I think I died. I’m not too sure, the last few moments I can remember were just as bad as most of the moments for a few years before that. My body strapped to some device, I felt some horrible ripping sensation, and I blacked out. Not the first, or even hundredth, time that’s happened. Maybe my guts just finally had enough or something.

Whatever happened, I’m not strapped down anymore. Or anywhere that makes sense. I’m not really anywhere actually. I can’t feel my body, trying to move my limbs does nothing. Vaguely I’m aware of the room I’m in, but I’m not seeing it exactly. Overall this is a strange experience, not sure I’d recommend it.

Well at least my body’s gone. I already prefer the nothing I have over what I had in life. If I’m actually dead, that is…

I’m kinda getting bored, nothing’s happened since I woke up. Wait, when did I wake up? Hmmm… I don’t remember. I kinda just became aware of things at some point. I’m not even sure how long it’s been.

Enough ruminating, let's figure out where I am. I focus on the only sense I have, the weird awareness of the space around me. Bit by bit the room becomes clearer, more defined. Wavy lines become solid ones, then walls. Colors pop onto surfaces. It’s a very disorienting experience, like a video game slowly loading in piece by piece. Eventually the space stops changing and I get a good look at it.

…Fuck… I know this room, but I don’t understand how I’m here. It’s a rectangle with dull green walls and a small window on the far short wall. Opposite the window is a dark wooden door that leads into the rest of the house. A worn down bed slumps in the corner by the door, and a decent desk sits diagonally from it. The desk has a mesh office chair with holes in the back pushed underneath it. On the floor next to the wooden desk is a whirring computer with LEDs flashing in bright colors. A large monitor sits on top of the desk’s surface, displaying a smiling slime wallpaper. The room around me is the bedroom I spent growing up in, right up to senior year. Everything is exactly like I remember it.

So I’m in my childhood room, with no body, after I probably died. Is this hell? It’s not terrible if it is, I’m not really uncomfortable or in pain. No torture going on as far as I can tell. Maybe my punishment is boredom for eternity? That would get to me pretty bad. But besides that, this space is mostly comforting to me. The rest of the house connected to it might be nothing but bad memories, but this room was my small safe haven.

I wonder if the rest of the house is here too. I’d actually dislike that, I hope that there’s a brick wall on the other side of the door. I guess I’ll never know, unless I figure out how to open the thin- The dark wooden door slams open, revealing a gaping void beyond its threshold. If I had a body I’d have jumped. I guess that answers my question. I’m not sure if a gaping void is much better than my old house, though.

A blue spark flickers in the center of the doorway for a moment. Then a second spark, then a third. On the fourth spark a large oval of swirling blue energy forms in the entryway. It looks like a portal straight out of a fantasy movie. Why would hell have a portal? Am I allowed to leave?

Something presses itself into my mind, a foreign presence that wiggles in. Words start to appear to me, not physically or visually, but directly into my mind.

Congratulations! You’ve traveled far and survived every turbulent tribulation on the way. A small trumpet sound plays gently. You have been reborn as a dungeon heart! What’s a dungeon heart, you ask? Well, it’s a totally unique thing in this world, that only you have! It’s a manifestation of your soul, mind, and body! It’s almost indestructible, but only almost. If it’s ever destroyed, you die!

Another trumpet plays, making a womp womp sound this time around.

Well… that explains a few things, then. Still not sure if I died or not, maybe I just became the dungeon? I should probably be freaking out right now. Honestly, though, I had no attachment to my old body. It was just a source of pain and a way for others to hurt me. Maybe being a giant stone in some dungeon is better.

The announcer voice continues his spiel. Now, just because you’re an inanimate object now, doesn’t mean you aren’t alive! No, sir! You are still a living creature, and what do all living creatures need to eat? It pauses, like I’m going to answer it. That’s right! FOOD! And as a dungeon, you can’t just eat any old food, oh no. You eat human lifeforce!

My blood? My equivalent of blood runs cold. I need to kill people? To live? Fuck…

Now you may be asking, why do I have to kill people? Well, the answer is… a secret! You’ll find out when you get to an expansive dungeon. For now though, you have to accept it, or starve.

I’m… I don’t want to kill people. But if it's the only way to live… is that really fair? I’ll think about that later, the voice is still talking.

… ifeforce isn’t just to keep you alive, it’s also how you expand! The bigger and deadlier you get, the more people will die. The more people die, the bigger you get! Now the thing is, why would anyone come in here? And the answer’s simple, greed! Their desire for wealth and glory will lead them into your open maw. What could be easier!?

