I changed my clothes before wandering around the castle, looking for a certain person. A certain librarian I had to punch in the gut (just kidding). The halls of the palace seemed so big, so empty, when walking alone. The guards greeted me as I went by, as did the maids and butlers. Yet, in the dark of an unraveling storm - wind and rain hitting the windows, the many little lanterns and candles twinkling their warmth towards the corners - every little step and breath resonated against the circled arcs that held the ceiling. I brushed the leaves of the many plants I passed by, as if saying hi to them.
The peaceful solitude of the path made my eyes tear up.
As expected, I found him in the library, signing some papers. Mizuen greeted me with a kind smile and fingers dirty with ink.
The library looked equally welcoming and terrifying in the dark of its corridors and the warmth of its lanterns. In the little corner next to the window - where we normally sat to chat - the librarian was curled up in a blanket when I walked towards him. He offered me a seat and some tea from his mug. I kept standing.
- “What is it, Von? It’s rare that you would look for me. How did your class go?”
- “Mizuen, you should have told me.”
- “Straight to the point, huh. I apologize, I didn’t have the time.”
- “Mizuen.”
- “It’s true. I had to do a lot of your paperwork these past few days, and write the reports about the experiments with posporita.”
- “I don’t mean the class. You could have told me that you don’t know how to send me back to my world.”
- “Ah, that, well…”
- “I would have understood. I understood everything else. It wasn’t that hard, was it?”
- “Why don’t you sit down?”
- “Mizuen.”
He took a deep breath. I saw his whole posture melt down as he covered his face with his arms, laying over the table, and all the papers. Mizuen ruffled his own hair in frustration, messing up the papers even more.
- “…I have a lot on the line too. I can’t just tell people that I don’t know how to do something. To this kingdom I’m a genius. I’m Io’s successor. I need to be able to do everything.”
- “That’s not my problem.”
- “I’m being honest here. Opening up a little.”
- “I didn’t come to hear you vent.”
- “Fine, fine. But... it’s true. It’s hard to admit I can’t solve that, of all things. I’ve been trying to find a way, and I still haven’t given up.”
- “I could have helped you if you told me.”
- “You already have too much to do. I didn’t want to add more to the stress.”
- “…Well, that’s true. I would have just gotten stressed. Just like I am now.”
- “Come, sit down.”
I gave in to him this time. I sat down.
- “I didn’t expect you to not have planned that one thing.”
- “I have to admit it was the least of my worries until you actually arrived. It may not look like it, but half the time I’m not sure what I’m doing.”
- “That’s one thing we have in common.” – I laughed. It was muffled by the storm.
- “Sorry for hiding it. I have to be careful of what I say, a lot.”
- “No, no - now that I think about it, it’s not like I could do anything to help anyways. I barely know anything about magic; I would just be a waste of space.”
- “Calling yourself useless again?”
- “But I have proof now!”
- “Like hell you do. Anyways. How is it? You’ve got your license now.”
- “Yeah… Huh… It’s weird. Since I didn’t really work for it, I’m not sure how I should feel. It’s like I don’t deserve it. Impostor syndrome? You know, Renime- She called me a cheater. And, I wouldn’t say she’s wrong. I’m getting way more than I deserve and I’m not even doing anything.”
- “Don’t worry. I also have a special license, since I don’t actually do magic. And I know the feeling of having to prove yourself again and again so that they don’t take away everything you worked for.”
- “It’s… not really like that for me. It’s more of… I want to work hard. I kind of… want to prove that it wasn’t a mistake to trust me. That I’m here for a reason. I don’t want to keep feeling like I’m useless, now that everything has started to move.”
Mizuen gently ruffled my hair, and then pressed my nose.
- “That’s way better. I know you can do it, so don’t hold back. I believe in you.”
- “Wait, let me do one thing.” – I asked. He just looked at me, waiting for it. So, I smacked his head.
- “W-WWWwa-”
- “That’s for being a manipulative asshole.”
- “…Fair.”
The conversation moved along once again. I had it clear in my head that I couldn’t get mad at him at this point. I found out a few surprising things talking about my day with Mizuen. Specifically one.
- “...so that’s what- Oh! Also, I saw that the students didn’t have a teacher with them during practice. Is that normal? You all do self-study?”
- “Practice… Sparring?”
- “Yes, sparring.”
- “Ah… well… Mardiha taught that class… She died some time ago...”
- “In the-”
- “A battle in the border. She insisted on fighting, to not leave her students alone. She was the fourth years’ homeroom teacher - they were put on the frontlines. She was a brilliant duelist.”
- “S-So that’s why.”
