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Dao of the Butcher
1.8 The Punchline - The Straight Man

1.8 The Punchline - The Straight Man

Chapter 6

The Punchline

The Straight Man

"Their is no beginning, their is no middle, their is no end. Their is only more. Their is ALWAYS more."

-Final Proverb of Divinity

Ashes rise up into the sky. The embers are carried into the heavens ever so carefully as though afraid to scatter them. The suns gentle light welcomes them.

A little girl at the top of a mountain waves goodbye to them and kneels before the pyre and thus begins to pray...

~^~

Xianyang

Divine Immortal Fortress City

Capital of the Grand Qin Dynasty

Seat of the Emperor

When Emperor Hongwu closed his eyes to take a rarely needed rest for a person of his stature and power the Grand Qin Dynasty sat at the apex of power all across the world. His ascension to power was relatively bloodless only a few thousand bloodlines extinguished or exiled. His reforms guaranteed that the next succession would require even less.

The Ogre Hordes had been content with raiding the border territories and had avoided going further into Qin territory as the coming Winter approached. The Harvests had been good and the few Hordes that did so had elected to trade for goods rather than raid, so for once taxes flew into the Imperial treasury instead of into the savages clumsy hands.

Speaking of the Treasury the accountants were for the first time in a thousand years predicting only mild economic collapse instead of divine punishment on the Imperial Finances and the Royal Court was due a "small" raise the Imperial Head of the Treasury not so subtly hinted.

The various Divine Halls, Heavenly Sects and Murim Dojos were content to resolve their differences in the coming Ten Thousand Trials of the Immortal Tournament next year.

"There is no peace."

Hongwu's Father had hammered this lesson into his heart and soul and the words were his last when he left this world for the Heavens.

"There is no peace."

The Dynasty that forgets this falls. The Dynasty that forgets this finds their fields fallow. The Dynasty that forgets this finds themselves surrounded by traitors and opportunists.

A Dynasty can only ever hope to be close. Close to peace. Close to prosperity. Close to the Heavens.

He had hoped that maybe, just maybe all of his work, all of his reforms would have gotten his people just close enough that he may close his eyes for 8 hours after hundreds of years of work and everything would be… at least not on fire when he awoke to continue the work of his great ancestors.

This hope lasted one hour twenty two minutes and forty one seconds exactly.

As he laid resting upon his fine bed a gentle knock had graced his door. It took all of his inner strength to not grasp the inse- the servant that dared to disturb him and rip them to shreds. He timidly opened his door and peeked out to see several servants bowing in supplication to him, one specifically ahead of the others.

The one that likely lost a bet to see who would rouse him. I allow the poor fool time to collect themselves I can feel the trepidation dripping from his aura, before I finally address them.

SPEAK.

And this better be good…

"Yes Your Imperial Majesty!"

There's no need to shout I can hear you just fine. I never could understand why people kept yelling at me whenever they spoke.

I who stood at the pinnacle of the Silver Moon could easily hear an ants heart beat from another continent over, but everyone who was fit to speak to him or his father or grandmother or her mother and so on and so forth down the family tree had done so and none of his family ever said anything, Hongwu assumed it was a tradition or something but sometimes he suspected that it was just because no one said anything.

Not that he ever planned to say anything either.

"The Third Armada is gone Your Imperial Majesty!"

Hongwu stares down at the servant, despite the earlier claims of superior ability to hear things he does not hear what was just said or more accurately is pretending to have misheard or perhaps the servant has misspoke.

The servants do not dare lift their heads up to look upon their Emperor. They do not dare to peek and see his reaction to their news.

The Emperor is waiting for a punchline.

Such is the power of a Cultivator of the Emperor's like that simply a word is all he would need to end their lives. Metaphorically and literally. The Emperor of course would not waste his power to stop their hearts he has people for that. They are unworthy of the Emperor killing them. Thus do they politely await their death sentences.

