it.
“Rafi… haah… please slow down…” Lis is out of breath. I’m not surprised - she never exercises and always stays home - but I can’t slow down for her. Not this time. I know from experience that as long as someone drags you, it’s always possible to keep going. The moment the momentum breaks, the whole exhaustion will truly come down and crush you.
“Just a little more!” I encourage her over my shoulder and keep pulling. Her hand is sweaty and hot from how tightly I hold it.
We make it past the small pond and then come to the low wall on the east exit. There I stop in my tracks all of a sudden. Lis bumps into my, but I can’t pay attention to her now. Instead I peek around the corner and spy half a dozen more of these gang members. How did I manage to park this car right in their territory? Damn it.
“I shouldn’t have used all of the distractions on the police…” I scold myself quietly. Those low level drones I called in for support in my ‘father’s name are probably still wreaking havoc around our house.
What are my options? The other guy recognized us by face, so they must know us as well. I can’t just slip through even with my hoodie. They seem to be having a lazy break on the steps, so they aren’t too attentive. Maybe I can take the long way around and then sneak into the car…
“Haaah… phew… puh…” Lis is catching her breath close to my ear. That makes me return to reality. Even if I could sneak past them, Lis isn’t going to manage the same.
“Lis, listen to me.” I grab her by the shoulders and stare her deep in the eyes. “You have to go to the northern exit and wait there for me, okay? Don’t move or show yourself to anyone. I will get you with a blue VW, alright?”
“Mhm…” She nods hastily while wiping the sweat from her face. The adrenaline is keeping her steady, but I don’t want to make her too worried.
“I’ll be there in a flash. The we can drive to Lille. Together.” I repeat the magic words and see her eyes slightly light up. That’s the spirit.
Without any more parting words I jump around the corner and then roll behind a parked car. Lis will just have to walk straight north, but I have to take a more roundabout route. Sneaking past cars and benches isn’t too tough, but those ruffians are starting to play around with a football. They are just like little boys in their boredom. If they spread out any further it will be impossible to go past them unnoticed.
I sit down next to a street sign. A busier commercial street is just one alley away. The hustle and bustle of the city might cover my movements. I gulp and then dash for the my car. I put the key inside the door and unlock it. The next moment I sit in the driver’s seat and start the engine. They guys are playing football in the middle of the parking lot, but I am close enough to the edge to get around them.
CRASH!
My heart stops as the ball hits the back window with full force. Glass shards spread all over the backseats. My eyes widen and I can feel arms beginning to shake. Out of all the places it could have gone…
“Hey, you moron, you broke that car window!” One of the exclaims angrily.
“Merde…”
“I’m going to get the ball.” The third says in an exasperated tone. He is coming over.
Stay away! If he sees my face it’s over…!
“Huh? Someone’s in there? Hey lady, can you give us back our ball? Sorry ‘bout the window, but you don’t want to get into trouble with us, so let’s not get into a quarrel over it, yeah?” He is threatening me with a smile. I can se it through the rear view mirror.
“That’s right!” The other laugh in the background.
“You don’t sound very sincere.” I say with a dry voice and then pick p the ball that landed on the co-driver’s seat.
“Hahaha!” He takes it as a joke, but that could turn into hostility at any moment.
I take the ball in one hand and focus. I don’t want to turn around, so I just have to… throw! The ball flies back through the broken window and they guy just about catches it in time. He looks surprised, but then shrugs. That was a lucky shot.
As he returns to his pals I start the car again and this time I drive off in a hurry. They stare after m, but I don’t care. I’m way too nervous to let that bother me anymore.
As I drive around the park I have to avoid some surprised citizens. My driving is far from safe. If I waste even a second, Lis will feel more and more abandoned. I can’t let that happen. Just as I reach the northern exit I feel my blood freeze over.
Lis is at the exit… surrounded by three guys. They are also from that shitty gang. I told her to hide, why is she with them?! One of them grabs her arm…
I rev up the ignition. The engine roars angrily. My eyes have reached complete tunnel vision. All I can see are a bunch of maggots that need to get squashed by my tires!
The car shoots ahead, much too fast for the surprised bastards. I hit one of them with full speed and he sent flying. The other two are too shocked to react for a moment. I kick open the door and drag Lis inside. She is just as aghast as the men, but I don’t let her get her bearing either. I fling her over my lap and then close the door, before hitting the gas. The guys snap out of their stupor and pull out guns. Why does every small time crook in this city have guns these days?!
They shoot after us, but to no avail. The spoiler gets a few new dents, but that’s about it. Not like they could have shot my back window again anyway. I keep maneuvering as best as I can without running anyone else over. I hope that bastard I did hit is never going to wake up again though. He dared to hurt Lis’ arm…
“Rafi, I’m feeling sick…” Lis says in a weak voice. I only now come back to my senses. Lis is still stretched out over my lap, with her head lying on the passenger’s seat.
