Lille is a wonderful city, one that is very different from my hometown. Paris is big and grandiose and romantic, but it is also busy, scary and loud. I never looked at it that way before, but after coming to a new city I finally understand my feelings for the place I spent 19 years of my life in. Leaving it behind is sad, but the world is a big place. I think I finally understand why freedom is something so many people fight for.

But so much freedom is scary. When a fish from a pond gets released into the ocean, where will it go? What would it think of this infinite width in front of it that is so unfamiliar and wild? The pond was small, but it was safe. It was a home.

If I was left on my own inside this picturesque city I wouldn’t be able to smile.

Rafflesia is with me. She follows my steps everywhere, always there to look over me. She allows me to take in the sights, to fawn over the stray kittens on the walls and even buys me ice-cream at a shop. After all of that horrible stuff… I think I finally got my Rafi back. This is the kind, but shy sister I always loved. She makes sarcastic comments sometimes and she doesn’t care much about her appearance, but she is there for me.

The only one who is-

I hold my head in pain. These thoughts aren’t allowed inside! If I think about this now I will not be able to go to paradise. That’s what Rafi said. Or did she? My recollection of the last days is blurry already. My tears have dried, so that means I must be fine.

“That’s the central train station.” Rafi points ahead with a relieved expression. She must be quite exhausted after that long drive. It’s so selfish of me to drag her around the city, but the realization came too late. “There will be a bunch of people heading for the trains in the opposite direction. The holiday rush hasn’t begun yet, but it’s going to be more crowded than usual.” She explains this to me while looking at her phone.

“Holidays?”

“Don’t worry about it.” She shakes her head softly and then looks back at the station. “I will get the tickets for us, so you should just stay in the central hall.”

“Why can’t I come with you?” I really don’t want to be alone…

“I’ll need to use a few tricks so they don’t ask too many questions about the passport.” Rafi scratches her head awkwardly and then puts a hand on my cheek. “I will be back soon. And if something happens… I will be there.” That fire in her eyes is incredibly reassuring. I nod in understanding.

We enter the station and she tells me to stay next to one of the rest areas full of benches. There are a lot of people waiting for their trains here, but they don’t pay much attention to me. There are a few young girls who seem to stare at my hair though. It’s embarrassing, they are naturally curly, and I don’t like it either. Hopefully they don’t think I am weird.

Waiting for Rafi like this is nerve-wrecking. I nervously take out a bottle from my bag and sip on my soda. It’s refreshing, but I am not actually thirsty. I just drink to keep myself busy. In fact I feel some pressure in my lower abdomen already. I didn’t go to the toilet all day. My eyes shift around to find a certain sign. There! WC. The arrow points into the hallway close to the public lockers. If I hurry I will be back before Rafi comes to pick me up.

The public toilets are always overused, so I am not surprised to see them blocked out completely. Many older ladies and kids are already waiting in line. So even the interior must be filled with people… I rub my legs together uncomfortably. It has been a while since I didn’t have a toilet available right away. Even during my job I usually went in the restaurants that my clients took me to. I was too naïve.

While I fidget around trying to hold on with all my willpower, I suddenly see a staff member arrive to inspect the line. He notices me as well and then slightly tips his hat for a greeting. I nod back with a forced smile. His expression changes a bit… is he blushing?

“Mademoiselle.” He speaks to me with a lowered voice.

“O-oui?” I try to suppress my fear and instinct to let go of my lower body functions.

“There is a staff toilet around the corner over there. Nobody will go there, so you can go ahead.” He is covering his mouth partly and averts his eyes.

“R-really?”

“Yes.”

“Why are you… helping me?”

“Ah… uh… erm… I can’t stand to see a pretty girl such as yourself suffer.” He replies in embarrassment. I can tell that he really means it. “Please don’t think badly of me.”

“That’s so mischievous.” I say with a tilted head. He shrinks down. “But I do feel a bit mischievous myself today.” I smile.

