Chapter 73 Loss
Lua’s light seemed to focus in on the pair of heroes but she did not summon forth a projection of her dark elven body. They had come to see her when she was at her strongest and she knew that her presence alone would be enough. She was still right in front of them even if hundreds of thousands of miles separated them. Lenna dropped to a knee in an instant and averted her gaze. That was to be expected as the woman was once again in the direct presence and attention of her goddess. What accompanied Lenna’s movement managed to surprise even Lua herself, slightly. Isaac gave her a deep bow. The only bow he had given anyone in a way that truly meant subservience.
Isaac was never going to do something like swear eternal loyalty to Lua but he had a profound respect for the goddess. He knew that the feelings that radiated from her were true and pure. He had done some research into the goddess and many others and had learned something of an unspoken but open secret among clergy: ‘Balance is what holds the pantheons together.’ That simple fact is what led to Lua being so pure and just and powerful. Almost every good and righteous aspect of dark elven existence was thrust upon Lua’s shoulders to bear as the rest of their small pantheon was stacked against her. Even with balance attempting to take place the odds were still anything but in her favor. She would never be stronger than Dri’El because that would allow her to overthrow the pantheon but instead she would always be his equal but be incredibly resistant to the rest of the pantheon. Isaac could hold nothing but respect for someone who fought on for millennia against such odds without ever falling under the weight of her responsibility. She had remained pure and strong, beautiful and just, kind and loving throughout eons of existence.
“Rise child.” Lua told Lenna. “Thank you for the gesture, young one, but it is not necessary.” She told Isaac. “Tell me, my child, with your words, what brings you to me like this.”
Lenna rose to her feet but had trouble looking up into the sky towards her goddess directly. Isaac straightened and with a smile and a nod stepped back from Lenna. Lenna fidgeted slightly and cleared her throat. “I, I am having trouble with my class.” Lenna began. “I should have learned a fifth level spell, I have the ability to cast one but the whispers of the ancients, their anger, it hasn’t taken form like it should have. I, I don’t know what to do.” Lenna was almost pleading at the end. It was clear that the shortcoming had hit her even harder than Isaac had realized.
“Do you know why that is?” Lua asked the mortal woman under her light.
Lenna shook her head. “No. I, what is wrong with me?”
A feeling like the compassionate smile of an older loved one settled onto Lenna. She could almost feel a set of arms wrap around her in a comforting hug. “Nothing, nothing is wrong with you child.” Lua assured her calmly. “You are so incredibly sad, hurt, and broken inside.” The goddess continued. “But that is fine. It is normal. You are mortal after all. My dear, what is left where the chains of your oath once were?”
Lenna sniffled and rubbed away some of her tears. If she had been like such a crying child to anyone else in all of existence she would have been so incredibly embarrassed by herself but, with Lua, it was a different story. The goddess was the mother Lenna never had but had always needed. The grandmother that should have doted on her but she never received. The teacher who should have praised her but never did. Everything that Lenna had needed, desired, and missed out on throughout her entire life was what Lua represented, what Lua was. “It is the anger at what I have done.” Lenna replied.
“It is also your anger.” Lua corrected. “And it is being held back by your suffering from the loss of the one I could not save.”
Lenna could feel the sadness in Lua’s tone and almost felt crushed by it. She sniffled again. “So what do I do? I can’t just stop being sad. He was like a brother to me. He was my rival and my best friend and he died. I… I miss him, even though he was an idiot, even though he was annoying and always acted way too arrogant. What, what am I supposed to do?” Lenna pleaded to her goddess.
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“My child.” Lua said with such empathy that Lenna knew that the goddess was actively feeling everything that she felt. Lenna closed her eyes only to open them a moment later as she felt a hand on her shoulder. She looked up to see Lua standing before her. The goddess’s naked form was almost solid enough to be truly there. The pressure on Lenna’s shoulder was almost heavy enough to be from a physical person in front of her. The ethereal glow of moonlight radiated from Lua with enough of an intensity that she was almost hard to look at but it was clear that the goddess was keeping it at bay enough that Lenna could look into her face. “Lenna,” Lua called her by name for the first time. “It is okay to feel sadness and pain at the loss of a loved one. Unfortunately for you, it is holding you back in a very real sense. Once the grief has moved on, you will be able to hear the whispers of all of the built up anger inside of you, from both you and your ancestors. There is nothing wrong with you, there is nothing wrong with what you are feeling.” The goddess explained.