The Emperor is waiting for the servant to correct themselves. He gives them time to rethink their words. Though his physical body no longer needed to sweat… he feels it in his soul.

The Emperor sacrifices a hundred years of stored internal qi to send a Divine Imperial Decree of Communication to the Grand Qin 3rd Aerial Armada's Flagship. A One Time Instant Communication Technique that would bypass all of its information security systems to deliver word directly to the Armada Commander from the Emperor himself.

The servants hear something… they hear something that they have not heard before, alien to them at every level.

It is laughter.

The servant standing closest to the Emperor could not bear it any longer and with as much resolve as they could muster craned his head just a bit enough to peek a look at his Emperor.

His face is contorted into a facsimile of a human smiling, his perfect teeth are like the fangs of a snake a wolf and a spiders, his eyes are glowing rubies, jades and agates, shining brightly enough to be mistaken for stars. His skin is inhumanly smooth like that of a mannequin. His hands are not hands.

One of his hands that are not hands slowly and gently touches the servant.

WHAT. DO. YOU. MEAN. ITS. GONE!?

There was no reply.

The servant cannot move. The servant cannot feel his face. The servant feels like paper and all the Emperor need do is start tearing. He had only raised himself to the rank of Silver recently.

It would probably be no different.

A simple flick of the finger would be enough to kill the whelp. Though he laughs Emperor Hongwu was most definitely not amused. He very much wishes to kill something and why not the insect? Who would note their passing? Who would care?

It's probably why he was chosen to deliver this message in the first place.

It would be easy. It would be cathartic. It would be… wrong beneath him.

The Emperor sighs internally his emotions are suppressed as easily as they had run wild. He extracts his hand from the filthy peasant and the peasant in turn is very surprised to still be alive smashes his head upon the floor begging for meaningless forgiveness.

The Emperor has already forgotten they exist, leaving for the Imperial Crisis Control Room. A crisis after all is unfolding threatening to overthrow the entire dynasty.

He needed to act fast.

~^~

Imperial Crisis Control Room

1 minute since the 3rd Armada disappeared…

The Grand Qin 3rd Aerial Armada despite its size was not a conventional fleet by the Dynasties design. It did not exist to scout out and conquer the frontier territories as the 1st and 4th Armadas were, it was to big and to slow for that. It did not monitor and protect the borders of the Dynasty as the 2nd and 5th Armadas did it was to small and under manned for that.

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Despite all of this it was not an exaggeration to say that the 3rd Armada had the most important role of the 6 Armadas. It's purpose was to be a parade fleet. A parade fleet that was made up distinguished members of every major sect, hall and dojo across the entire dynasties territory acting in unison to show off their wealth, prestige and above all unity across every major city upon the world of Chu, thereby displaying the unity and power that made up the Qin Dynasty.

The spectacle of so many Cultivators in one place not killing each other wows the peasants, and projects the dynasty as having some tenuous ability to control the monsters that nested within it's bosom regardless if it is only for show.

It is a good show.

It inspired Cultivators and Taxpayers from across the world to uplift themselves from their ancestral lands and create a new life in the Grand Qin Dynasty which in turn enriched the Dynasty and thus brought more Cultivators and Taxpayers.

Its existence was the combined effort of a thousand previous Emperors and one President to establish over a hundred thousand years of blood sweat and tears. It represented the pinnacle of Dynasty diplomatic and public relations ability.

That despite the fundamental truth of the world one may achieve greatness without filling an ocean of blood. That is what the miracle of the 3rd Fleet represents.

A truly unique existence.

AND ITS GONE.

"Yes your Majesty."

The Emperor sits upon the Imperial Command Throne staring at a holographic representation of where the fleet should be right now projected by a Divine Holotable that is surrounded by all the most highest levels of government officials and military personnel within the Dynasty.

The sounds of technicians and monitors clicking and clacking fill the silence around them.

HOW IS IT JUST GONE!?