His face lights up and he nods. As I walk towards the staff bathroom, he gets the crowd’s attention and yells at them not to block the door. I manage to slip away unnoticed thanks to that. Around the corner is another hallway that is blocked with a chain. It’s thin and low, so anybody can step over it. The sign hanging on it says ‘Staff Area’.

I hop over it and walk further down. The bathroom is really there. I enter the women’s room and take care of business. What a relief. After washing my hands carefully I leave through the door and sigh.

Now I better return to Rafi, before… she… worries…

My thoughts halt. My body stiffens up. While the door behind me falls shut, the opposite door for the male bathroom does too. A man had stepped outside with a thoughtful expression, but when he looks up and recognizes me his expression turns to disbelief.

“Lis.” He says with a hoarse voice. His fallen in eyes don’t look as dark as they did back then. His short hair has been cut neatly and his coat is new. The stubble has disappeared as well. There is still a heavy air around him, but he seems positively surprised to meet me here.

“Paul?” I whisper. For a moment I consider screaming. Instead I hastily walk away, towards the staff lockers.

“W-wait, please!” Paul follows me and cuts off my escape. He stretches his right arm in front of me to slow me down, but I push it away as best as I can. Suddenly he retracts it and his face twitches in pain. I notice the bandage peeking from his sleeve.

“…your arm is still recovering?” I ask with a hint of worry. That is the injury Rafi had given him on that night.

“It was a clean break, so it will heal back together neatly.” He takes a few deep breaths while rubbing his hurting arm. “T-that’s not important though.” He adds while shaking his head. “I thought I would never see you again!”

“Please don’t come closer.” I don’t want to experience that again. If I scream someone will certainly come. Then why didn’t I?

“It’s not what you think… We- I mean your sister- that is- Aaargh.” His healthy arm runs through his short hair and he groans in frustration. It seems he has a hard time finding the words he needs to say. Eventually he lowers his gaze and then folds his hands together. “I apologize deeply for my behavior that day.”

“Huh?” I blink a few times in confusion.

“I was in a bad place back there. You were so kind, I just… wanted to lean on you more. It was a short-circuit reaction.” He seems so regretful and sad that I can’t feel angry.

No, I never was angry with him in the first place. There is no negative feeling inside me associated with Paul. He is a businessman that fell on hard times and was estranged from his family, but he isn’t a bad man. I always knew that. What he did was wrong, but he really hates himself for it, I can tell.

“Apology accepted.” I say with a smile.

“W-wha- is.. is that so?” He doesn’t even believe his ears. “Thank you so much! It was eating away at me all this time that I could never apologize to you Lis.” His eyes are a little moist. “I thought I had made peace with the fact that I will never see you again…” He hastily wipes the tears away. “I agreed to the terms your father set, but he wouldn’t even let me send you a letter or e-mail.”

“Oh…” I hold my chest in pain. That wasn’t Papa’s deal. Rafi must have made sure to cut him off completely from me after what he did.

“I didn’t just want to apologize either.” He raises his hands to the sides and smiles sheepishly. “I wanted to thank you as well. Thanks to you, I finally made up with my wife!”

“That’s wonderful news!” I clap my hands together excitedly.

“I am so glad. If I never met you, if you hadn’t told me how my wife truly felt, we would never have found common ground again.” He rubs his nose embarrassedly. “We found a new funder who supports the company in this crisis as well. So things are really looking up again.”

“I am happy that your company is doing well, but did you remember what I said?” I ask him with a warm expression.

“Yes, of course! I am making more time for my family. Even if I have to fight my secretary for every single minute.”

“Léo and Rémy must be so happy to have their father back.”

“You really remembered their names… again.” His expression is almost reverent. “I saw their game yesterday and they won the tournament. There isn’t any dad out there that's prouder than me.”

“Congratulations.” I clap again. Boys really love football and having a father that is proud of you cheering you on is something irreplaceable.

