Ash continues to fall miles from the city. The burn having been so intense and all consuming it has the sky painted in strokes of black still three days into their travel.
Alex awoke when Laihal’s magic dwindled in the night, resulting in quite the scene.
Casper watched passively as she had to be calmed again, trying to push herself into the back of the wagon for her fear of him. Eyes wild, words falling from her mouth in a begging, pleading kind of way that made his stomach turn.
Frankly he was shocked to see her reaction, her of all people he thought would actually be more receptive of the news. If anyone was going to panic it would be Annabelle, given her more extreme perspective of anything that wasn’t explicitly human. However after her offer of ritual suicide she seemed to be mostly over it...
Perhaps “over it” wasn’t exactly accurate. Conflicted was a more apt word, Casper decided. Equal parts worry and trust. She buried that deep, primal fear, the fear her body told her to have, with kind words, shared meals, and lingering touches as she toyed with the idea of getting closer.
For or no fear, her attraction was still clearly present, as she made the decision to wear that harness Casper liked and proudly press her assets into his face during a drunken night around the campfire, much to Elisayra's amusement.
Even as Nephinae diligently tended to Casper in that way she enjoyed doing, making an extra effort to let her fingers linger, though in the company of the others she didn’t dare go much further than that.
Laihal of course made a much stronger effort to rile everyone up, which worked Especially well on Engee who recounted her time in the cave with incredible detail at Laihal's insistence.
This seemed to get everyone a little worked up, everyone but Alex, who instead of joining them for food and drinks held herself in the wagon, wrapped in a blanket. Her eyes never left Casper except for when he tried to return her gaze.
Nephinae had tried her best to coax Alex from her state to no avail. Laihal tried magic, Engee tried to offer protection, Annabelle and Elisayra tried to convince her as their friends, while Peter, Zesstra and Pounce tried their best to ignore the awkward moments when possible.
Nothing worked. Alex was transfixed on Casper, fearful in every shuddering breath, convinced so wholly that despite everything they had been through together, he was going to kill her, or the others, or some other horrible course of action.
On the fourth night, the skies begin to finally clear enough to no longer carry the lingering scent of fire, and the clouds part enough for the vast array of stars to shine their light down over a camp that is one person short of a full party.
“Her tracks lead out to the west.” Laihal notes, rising from the ground with a look of concern.
“I can go and find her” Nephinae offers, already walking in that direction.
“Let me do it...” Casper offers, stretching slightly, all too aware in the pause the others give to his comment.
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Engee presses her fingers to Casper's arm, a gentle reminder of her presence there, her usual sense of calm making its rounds through his hyperactive mind.
“No, but we’ve gone on for too long skirting the edges of this, and nothing else has worked.”
The others cast hesitant glances to one another, evidently no one totally convinced this is the best route to be taking, but it was the route Casper had settled on when he listened to her grab her things and run hours before.
He hadn’t said anything in some desperate hope that she might get far enough away and change her mind.
She didn’t...
“If she is certain she wants to leave, then that’s the decision she has made. I won't drag her back here against her will, but at the very least it would be best if I, the source of all this hassle, makes the greatest effort.” Casper rubs the bridge of his nose and passes past Nephinae on his way to the edge of their half setup camp.
“Please be gentle with her...” Nephinae asks softly, soft enough for only Casper to hear.
He nods, a pang in his chest reminding him that despite the fact that everyone sits around the same fire at night, they still can’t help but see him as marked still.
Despite everything, some pieces of these women still believe he would hurt them.
Casper leaves the camp flickering in the distance behind the sea of trees, until the firelight fades, to be replaced instead with the pale glow of a moon trying its hardest to pierce the canopy above him.
The wind blows cold with the change of seasons, promising fall soon, and Casper finds himself silently wishing that it would come sooner.
He no longer had to hide who he was from the women, no longer had to disguise his power, not longer had to worry about them learning the truth...
But now that it was all out there, he couldn’t help but wish he could put it all back into the box it escaped from.
How long would it be before they are fully convinced he wouldn’t hurt them? How long before they stop stifling their true thoughts in his presence for fear of him snapping?
How many more nights around the campfire would end with Annabelle retracting her arms, fear replacing her attraction? How many more nights would he spend listening to their whispers, asking if they should do something or say something, only to be talked down because, “What if he gets angry? What if the mark takes control?”
