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Cullgrade
5. No Straight Roads

5. No Straight Roads

Distance is distance. Unless you have access to a wormhole or some other means of teleportation, it’s inevitable that it takes time to reach a place.

Then again.

They do say ‘it’s about the journey, not the destination’. So, in some way, it really is a positive.

As for me, I can appreciate both sides of it. Making the most of your situation is part of living a fun life. Through and through. If you can master this skill, you're set for a good time!

On the topic of good times. I’m actually trying to make the most of my road trip with Rainee right now. Having tended to my grandparents in the morning and my archnemesis rival Vorthal Blackhand over lunch, I was pretty much set to go.

Through a process of taking high-speed rail, some walking, and finding Rainee’s car, we end up where we are now. Comfortably seated and enjoying ourselves to the maximum.

And by comfortable, I really do mean it!

This car, or rather van, is large enough to accommodate seven people, with two seats in the front, two in the middle, and a longer interconnected one in the back.

Plus.

Each seat is layered by the hide of exotic creatures, expensive, durable, and just really comfortable all around!

Ahh.

Sinking my body into a cool cushion, I smile. Considering how expensive this vehicle is, it seems only right to indulge in the moment.

“Ooh.”

Three seconds in, and I feel something in my right trouser pocket.

A vibration.

Someone messaged me.

Taking my phone out, I open my texting application. Here it is. Beneath a profile picture of Walediales posing in a suit is a text. Or, to be more specific, a long-winded apology condensed in the form of one.

‘No harsh feelings, Azama. You are still my favourite human, or blood bag (depending on the context of our relationship at the time). But ultimately, between the possibility of getting bombed by Rainee and sending you to him, I’ve chosen the latter. Forgive me for the short notice, but he literally called right in between your last mission. Wherever you are, I wish you the best.’

Cute.

I find her little text to be quite charming.

To get a personalised message from ice-queen Walediales herself. Ol Azama is quite the lucky man.

‘Walediales’, I type. ‘You too are my favourite vampire, or pale-skinned sovereign (depending on the context of our relationship at the time). I will probably be alright because after all, I am Azamazing. Love you always <3.’

And…. Send! Now then, as much as I do love to converse with her, I should probably focus my mind on the task at hand.

Rainee who’s sitting on the seat opposing is looking at me after all. It just doesn’t feel right to leave someone who obviously wants to say something hanging.

“So, Rainee, got anything, in particular, to relay to yours truly?

With his usual self-consciousness, he replies, “We’re gonna be there pretty soon.” Then, looking away for a good few seconds, adds “so, yeah, there’s that.”

As per custom, he converses in a manner that betrays some innate inability to be comfortable and fidgets over the tiniest details.

It seems then, that the quest of alleviating his stress, falls to me.

Consequently, I muse. “That and many other new possibilities and adventures before us, no doubt.”

Taking my words in, Rainee nods. His breathing becomes more rhythmic, and his back straightens. With newfound confidence, he then thrusts out his hand, reaching into the middle table between us.

Hovering above a plate of cake, Rainee’s left hand descends like a crane.

Pluck. He grabs onto it with almost surgical precision.

Satisfied, Rainee puts it to his mouth, eats it in three bites total, and soon begins to cut himself another.

Honestly, observing people can be really fun. There are a lot of little details you can notice. In particular, I’ve realised over the course of the last twenty minutes that Rainee is quite awful at cutting cake. Especially ones with a hard base. He somehow always manages to break it apart and on the occasion, send a crumb flying my way.

While I would propose to do it, given the efficiency of my cutting, I think it’s important that he develops his own skills. Which, speaking of, brings me to a good point. There are only two people in this car right now. And both of us are eating cake.

With me being satisfied to not drive, and Rainee being unable to.

To elaborate on the latter, no, I don’t mean it in a crude, condescending or fatalistic sense implying we’re about to nose-dive off a hill, but rather literally.