“It’s all thanks to you.” He repeats again. “Maybe fate hasn’t given up on me yet. To meet in such a remote place.” Then he creases his brows. “Speaking of which, what are you doing in Lille, if I may ask?” His question isn’t fueled by suspicion or distrust, he just seems curious.

“It’s a long story.” I say something I read so many times in my novels. Adventurers have too many tales to tell and too little strength to recall them all over again. I wish I could see it in such a romantic light as well.

“…” He cups his mouth and looks around, probably wondering where my escort is. “Are you in trouble?” His voice is low so nobody can overhear him.

At first I want to deny it and just laugh it off… but this is different. Paul is the first nice person that I have met since it happened. He is someone I already know, a connection to my past. It might not be smart to confide into him, but I really want to.

I nod gravely.

“Is your sister with you?” Again he makes a curt inquiry.

I nod again.

“You can’t return home?”

“Never…” I bite my lip.

“I see.” He closes his eyes and contemplates these facts. “You are fleeing to Belgium then?” It wasn’t a hard guess, considering we are so close to the border.

“For now.”

“Makes sense. Always keep moving.” He nods. “I don’t know the circumstances of course, but running away from Antonin Dubois is nearly impossible.” He falsely assumes that we ran from home… to escape Papa. He doesn’t know that-

I hold my head painfully.

“My apologies, I didn’t want to sound so pessimistic.” He waves his hands nervously. With a thoughtful expression he leans against the lockers and blocks out my vision towards the hallway. Even as the gears turn in his head he seems to be glancing at me repeatedly. “Fate really must be involved in this.”

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“Pardon?” I wish he wouldn’t speak so cryptically.

“The reason I am here in Lille right now is that my main residence is here.”

“What?” He has several residences… no, that doesn’t matter, what is trying to say?

“I was just coming home for yesterday’s game and will ride the train back to Paris in half an hour. It’s almost a miracle that we met at all.” He raises his hands as if he is pointing at a heavenly guide. “I have done you wrong and I owe you so much.”

“Please, you don’t owe me anything.” I want to deny his generosity, but he shakes his head.

“It’s all true. I made up my mind Mademoiselle.” His voice becomes determined. “I will let you take refuge in my home.”

I can barely trust my ears, but the words had been spoken far too clearly to be an auditory illusion. All evidence points to the same conclusion. He really said it.

“You and your sister can stay with us until this storm has blown over. Once things calmed down you can still leave the country and build a new life.” He is so excited to help us, it’s touching.

“B-but, we would be a large burden on you… your family could be in danger.” I can’t just take advantage of him like that.

“There is no reason to assume that you would stay with me of all people. Monsieur Dubois would never look for you at the place of someone who… harmed you before.” He closes his eyes self-derisively. “I am not helpless either. My family is the most important thing to me. They are secure no matter what happens. The long arm of your father will not reach my home, I guarantee it.”

Can I believe those words? Can I trust them? Who can I trust anymore? Rafi wants to take me to paradise, but she is younger than even me… she can’t carry that burden all on her own. She has suffered far too much already. She won’t like this at first, but she is a logical person. If I vouch for Paul wit all of my heart, she will understand. We can hide away in this wonderful city at the edge of France until the painful scars have healed.

I clasp my heart and wonder. Am I allowed to take this chance?

“Paul…”

“I will not force you to accept. There is nothing I can say to make myself more trustworthy either. I am beyond your forgiveness and yet you spoke me free of my sins. If you can accept this pathetic man’s hand, I will reach out as many times as I can.”

And he really does reach out his hand. He wants to shake on it, like a true businessman.

I inadvertently smile. That is rather cute.

Even if it is uncertain how this will turn out, I want to trust in Paul. I want to put my trust in people again as much as I can.

For that goal, I stretch forward my hand and grab Paul’s. This seals our agreement and begins the future we can shape together.

He is overwhelmed and I can feel his hand clasp mine almost too tightly. Then he leans forward as if all the tension left his body. He must be even more relieved than I am. I look up to his face to see his smile.