- “Mister Uncaín too... He was a medic. He was the best stave artisan in the kingdom too. The one who taught at the Academy. You know? He never hurt a soul. But that didn’t matter. They cut down the bridge when our troops were retreating. Thirty people died that day, six because they cut down that bridge.”
- “A-Ah… I see. Uh…”
- “Yeah. And even then, those idiots at the Court want to surrender. They somehow believe the Doctrine isn’t going to murder all of us.”
- “Mizuen…”
He quickly changed the topic back to his research, telling me about the new findings - the many uses of the explosives they were working on. With new ideas coming to mind thanks to it, I convinced him to make me a copy of the report he was preparing for the Queen. I thanked his willingness to share such information.
While he was teaching me about the wonders of alchemy, someone knocked on the door.
- “Yes?” – The librarian called out, hiding some papers. However, the person was already inside by the time he answered.
- “Mirri, dinner is about to start so- Oh- Sir Von, you were here too-”
I stared at them for a moment. Mizuen jumped from his chair after a few seconds.
- “L-Loe-! I- Ah! A-Alright, I’ll get going…”
- “Ah, yes! I’ll go back to- I mean-! See you later! I-If you excuse me.” – She bowed and walked out just as quickly as she entered.
Mizuen stayed standing, his foot tapping the floor. It wasn’t, of course, visible, but I could feel his eyes turning around every corner of the room - just not knowing what to do, for once.
So, having the upper hand for the first time, I smiled.
- “Oh? What is that? Are you embarrassed? Are you?”
- “Oh shut up-”
- “So? Are you two dating, then?”
- “Y-Yeah. What about it?”
- “Nothing. It makes me happy to know you have someone like that.”
- “W-Whatever.”
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- “Don’t be embarrassed, Mizuen! Loving someone is truly one of the best things you could do. You love your sister, you love your friends, and you love your partner. Own it like it’s something to be proud of, because it is!” – I patted his back, laughing.
- “Since when are you a wise old man, Von?”
- “You seem to forget I’m older than you!”
- “Of course I’d forget, it never shows.”
- “Ah- No need to get aggressive. Let’s go get dinner before Arsamira disowns me.”
After a chuckle, he put his papers back wherever they were supposed to be - and with that, we headed towards the dining hall.
Illuminated by ghostly flames, the nature-filled room had the strange gloom of a fairy tale. I immediately found Kio sitting amongst the guards that weren’t on duty. He wasn’t a guard, but my retainer – yet, in this world, I found these terms to be rather vague. To say that I’m not able to translate certain things is one thing, but many titles worked completely differently despite being the equivalent.
Sitting above the servants were the Queen, the second princess, Arsamira, Mizuen, Daien, Renime – and the ominous, empty seat reserved for the King. I wasn’t one to stop and stare in such awkward places, but the delicate carvings and ornaments that were unique to this chair called the sight towards themselves.
Being the chair I was usually offered, I had sat on it multiple times before without thinking. During prayer, all I managed was trying to keep myself from shaking from the sheer thought of taking the King’s seat.
The delicious meal in front of me didn’t make it easier to bear. Well, it did – just a little.
Boiled eggs, warm milk with tea, fresh bagels, a little salad with tiny tomato-ish berries – and the main dish, a sort of meat pie with fruit and rice inside. Well, a type of rice. Some sort of rice.
The rice was filled with the meat’s juices, absorbing the flavor of the spices. The crust was slightly crunchy, with a taste of almond, and the sweet fruits combined with the savory flavor of the sauce made specifically for it gave it a depth and complexity that helped the meat’s saltiness overlap with the crust’s rich texture.
Okay, I did get distracted by the food.
While I was enjoying a bagel dipped in honey, Arsamira called out my name.
- “Y-Yes?”
- “Thank you for coming.” – That gentle smile of his, it wasn’t fair how easily it got me.
- “…Sorry for causing so much trouble.”
- “It’s no-“– Before Arsamira could finish, the princess scolded him.
- “Arsa, have you been pestering sir Von?”
- “Not at all- I just told him about the rumors going around-” – The princess glared at Arsamira, and that was enough to shut him up.
- “I was happy to know sir Von was coming to dine with us, but knowing that this is the reason, I- I sincerely apologize for my brother’s actions.” – The Princess, the youngest member of the Court and probably one of the most capable. Even with such skills, it was noticeable how she was still a child around her family. She pouted as the Prince laughed at her apology, and even more when the Queen let out a chuckle. They truly loved each other – and they opened their arms to those like me, who yearned for that light.
I stared at Kio from the table, watching him eat exuberating amounts - as he normally does. I couldn’t stop my smile from appearing, so I just hid my mouth behind a hand. But the grin got bigger when I caught Mizuen staring at the crowd – at Loe. There were so many little things I hadn’t noticed before. So many little things I previously tried to ignore.