Greed? Like… treasure? But I don’t have any treasure.

I know what you’re thinking… but I don’t have any treasure.

A chill runs up my… whatever as the voice seems to read my mind. Maybe this isn’t just a recording.

The thing is, you don’t need any! You can just make some. With the nifty tools you receive from the system, you can whip up some delectable bait for all those treasure seeking adventurers! As you expand and grow, you’ll be able to make more and more valuable items too. And as we all know, more valuable treasure brings more powerful people, and more powerful people means even more lifeforce!

I get that… I guess. At least I won’t just be killing people who wander in, people entering voluntarily will make things a bit easier on me.

Now, to the nitty gritty. You aren’t expected to just kill people with traps alone. That won’t work for too long, people get wise. What you need is monsters! Monsters can act on their own, feed themselves and kill without your guidance. You’ll be in charge of making a balanced ecosystem but besides that, it's passive income!

This whole used car salesman thing is starting to get grating. I really hope this lecture is over soon. The idea of having monsters to control greatly appeals to me, for some reason. How cool would bossing around dragons be, or giant bees? I could see myself enjoying this. Not the killing! Though!

One! Final! Thing! All the tools you need to make a life for yourself are kept in your dungeon system! To open up that bad boy all you have to do is think ‘dungeon system.’ With that, you know everything you need to be successful. Good luck!

I feel the alien presence leave my mind, a small space momentarily opening when it leaves. Now that I’m not sharing real estate I feel much more comfortable. I guess I didn’t realize how weird that voice felt. For now, I’ll ignore the moral implications of what I’ve learned, and make sure I’m safe.

I test out what the salesman said. ‘Dungeon system.’ Immediately menus open up in my mind, somehow visual while not being actually visible. The sensation is a bit disorienting. The default main page opens up first.

〘〜〜〜〜〜〜〙 Subject A41: Trevor Dungeon Infant Male Classless No Affinities Extreme Endurance, Extreme Vitality, High Spirit, High Lifepool, Otherwise Average Blessing of Territory 〘〜〜〜〜〜〜〙

Some sort of status? I cringe when my mind parses my name. Both my hated code name and the awful name I grew up with. Who names their kid Trevor anymore? And infant male? Is this thing trying to piss me off?

I guess probably not. Kinda am an infant, aren’t I? No affinities, I wonder what those are. Something shifts in my mind and a box appears around the word affinities, it rapidly expands before filling in with a definition.

Affinities are natural strengths with certain types of magic, energy, or weapons. They are moderately common, but not everyone has one.

Huh! I guess this thing has a define feature. That’s gonna help a lot, I can already tell. I flick through the other stats, seeing what they each are in order. Most of them are what I expect. Vitality is health, endurance is how long you can push yourself, but the others were a bit weirder.

Spirit is the potency of my magic. Not how much I have, but how strong spells will be compared to others. Lifepool on the other hand seems to be unique to me. It’s the measurement of how much human energy I can hold before it begins to overflow. I’m not exactly sure what would happen if it did, but I’d rather not waste people’s lives.

Next I check the blessing at the bottom. Another box opens up, explaining what it does.

Blessing of Territory: The blessed have certain authority in areas that are rightfully theirs. Examples are barring entry to people, or evicting them. Due to the blessed’s nature, the blessing will draw from their lifepool instead of their patron.

Well, that last bit sounds lame. The rest is great, though. I guess I can just kick people out of my home, which is useful since I am my home. I’ll have to test that out and see its limits. I mentally turn to the next tab of my dungeon system.

The title of the page is resources. A long list of tons of materials and other things I don’t recognize trails into infinity. Mentally I snap the bottom of the list into a show more button. That much mental clutter was giving me a headache. Core-ache? *Whatever.

Anyways the resources seem to be sorted by subjective importance to me as a person. The reason I know this is because what the top item of the list is.

Girlfriends:

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Cool, great, amazing. Now every time I check how much mana or discipline or whatever I have I get to be reminded of how I’m single. Dammit. I scan over the list, noting what I have available.

Girlfriends: 0 Family: 0 Victories: 0 Lifeforce: 3199 Kills: 0 Monsters: 0

The list just keeps going with a mixture of useless and vaguely insulting entries. After searching for any useful ones, which there weren’t after lifeforce, I flick to the next tab. Why are there even such abstract concepts on a resource list?

Next up is the monster menu. This one has a list of available monsters for me to use.

