I couldn’t verify immediately how much my revenge had reached its original purpose, since part of my school punishment consisted in being kept in classroom during break for one week. But even if I couldn’t go outside during playtime, I could still see its effects. The very day after, as I entered the school bus, all the other children fell into silence. While I searched for a seat, their eyes pointed at me like one. Some whispered between themselves, indicating me with the finger. Finally, once I found a free place, the guy who sitting next watched me with a sight of pure terror. Mind you, all I’d done was asking if that seat was free. He didn’t say a single word, instead watching me as I sat down, like if he was about to have his face mauled alive. Well, I had the capacity if I’d wanted, right? Only, his face would be burned, not eaten...
For the whole duration of the trip, the guy insisted in watching outside the window, his t-shirt turning a darker colour because of sweating. When the bus arrived to its destination, everyone around me almost raced to get to school first, just like they had raced to get inside after recess the day before. Kids trying to get to school the earliest possible! Fear can do great magic.
The same scenario I witnessed in the bus repeated in the school building: everyone keeping a distance from me, either whispering among themselves or pointing at me with the finger or not daring watching me. Two kids of the first year even ran away at my sight. Nobody said a word to me. Just the day before, I would have lived all this as a great improvement, but now I was realizing the difference between solitude and loneliness.
Once in front of my class’ door, I did not have the courage to enter. I could not stand the idea that the unlucky kid destined to sit next to me would sweat with fear the whole morning. It was only when my maths teacher shouted me not to act stupid that I found the force to move my legs and come in. I was ready for her to mention the incident in front of me, to further humiliate me for punishment; but instead, she just continued explaining her maths. Had I been a little braver, I would have thanked her, but the last thing I needed was being called a teacher pet too.
When school day ended, I looked for the only person that, I thought, wouldn’t avoid me. I remained in front of the entrance just before it was time to take the bus again, and waited for him. Then he appeared.
“John!”
“Oh...hi, Hayden.”
“I’m so happy to see you...”
But he didn’t look as happy. His legs kept slightly bending, like for begging their owner to keep walking.
“Hayden, hem, since you’re here...what happened yesterday?”
Of course he would mention it. I had told myself the illusion he’d just like to talk about his fantasy books as always, and for once I would have even enjoyed that kind of conversation.
How could I ever explain it? Even if I did, who would believe me without evidence?
“John please...those two bad guys were torturing me every day and the teachers kept doing nothing...what did I have to do? Please don’t avoid me, at least you!” I finally cried, desperate.
“Hayden I stand by your side,” and when saying that, his legs shook stronger, “but it isn't like you see everyday someone creating fire from nowhere, and then pointing them to someone else!” He snorted. “Everyone in my class today talked about you. They all kept me doing questions because they knew I was a friend of yours, and I didn’t know what to answer. You’ve just become...strange, Hayden, recently. It’s like whenever we talk you barely react, and then yesterday it turns out you can make fire out of nowhere and threat people!”
I don’t know if it would have hurt less, if John had just ignored me and walked towards the bus. But it hurt. What had Darrell turned me into? Yet, that was our secret. If I betrayed it, if I said I was being trained to hate for gaining power, he would not believe me in the best scenario. Who knows what the worst scenario would have been.
“I...I can’t tell anyone what happened...”
“Then I don’t know what to say. Sorry, we should take the bus.” He walked away from me. Everyone else around just stayed away from me, like if I had the deadliest infectious sickness that ever existed.
I got what I wanted to get from my revenge: to be respected, even feared by my bullies. But I hadn’t calculated I would be feared even from others, and eventually isolated. It is true that I’ve never had an outgoing personality, but I still needed to be loved.
I did not enter the bus. The driver shouted me if I had intention to enter or not, and when I cried “NO!” he just left. I sat on the stairs in the entrance and cried like an obsessed.
A sense of hatred started growing while I let my vocal cords scream their protest. Not any more towards my bullies, but towards all my classmates, and eventually the school as a whole. I felt hate for how they made me so miserable. I felt hate for John who hadn’t given me support when I needed it most and...
...no. This was all because of Darrell. It was him who turned me into this. It was him who made me feel that burning hateful sensation every day. It was him who made me do what I did...I immediately redirected my hatred to him. But it faded out immediately. Darrell was the person I loved the most in the world, together with my parents. Why would he do me this? Did he only want me to help, or did he want to harm me? I needed to talk to him. I had enough of him playing the game of the mysterious man: I need to know the truth, what were his purposes. Next time I would see him, I told myself, I would ask him everything and I wouldn’t let him go until...
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...I couldn’t. My parents had forbidden me to see him for a long time. There was nothing I could do at the moment. Apart from abandoning myself in a state of disgust for myself and hate for what Darr-no, I needed to turn off that feeling. Darrell loved me, I was sure of it. With time, I would learn everything, I was certain.
* * *
Avoided by the whole school in the morning, kept from staying with Darrell in the afternoon: instead of solving my problems, my power had amplified them. I didn’t even dare spend too much time with my parents, because I feared they would ask once more what I really did that day. Once home, I’d leave my room only to eat: my afternoons were nothing but homework, comics, and going to bed immediately after dinner. My mum would make some attempts at comforting me, and I liked it, because she never asked me about that day. She came to my room, talked to me about other nicer things, told me a bedtime story and then hugged me. It was the only nice moment of my day. My dad...well, he tried too, but much more clumsily. Whenever I asked him when I could stay with Darrell again, he abruptly changed topic. He was still doing his best, so I hugged him anyway-I needed some affection so badly–but then I’d run away from him and his possible questions.