Casper had walked from one prison cell directly into the next one... and it’s only until he smells the rot of this new one does he realize just how badly he missed the old.
At the very least, he could trust the other prison to be honest. It was a sacrifice of self in exchange for the honesty of the company he kept. Their companionship, their friendship. Now, he was free but the people he treasured the most felt as though they could no longer be themselves.
He knew it would only be a matter of time before they once more broke free from those self imposed shells they cast over themselves, but the time in between that he walked in now was eating at him, eating at him more than anything else.
Casper lets out a long breath, as his heightened senses pick up the rasping breath of Alex, already a good distance away from the camp.
She sits at the base of a large tree, surrounded by a grove of wilting wildflowers, and smaller brush struggling to survive under the shade of the far more impressive flora.
Alex clutches her bag to her chest, sucking in desperate breaths of air, wiping tears from her face between escaping cries.
Casper doesn’t bother to mask his approach as he steps out into the small clearing.
Her eyes flick over to him, going wide, reflecting himself in them. Her breath catches and she panics, feet scrambling against the ground, slipping in the dewy grass.
She manages to make it a few feet before her foot catches on a gnarled root, sending her crashing back to the forest floor. She grabs her back and throws it as hard as she can at Casper, falling short even as he approaches her.
“Please!” Alex begs, her voice cracking as she reaches for more items on her body to throw at him, her hands gripping at the grass, trying to pull herself up and away.
“Alex...”
“Please don’t hurt me!” she continues to cry, the tears now flowing freely, the terror working its way across her body as he continues to close the distance.
Alex stands for a moment, only to trip again, falling once more to the ground, this time in a larger tangle as her cloak wraps itself around her, disorienting her completely.
Her cries turn to desperate sobs, her whole body shakes as he curls herself up into a ball, no longer able to escape.
Casper meets the distance, and squats down at her feet.
With one hand, as gently as he can manage, he pulls the cloak from her, freeing her bound arms.
Casper's heart twists itself into a knot tight enough to stop the flow of blood. His body runs cold at the sight of her, the sight of her curling up into a ball, hugging herself, waiting for the end to come.
Casper moves to touch her, to reassure her in some way, but as his fingers move to get closer she flinches and whimpers, so he pulls back instead.
Casper sighs once more, and lets his weight fall to the ground, shifting his back to rest against the tree she was on moments ago, casting his eyes up to the shifting canopy of sparkling moonlight, and hugs one of his knees.
“You know, the day you came up to me and asked to join me on my trip to the city I really wanted to say no... I thought having a companion would only slow me down. It would be harder to move efficiently in the woods, I wouldn’t be able to use the mark, it would be an extra mouth to feed, and even with all of that aside, you had a bad habit of sleeping in.”
Casper doesn’t bother looking over to Alex. he didn’t want to risk seeing her so shaken up by his presence alone. It was selfish, but the sight of her so genuinely terrified of him crushed him. If he looked at her any more, he just might cry.
“I lied to myself a lot in those early days, about not wanting you around, not wanting Annabelle around. Hell even Elisayra or Nephinae after all of that happened... I lied to myself a lot, in part because I was worried. It was very easy to tell myself that companions were inconvenient. It was more hassle than it was worth, so on and so forth.”
Casper looks down to the ground, one hand pulling at the grass near his foot, the tightness in his chest refusing to let him, making the words come out in odd fluctuating inconsistent rhythms, but he needed to say this despite his body begging him not to.
“I am many things, most would argue they aren’t good, and I would be inclined to agree with them. But I think the most accurate way to describe me would be simple. For as much as my father tried to instill upon me the importance of thinking before I act, being a good leader, and all the knowledge, I couldn’t really internalize it, not in the way he would have wanted me to.”
Casper shrugs to no one in particular. Maybe he did it as his way to apologize to his father, who hopefully was able to see him in whatever afterlife he ended up in.
“I act very simply. I feel things, and then I act on them. Rarely do I get it more than a passing thought, and when I do take my time to consider consequences I find they go out the window the moment something happens that gets me riled up.”
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Casper notes Alex’s crying stops, or maybe it stopped a little while ago but he wasn’t paying enough attention to notice. He could still feel her presence there, and maybe she was listening, that would be nice. If he had to be honest with himself, which it was worth mentioning he rarely was, he was saying this for himself.
