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Cyber Dreams
6.2 Something Bigger

6.2 Something Bigger

Juliet hung her gi in her locker with her other training gear. She’d taken a quick shower and cleaned up, though if Tristan were expecting her to dress up, he’d be disappointed. He’d invited her to a park, after all. Over her black, steel-toed motorcycle boots, she wore some of her favorite jeans, faded and worn in all the right ways—comfortable and confidence-boosting, which is what she needed. Her shirt was a minor concession in that it wasn’t an old T. Rather, it was a soft, breezy, button-up, collared blouse with long sleeves and just the right kind of neckline if she kept the top couple of buttons undone.

Her Texan was stowed under her motorcycle seat, but she’d be wearing the monoblade; Tanaka had done a fabulous job of ingraining that habit in her. She couldn’t imagine walking around in a city where any alley, parked car, or crowd of strolling strangers could hide an enemy without it.

Maybe someday, if she retired and bought a place like Aya’s folks in a quiet dome on Mars, she’d hang the sword up. She’d learned what it could do, though, and the idea of going around without it felt monumentally stupid, especially in her line of work. So, there it was, hanging from her belt on the custom multi-jointed mounting clips that gave it just the right amount of mobility without allowing it to bounce around and trip her up.

She shrugged into her riding jacket—another new acquisition. It was built to protect her from sliding on asphalt, but the leather-like polymer material was rated to resist small-arms fire. She liked the cut of it. The rust-colored shoulders and sleeves and the layered blue-black torso sections gave it a sleek but rugged appearance, and, just like her jeans, it made her more confident.

Catching herself thinking about how her clothes boosted her confidence, she paused, looked in the mirror, and had the presence of mind to wonder why. She supposed it was because Jensen—Tristan—hadn’t been in town for nearly a month, and they hadn’t exactly kept in close contact while he’d been gone. Then, when he got back, he messaged her, and rather than asking her out to a restaurant or even inviting her over to his place, he’d said they needed to talk. “And invited me to a park,” she groaned.

“You’re worried he’s ending things?” Angel was quick to pick up on the topic.

“Kind of. I don’t know why; you know how I feel. He’s nice and handsome and totally gets me being unavailable due to my work, but I know this isn’t really love. God, I wish I never went into Tono’s head. Forget Tono. I wish I had never experienced Roy Tornado’s feelings for Antigone. Shit, Angel, do you think it’s a guy thing? Do they feel love differently, more passionately, than women?”

“Hah!” was Angel’s only response, aptly demonstrating her opinion of that idea.

Juliet smiled, inwardly admitting that the idea was silly. She looked at herself in the mirror, leaning in for a close examination. She never really wore any makeup, and she wasn’t going to start now. She was ninety-nine percent sure her looks weren’t the problem. Her nanites did a great job of keeping her skin looking good, and she had natural coloring that, if Ladia were to be believed, many women—and men—would kill for. Admitting that illustrated how much she’d changed; even six months ago, she might have argued that she was a rather plain-looking woman.

“You know, it’s nice having friends who build me up. I’ve done a good job picking ‘em since I met you, don’t you think?”

“I do think so! Even your more contentious relationships are fun-loving, ribbing sorts of situations. I mean, for instance, Barns, Applebaum, and that loveable muscle-head, Bennet.”

Juliet smiled, hurrying toward the door, her boots thumping on the cork flooring. “He is loveable, isn’t he?” Thinking of Bennet, of course, brought to mind the rest of the Kowashi crew. They were currently working on a big corporate contract to recover materials from a wrecked transport ship that had put down on Phobos, failing to reach its destination on Mars due to a reactor failure.

It was a big job, but the corporation was providing security, and it was in a densely populated part of the System, so the risk of pirates and rogue salvagers trying to jump the claim was very low. Still, Juliet found herself worrying if she didn’t get a daily update from Alice or Aya.

She managed to slip out of the office without anyone noticing her, and soon, she was straddling her bike and cruising out of the parking garage, following Angel’s directions on her mini-map. As she went, she knew she felt different. She felt more confident and capable, and at first, she chalked it up to endorphins from Tanaka’s approval and the little “celebration” they’d had where everyone was congratulating her, but it was more than that.