His mouth is pressed together so thinly…

A red line runs down from his dry lips…

His eyes are… opened wide… in horror…

I step back and let go of his limp hand. Time has seemingly stopped for only me. That occasional twitch in his face and hand is all that tells me the world has not stopped moving. Red liquid runs from his mouth more and more and stains his white shirt below the coat. His pupils shrink and then widen again lifelessly.

He falls to his knees and then hits the locker next to him, sliding down slowly and leaving a trail of red.

My mind is empty. Pain, fear, dread, horror, sadness, disgust, they all are swallowed by the void. There is no meaning to pouring them into an empty vessel.

“I told you… haaah… to never touch my Lis again… bastard!” Rafi stands over the bleeding corpse with a deranged expression.

The knife sticking out of his back, right around the lungs, is one that I saw in her room before. It’s definitely hers. Paul couldn’t even scream, as his lungs filled with blood. The shock alone probably knocked him out before he died.

“I didn’t think he would be here… Of course, Lille is where this useless asshole lived. I always mess up on the details.” She grunts as she tears the knife out of the corpse that was once Paul. She wipes the blood off on his coat and then stuffs the knife back into her backpack. “Now I have to get rid of another body…” She is so deeply in thought that she doesn’t even take note of me for once.

After a few seconds she throws a coin into the locker that is covered in a red splat and then stuffs Paul inside as roughly as she can without getting herself covered in more of the red liquid. Afterwards she uses a towel to soak up the small puddle and then wipes off the closed locker with a few tissues. There are still traces. Blood isn’t that easy to get rid of it seems. But she has no time to get a mop and clean the crime scene.

There is no time at all…

“Paul…” I whisper in a daze.

“!” Rafi suddenly jumps up. Her trance like movements become more lively and she rushes over to me. Before I know what’s happening to me, she already embraces me tightly. “Lis, I am so sorry! I left you alone again and you had to endure such a scary situation!” She sounds downright frantic. She is close to a breakdown… because she really believes that I was hurt again. Hurt by Paul, by being alone, by having nobody to lean on.

Whatever Paul might have wanted to do…

It doesn’t matter anymore. He is gone. He left me behind. Just like everyone else.

Why does nobody want to stay with me? Why are all these people that claim to care for me just going away? My clients leave and never come back. That woman who stole my first kiss and heart never returned. Papa promised he would come back, but he never did. Robert said he would visit me again so we could have a nice chat like we used to. Where was he now? Not here. Not anywhere.

I’m all alone.

Except for…

…this one girl carrying me away in her embrace. The sister that spills tears for my sake as she apologizes over and over again.

She is strong, but also is fragile. For me she would do anything. Anything. There is no place on this Earth where she will not follow me. Why did I even hesitate?

“My Rafi.” I hug her tightly, pressing my arms into her back with all my emotion.

“Yes?”

“Stay with me.”

“I will… always.”

Those are the only words I ever needed.

----------------------------------------

We walk towards the plane hand in hand. I didn’t let go the entire time on the train and not in the cab we took to the airport. I don’t want to let go again.

A woman approaches us. She isn’t a flight attendant, but she does immediately approach Rafi.

“Everything is proceeding smoothly Mademoiselle Dubois.” She is speaking in a conspiratorial tone. She hands my sister a folded paper. Rafi nods and tries to open it, but she only has one hand. With an apologetic smile she loosens her grip on my hand. I don’t want her to let go! If she let’s go we might never…

Our fingers slip apart and she opens the letter.

“Everything has been arranged the way you requested. You were never officially on this flight.” The woman explains with a grin.

“Good job.” Rafi is skimming over the letter.

“I hope that your father will appreciate it.”

“I’m sure he will.” Rafi confirms it without much energy.

“That is really a relief. After all I am sending his daughter right after him.” The woman says as she puts the gun against the paper in front of Rafi’s head.

My heart stops. When did she pull it out of her blouse… why is she holding a gun to my Rafi’s head…?

No way.

NO WAY!