It was only after two weeks that they let me stay with Darrell again, though only inside his home. I was so glad to manage to see my mentor, but not for the reasons my parents thought. It was time to claim explanations, loudly.
I entered his apartment.
“Hello, Hayden,” he said, less warmly than usually.
“Hello, Darrell,” I replied, less warmly in turn.
“So, you have done it. You managed to evoke the fireballs without my presence.”
That made me turn on a fire, not in my hands, but inside my mind.
“I wish I hadn’t done it.”
“Why?” His tone was genuinely surprised. “Are the bullies still tormenting you?”
“They gave up. But since then, everyone else avoids me at school.”
“Oh...I’m sorry,” he said, making up some sort of credible compassion. He came closer to me and put a hand on my shoulder, but his movements now looked to me unnatural, almost mechanical. “It was a bad idea. I should have never proposed you that. But I hope you won’t wish to interrupt your training.”
This was enough information. He said he was sorry, but still wanted me to continue. I was completely certain about it now: he had second plans.
I spoke. “Darrell, I’ve waited two weeks to ask it.” I took a deep breath. “I want to know why you made me take this training. It isn’t just for the bullies, otherwise you wouldn’t ask me to continue.”
There was a single sweat drop that flowed from his front down to his left chin in his otherwise impassable face.
“If I told you now, you’d hardly believe me.”
“I am tired of half-truths. I want to know it NOW!” I shouted.
That last scream of mine seemed to make him more agitated. His hips were moving uncomfortably, and he was opening and closing his right hand repeatedly.
“All right then. How about telling you half of the truth for now, so when the time comes, you’ll believe me more easily?”
I felt teased. The man I had called my adoptive uncle refused to be transparent with me. But unfortunately for him, he had made me too hungry for the truth to be content with half of the meal.
“No! I want the whole truth!” I was burning with rage. My feet were stomping on the floor with furious energy and my voice finally exploded. “I WANT IT NOW! GET IT? NOW! NOW!”
My hands became hotter. My arms, without any input, rose up and the face of Darrell became yellow from the light of my fireballs-
Someone knocked at his door. The fireballs in my hands disappeared as they had come. Darrell made a huge ‘oof’ of relief. “Excuse me,” he said, as he walked to the entrance and answered whoever had just saved Darrell from my fury.
It was my parents. “Is everything alright? We heard Hayden’s voice saying that he wanted something...” my mum asked.
“No, no, don’t worry...he just wanted to go on a trip, but I tried to explain him you said I can’t-”
That made me explode again.
“NO, THAT IS NOT TRUE! HE’S TEACHING ME TO DO HORRIBLE THINGS AND I HADN’T REALIZED IT AND HE’LL NEVER TELL ME WHY HE DID IT!” I clenched my own fists in the hope that would prevent the fireballs from appearing. I felt the warmth, but the glowing light didn’t appear. As I finished, I realized what I had just done. I had just admitted openly that Darrell had corrupted me. I had just put myself in the most complicated position possible.
“What do you mean, horrible things?” dad said. “Darrell, I think you owe us some explanation. Hayden has not been the same since a long time now. What is that you’re doing with our son?”
“Neither I know what he means by that,” Darrell said, his voice trembling more and more. “Listen, he’s just a bit agitated because he’s had some bad times recently, you know-”
“Give back my son,” my dad said with decision, “now.”
“There’s nothing to be worried about, really-”
“Give back my son, Darrell!”
I came to the entrance, not afraid any more. I had just thought about what to say to them.
“Dad!” I hugged his legs, who hugged me in turn. Then I did the same with my mum.
“It’s ok, Hayden. We’re here.” They both looked at Darrell, who looked unable to make any movement, and had an idiotic look in his eyes.
“Let’s go home,” my father finally said. “Goodbye, Darrell.”
And we turned back to our home.
Once in our living room, we sat up all together in our couch. I told them as much as it was safe to tell them, while my cries interrupted my words.
“During those trips...he was teaching me how to threaten those bullies...because I had told him nobody was helping me...we’d go somewhere...and then he would show me how to do things that...that...”
“What kind of things?” My mother asked, her hands caressing my hair.
“I...I think I just I want to forget it forever...”
“Oh, Hayden,” she said, “it’s fine if you don’t want to think about it again. We’re just glad you finally told us. We’ll always be here for you.”
“I don’t want to see him any more.” I wasn’t lying.
“You won’t,” mum kissed me, “forgive us if we didn’t help you enough with your bullies problem.”
“E...everyone is avoiding me at school...” My face had more tears than skin on its surface by now.
“Well Hayden,” my dad said, always with his practical attitude, “the only way you can solve it is being open with your schoolmates.”
Once I got calmer, we stayed in the room in silence for a long time. Nobody couldn’t believe that Darrell had turned suddenly that way, refusing to give any explanation, using our affection to his mysterious, sinister plans. It was now time for me to forget him and begin a new life.