“All of that is to say that even though I wanted to be the kind of man capable of being a loner, some vigilante of justice going my own way without the burden of company, wanted to be this stoic hero, willing to do anything for his ideals. I wasn’t. That isn’t me. Companionship being inconvenient and dangerous is a lie I told myself because the truth was I was so incredibly scared of coming to love people again, only to once more see them all dead.”
Casper bites the inside of his lip, his fingers restlessly pulling out clumps of grass and making a small pile somewhere nearby. Perhaps by the time he was down airing his emotions he would have a mountain he could climb to the top of, so he could jump into the space the stars were in and not have to worry about dealing with the reality of his honest emotions being laid so bare.
“I suppose it’s also the biggest reason I never acted on any of my feelings for any of you... The first woman I ever felt for, the first women I was ever with, the first women to see me for who I really was...” the words catch in his throat, and Casper has to bring his closed fist up to his mouth to stop himself from fully choking on them. “The first ounce of love I ever felt after watching my village die... and I killed her. I don’t even know her name...”
Casper brings his other leg up, his hands abandoning the grass to instead beat the thoughts from his head with shaking breaths.
“You have every right to be scared of me, you know. I don’t blame you, not one little bit. In fact, most of the time I find myself hoping the others were more like you, more scared, but fuck Alex I was scared. Scared that if I got too close I would hurt you, hurt all of you. If I let myself love you then it will just hurt all the more when I lose you... but now I know I could never. I still have nightmares of her, if anything were to happen to you, if I were to do anything to you I would swim into the ocean and never return...”
Casper has to stop, has to force his mouth shut as tears linger in the corners of his eyes and her back spasms with the promise of a sob.
“I... I don’t want to hurt you Alex. my wish for you, for everyone, is to be safe, and to be happy... If I hurt any of you I don’t know what I would do with myself, I don’t know how I could live... I didn’t come out here to try and convince you to stay... I just wanted to let you know the truth, to let you know how I feel, to let you know what I've done. I wanted to come out here to tell you that you don’t have to be afraid of me. Alex, if you want to leave you are welcome to. I just wouldn’t know how to sleep at night if I thought you would be spending every day looking over your shoulder wondering when I would come for you.”
Casper shakes his head, and rubs the palm of his hands against his eyes to clear away the tears blurring his vision.
“I really do wish nothing but the best for you Alex. My greatest wish is for you to be happy.”
Casper turns, looking at Alex for the first time, and sees her watching him. Tears in her eyes, hugging her legs, listening to every word.
She watches him for a time, her breathing slowing down, her eyes searching his.
“I... am a noble, was, a noble. My family are nobles... the hate I saw in your eyes, the hate for the duke, it terrified me, Casper.” she says softly.
Casper presses his lips into a line, and looks away from her.
“When I saw all of that hate, I saw myself on the ground, at your feet, bleeding into the stone. Casper, I’m a noble...”
“But you’re different...”
“Am I? I am manipulative, conniving, scheming. I own slaves, I twist the systems to my favor. I lie and cheat and steal, the only difference between me and the duke is I have a pair of tits and a pretty face.” Alex looks away next, letting the air between them hang with the tension of her words.
“That isn’t true.” Casper offers.
“Please Casper, enlighten me...”
“Why do you do what you do?”
“Because I care about you all...”
“And therein lies the difference. The nobles I hate care nothing for anything or anyone but themselves. I have no desire to indiscriminately remove everyone with a lord or lady in their name...”
“Do you really see things as that black and white? Do you not think the duke had those he wished to protect? Family he was looking after, loved ones he wanted to help?”
“I am sure he did, but to what end? To continue the systems that see people like Elisayra and Nephinae oppressed? Systems that seek to slaughter all who do not conform?”
Alex remains silent, so Casper continues.
“Alex, you are a good person. Your methods are different than mine but our goals are one in the same.”
“Yet you killed Rathiel and kept me alive. Hell you killed Rathiel and let Peter and the others lives”
Casper clenches his jaw. “Because he made the mistake of threatening you all after everything. Trust me I am still furious with Peter for what he did, but Rathiel handed you over to the duke and told me to lay down my life... that... that was a level of conviction I couldn't dissuade.”
Alex nods her head, returning her attention to Casper once more.
“You terrify me Casper...”
“I am sorry...”
“But I suppose I scare the others as well.” Alex admits, letting go of her hug around her legs.