Blam

Blood sprays across the seats in the back. Nobody seems to notice the low gunshot sound. There is a silencer attached to it, but there is still an audible sound when it penetrates the metal after going through Rafflesia’s body. How could anybody have noticed? The plane is empty after all. Those guests weren’t too slow after all.

“You bitch… I knew you were an opportunist, but…” Rafi holds her side. She had smacked the gun down at the last second, so the bullet only penetrated her side.

“Sorry~ But if your daddy isn’t around anymore, I have no reason to listen to you. Handing over his killer’s corpse to the next boss will get me some credit at least.” She fires the gun again, but Rafi already rams her backpack into her face. Her dark brown hair is all I see as she tackles the woman down and then draws her knife.

But the gun is already up again as the woman throws the backpack aside.

“STOOOOP!” I scream!

----------------------------------------

I jump out of bed with a pounding heart. My entire body is drenched in sweat. Everything is dark and spinning. I’m in an unfamiliar room - is it even a room? - my head is pounding!

Where am I? Where is this place? I can’t see…!

As I go to my knees and hyperventilate I suddenly feel a breeze on my wet skin. There is a small tear in the wooden wall. I crawl towards it and let the cool air brush over my face and curly hair.

Eventually I have calmed down enough to recollect what happened.

We were on a plane… Rafi was attacked… and then what?

“Rafi!” I shout in terror. Did she leave me as well?! I knew I shouldn’t have let go! Tears are gathering in the corners of my eyes and I hold my face. I feel a weird hard resistance that wasn’t there before, but I don’t even care. I just want to see Rafi…

“Mhhhrmm…”

Something moves behind me.

I turn around and press myself against the wall. Did they come back to finish me off as well?!

“Chéri…? Can’t sleep?” The shade asks me with sleepy eyes.

“Where am I? Who are you?! What happened to Rafi!” I grab a vase from a drawer close by and hold it up as a makeshift weapon. I never hurt anyone in my life, but I am too frightened, no, too mad to care anymore!

“…” The figure rises from the darkness… is that a bed? The bed I was sleeping on. “Please calm yourself Lis. Let’s put that ugly thing down first and talk.” The voice belongs to a woman. There is something routinely about it.

“I will hit you! I will really do it!” I can’t show my confusion and fear on my face. I just want to know where Rafi is!

The woman raises her hands above her head and lets the blanket slide down her body. In the weak light coming from the numerous gaps in the wooden walls I can roughly tell her contours. She has a slim fit figure and… is apparently naked. My confusion only rises.

“The control for the blinds is right next to you. Probably best if you just open them. There is a pretty full moon up tonight…” She makes a playful suggestion.

I don’t know what she is playing at, but there is no downside to getting some light. I pat the wall next to me and finally find the button. The blinds mechanically open and let moonlight stream inside. It flows over my pale skin and then the ground until it reaches the woman ahead of me. Her short wild hair is of a dark brown color, much darker than her tanned skin and her eyes glow with an emerald green.

The vase falls from my hands, but the woman jumps forward just quickly enough to catch it. She leans down so far that I can see a scar on her lower back. After putting the vase back in its place she sighs.

“Should have just let it break. So ugly.” She makes a lighthearted joke and winks.

My mouth is shaking.

“R…a..f..i..?”

“In the flesh. As you can see.” She isn’t shy at all. Her body is fully exposed, but she seems awfully comfortable with that.

“No… no no no that can’t be…!” Tears gather and flow freely as I touch my hurting chest.

“You had a relapse again, huh?” Rafflesia kneels down next to me and gives me a hug. Her skin touches mine. It’s so warm. We are both naked and I feel ashamed, but the nausea is much stronger. “Poor thing.” She kisses my forehead, the place where I felt the unusual resistance.

“What happened Rafi… you have… grown up.”

“Not as much as you did.” She says with a strangely lustful gaze. “Sorry, I’ll save it for later. Right now you need to get back to bed and take it easy.” She offers me her shoulder and I accept hesitantly.