Simply put, the car we’re in is a wonder of artificial intelligence, so the need for any of us to tend to it, is null. Quite common in the USA these days actually. Only reason Walediales didn’t have me in one is because vampires tend to be distrustful around machines. As a result, we’d just been eating and talking for the majority of the ride, simply basking in the moment, if you would.

“Damn, this is some nice cake,” Rainee says, simultaneously repeating himself for the seventh time while reaching for his tenth slice.

“I know, right, mhmm.” I joke, taking a bite. “I wonder which wonderful and talented genius made it.”

The mage heaves out a sigh. “You did. Azama, you did.”

“Say, Rainee, what’s your impression of me so far?”

Bewildered, Rainee’s eyes darts from left to right. Out of reflex, he prepares to scratch the back of his head with his left hand but realises he’s holding a slice of cake and stops himself mid-way. A few seconds pass. Though I already know the answer to my question, and though I know it sprung from nowhere, I still make no effort to justify it.

“Hey, you can’t just spring a question like that out of nowhere!” He complains.

“Next time, I’ll give more of a physical indicator then,” I say, propelling my arms forward and shaking them.

Sorry Rainee, but teasing you is just way too entertaining.

Rainee sighs. “Well, I guess you’re, uh, really strange,” he raises his hands out in defence. “But like, in a good way though, like different, you know?”

“Huh, what?” I reply, cupping my ear. “You’re gonna have to be a bit more specific than that.”

To think the grandest mage falls prey to such acts.

“I mean,” He looks to the table, then back to me suddenly. “You just treat me like a normal person, which is, you know, pretty cool.”

Poor Rainee. You must be quite the poor fellow to think nice people are strange. Thinking that being treated like a normal person should be the exception. You deserve better!

The narrative has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the infringement.

“We belong to the same world, after all. You might be a mage, and me a magicless cretin mercenary, but our spheres of operation aren’t that different.

Rainee sighs. “You say that, but even mages treat me like a walking bomb on a fuse.”

The ends of my lips curve upwards. “To some degree, you are.”

Amongst the top 1.4% who have the necessary vessels for magic, heirs or heiresses to the Althaiez line, throughout history, have been close to being the best. Unlike other magical heritages, however, the vessels of an Althaiez are not passed through genetics.

It is a power instead, willingly handed from one to another. The product of an individual choice and decision. One can only imagine the thought process behind choosing one like Rainee. While he is really entertaining, the logic behind what should be an objective decision remains to be seen.

If I recall, the likely announced candidates five years back included elf emperor Vidayn, Scarlet Winter Iyovon, and the legendary Calinthio.

Yet, surpassing all of them was just a random man, some objectively random hedge mage from a backwater city and lineage.

You know, you gotta feel some degree of pity for the guy.

Considering that the country is run by literal mage families dating back hundreds of years, it's only natural that they find an idiosyncrasy like Rainee to be an issue.

An irregular in both ability and personality.

One uncontrollable by power, loyalty, or material possessions.

An aberration-.

When you think about it, Rainee is the perfect textbook protagonist. An underdog without ability chosen by some almighty mentor, forced into the limelight by forces beyond his control.

Only this protagonist is well past even his twenties and perhaps a tad more unkempt and dense than the usual one.

But hey, that only makes it more interesting if you ask me! Overpowered high schoolers are so out of date these days.

No doubt in dismay of his almighty magic, Rainee sighs and gazes out the window. “You’re not wrong, but it just gets tiring after a while.”

Both his eyes shut for longer than usual. The way it seems, our local mage is in some state of sordid contemplation.

What a travesty. To see such a sullen look is un-befitting. If he’s the strongest mage in the world, then he’s gotta live up to it. Having all that potential and power and letting it go to waste.

Now wouldn’t that be a shame?

“Don’t worry.” I console, patting his shoulder. “Rest easy knowing that the Azamazing Azama Meyos will make everything better.”

I, of course, meant that with full sincerity.