This was the first time she’d been out, alone, with an actual monoblade on her hip. The difference between having a weapon like that and the skill to use it versus just understanding the technical definition of a monoblade was an enormous gulf that she hadn't understood back when she’d taken it from Tanaka.

With her sword, she could cut through solid steel doors, ride past a car and destroy it with a few swings, and destroy combat synths that would shrug off bullets from her Texan. She felt like a walking weapon and supposed she’d become one. It was both thrilling and sobering, and as it sank in, she began to understand why Tanaka felt he had to put a warning on her arm.

There was a reason she’d heard stories about monoblades and their wielders when she was a kid. There was a reason they were popular as villains and heroes in vids, games, and other media. There was a subculture of mercenaries, operators, and criminals built up around swords; naturally, the monoblade sat at the apex of their mythos.

Juliet had learned a thing or two about monoblades, and hers in particular, over the last few months. She remembered when she’d tried to give the blade to Honey back when she’d rescued her from Titan, and her friend had refused, saying she couldn’t take a gift worth a 100k, nor would she want to be seen wearing one.

As it turned out, the sword she was wielding was worth closer to a million bits. There were only a handful of companies capable of creating the perfect monomolecular edge that her sword enjoyed, though some knockoffs came close—those were the 100k swords. They’d work for a while, but eventually, their imperfections would cause a catastrophic hangup while it cut.

If she wanted to replace her sword, regardless of her bank account, Juliet would be on a waiting list for months, maybe years, assuming she couldn’t find a private seller. For every one of the rare swords actively in use, there were three or four on a rich collector’s shelf or ruined in a duel; the demand for new ones never let up, and supply couldn’t keep pace.

“Duels,” Juliet sighed, wondering how long it would take for someone to see her walking around and throw down a gauntlet. She hoped Tanaka was right about her tattoo and that it would discourage such a challenge. She wasn’t afraid of a fight, but she’d learned a healthy respect for her sword and didn’t relish meeting an enemy with a comparable weapon.

She’d been thinking about swords and duels so intently that she’d hardly noticed the ride out of downtown and over to one of Luna’s many parks. Before she knew it, she was pulling into the small parking area—most people took public transit or biked to such a destination. “Well, time to find out what we need to ‘talk’ about, I guess.”

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Angel, of course, tried to provide some cheer, “I think popular media makes too much of such a request. I doubt it’s anything bad. Maybe he wants to enjoy the warm weather and some nature with you. Maybe he wants to tell you about his job or ask if you’re upset about his prolonged absence.”

“I love your optimism, sis.” Juliet pulled her helmet off and shook out her—currently—wavy, auburn hair. Despite her helmet and the slight damp leftover from her shower, it held its form perfectly. The breeze and sun felt great, and she sat there for a minute, watching the people walking on the paths.

Juliet liked watching kids; she’d always taken some comfort in their innocence, in the way they embraced life while at play. They weren’t worried about corporations or bills or debts. She frowned at that thought. These kids weren’t concerned about those things, but plenty of kids out there didn’t have anyone who cared about them enough to bring them to a park to play.

With a sigh, she stood from the bike and hooked her helmet into its cradle. The air was warm, and she knew she’d be sweating quickly if she had to walk far, so she shrugged out of her jacket, folded it, and stuffed it into the compartment under her seat with the Texan. The breeze through her thin, pale gray blouse was almost chilly, so she started walking, eager to get out of the shade and into some sun.

Still following directions on her AUI, she meandered down the path, enjoying the fresh odors Angel let through her olfactory implants. Thinking about that, she chuckled and said, “You know what? I was starting to think Luna City was cleaner than my first impression, but I think you’ve been blocking the musty smells!”

“Well, of course! Who wants to smell gray water irrigation or urine in the gutters?”

“I mean, I guess I’m enjoying life more without those odors, but, like, don’t let me forget what’s real! I don’t want my life to be a sim.”

