My first sight upon waking up is metal glinting in the purple light from deep within the camp. Three blades are positioned just above me, daring me to move an inch. Two of the blades are being held by human men, but the last one is larger and held by the knight with branches growing out of his helmet. I look between the three of them, the smallest one’s eyes are full of fear, but the larger human just seems bored. The branch knight’s eyes are far inside the darkness of their helmet, so I can see their expression.

“Uh, hello?” I try English, maybe I’ll get lucky? The two humans jump in surprise before locking their eyes on me again. The branch guy doesn’t move, that seems to be their standard.

“Can you understand me?” Their eyes flicker to each other and they have a conversation in looks. Unfortunately I never did well in body language class, so I miss out.

Finally the large man speaks. “What are you?” His voice is aggressive. A bit rude? Like there’s a tree wearing armor behind them and they’re all weirded out over a talking mannequin? Lame.

“Uh… Dunno?” My words slip out before I can think them over.

The man’s smile becomes nasty. “Wrong answer, bud.” He pushes his sword down with both hands, aiming for my head. I close my eyes and wait for searing pain.

It never comes. After a minute I open my eyes to find out how he could’ve possibly missed me. To my shock I see the three people walking off. They just assumed I died? Well, so did I, but I’m not an adventurer. Lame asses. I touch my face, where the blade should’ve hit me. Apparently, it did, judging by the massive gash in my head. He didn’t just stab down, he apparently swung up after and took a chunk out of the top of my dome. I look like someone took an axe to my skull.

Something fills my… plastic? Let’s go with plastic. Something fills the plastic of my body, simmering throughout. I’m annoyed, very annoyed. I know this body isn’t ‘real’, but the bastards didn’t even let me speak! Well, they did, but barely! Without moving my body I turn my head to judge the situation.

The three amigos have rejoined the group, and everyone is now cooking or eating. Branch guy took off their helmet too. I’m not an expert on botanical sexual dimorphism, but that looks like a lady tree person. Well anyways, she’s silently chewing on something while the other adventurers laugh up a riot.

I slowly move up, so no sudden movements draw their attention. In the corner of my eye I see Freako moving. I’m tempted to mock the creature for not being able to follow me closer to the camp, but I don’t want to give it away. Cautiously I walk so that one of the dingy sheds blocks the group's view of me before I begin my approach. So far so good.

I creep up to the back of the shed. If I remember the camp layout right, the eating area should be just on the other side of it. I take a non-existent breath, and wing it.

Walking with determination, and without a hint of anxiety, I circle the shed. Without pausing I walk up to an empty bench and sit down. No one seems to notice me right away, my movements mirroring the other adventurers’ too much. With my plan successful, I draw their attention.

“You guys have any extra food? I’m starving!” My voice is filled with mirth. Being the third time I’ve used it, I realize that it’s odd. It sounds like if five people spoke at the same time, layered together. Well, due to my unusual cadence, the entire camp turns their attention to me.

For a pregnant four seconds, no one moves. Then, as if time restarted, everything does. In a desperate flurry every combatant rushes to their weapons, while the miners and builders either run or freeze in fear. Meanwhile I just sit still, content to bask in their chaos. To be fair, I’m pretty sure I’d react similarly if a tall, pure white mannequin with a stone crown and missing chunk of head just casually strolled into my bedroom. Especially if they told me they’re hungry afterwards. After much too long, if you’re asking me, the adventurers have me surrounded by weapons.

I giggle, the masculine layers of my voice thankfully refraining. “I’m taking that as a no, then?” I make a show of looking around in confusion. Quite a few of the weapons pointed at me are shaking.

Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.

Eventually one of them builds the courage to speak up. “What’re ya, stranger? Why’re ya here?” I can’t see who’s talking to me, but I’m realizing I don’t really care.

“Well, I’m here for some company, and possibly food. As for what I am…” I pause, unsure what to say. Do I tell the truth? I’m a dungeon? Or the weirder truth? That I was human? Either way they’ll freak out, and I’m not a very good liar. Let's go with the less weird truth. “I’m the dungeon you all are sitting in.”

Once again silence takes hold on the campsite. This time the one to speak up is one of the wielders of the shaking weapons. Their voice squeaks as they yell, “Ya right! Dungeons aren’t alive, everyone knows that!” A few people in the crowd nod, agreeing with the squeaker.

