Casper scanned the dimly lit camp, letting his vision trace over the semicircle of tents with a small fire now building at its center, to become trapped in the tangle of brush overhead, dispersing it slowly over the surrounding forest.
It was strange, he thought, having traveled with most of these women for the better part of a few weeks now he would have figured he knew them more by now.
Annabelle was off taking first watch somewhere he couldn’t quite see from his current position, while the others settled down in their tents to try their best to fall asleep after the day's events.
She seemed so angry.
Of course she was angry, Casper thought. Some men had gouged out her eye and left it a mess of meat on her face she now had to hide with a bandage. Casper had brought in a marked girl to their camp and told her to just deal with it. She may owe Casper her life, at least in regards to their cultural practices, but Casper couldn’t blame the woman if she was having some second thoughts about the whole ordeal.
For so many nights they sat around the campfire and told stories, shared meals, but it always felt like it happened in passing. Just something to do to pass the time before bed.
They had worked together, fought together, but it all felt so obligatory now that he thought about it.
Casper had been so caught up in his own revenge, his own quest, his own methodology, his own idea that he didn’t want anyone to travel with, he took the time they had spent for granted. Shit if he was asked to recall the topic of any of their past conversations he would be hard pressed to say anything beyond the superficial.
He supposed it was selfish, to realize that he in fact wanted their company only after he had lost them for only a moment. Similarly he supposed it was pretty damn foolish to sit here and think about how much he cared for these women now without even bothering to consider if they cared for him beyond their obligations…
Why did he care for them though? He thought.
That too was a selfish thought but one that surfaced too quickly to suppress. In his own mind, pinched somewhere between self reflection and self loathing he had already admitted to not really knowing any of them. So why then was he so enamored by their presence now? What shift happened when he wasn’t looking that turned his mind from wanting to travel alone to wanting to keep them by his side?
Casper was far from capable of pulling apart that thread on his own… but it didn’t stop him from casual speculation.
Was it the mark working through his body? Some primal, animalistic pack mentality? Was it something as awful as base sexual desire? Or was it to cover his weaknesses and use them?
He shivered, not wanting any of those to be the case. When Casper took a breath to really consider the emotions running through him, he wanted to believe that this longing for some friendship was truly his own desire. But why?
In that deep breath, the scent of smoke and sap permeated his nostrils. The sound of the faint crack and pop and sizzle of wood that hasn’t totally dried filling the gaps between faint breaths and the rustling of tents and bedrolls.
Pausing for a moment, Casper closed his eyes and let the moment linger.
No sight, no feminine figures to steal his attention away, not conversation to get his mind working through the next steps, no, it was just the moment.
Casper could hear the wind working its way through the canopy of brush above them, creating the faintest trace of a warm breeze that sung a familiar song through the stones around him.
The pure, earthy smell of rock and grass beneath his feet, grounding him to the spot in this moment in time.
The soft song Alex was singing in barely a whisper to Elisayra as she tried to sleep through the pain.
It was a pleasant melody, haunting slightly in the way old fairy tales were, but not unwelcome.
He couldn’t make out the words to it, Alex’s voice was too soft, too drowned by the ambient noise of other things in the camp.
Casper recalled faintly, being sung to when he was young, too young to remember the words or even who sung them.
He remembered the sounds of his friends, his family, playing outside just beyond the walls of his home while his father taught him, or rather tried to teach him, how to cook fowl.
Casper found himself smiling slightly, as the smells of the campfire turned into the smells of the hearth in his home for only a moment. The presence of Nephinae next to him became the reassuring aura of his aunt Talia who had come to help him learn reading and writing.
For a brief, fraction of a moment in time, Casper let the present moment swirl into the past around him. Existing both in this moment, and the moments that had come before.
Maybe that’s what it was then… he thought.
As the imagery and senses of his home melted away in his mind, he realized perhaps, a part of what had happened.
These women were all he had…
He didn’t know anyone else, he had no friends, no family, nothing. He was alone not out of choice, but because he had to be. He justified his loneliness and isolation to make it more manageable but Casper was never some loaner…
Casper let out a breath, and batted away at the faint trace of tears gathering in the corners of his eyes.
He would make an effort to befriend this women. He didn’t want their relationship to just be of convenience, a relationship of life debts. He cared for them, because he wanted to care for them. Because he knew then in that moment that if he didn’t have these women he would have nothing at all, and the thought of losing everything again terrified him more than anything.
Opening his eyes, Casper steeled his resolve and scanned the camp once more, letting the faint melody of Alex’s song tell him where she had gone for the evening.
“Nephinae.” Casper turned to address the woman as she bowed. “You can return to your tent for the evening, and thank you.” he smiled.
Nephinae deepened her bow in response, and turned to resign for the night.
Casper waited until she disappeared into the canvas, before approaching the tent Alex was in, eyeing the nameless girls tent in passing as he approached.
“Knock knock.” Casper spoke, miming the motion of knocking on a door to the closed flap.