"We don't know your Majesty. Orbital Assets tracked the 3rd Armada's Position across the Star Sea its path was carefully monitored."

"I swear your Majesty, the Diviner's Division in conjunction with the Grand Bureau of Intelligence checked, double checked, triple checked the path of the 3rd Armada! Nothing we-"

"Fool do not drag your betters into the fire to lessen your own sin! The Bureau had fulfilled its mandate to the letter! It is your responsibility to track the constant ebb and flow of destiny!"

"We are not omniscient! We cannot see what is not there! Your Bureau is-"

"Insolence! Draw your-"

HOW LONG DO WE HAVE?

The beginnings of an argument ceases. It will not last long and it will not be a simple measure to cease it again. He is no true diviner but with power comes the ability to cheat a bit. He can hear the sound of footsteps approaching the Control Room.

The room is silent in the face of his inquiry. Until finally one of his Generals finds his backbone.

"We… we have no time at all my lord…"

The door to the Control Room is busted open by an Imperial Scout. He kneels as respect and constant training has been hammered into him.

He gives his report.

Then flees to some other critical duty not waiting to be dismissed as he is quickly replaced by another and another and another and another and another… they are going to need another room.

~^~

2 days since the 3rd Armada disappeared…

Peking

Immortal Sword Hall of Mount Kunlun

Regional Capital of the Northern Territories of the Grand Qin Dynasty

Patriarch Yuan seated upon the Immortal Throne of Kunlun gazed impassively ahead at the gathering dignitaries and representatives of various factions before him. Upon his lap sits a Pure Jade Tablet with Gold inscriptions that read Yuan Shang, the tablet was beautiful until one more closely inspected it and found that it was cracked at the bottom and from that crack maggots begun to crawl out. Patriarch Yuan paid no mind to this disturbance for any of the maggots that tried to desecrate himself immediately burned away before they even had the chance to touch him, those creatures that remained on the tablet however were allowed to fester.

His face projected an air of tranquility and peace that any would accept at face value if they did not know him well.

If you did happen to know him however… you would not want to be in the same room as him right now.

He was very angry.

"The Poison Fang Sect pledges its allegiance!"

"The Hound Fist Sect pledges its allegiance!"

"The Great Flower Sword Hall pledges its allegiance!"

"The Dancing Rain Sword Hall pledges it's allegiance!"

"The Bamboo Sword Hall pledges its allegiance!"

"The Divine Dragon Sword Hall pledges its allegiance!"

"The Long Fang Sword Hall pledges its allegiance!"

"The Twin Blade Sword Hall pledges its allegiance!"

"The Golden Monkey Sword Hall pledges its allegiance!"

The list of Sect's, Sword Halls and Dojo's that owed their allegiance to Mount Huangshan were as numerous as droplets of rain.

In the coming battles despite the difference in combat strength and skill, against the Imperial Army at least half of them would be culled.

They lacked organization. They lacked tactics and strategy that involved forces larger than a few thousand at most. They would step over the bodies of hundreds of thousands of Imperial Soldiers each but would succumb to the millions of soldiers that would replace them.

The average Imperial Soldier peaked at the beginning of the Silver Moon ranks.

For most Sect's it was the bare minimum to even imagine entering their doorway, for the Imperial Army it was worth being made a Colonel.

Regardless their presence here was a matter of honor and revenge. Though not being here…

WHERE ARE THE REPRESENTATIVES OF MOUNT HUA? WHERE ARE THE SWORD BRETHREN? WHERE ARE OUR SISTERS AND BROTHERS IN THE WEST?

He need not ask for all knew the answer already but certain things need be said aloud before they may appear real to those that listen closely.

This of course does not improve the mood of Patriarch Yuan.

In an unrelated incident a Mountain thousands of li away collapses as though stabbed by a sword.

A poor sap unfortunately steps forward more courage than brains. He bears a symbol of a flower and sitting on a lily pad. The symbol of a one of a myriad of sects loyal to Mount Hua that the Patriarch can't off the top of his head remember.