As I lie down below the thin blanket I can do nothing else but stare at my sister. She is so different from before. Calm, confident, open.

“It’s not as grandiose as the first time, but…” She opens the window far and then presses a button. There is a long row of electrical lights going down a slope, all the way to the distant beach. The calm black and blue waters are rhythmically hitting the shore. “Welcome to Paradise!”

“We made it?” I ask in disbelief.

“Thanks to you.” She nods as she sits down on the windowsill with one leg raised against her chin. “What is the last thing you remember?”

“We were on a plane…” I mutter.

“I see. So it’s the same as before.” She hums a strange melody and then nods to herself. “That was 10 years ago.”

“…” I want to ask if she is joking, but that grown up and mature Rafi in front of me is all the proof I need.

“Ah, you are more accepting of it than last time. Probably because I’ve gotten old.” She jokes. Even if ten years have passed, she is still young and beautiful. Every curve, every nook and cranny of her body is.

I hold my head and wonder why I am thinking that. My face is flushed.

“Back on that plane… you saved me. Physically for once, instead of every other way like you always do.” She chuckles nostalgically. “You took a bullet to the head.”

I touch the deep scar on my forehead. Now I remember what it was.

“More precisely you got grazed. If it had been a few millimeters lower you wouldn’t be lying there, seducing me with your eyes.”

“Rafi…”

“Yeah I know… I was really scared back then. I never have been so afraid in my life. Losing you… would have been unbearable.” She looks towards the beach with a pained expression. A distant pain.

“But the attacker…?”

“I shot her. Several times. A waste of bullets in hindsight. Her partner showed up right after.” Rafi’s deep eyes have a glint of malice in them. “Lucky for him, he was a former doctor. He fixed you up as well as he could and then put us on a plane to the United States.”

“America?” Is that where this 'paradise' is?

“Just a short stop to get a genius surgeon to make sure you really got better. I spent half of Dubois’ fortune just on the medical bills.” Apparently that was an insane amount of money, considering we still have enough to sustain this kind of tropical paradise. “Money well spent.” She says without a hint of regret.

“Why don’t I remember this?” I ask as I wipe my tears.

“You woke up one year after being released from the hospital. I took you to Paradise and made sure you got home treatment. Staying too long in one place was dangerous back then.” She elaborates slowly while twirling her short hair. “That was the first time. You didn’t remember what happened after we entered the plane. It was understandable, you had received a serious head injury in there, so the memory should be cut off at the moment. Might even have been mental trauma. But…”

“It happened again?”

“Yeah. Four years later. You woke up without any memory of the last 5 years. Almost gave me a heart attack when you screamed my name.”

“And since then?”

“This is the first time it happened since then. I hope this won’t repeat in 5 year cycles. At some point I’ll be too old for you to recognize me anymore.” She says with a sarcastic grin. That is the most Rafi like expression I have seen on her yet.

“I… forgot the last nine years…?” My heart sinks into the pit of my stomach. How could this be? All the years of living with Rafi… lost.

“It’s regrettable.” She nods solemnly. “But it doesn’t really matter.”

“Doesn’t matter?!” I shout in surprise.

“Yes. Because no matter what time, age, place or memory…” Rafi stands up and walks over to me. Her face is super close and then… she kisses me on the lips. “We are always together.”

My heart is set aflame with a strange feeling. This craving, this string that ties me to the person in front of me… it’s… it’s…

“I love you.” Rafi repeats the words I apparently heard such a long time ago. “Do you love me as well?” Her eyes are inescapable. I can’t resist. Everything she says puts me on edge. I am already held up by her strings. She has completely tied me up in her web of vines. It’s like my body knows what my mind cannot.

And in-between both is my heart, disturbed like the ocean inside a storm, but also calm as the center of a typhoon.

There is nothing left. Nobody stayed by my side, not even my memories.

Except for…

“Yes.”

…Rafflesia.

Paradise? This is more like a garden of sin.

What is freedom without love?

What is love without freedom?

At some point those things had become meaningless.

THE END