“That being said, I truly am a culinary genius.” I deadpan.

“Wait wha—”

There’s no lie in my words. Frankly, I can’t help but appreciate the cake in my mouth. To make, or much less invent such a delicious dessert requires nothing short of brilliance. Four layers, each the manifestation of culinary genius, those being a layer of praline, orange curd, genoise and semifreddo; each coming together in a blend of creamy, slightly sour, soft goodness.

Simply Azamazing.

After my little recollection, I swallow down the rest of my cake.

Oh, dear.

It seems I decided to flatter myself again. Look at poor old Rainee, looking to the sky for consolation. Well, when it comes to a cake this good, I suppose it’s inevitable to acknowledge one's overwhelming skills.

As I continue to mull over these thoughts, however, a most intrusive idea pops into my mind.

Could I be a narcissist?

Probably not. It’s inevitable to acknowledge one's overwhelming skills, truth be told.

Or perhaps. That isn’t the case. Perhaps, this is all but the delusion of a self-absorbed narcissist.

Is that what people mean when they say ignorance is bliss? Is this but the convenient truth I, oh so woefully, accept?

Nope!

Chances of me being a narcissist aren't that high. I did win a competition with my cake, after all, so I would say my pride is well deserved, objectively speaking.

Though, to be fair, there’s no saying one can’t be a narcissist and right at the same time.

“Oh, uh, we’re getting really close.”

It’s a question of perplexing regard and entertainment, but ultimately one I’ll have to entertain another time. Because right now, there’s something far more important to tend to.

Outside the window, nestled on a picturesque hillside, is the ably named Althaiez Academy. A large multi-complex of several buildings, each designed in a different style and with magnificent scenery to boot.

By estimate, it can probably fit a few thousand students.

A few thousand. Imagine all the work that has to go into such a place. Honestly, the more I think about it, the more I realise just how wonderful it actually is. Surely, you’d have an increasingly larger amount of work to do. But it also just means a higher probability of meeting new and adventurous personalities.

I whistle. “Well done, Rainee, to have such a wonderful assortment of aesthetics and designs in one place. Quite Azamazing, if I may say so myself!”

“Jeez, thanks, I uh.” He coughs. “Designed it myself”.

Woah. I’m impressed. That’s genuinely really cool!

Despite my exquisite information-gathering skills, I’d never even been aware of Rainee’s involvement in artistic representation. All this is quite new to me, all this design, landscape, buildings, and pavement, simply everything!

And what can I say? It makes me awfully excited!

“Rainee, you are without a doubt a genius by metric of not just magic but aesthetic taste.”

I watch Rainee's reaction; every fibre of muscle, body or face.

Shy appreciation. I can tell he feels like saying ‘thanks’ in response but stops himself once a few seconds passes, having realised the awkwardness of interjecting post-conversation.

No matter.

I feel interested in the outside world, and I begin to inspect the buildings outside again. Call it curiosity, call it fascination. I think both apply. My eyes settle on the faraway hill. Interestingly, it's at this time that something, in particular, catches my attention.

Something tall, pointy, and grey in the middle of a forest.

Oh, how peculiar.

There's a tall anachronistic stone tower there. Like the lair of some great evil wizard or vampire. Situated far away from all the other buildings, surrounded by wood all around. Now maybe it's just me, but I find it to be a conveniently elaborate and purposefully sinister setup.

Maybe some secret experimentation or something along those lines is taking place there.

“Jeez, Rainee, what sorta sentient right violations are happening over there?”

“Oh.” He mutters. “You mean that tower?”

“Yep!”

“Uh, well, the vampires and mages live there.”

His tone is strange. It’s as if he’s implying that’s an exception more than a rule.

“So, everyone else just huddles together, save for two infamously difficult types of people.”

“Uhhh, no. It’s uhhhh.” Rainee pauses, looking down, right, up, outside, then back to me. “The situation is a bit complicated.”

Seems like the place has a few more layers than I gave it credit for, hehe.

