Transcript:

Walediales: Hello there, Mr. Althaiez. This is the C.A.A. (Controlled Assassin Association). Is there anything we can do for you?

Rainee: Yeah, there is. You wouldn't happen to uhhhh.

[Short Pause accompanied by incoherent groans]

Walediales: Yes, Mr. Althaiez? [She begins to wonder about the intent behind said call]

Rainee: So, if I'm correct, you guys have a list of mercenaries under your employment, right?

Walediales: You would be correct, Mr. Althaiez.

[Pause for three seconds]

Rainee: Would it be possible to hire one of them?

Walediales: Of course. [Quickly snaps head to an employee, demanding a list of mercenaries] You need but ask, and we shall humbly give in turn. Is there anyone you would like in particular?

Rainee: [inaudible] Who's the coolest guy you have?

Walediales: Pardon, but did you just say coolest?

[14 seconds of silence]

Rainee: Sorry, I mean, like, is there a guy who can shoot guns, do martial arts, and like, you think has the skills necessary to act in a live adaptation of an Elvish cartoon?

Walediales: Am I right in assuming you would like a qualified actor?

Rainee: No, I mean, sorry to say you're wrong, but it's for something different.

Walediales: Might I inquire as to what it is?

[Short Pause]

Rainee: So you know how like in a lot of Elvish cartoons, they have like magical schools?

Walediales: I am unfamiliar with this concept, but I know that you recently opened one.

Rainee: Yes, well, what I'm looking for is a charismatic person who can fulfil the role of a teacher.

Walediales: And he would need to know martial arts and use guns because?

Rainee: It's complicated, but he might need to beat up some students or fight some invaders or something. Ok, look, please just have it done.

Walediales: [background with noises from yelling]

If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

Rainee: Is everything ok?

Walediales: Of course, Rainee. We have [indistinct]. Would he be fine for you? Or would you prefer a woman?

Rainee: No, I'm, uh, quite fine with a guy. I have nothing against women, of course, but I'm just saying that it doesn't really, uh…

Walediales: Yes Rainee?

Rainee: Would you please forget what I just said?

Walediales: Of course. On the matter of our assassin, when would you like him?

Rainee: Tomorrow, if that's ok with you.

Walediales: Naturally, Mr. Althaiez, we shall see that it is done. Thank you for your time with us.

Rainee: [background with noises from a TV] Thank you.

END OF TRANSCRIPT

When the phone hung, I felt a heavy weight drop from my chest. I say that because the pressure exerted on my lungs had literally rendered me unable to breathe properly, or much less speak with the charm and wit, I practised in front of the mirror.

I should have known this would happen. I should've known that I was incapable of coherent conversation.

But I had faith. I had thought that my prayers to my goddess Ayalië would have mitigated any such occurrence. In hindsight, clutching a figure of my favourite character and praying was probably a stupid idea.

I'm not even religious, so it was more of a faux plea out of a heretic's mouth, a blasphemy upon those of righteous sensibilities.

How foolish. To offer prayer when another possibility so comfortably presented itself.

I still have my body pillow, after all.

If anything, I should've tucked myself in with her and engaged in conversation. Going back and forth and imagining the words of comfort that would leave her tiny, inanimate mouth. At least that way, I wasn't treading on any religious territory, but just that of a degenerate instead.

That and, well, a bed is much more comfortable than a standing prayer on hardened wood.

Still, I had done it. In pursuit of my dreams of establishing a school, I had managed to bring home a teacher and mercenary that would guide the students.

Of course, there was no guarantee of such, and even if they did agree to teach, there was no saying their skill and proficiency in it. But I had no longer functioned on any semblance of logic at that point.

I was a rigid machine, grinding, turning away at the wheels of life when given the prompt of purposeless desire.

When I wanted something, all I had to do was make a subtle effort to get it. A single beckon, a single call, and it would all come my way.

Luxurious food vast enough to pile to mountains, early-access releases of merchandise, a high-rise apartment in the fanciest part of town, whatever you name, it was all feasible for Rainee Althaiez.

No matter how much indulgence I languished in, however, the small idea that I was worthless remained all the same.

My life had been, for all intents and purposes, a sham.

A wasteland of hollow desires and endless repetitions of watching my favourite cartoons, playing games, and crying myself to sleep.

Even my school was but a mere conjuration of some sort of twisted fantasy.

Althaiez Academy, I had narcissistically titled it.

The product of a desire to fulfil my fantasy and to see to that which I could not have myself. Not that I had the slightest idea of how to run a school. But, I thought it a noble idea. To create an environment of fun and joy for those that had been ostracised from society.

Speaking in principle alone, the place remained far from evil.

It was just the execution, lacking in any intelligence and wisdom whatsoever, that lent it to destruction.

At that point, I had begun to sort of swerve like a mosquito in harsh wind, drifting lazily from one side to the other. Maybe I was tired, maybe I could no longer beat the weight of my own thoughts; either way, it made little difference.

Before long, my body had fallen into bed, a warm weighted sheet over me, and the memories of my master in my head.

Kyera Althaiez, the pride of the Faerindt Empire, and the very epitome of grace and kindness.

To say she helped me would be selling her magnificence short. Her influence over my life was not unlike the pressure exerted by the atmosphere onto the earth.

Even now, three years after her death, I could not escape her.

Even now, no matter how much I had tried to drown myself in fiction and fantasy, the reality of her passing dawned upon me.

Images of our days together, no matter how distant, still rung a painful soliloquy.

That time, I had just recalled her words, to 'Chase your dreams' as she would gleefully say.

But would she really have agreed?

Would she have wanted this of her pupil if their dreams were nought but delusions?

I’m sorry for being a failure.

Contemplating that, tears welled in my eyes, and before long, I had fallen asleep.

Drifting into oblivion, I could do nothing but hope, choosing to relish in the comfort of an imaginary world of my own construct.

That was the type of man Rainee Althaiez was.

A man, who by all intents, was a complete idiot.