"A letter from Mount Hua and the associated Sects within the Northwest... they sympathize with our plight, but have chosen to remain neutral in this affair as will all associated Sects. Mount Hua will remain silent on this day..."

Another fool steps forward he bore the symbol of a sword stabbing into the head of a demon boar. Sweat dripping down his face.

"The Brethren Sword Hall wishes to await a proper investigation into the disappearance of the 3rd Armada... they will not act unless the Grand Adjudicator passes a judgement and thus despite their sympathies, will also refrain from participating in any action against the Qin Dynasty and neither will they support the Qin. The Lord Council however expresses pati-"

The poor fool is forced to his knees the aura of the Patriarch spiking, all within the Hall kneels under the pressure, but for the poor bastard he is reduced to nothing as the Patriarch finally stands up, the Jade Tablet upon his lap turning to ash, to all gathered the weight of his intent was made clear. Imperial Soldiers all across Kunlun begin to explode into viscera without warning and with no way to defend themselves, hundreds of millions dead with a single step.

LET ALL BEAR WITNESS TO THEIR TREACHERY IN OUR HOUR OF NEED.

WE BEAR WITNESS!

None would say otherwise.

~^~

3 months since the 3rd Armada disappeared…

When the news of the Grand Qin Dynasty 3rd Armada disappearance eventually spread beyond the ears of the need to know to say that the news was not received well would be an understatement.

While the average layman was hardly expected to know the full implications of an entire Armadas destruction, the list of important sounding names that accompanied the declaration across the land could only really mean one thing.

War.

Against who? Against the Emperor? Against the various Sects? Some other third party not yet revealed, the people did not really know for sure. What they were sure of was that it was probably for the best to find a new home.

Preferably three months ago…

Of course three months ago was three months ago so it was already to late to be not here.

Under the Banner of Mount Kunlun and Command of Patriarch Yuan Shao of the Immortal Sword Hall a majority of the Northern Territories of the Grand Qin Dynasty rose in revolt sparking a wave of revolutions through out the Empire.

All those who over the years had a collection of grievances about the tax situation of the Empire, their position in the hierarchy of the Empire, just wanted an excuse to murder people, or just saw an opportunity and decided now was the time to do so… did so.

Most of the Revolutions within the Middle Territories would be made up of a collection of small Cultivator Sect Alliances more concerned with settling scores than with tearing down the government.

They would do that to if they found the time but in the coming months most would annihilate each other, be destroyed by the Imperial Army or be bribed by the Imperial Treasury to go away and then destroyed later by the Imperial Army.

Outside the North the other serious threat to the Grand Qin Dynasty would be in the South.

Under the Banner of the Hunan and Command of Patriarch Sun Quan of the Hidden Lion Heart Sect all the Southern Territories of the Grand Qin Dynasty rose up in revolt.

~^~

5 months since the 3rd Armada disappeared…

In response to the rapidly escalating situation the Emperor would declare Martial Law.

The 2nd and 5th Armada as well as 100 Jade Generals and associated Legions would be deployed South with orders to apprehend Sun Quan and his associated Family and Elders in hopes that a peace can be negotiated.

In the North the Emperor deploys the 1st and 4th Armada alongside 350 Jade Generals associated Legions and whatever Legions may be reassigned along the way and if needs must even those that probably shouldn't be.

There can be no peace with Yuan Shao.

The Emperor calls on Oaths and Treaties established since the establishment of the Grand Qin Dynasty made by various Sects throughout the Empire to appeal for peace and diplomacy.

The Dynasty would pay recompense for the losses accrued and warns that it is unknown who the perpetrators of the disappearance of the 3rd Armada are and that they are still at large.

These calls for reason goes mostly unheeded.

~^~

8 months since the 3rd Armada disappeared…

The 1st and 5th Armada are almost rendered completely combat ineffective. What little remains of the 1st links up with the 4th. The 5th quits the field completely.