“I’ll let some unpleasantness bleed through now and then. I’d never block important smells in a tactical situation, but I’ve been doctoring things around Luna.”

Before Juliet could reply, she caught sight of Tristan leaning against a white, plasteel railing fabbed-up to look like wooden planks, gazing out over one of the fresh-water recreation ponds in the park. Following his gaze, Juliet saw people out on the water in kayaks and even swimming. “That looks fun.”

Tristan heard her, even from fifteen meters, and Juliet wondered if he’d had his PAI listening for her voice. He turned, waved, and leaned back against the railing, watching her approach. As she got near, he pointed to her feet. “Boots? What if I wanted to meet you for a jog?”

“Then you should’ve said so.” Juliet smiled and leaned close, giving him a soft kiss. His blond stubble was short and almost invisible, but it tickled her chin as he pressed into her. Juliet was a little surprised by the eagerness of his kiss, but he broke it off after just a few seconds and, squinting into the bright sky, he smiled and inhaled deeply. Juliet joined him, leaning half on the fence and half against his side, enjoying a moment of closeness without words.

“You look great. Is that a new sword?” he asked. Juliet had already felt the gun in his waistband, so she didn’t feel weird about coming armed to a “date,” if that’s what this was.

“Yeah.” She didn’t elaborate.

“I’m not much of a sword guy, but it looks high-end.”

“It’s a good one. I got it from Tanaka.” Jensen knew she was training with Tanaka, but that was all he knew. She shifted, turning so she could look into his face more easily. “Your job go okay?”

“Better than okay.” Despite the positive words, his eyes looked troubled, and he frowned, shaking his head. “I gotta bite this bullet ‘cause it’s been on my mind for weeks, and I’ve been dreading this conversation. I’m sure you figured something was bothering me, yeah?”

“Well, you know what they say: when someone says ‘we need to talk,’ it’s generally not a good sign.”

“Ah!” He groaned, slapping his head. “Listen, Lucky, you asked if my job went well, and I wasn’t lying. It went great, but because of that, because of what I’m working on, I gotta dip out of the spotlight for a while. My . . . handlers? No, more like partners—they’re pissed that I poked my head up long enough to meet with you today, but there’s no way I’m telling you this in an encrypted message.”

“A while?” Juliet clung to the pertinent part of his statement.

“Yeah. TBD. Could be a month or a year. Shit, could be longer. This is something big, Lucky, something bigger than me, you, or any combination thereof. I want to tell you more, but it wouldn’t do anything but jeopardize the trust people have in me and probably put you in danger.”

Juliet frowned, folding her arms over her chest. “No idea how long and can’t tell me where you’re going, huh? Jens . . . Tristan, if you wanna break things off, just say so. No need to turn your life upside down, hiding from me.” Juliet was half joking, but she couldn’t help some real hurt entering her voice. Part of her wanted to listen to his thoughts, but she’d come to an agreement with herself where the lattice was concerned. Once she knew someone, once she trusted them and didn’t think they presented a danger to her or the people she cared about, she would avoid doing that. It just wasn’t right to invade that privacy.

“Come on. I’m not a coward. I like you. I mean a lot. I like the time we spend together. I think about you a lot when I’m not with you, but yeah, I gave up dreams of having a happy family life a long, long time ago. I can’t let this . . . situation pass me by. People are counting on me, and . . .” he trailed off, shrugging.

Juliet looked into his eyes. They were a lot like Leo’s, pale and blue, but Jensen’s had a different quality, more like ice, and, in the frame of his brow and bone structure, they had a definite predatory quality. She loved them. She wanted to be annoyed, but she wasn’t being fair. If anyone could understand having to drop personal relationships because of a greater duty, it was her. What would she do if someone learned about Athena and she had to get the AI to safety? Would she linger, telling the people she cared about, even loved, what was going on? Would she refuse, consequences be damned?