I looked at the princess.
- “Excuse me- Is it possible that I could visit you later?”
- “I will be at the apothecary, sir. Is there anything specific you need to talk about?”
- “Nothing, really! Just a little chat. Wait- I think I do want something, though.”
- “Oh? Whatever it is, I’ll do my best to help.”
- “Then may I try some of the spices you have? There is a flavor I need - but then again, I’m from another world. I don’t even know if one similar to it is available here.”
- “May I have more specifications of what you are looking for?”
- “Well… We call it cinnamon back at home. It’s slightly sweet, goes well with pie. This pie probably has it, actually! It has a warm and cozy feeling, like autumn.”
- “…Uh… I think I can manage with that, yes. If you give me two hours, I will have a few samples for you to try.”
- “Thank you so much, Princess. I’m sorry to give you even more work than I already do.”
- “Not at all! I’m grateful to be of any help, with all you are doing for us.”
- “Oh no, I’m not doing much-”
- “You are, sir! And even! This is the second time we’ve talked, but you already can already speak this fluently- I wouldn’t believe that you didn’t before if I hadn’t seen it for myself.”
- “…This is the second time?”
- “Yes, it is. Oh- Well, last time wasn’t much of a talk. It was during your first audience with the Court.”
- “Ah, back then Von was spacing out, Foebi.” - Arsamira joined the conversation just to make me look bad, ‘ey.
- “Spacing out and having a panic attack are two completely different things, Prince.” – And Mizuen jumped in to defend me, ‘eeeeyyy. – “Von almost fainted that time, Princess. I doubt he remembers much of what happened.”
- “Oh dear. Do you, perhaps, have any mental illnesses, sir Von?” – The Princess was so direct with that question, that it totally put me out of it for a few seconds. She said it so casually, so comfortably-. It would be fine to answer, right?
- “Ah… Y-Yes… S-Somewhat…”
- “I see. Oh- Were you perhaps under any specific treatment back in your world? I could help you find an equivalent if you are in need.”
- “It- It’s fine. I wasn’t. It’s not something I could afford…”
- “My, my-. Don’t worry about the cost - that’s not a thing anyone should have to worry about. If you wish, I can set an appointment with a medic.”
- “A-A medic…?”
- “Yes- Oh! Medics are mages that are specialized in medicine, like me. You see, magic has many practical uses, even for mental health - it helps ease symptoms like sleep changes or somatization. And when it comes to deeper treatment-”
- “Foebi, darling, you are overwhelming him.” – The Queen spoke gently, but clearly and mightily. Her sweet tone was absolute, it stood above everyone without a hint of trying. – “But yes, dear. If you need anything, just let us know. We will do our best to accommodate your needs.”
‘Did she just call me dear!?’ is all I could think of. I barely managed to mutter a “thank you”; I just kept chewing on my eternally-lasting bagel. Be it that the Queen was so gentle and lovely - that I felt at home every time she spoke - or that I am a hopeless idiot, but I truly didn’t mind, in the moment, that I couldn’t properly answer her.
And time passed - with Daien, who was constantly giving me bits of food to try; with Mizuen, who taught me to use a fork that had a spiral shape; with Arsamira, who tried to cheer up Renime, as she had been silent and gloomy ever since I sat at the table; and, of course, the Princess and the Queen, who clearly cherished their family time, and were having a pleasant conversation about the flowers in the garden.
They asked questions about my world, too, after a few comments from me - comparing flavors. That this tasted like tomatoes, and this tasted like chamomile, and this fruit was similar to mangoes. They were fascinated by the descriptions I gave of fruits and vegetables, of animals and plants; of discoveries across the eras – most of which they seemed to know about already.
Arsamira and Renime were specifically interested in my tales – the ones about a little festival I visited when I was young, around Christmas eve. Live music playing during sunset at the beach, the market selling potted plants and artisanal sweets. The falling dark, contrasting with the colorful balloons filled with LED lights, the fresh sea breeze, a cup of churros half eaten by seagulls. The relaxing trip back home, too. The city lights passing by - colorful drops that floated like fairies. Listening to music as the reflections danced in the car’s window. Driving up the hill, passing the many trees on a dirt road mom used to avoid traffic. The dog that lived in a corner of the street, that always greeted us when we arrived home - until my mom decided to adopt him. I told them about so many little things; the constellations that could be seen from my bedroom window, the colorful lizards that got lost in our backyard, the Christmas decorations I made with my mom, that we used to put on the front door even when they were falling apart.
They listened to me ramble until the food was cold. I didn’t notice how long I had been talking - but, when my eyes wandered across the room, I noticed Kio had already left. I looked at our own table, just to find out everyone had finished their meal but me. I think I got red – and started sweating, started stuttering, started tapping my leg.