Casper lets his own legs drop in similar fashion, watching Alex as she moves closer, cautiously, small movements at a time.
Alex’s breath shakes, as she inches closer and closer, until her knee grazes against Casper's thigh, and her hand moves upward to gently cup his cheek.
Casper brings his own hand up, matching her movements, a pang in his chest as she flinches slightly at his toughness, followed by relief as she lets her weight lean into it.
She searches his eyes, so much closer this time, seeking answers in the pitch black, answers she seems to get as Casper struggles to keep any more tears from falling.
“I need you to be honest with me Casper...”
“Of course.”
“You really won't hurt me?”
“Never.” Casper says with more conviction that he thought he had left. “I would never hurt you, or the others. I'd sooner throw myself into the sun than bring harm to any of you.”
Alex nods, her breath against his lips, eyes still searching, her other hand moving to rest on Casper's knee.
“These feelings you have, are they the mark, or your own?”
“Which ones?”
“All of them.”
“They are all my feelings, the mark only... enhances what is already there I'm afraid.”
The answer seems to hurt her a little, though still she lingers.
Casper watches the way the wind rustles her short hair, how the pale sky catches on her cheeks, showing off her freckles.
She bites her lip, thinking. What Casper wouldn’t give to be able to see the thoughts in her head, the feel the things she was feeling to better understand. He wanted nothing more than to reassure her that everything would be okay, that she could trust him, that she was free to make her own decision, that she had nothing to worry about.
“Do you... do you still want to be with me? To do things the right way?”
“I do...”
“That’s a shame.” she frowns. “I was hoping we could speed things up, as an apology, to prove to me you wont hurt me,” she chuckles slightly.
“Speed things up?” Casper's expression twists, confusion suddenly, followed by understanding as her lips find his.
She's gentle at first, tentative, cautious still. Her lips linger on his before she pulls away, and then comes back for another, this time more confident.
Casper finds his hands exploring her back, cupping the base of her head, guiding her to the ground as she encircles her tongue around him, exploring him, tasting him, breathing him in.
He guides himself over her, taking in her entire being as their lips tangle, the sloppy sweet sounds of excitement running through both of their bodies. Her hands come up to his. She interlaces her fingers around his, rubbing her thumb against the back of his hand as they kiss.
Warmth, full and all encompassing surround Casper, his ears fill with the song of her sweet moans and desperate breaths, harmonizing with his own, only to break as they part long enough to suck down enough air to continue.
Alex guides Casper's hand to her chest, though as his palm reaches her, fingers ready to work through the buttons of her shirt she breaks their kiss to breathe the words, “We have an audience...”
Casper pauses for a moment, panting, listening, his senses extending to pick up the rustle of leaves and sound of soft whispers belonging to his other companions, companions that surely followed him.
Alex smiles up at Casper, guiding his hand off her chest, and placing a hand on his instead to set him upright.
“Besides... a muddy forest floor covered in tears is hardly a romantic setting for my first time.” She teases, eager to break any lingering tension that still hangs between them.
“Really? I thought it was rather nice.”
“For you maybe, I think I would prefer a bed... as well as some other things.”
“Other things?” Casper raises an eyebrow, helping Alex up off the ground, her lips still red and wet from their kiss.
“Ever since that time in your tent... I’ve had a specific fantasy in mind for my first time...”
“Care to elaborate?” Casper asks, noting that their little audience has since begun to leave, worried they had been caught.
“I’ve always imagined Nephinae would be there....” She notes, pressing a single finger to her lips with faux innocence.
Casper finds himself blushing at the notion, a fact that makes Alex smile, and then laugh.
Standing up from the ground, the two walk over to retrieve her thrown items. Embarrassment working its way through Alex as she feels more than a little silly for having previously thought Casper was out to kill her, and that even if he was, a backup of supplies would stop him.
The two walk back to camp, arriving in time to see the others pretend to have been there the whole time.
“Did you enjoy the show?” Casper teases.
Elisayra nods feverishly. Annabelle huffs, giving a side eye to Alex, clearly convinced this was yet another one of her masterful manipulations to get the edge over her. Nephinae blushes and pretends not to hear the question, while Laihal is the only one to frown. “I would have enjoyed an invitation...”
A few laughs ring out over the camp, Nephinae exchanging a soft smile with Alex before speaking up. “I am glad to see all is well now?”