“Well… I guess I could prove it.” I raise my one hand, just for show, and focus on the spot next to my bench. “You guys like music?” If I had a face, I’d be smirking.

Without returning to my dungeon self I can’t use the system, but that doesn’t mean I can’t do things without it. At least in theory, and what a good time it is to test that theory. Similar to when I create a monster, I imagine my desk from home, computer included. Slowly wood and metal snaps into place, the computer screen turning on. In my mind I imagine my favorite song. Sure enough the newly created speakers start spewing music into the camp.

I look at the completely dumbfounded crowd. “Does that work?” Murmurs rise from the crowd, small arguments breaking out. Just as the noise of verbal fighting starts to drown out my music, a familiar figure pushes her way through the crowd. The tree woman from before stands in front of me, her armor reflecting the light from the computer screen.

“If you are the dungeon, as you said, what became of our missing companions?” Her eyes burn with anger as she stares down at me.

My voice loses most of my previous confidence. “Well, uh… They headed back and were ambushed by spiders. They were caught unprepared and were killed.” My voice sounds almost sorry. It’s their fault for not keeping their guard up on the way back… They were still people though. People I had a hand in killing…

The woman’s eyes calm for some reason, replaced by sadness. She slowly nods at me. “Understood, I think we have more to discuss.” Her gauntlet reaches down to me, offering to help me up. I start at the gesture blankly for a moment before taking the hand. She pulls me up with no effort.

Some of the other adventurers yell at her as she leads me out of the camp, but she ignores them. She grabs two of the roughly made benches as we go. Her path takes us out of the camp and into the mouth of the tunnel that leads deeper. The benches get placed right where the tunnel meets the cave and she sits before gesturing to the empty seat. Am I really going to talk to this lady? Is she okay in the head? I killed her comrades. Shouldn’t she be furious? By the time I focus on what's in front of me again, I’ve already sat down.

The tree woman clears her throat. “Dungeon, I’d like to make a deal with you.” Her words shock me, but before I can speak she continues. “I’m assuming you control everything in this place?” She gestures around us vaguely. I give her a slow nod. “Then I have a request.” Her eye’s intensity burns my plastic skin. “No traps, or worse monsters than spiders, anywhere before the ore deposits.”

I just stare at her for a few minutes. Eventually I speak. “Why would I do that?”

She shrugs at me. “Why would you not? Do you want to hurt people? You seem like a person yourself…” Her look makes me uncomfortable and her words attack my conscience.

“I don’t want to kill anyone.” My eyes drift to the floor. “But I have to.”

She scoffs at me. “Why would you have to kill us? What do you gain from it?” Her voice is filled with irritation.

I just shrug. “Everyone’s gotta eat. Dungeons eat people, I guess.” My gaze shifts back to her. Her eyes are wide with shock. “Well I don’t eat the corpses, people give off energy when they die and that’s the only thing I can eat.”

Her eyes flicker through many emotions before turning hard. “So there’s no negotiation then.” She shifts in the seat to stand up.

“No! I didn’t say that!” My voice again only uses the female layers as I squeak out my words. Tree lady tilts her head at me.

“But you just said-”

I cut her off. “I also have no reason to not agree with your request, since I need people to come here.” Her eyes light up in understanding, so I continue. “My only counter is that I won’t limit the spider’s actions, so they will attack this side of the ore deposits. Your men should be able to deal with them if their guard doesn’t slip, and… Like I said, I need to eat.” Her brows of moss furrow, but she says nothing.

“Oh! If you kill the spider nest, I’ll just replace them, so you shouldn’t bother.” She nods at my words, but I’m not sure if she buys it.

She makes a crooked smile. “Well, since you’ve been cooperative, I should probably tell you my name.” She pauses for a moment, like she’s reconsidering. “My name is Bella Floro, knight of Irenben and captain of this expedition. What’s yours?”

I go to say ‘Trevor’ but stop myself for some reason. That name has always irked me, do I have any reason to use it? Not really… But I don’t have any other names I’d want to use. Eventually I end up giving her a half-assed answer.

“I’ll tell you once I have one.”