Lenna nodded and her body language shifted. Lua noticed it right away and pulled the mortal woman into an embrace. Lenna had no idea how long she cried there in her goddess’s arms but it was clear that Lua was running out of time with her when the goddess pulled away. “Th-thank you.” Lenna sniffled out. “For everything that you have done for me.”
“Shhh.” Lua replied. “Close your eyes and focus inwards. Let everything else fade away but your anger towards Dri’El for what he did. I know of what your aunt is making and I approve. Imagine yourself using it against him. Focus on every drop of anger in your heart and listen to what it is telling you.” Lua directed her.
Lenna did as she was told and as she focused she felt her pain and grief be temporarily taken away from her. With the pain gone she could finally hear the whispers of her anger and with them came the chant for her new spell. It was a simple one. It was only the name of the spell and nothing else. Lenna knew in her heart that only someone who felt exactly the same way that she did. Someone with a broken oath who hated a deity more than every person that had ever wronged them, including themselves, combined.
Lua released Lenna and pulled back. “Good. Now, let the spell that you have just learned carry with it all of the anger and pain that haunts you. Release it into your spells so it cannot drag you down. You have a very long and lovely life ahead of you, my dear, please, live it fully.” The goddess told the paladin before her form blew away in the wind. The light from the moon dimmed and returned to normal and suddenly Lenna was distinctly aware of the dwarves behind them. Her helmetless face suddenly felt incredibly exposed.
“Lenna?” Isaac asked tentatively. “Are you alright?”
Lenna sniffed as she pulled her helmet out of her bottomless bag. The act made her realize that when she had felt Lua, the goddess must’ve moved through the armor as if it hadn’t been there. She quickly slipped her helmet over her head and turned to face him. “Yes.” She replied. “Better than alright, actually.”
“Oh?” Isaac said with a raised eyebrow. “Did she help you?”
Lenna tilted her head in question. “Yes. Didn’t you see?”
Isaac shook his head. “No. The moonlight flared brightly on you for a moment and then everything was back to normal and you were in a slightly different position and Lua’s presence was gone.” Isaac explained. When Lenna didn’t reply for a long moment Isaac continued. “What happened?”
“I…” Lenna began but couldn’t find the right words to even begin trying to explain it to him. “I love my goddess.” Lenna eventually said and took a deep breath. Her breath hitched slightly but the following exhale released all of the residual effects of her crying. Isaac tilted his head at her but didn’t speak right away. “She helped me a lot, and not just with the spell. Do you want to see it?”
Isaac nodded. “Sure, let’s see it.” He told her and gestured out towards the worn down road.
Lenna’s open palm was held outstretched at hip height. With a sudden motion she raised it to just above her shoulder and said two words: “Hellflame Strike.” A geyser of orange and black flames blasted out of the ground and into the sky with a vengeance. The flames only existed for around two seconds but during that time they seemed to have a desire for revenge that burned so deep that some of the flames were black. The light from the orange flames was still enough that it was hard to keep from squinting in the pale moonlight of midnight. Lenna looked up at the moon. “Thank you, my goddess.” She prayed. “I know it might be impertinent of me, but, if there is anything that I can help you with, any way that I can show you how much I am thankful for what you have done, for how much it meant to me, please, tell me.”
‘Shhhh.’ Lenna felt the voice in her soul like a gentle brook feeding into a pond. ‘It is enough that you are genuine. Now go, live your life. If there is ever a time when I need you, I will call on you, but do not think about it. Think about your life and future.’
Lenna smiled and nodded towards the moon. “I will.” She replied and turned to leave. “Let’s go, Isaac. I feel good, but also like I need to sleep.”
Isaac chuckled and offered her his arm. “Shall we?” He said and she took it. Isaac then tossed the moon a glance and winked at the goddess. ‘Thank you.’ He mouthed.
“What was that?” Lenna asked and turned her head to look at him clearly.
“Nothing.” Isaac replied with a smile. “Nothing at all.”