The 2nd Armada and its remaining retinue are caught in a fierce battle against Sun Quan who wages a brutal guerrilla campaign against the Imperial Army.

The 4th Armada was once on the verge of defeat but what can only be described as a miracle saves it from devastation.

As the Fleet had been in low orbit for resupply and repairs a great wind scattered the cloud cover over the horizon and night turned to day revealing a sneak attack by the forces of Kunlun.

The 4th opened up with everything it could dealing a heavy toll upon the traitors forcing them to retreat and allowing the 4th to retreat relatively unscathed.

70 of the deployed Jade Generals have been killed in battle, surprisingly more than half of them struck down in the South.

As for the price in mortal lives… a lot.

~^~

A year since the 3rd Armada's disappearance…

Yuan Shao establishes the Kingdom of Wuhan in the North and establishes Peking as its capital. It claims a majority of the Northern Territories as its own up to Hu Lao pass a strategic point that forces any military transporting troops by ground to do so piecemeal.

The Qin Dynasty as the price of peace recognizes the newly established Kingdom and its sovereignty.

Sun Quan is ultimately bribed into complacency. He is further granted so much autonomy over the South that he is the Ruler of a Kingdom in all but name. The expected tax revenue from his territory if he even remembers to pay it (he won't) would be a pittance compared to the size of his domain.

The final sum of Imperial casualties reads as so:

The 4th and 6th Armada's are all that remains combat ready, the 6th was held in reserve for the entirety of the war berthing above the Capital and remaining on alert at all times.

The 4th Armada had gone through the war relatively unscathed its Admiral Nimitz refused to meet the enemy in open battle, instead constantly harassing the Cultivator Fleets at range. A majority of its needs were in munitions and retrofitting new weapons systems as several had been used to the brink of destruction.

Of the overall 450 Jade Generals deployed for battle, 260 fell in honorable combat, 121 were wounded and are in extensive care and will likely not be active in any less than a few hundred years.

The remainder have varying amounts of injuries but remain combat effective.

As for the price in mortal life? A lot.

The mortal plain is in dire straits, the battles between the Imperial Army and the Cultivator Alliances shook the world and rained fire upon the innocent.

Neither the wealthy or the poor were spared in this regard the lowliest village was crushed under foot just as easily as the massive metropolitan cities.

Also a Famine and Drought but really that goes without saying.

~^~

Xianyang

Divine Immortal Fortress City

Capital of the formerly Grand Qin Dynasty

Seat of the Emperor

Imperial Throne Room

Hongwu wishes that he could get drunk. He wishes that he could go back to sleeping. His biology had been so altered by his Cultivation that getting drunk is impossible, and he is too paranoid to go to sleep again, over 1,592 assassination attempts would do that to a person.

At the very least the worst of it is over…

"Yes your Majesty."

His court is in disarray. Courtly etiquette has been mostly thrown to the side in exchange for practicality and comfort. The Head of the Department of the Interior was sleeping at his desk. The General of the Right was writing letters to families all across the Empire or what was left of it… his fingers were bleeding.

The Head of the Treasury was crying in a corner.

Of all the gathered members of Court she was the one he most sympathized with… it was likely that he was going to need to do something nice for her when the situation stabilized.

Some levity would do. They weren't all dead after all that was something to celebrate.

At the very least we will not need to host the Tournament now…

If you listen carefully you can hear a pin drop.

"Y-you're Majesty…"

If I am being perfectly honest I hated hosting them.

"Oh… oh no… y-you tell him."

The fighting got boring the further up the roster we went and the speeches oh the speeches… they were terrible. No one cares what so-so Great Great Grandfather's duck did to your Great Great Uncle Twice Removed pet lion! No one!

"I already had to tell him about the 1st Armada it's your turn!"

I am telling you at some point they have to be making it up…

Emperor Hongwu sighs.

They are still coming for the Tournament aren't they?

"Yes your Majesty."

He looks outside.

F-

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