Well, I’ll find out soon enough. Might as well give old Rainee some time to articulate his thoughts. That and there’s no point getting invested into such a conversation when we’re about to arrive.

Not a minute after we speak, our car comes to a halt. Stopping just short of an oversized parking area. We both exit at this point and take a good look around. It’s an open space. Occupied by maybe four or so cars, out of twenty spaces at best, the area is relatively empty.

Save for a stone figure sweeping the ground for leaves that is. Curious, I take a few steps forward and look at the figure. My my, so this is a golem. A metre tall and a metre wide. Composed of polished stone shaped to be vaguely humanoid, wielding a broom and wearing a suit of all things.

“Rainee, you’re using golems as cleaners?”

He must’ve found it a natural question, so he just nods without so much as discomfort. I don’t exactly want to elaborate on it further, so I shift my focus to the school instead.

There, to the northwest. No more than a minute's walk away is one of the school buildings. Assuming it’s the main building, its outward appearance, at the very least, is Azamazing.

Two stories tall and many, many stories wide.

And equally as beautiful as it is big.

How very charming.

I do wonder what material it’s made out of, though. Most likely marble, given its reflective shine and white shade. Which, speaking of, is also painted by a lovely blend of stripes of turquoise and cyan as if dumping water colour into a bath.

Truly a premium experience. To make a whole school building out of marble.

All in all, the price to pay for this must amount to over a billion Laines. Which, given that it takes two Laines to buy a bottle of juice, is quite a bit. Quite a bit by the standards of a ‘normal person', that is.

It is Rainee we’re speaking of, after all. If he doesn’t have the ability to conjure or make marble, he sure well does have the money to buy it.

After all, who’s going to refuse a walking nuke? Am I right?

Tell that to anyone who says power and money doesn’t get you happiness. Tell them that Rainee Althaiez and Azama Meyos, the unstoppable duo, are living the dream! Because yes, I have decreed that we are a duo now, though any other suitably awesome individual is fit to join too.

Now, while examining the outside is great and all, I’ve gotta say that speaking to the students inside could be even more fun. Plus, that way I can also get a nice old examination of the indoors, aesthetics, floor plans, and all!

So there I am, swaggering to the entrance, swinging my arms like a cartoon caricature, when I stop. It’s at precisely two seconds, just when I step onto a stair, that I hear something.

Some sort of quaint ruckus, muffled by paned windows, it seems, most likely the triumphs of youth in hearing distance. Rainee, who undoubtedly, also notices this, gulps and muffles under his breath a very pronounced “Uhhhhhh.”

Which, upon further thought, does suggest a degree of discomfort.

Come to think of it, if the school is anything like the show ‘Exquisite Love Magnificent Day’, then it should be filled to the brim with one-liner-throwing teenagers and supernaturally powered duels.

Though I want to think it over further, it’s at this moment that a sound of glass shattering erupts. Which, promptly followed by a triumphant yell of ‘suck on that ye dirty blue-blooded wench’, and ecstatic cheers, seems to come from a classroom above. I quickly turn my head to capture the moment and manage to get a good taste of that lovely intensity for myself.

Oh, dear.

Is that a blonde human, dressed in full plate, launched from the window to a drop about triple my height?

Oh dear dear, is that a well-muscled girl smirking in a classroom? Standing with long scarlet hair, black sclera, and peering down with pride at her victory?

The answer to both of these is yes and yes, and goodness, this is all very exciting!

On the basis of my first impression alone, I must say that I’m already quite enraptured. Rainee, what a magnificent and Azamazing environment you’ve created!

To experience such a turn of events, to witness the follies and joys of youth firsthand, to be present in the domain of evolution and development, now isn’t that just wistful?

In fact, I’m so overwhelmed by such nostalgia and possibility for fun, that I thrust my hands into the air and cheer along with the students. Slightly demeaning to the one just thrown out, perhaps, but hey, we can always mend relationships later!