The thought experiment was a good one because when she imagined the scenario, it wasn’t Jensen she pictured having to say goodbye to; it was Aya and the Kowashi crew, Honey, Frida, and even Tanaka. Still, she couldn’t deny how much she liked those eyes, and there was no arguing about his talent with those lips of his. Juliet unfolded her arms and reached up, gently pulling his face toward hers. She kissed him softly several times.

She could feel his reluctance, as if he was worried that she wasn’t taking the message, that she was trying to convince him to change his mind. She smiled, gripped his head a little tighter, pulled his forehead against hers, and whispered, “Don’t worry, dummy. I understand. Don’t think I’m going to wait around here for you, though.”

He blurted a short laugh, but his voice was thick with emotion when he replied, “Hey, it’s a small system. Who knows what’ll happen?”

Juliet lowered her hands and wormed her arms under his, pressing herself against his chest and hugging him softly. He returned the embrace, and they stood that way for several minutes before Juliet pulled away. “All right, then. Stay safe.”

She wanted to say more, to wrap things up neatly, putting the relationship into a box she could stow away in her mind, but her stupid eyes started welling up with moisture, and her throat constricted with emotion. Considering all her thoughts about what she knew love was and how she was sure this wasn’t it, the reaction was maddening. Still, she was human, and someone she’d been intimate with, someone she liked and cared about, was leaving her. Wasn’t it normal to feel something?

She looked down, embarrassed, and unwound herself from his embrace. He tried to hold onto her, his fingers lingering on her arms as she pulled back. “Hey, hey. I’m sorry, all right? This isn’t easy for me either . . .”

“Hush. Let’s leave it at this. I’m glad we never fought. I mean, for real.” She managed a small laugh, shaking her head. “I’m glad we never said anything mean to each other. I’ve nothing but fond memories of you, Jensen. Tristan.” Juliet laughed, shaking her head, no longer trying to hide the tears sliding down her cheeks.

He smiled, then, still gripping one of her wrists, leaned close and whispered, “Walker.”

“Huh?”

“My real name. Walker. If we meet again, maybe I’ll tell you the rest of it, and you can tell me yours.”

Juliet smiled and nodded. “I like that better. You never looked like a Tristan to me.” He didn’t smile or respond, but he stared into her eyes, and she saw an understanding there. The idea that they had more in common than she’d thought suddenly struck her. She gave his lingering hand a final squeeze and turned away. She felt his eyes on her as she retreated down the path. She wanted to run, hating the slow goodbye, but she forced herself to walk normally, straightening her shoulders and breathing deeply, letting the park air wash away the emotions.

“I guess I was wrong,” Angel said as she rounded a corner.

Juliet choked out a laugh, surprised by Angel’s droll humor. “Understatement!”

“Well, in my defense, I’ve researched several blogs that agree with my earlier assessment—needing to ‘talk’ isn’t always bad!”

“Seriously? You saw how things were going and decided to research some support for your earlier opinion? You kill me, Angel.” Juliet knew Angel was just distracting her from her feelings, and she appreciated it. “Well, for the record, I’m not so sure I was right either. Suddenly, I feel like we had something a lot closer to love than I thought.”

“The heart wants what it can’t have . . .”

“Oh, brother!” Juliet sighed, lifting her bike’s seat and fishing her jacket out of storage. “No more clichés, please.” As she threw her leg over her seat and pulled her helmet on, she took another deep, cleansing breath and said, “Tomorrow, we’ll talk to Tanaka about Ghoul and start on WBD. I guess it’s nice I won’t have whatever was between me and Jensen—Walker—distracting me.”

“Sounds like a plan. What’s on the agenda for tonight?”

“Ice cream. Isn’t that what I’m supposed to eat after a breakup?” She giggled and started the bike. “Yeah, ice cream and a long vid call with Aya. Are they close enough?”

“There’s currently a seven-point-three-minute delay between Luna and Mars space. You could take turns sending long messages.”

“Yeah. That sounds good. Let’s do that.” Juliet twisted her throttle and sped away from the park, and, rather than drive straight to the port where all three of her ships were docked, she angled toward the nearest agridome, intent on letting her bike stretch its legs. She wanted to feel some speed.