The Queen was the first to get up.
- “That was a lot of fun, dear. But, if you will excuse me, I have to get going. However, feel free to come chat at any time. I enjoyed it a lot.” – She sounded a bit tired, but smiled anyways. Once she left, the rest followed.
Arsamira had told Renime to go ahead and wait for him, that they’ll have some tea later. Once she walked away, he put a hand on my shoulder.
- “I’ll take you to your room. Is that fine?”
- “Uh, I wanted to go to the garden. I can go alone, don’t worry.”
- “But it’s pouring outside.”
- “…There is a little terrace, right? I wanted to see the rain for a bit.”
- “Then I’ll take you there.”
I looked at him. At the way his lips smiled. At the look he was giving me. There must be something hidden in those pools of eternity.
Arsamira grabbed my hand as we walked out. He looked through the obscured windows, his mind far away from here.
- “Is there something you want, Prince?”
- “Are you asking because I’m holding your hand, Hero?”
- “Oh lord- don’t call me that ever again.”
- “Alright, alright.”
- “So? Answer the question.”
- “I just wanted to keep you company a little longer.”
- “I’m still mad at you, you know.”
- “Take it as an apology. After what happened yesterday, I thought it would make it better for you to have someone around.”
- “…It does. But it pisses me off that it’s you.”
- “Oh, come on. We had a lot of fun during dinner. Lighten up a little!”
- “You just talked about the fact I almost got kidnapped yesterday, and now you are telling me to lighten up.”
- “Well, you can’t be bitter about it forever-”
- “I will if I want to.”
He let go of my hand, his eyes avoiding me.
We eventually arrived at the terrace, candle in hand.
- “Sorry, Von.”
- “What now?”
- “I haven’t been the nicest, have I?”
- “Wow.”
- “I- I didn’t leave the best impression. This afternoon, I mean. I should explain myself. It’s just-”
- “I know, I know. It’s just really convenient to have me here - to brag about how much you don’t care about her feelings.”
- “W-Wha- Von, I’m not that heartless. She’s just being forced by her father to marry me. It’s better to not give her fake hopes.”
- “Arsamira, she’s lovestruck. If you had at least two fingers’ worth of forehead maybe you’d notice. There are better things to do than-”
- “Von, please. And I promise I didn’t say those things just because-. I mean. I meant them, I guess. Kind of.”
- “Gods, you are embarrassing.”
- “I’m trying to be honest here!”
- “Whatever.”
- “I really don’t want you to stay mad at me. Is there anything I can do to fix that?”
- “Arsamira. We’ve known each other for like two weeks. I’ll be honest - if you weren’t in the position to get me killed with one call, I’d already have tried to punch you at least three times just today.”
- “Ouch.”
- “You are charming. And charismatic. You are pretty smart when you need to be, and know how to use your good looks and status to get on the good side of people. You are a picture-perfect prince. But you are kind of a pretty awful person.”
- “And I want to fix that, Von.”
- “That’s not my job. Summon someone else for that.”
- “I’m sorry- but you are one of the only that’s ever told me what I’m doing wrong.”
- “What a shame, huh.”
- “Really, no one else dares-”
- “I guess you don’t listen to your mother then. Or your sister.”
- “That’s not the point.”
- “Then what is the point, Prince?”
- “Now you are just being a brat.”
Arsamira grabbed my wrist. I immediately jumped back, cold stabbing my back.
He let go.
- “I’m! I’m sorry, Von. I guess I’m a bit tired…”
- “…I… I’m sorry. It’s fine. You must be.” – Bury me alive for being such a coward. – “Sorry. I shouldn’t talk like this to you. I’m sorry.”
- “Von…”
- “I’m sorry. I’ll- I’ll go to my room.”
- “Please. I’m sorry. I’m truly sorry.”
Weakness crept up my spine, burying itself in a hole in my heart. The Prince looked truly devastated. I didn’t have it in me, once again, to be mad at him.
- “…Stay for a while. Let’s watch the rain.” – I whispered. The light in his eyes - oh, hit me, I didn’t want it to disappear.
This dumbass prince. He was truly dangerous. And his twisted honesty was the worst of his weapons.
- “But I…”
- “It’s fine. I don’t want to be alone anyways. The castle is too big and dark right now, I’ll get lost if I go back.”
- “…Did I scare you?”
I couldn’t answer.
But
- “Just how much pain have I caused you?”
he brushed my hair so gently.
- “I’m sorry.”
His whispers were muffled by the storm.
- “I just can’t keep the act up around you. You’ve had to see the worst in me.”
- “Please. Stop talking.”
- “Sorry.”
Curse my luck.
It had to end soon. It had to.
He felt way too familiar.