The singing stopped then, as Alex responded, “Enter…”
Casper parted the flap of the tent and ducked his head inside.
Alex sat in a nightgown at Elisayra’s feet. The small half-elf was fast asleep under her bedroll, breathing softly with the faint trace of tears staining her cheeks.
“Sorry, I can return to my tent if you have business…” Alex starts, shifting slightly to move, but stops as Casper shakes his head.
“No no, It's alright…she looks like she needs you right now…” Casper noted, turning his attention back down to the sleeping half-elf.
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Alex’s hand had stopped rubbing the girl's small back, and in doing so Elisayra's face contorted slightly from the pain she was surely still feeling.
Noticing this as well, Alex nodded her understanding and continued to run her hand along Elisayra’s back in smooth, rhythmic motions, almost like polishing armor.
Casper stayed silent for a while, waiting and watching as Elisayra's face returned from it’s pinch of pain to a more relaxed, calm expression while Alex hummed the same tune to the sleeping girl.
“Nephinae would do this for me when I had trouble sleeping.” Alex explained, grinning down at Elisayra as she spoke.
“I would get horrible growing pains when I was younger, and our family doctor said it wasn’t healthy to remedy them with tonics, less it impede my development…”
Casper watched quietly as Alex traced her nails in circles around Elisayra’s shoulder blades, working the skin and muscle in a gentle massage, up to her shoulders, where she gently scratched and kneaded at the muscles of her neck, to her scalp, and then back down in a methodical line following her spine to the lower back.
“I would be awake for hours in my bed, everything hurting… Nephinae would ask me to lay on my side like Elisayra is now, and she would rub my back, and massage the muscles, and play with my hair until the pain was replaced with a pleasant tingle, which would help me fall asleep.”
“That sounds very pleasant.” Casper confirms with a smile of his own.
“She can do it better than I, she would sing the words to the incantations of her healing magic to help ease the pain as well. I don’t know any healing magic but I do know the song my mother sang to me… which isn’t magically healing but it feels that way, to me at least.” Alex blushes slightly, realizing what she said might have come off as embarrassing.
“I wish I could remember what was sung to me honestly… I’m envious of you.” Casper quickly admitted.
"You don’t recall what your mother sang?” Alex asked, turning for a moment to look at Casper, who had taken to sitting on the opposite side of Elisayra's legs.
“No, I can’t say that I do… I’m not even sure if it was my mother who was the one singing.”
“You don’t speak of your mother much, only your Father.” Alex noted.
He nodded to that, trying to figure out the best way to explain the situation.
“My father was the one who raised me, I never knew my mother, In fact My father rarely ever spoke of her. No idea why.”
“I’m so sorry to hear that…”
“No no, It's alright. Like I said, it's not as though I knew her. Not even a name. No one in my village spoke of her even in passing.”
“Hmmm…” Was all Alex said, as she continued to trace her nails against Elisayra's back, watching in satisfaction as the girl began to smile in her sleep.
Casper returned to watching her, watching Elisayra, and praying to the fates that the pain she felt would ease enough for a restful sleep. Alex must have noticed his attention on the girl's fingers, as she spoke again.
“I swore to her I would do everything in my power to repair her hands.” Alex started, her tone taking on alot more guilt that Casper would have expected.
“It’s not your fault…” Casper tried, but one look at Alex made him realize that she didn’t believe that.
“I was terrified, and I tried to run. I tried to escape the man in black. Twice. If I was smarter I could have come up with a plan, If I was stronger I could have helped fight them off, If I was more nimble I could have escaped…Instead I fumbled my way through everything and in turn got Elisayra hurt… Annabelle Hurt… Laihal hurt… It is my fault, because if I was better at anything we may have had a chance.”
Casper watched Alex, watched as her eyes filled with tears she tried to wipe away in vain.
She choked on her text words, trying not to let the pain in her voice show through, but unable to help it as she felt compelled to continue to speak.
“I have been nothing but a detriment. To you, to everyone. I wake up late, I'm slow on foot. I’m not as good a fighter as Annabelle and I'm not as skilled as Elisayra. From the moment you met me I have been a hindrance to you. You saved me from my uncle, took me in, and in turn I have been another mouth to feed and nothing more…” Alex’s voice cracks again, as the words once more get caught somewhere in her throat between the beginnings of tears.
Swallowing the sob, she lets her hand rest on Elisayra's back to bring her other hand up to hide her face and turn slightly away from Casper, finally unable to keep the emotions bottled up, her back heaves with a single sob.
“You, the others, you have done so much for me, you have helped me, fought for me, bled for me, been run from cities for me, agreed to take my handmaid for me, and the only thing I have done in return, the only thing I have done? Is rape you” She spits the word with so much disgust it makes Casper recoil slightly.
Alex breaks then… turning her body away from him as she brings her head into her hands to cry the apology into her palms.