“Sorry, I’ll let you sit up.” I loosen my arms from the steering wheel so she can rise. She hastily crawls over to the seat and sits down. Then she puts the seatbelt on (something I didn’t even care to do myself). I have to keep my eyes on the road. There is a red light, so I can take a glance at her. She seems really pale. “Did they do anything to you?” I ask with concern.
“My arm is a little red. That’s all.” She shakes her head slowly and keeps watch over the road. Her head is probably stabilizing after that rush. She subconsciously touches the red mark on her porcelain skin.
“I should have stayed with you.” My voice is filled with regret. I was too careless and Lis paid the price.
“You saved me.” Lis replies quietly.
“…” I can’t look her in the eye right now.
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Leaving Paris was much harder than expected. We were followed. I don’t know whether there was a snitch in my line of command or if that gang is just really persistent, but I had to shake them off with some insane maneuvers. My driver’s license did not prepare me for a goddamn city chase. The smell of burnt tires and smog is still stuck in my nose.
Somehow I managed to shake our pursuers off, but that cost us precious time. Now we are on the highway straight north. If I’m careful, the car won’t run out of gas for at least 40 more kilometers. That’s a lot of distance to make before the first stop. If anybody is still after us they won’t be able to tell where we went if I stop by a small gas station. It might be a blessing in disguise.
The journey is long, but surprisingly uneventful. I don’t dare to look at Lis more than twice during the entire drive. I am even too hesitant to put on music or the radio. This quiet and stressful road trip is different from what I had imagined days ago…
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“We are finally here.” I mutter as I get out of the car. Lille is right in front of us. More or less.
“This child is exhausted.” Lis says as she looks at the steaming front of the car. It broke down just at the city limits. The way I have been pushing it into the ground probably made this outcome unavoidable. Maybe some of those bullets hit important parts after all. Whichever the case, the car is dead.
“Child? This hunk of junk is older than me.” I reply with a wry smile and get my backpack from the backseat. I also return Lis’ bag to her.
“Papa called all cars his children, no matter how worn.” Lis says with a depressed smile.
“…” I look away and frown. It’s true; he was a car maniac… probably the only human part about him. “We have to walk the rest of the way to the station.”
“We are taking a train?” She asks while inspecting her bag. She had been quiet the entire drive, just staring ahead aimlessly. I am not sure if she even paid attention to the scenery. It just doesn’t feel right… seeing Lis like this.
“Yeah. Buying a new car and getting everything in order is too troublesome. The express train will take us to Belgium fast. We just need to reach the airport anyway.” A special airport where I have made certain that all records will be wiped completely that is.
“I never rode a train before…” Lis says with a hint of curiosity. It cheers me up way more than anything ever could.
“I’ll buy first class tickets! It will be way more comfy than a car and you can watch the meadows and hills from the panorama windows.” I do my best to make it sound more exciting than it is. Well to me anyway. Riding a train is nothing special on its own… but if I can share that time with Lis, I genuinely look forward to it. Unlike the drive here, I can relax and focus entirely on her.
The central station in Lille is far away, but we don’t have too much trouble navigating the city, thanks to my phone’s satellite map. Lille is much calmer than Paris I feel. It has a very different atmosphere. Even so I don’t have time to take in the sights.
“Look Rafi, that statue is so funny!” She points at a statue that I haven’t seen in any of the tourist pamphlets before. It’s of an old man holding up a fish or something. It doesn’t really look too interesting, but I am not looking at it anyway. All I can see is Lis’ smile as she points at it. My heart contracts.
“…do you want to take a picture?” I ask as I hold up my phone.
She nods a lot and just as I try to push the trigger, she suddenly grabs my arm and drags me over. It’s embarrassing, but we are now both posing in the picture in front of the old am and his fish.
Somehow this feels like a completely different world.
As Lis keeps walking around exploring the city on our way to the train station, I rub my head. This happiness I feel is premature, isn’t it?
SOMEWHERE AT THE CÔTE D'AZUR THE BOSSES OF THE DUBOIS EMPIRE ARE GATHERING RIGHT NOW. ANY MOMENT THE RG WILL STORM THE PLACE AND TAKE THEM ALL INTO CUSTODY. AND BACK IN PARIS THEY MIGHT HAVE TAKEN OVER THE HOUSE ALREADY AND FOUND ROBERT IN THE BASEMENT. THIS SHORT PERIOD OF PEACE THAT LILLE IS GIVING US WILL END SOON. THAT’S WHY WE NEED TO HURRY.
BUT LIS FINALLY SMILED AGAIN…
A FEW MORE HOURS COULDN’T HARM, RIGHT?