“I... think it is.” Casper gives a sigh of relief, sitting down on a log next to the newly started fire.
Looking around the gathered faces, it's clear they are all feeling the relief. Casper had to guess that most if not all of them heard what he had to say, heard the conviction in his voice, heard the hard truth he had to tell. If there is any trace of fear still lingering, they hide it well.
Then again, it was more than likely they were all just waiting to hear Casper tell them his feelings from the beginning. Fear of the unknown is something hard to get over, at least, until the unknown becomes known.
“So, when is the official party orgy?” Laihal asks, sticking out her tongue.
“Excuse you! Some people haven’t even kissed yet!” Elisayra pouts, crossing her arms in frustration.”
“Then why don’t we play a little game?” Laihal asks, a devil's smile working its way across her face. “Let's all take turns ensuring we are all on the same page with one another” she makes a kissing face and winks.
Peter grumbles something under his breath and removes himself from the campfire, muttering about needing to sleep. Zesstra hides inside a tent, and pounce slithers off into the forest, prompting laughs from the party.
"I feel like it cheapens it, if it's a game." Casper notes passively, getting a few nods, though some disappointed side eyes as well.
"Then what do you propose instead?" Lailah asks sweetly.
"I say we keep doing what we are doing. traveling together, working together, training together, eating and drinking together, and see what happens."
the girls smile, and nod their approval.
"no fun... but fair I suppose." Laihal shrugs.
"You can't rush these things," Casper reasons with a shrugs. "We have plenty of time to feel it all out, the right way."
Casper raises a glass, and downs it's contents in a single gulp, only to pour himself another and this time raise it high.
"To seeing where this road leads us all?" he offers not all that confidently.
"To seeing where this road leads us all!" the others echo, with much more bravado.
together they down the contents of their drinks, and laugh and talk and rub shoulders until the first clear sunrise greets them, free of any ash.
***
Golden light envelops his body, draping him in sunlight, bathing him in radiance, filling all that remains with pure divine absolution.
His soul lingers in some in-between space, aware yet unaware, present yet absent, understanding and at the same time totally ignorant.
A face appears, wreathed in clouds yet carved from stone. It obscures all light yet casts its own, enough to make the sun itself look a pitiful thing.
“My child, you are not yet done with this world...” it speaks, arms outstretched wide, wide enough to vanish to the absent horizon on either side. Its voice is harmonious, masculine and feminine, tritonal let distinctly its own.
“He killed me... Casper, he is so impossibly strong.”
“He has found a way to consume more than he can handle, he is greed, he is power, he is a roaring storm, uprooting the land. But he is not a god... I am”
Rathiel's soul shudders at the words. Power in each breath enough to build or destroy worlds.
“Then what do I do?”
“As the dark star has gifted him, so too will we gift you. The dark star threatens not just the world, but us all. We may not touch the material planes, but you, as our champion, may... you are out chosen, Rathiel, you are our beacon of hope. You are all there is between Casper and the ruin of all things.”
Lucidity bleeds into Rathiel's soul, aware, present, understanding.
“Casper is a good man... but he is misguided” Rathiel offers. “He wants to build the same world I do, but he is confused. I don’t want to kill him.”
“Even though he killed you?”
“He did what he thought was right. I could never blame him for that.”
“This, Rathiel, is why you are our chosen... go forth, and bring an end to his path of chaos. You may kill him, you may spare him, but know that if he is left to follow what he thinks is right, all will be lost. Rathiel, will you do this for us?”
“Of course...” Rathiel confirms.
Light, golden light from the highest peaks of the heavens themselves flow through Rathiel. His body is made anew, born of light itself. The gods speak, and he is cast from the heavens.
Rathiel's eyes flicker open, straining to see anything around him. Dirt, rock, trees, Rathiel is once more in the crater, his own blood staining the ground beneath him.
The clouds part overhead, letting the midday sun shine bright over a city in ruin.
Rathiel takes a breath, filling his lungs, and lets it out slowly. He needed to stop Casper, he needed to put an end to this.
Rathiel watches as stones fall from the broken walls, listens to the sounds of cries as people dig through their burned houses, grieve for their dead soldiers, pray over the bodies of those unlucky enough to not have been able to escape.
Casper needed to be stopped, this much he knew, and now Rathiel had the strength to do it.