“I- I- I…” Alex tries again, only to fall into another bout of sobs, heaving as she tries to stay quiet so as not to wake Elisayra.
“Casper, I don’t know how you can look at me…let alone be around me or stomach my presence.” She admits, shaking her head as she wipes away more tears despite them still flowing fresh from her eyes. “I deserve-”
Casper silences her as he places his hand on her back, and rubs the space between her shoulder blades in wide, circular motions, like polishing armor.
It works too, her words die on her lips as she sits confused at the contact for a time.
Casper hums silently, the broken fragments of a melody he recalled hearing around the fires of his hometown. Though not nearly as beautiful or elegant as the tune Alex sang, it was the one he knew the most of, and the one that always made him happy.
Using both hands, Casper rubbed Alex’s shoulders, and the muscles of her neck near the base of her skull, down the length of her spine to her lower back, kneading at the tension that still lingers there until he felt the knots give under the pressure of his palms.
“I enjoyed that night, Alex.” He said softly.
The sincerity in his tone made her loosen up more than rubbing her back did.
Alex turned slightly, daring a glance at him from the corner of her eye.
“You…did?” she asks, nervous.
“I did… I know our favorite little half-elf has a way of twisting things, and she dragged you into it, but that was my fault as well. It might not have been what I asked…or initially wanted, but trust me-” Casper blushes. “It was very enjoyable for me. Honestly Alex I was petrified that I had violated you two that night.” He admitted.
“You? Violate us? Maybe your memory of the night is wrong because I distinctly recall pinning you down…” Alex corrects, blushing hard herself as she quickly turns away to try and prevent Casper from seeing the redness spanning ear to ear.
“True.’ Casper admits, and instantly feels Alex tense up under his touch again.
“But…” he quickly corrects. “It was very uh. It was a very good time for me. Trust me.”
Alex relaxes once more, daring to turn again to see Casper's face.
“I'm…glad, I had never done anything like that before so I was worried I wouldn’t be good.” She breathes a sigh of relief.
“Really? Never? Could have fooled me… it was incredibly good” Casper admitted with no small amount of embarrassment.
His words seem to reach her. The tension in her body gives way to something more like pride, followed closely however by a building tension of another sort.
Her breathing increased then, only slightly, she Casper swore he heard her whisper the phrase, "really enjoyed it?"
"Is something the matter?" Casper asked cautiously.
"No! no, nothing... I was just almost very selfish again is all." Alex admitted softly.
"Selfish? how so?
Alex wiggled slightly as Casper continued to rub her back
"I- " she started, and then stopped again
Alex lowers her head slightly, turning just a little, while bringing her hands up to hug at her own sides, making her look incredibly vulnerable, Casper thought.
“I don’t wish to be…presumptuous Casper, I know the way you look at Annabelle, and I know I am not as endowed as she, nor is my hair as long or my body as toned…”
what was this? Casper thought suddenly, as he felt the rise and fall of her breath
"I know you do not look at me the same way, and in earnest Casper I... never felt these things towards a man before..."
Casper blinked slowly, trying to quickly process the shift this conversation was taking, though unable to fully gather his thoughts for the beating of his own heart in this moment
"Alex...?" Casper spoke her name softly, almost as a question.
Alex starts, shifting slightly under Casper's hands.
“If you still wish to pursue her as you seem to do, I of course couldn’t ever blame you… but… maybe… you would consider…?” Alex’s voice trails, as Casper feels her hands wrap around his.
Casper swallows, as Alex guides his hands to the sides of her breasts.
“Casper!” Annabelle's voice cuts through the camp form somewhere close by.
He must not have noticed her approach given the moment, but noted that she sounded almost right next to him.
Alex swiped Casper's hands away from her chest and turned quickly just in time to see Annabelle opening the tent flap.
“What's the problem?” Casper asked, also quickly turning and hoping the redness in his face had left already.
“People in the forest, close, they look like travelers too. Light armor, bows, they haven’t spotted us but they might if they get any closer.” Annabelle rattles off quickly, too deep into guard mode to notice the incredible tension still lingering in the tent between Alex and Casper.
“Shit, let me take a look.” Casper cursed as he offered a quick glance back towards Alex.
Their eyes met, and when they did what little confidence Alex seemed to have gained evaporated into embarrassment all over again.
Casper tried to reassure the woman with a look, not wanting to say too much out loud as he left the tent to join Annabelle and Laihal at the camps center.
“They won't know we are here, My disguise of the camp is nearly perfect. If we leave them be they will pass us by” Laihal insists, seemingly reigniting some manner of argument they were having before Annabelle had come to grab Casper.
“Is that a risk we want to take? I say we kill them, take their supplies, hide the bodies and prevent the possibility to begin with.” Annabelle says sharply, grabbing her sword as she power walks towards their camp's hidden entrance.
The half fiend quickly turns to Casper, her eyes begging him to see reason.
Casper gives the half-fiend a nod, and presses on after Annabelle just as she disappears behind the brambles.