Monsters Available: Spider OM1888190 OM1888191 OM1888192 Rat

Cool, most of that is just gibberish. Rat and spider are simple enough. Double checking I learn that the spiders are, in fact, giant. However, the rats are normal sized. Well, much larger than I’ve ever seen, but still within reason for rats. I focus on the list’s header and it opens up into a description.

Available monsters are based on the dungeon’s environment.

So the monsters are based on my bedroom? Well, that makes some sense… Wait, I grew up with rats in my room? A chill runs through me at that thought, so I quickly open up the details for OM1888190.

A small diagram opens up, and I feel something in me snap. The room creaks with a strange sound that sounds almost like laughter. Oh, I’m laughing. That makes sense, the thing I’m looking at is really funny.

OM1888190 is best described as a horseshoe crab with a roomba as a shell. Where the small robot should have wheels, small segmented legs poke out. A long, whip-like, tail trails from behind the circular robot. Underneath the diagram is details on the little beast.

OM1888190: Basic grazer class monster. Consumes vegetation created by the dungeon and attempts to avoid predators. Its main method of survival is fleeing, but its tail ends with a razor sharp tip. Its bite has a mild hallucinogenic effect that causes confusion.

So these little guys are the rabbits of my little world then. I could definitely have done worse, so I can’t complain too much. Even if their little scuttly legs are creepy. Considering spiders are one of my monsters I’ll have to overcome that anyways. In the end I name the little creatures Dust Suckers, dusties for short.

My mind flicks to the next OM entry and a new diagram flits into my head. Immediately embarrassment floods through me. I recognize the next monster. OM1888191 is a small humanoid creature. It has scaled skin and claws on its digits. A short reptilian tail sticks from the end of its spine. A large head sits on top of the small body, stretching out into a muzzle. On the end of its snout sits a small pointy horn. Its eyes are large and give off a slight glow. Two pointy ears sit towards the back of its head.

OM1888191 is a toy I grew up playing with. It’s been so long since I got it that I’ve forgotten the name, but there’s no way I could mistake it. The little lizard man causes my heart to swell with affection, fond memories fumble through my mind, too fuzzy to be understood. The feeling of those memories does get through, an attachment to the little creature. I guess I’ll just name it after the fantasy creature it reminds me of, a Kobold. I open up the description.

Kobold: This creature is a predatory working class monster. While they can succeed in combat, their true strength lies in their creativity and ingenuity. As one of the working class monsters, they will be continually compelled to expand and improve the dungeon. In combat they use their intelligence to try and trap or outsmart their opponents.

My stomach clenches. That description makes them sound almost… sentient? They can’t be right? I hope I’m mistaken. I flick to the last monster and try to put my worries out of my mind.

The final creature’s diagram is mostly unfamiliar to me. Where the others were made of bits of my room, this one is… different. A pale, vaguely humanoid creature floats in my mind’s eye. It has a short body with stubby legs and a large bald head. Its mouth is full of sharp teeth, and its eyes are clouded over. Its arms seem to have taken the length that the thing’s legs are missing, as they’re easily longer than their body. On the ends of their arms are large hands with long spindly fingers. Overall the creature is horrible looking, and part of me wants to never use it. Reluctantly I open its description.

OM1888192: OM1888192 is an ambush type monster. This monster craves the taste of life force, and will stop at nothing to steal it from intruders. Unlike other monsters, OM1888192 can directly consume lifeforce from its kills. The amount is neligible for the dungeon, but gives the monster significant power. Over time these monsters can grow and evolve on their own.

Hmm… yeah. I don’t think I’ll use this one. It’s super fucking creepy, and it steals some of the lifeforce from me. I’d rather use other monsters and keep all of the spoils for myself, thank you. Speaking of which, I should try to create one of these beasties!

I try to focus on a Kobold appearing in the room, but nothing happens. A small message pings in front of me.

Cannot create or expand until a class has been chosen.

Uh… oh. Oops. Well, I guess I’ll do that, then. How do I choose a class?

Following classes are available: Alluring Grotto Monster Den Labyrinth Trapmaker’s Keep

Oh! Neat. Glancing over the list I pretty quickly realize most of the options are self explanatory, except one. I mentally focus on alluring grotto and make it expand into an explanation.

Alluring Grotto: A class of dungeon that revolves around holding valuable resources. This class has a major discount on generating raw materials, with the drawback of an increased cost for traps and spells. An alluring grotto focuses on getting large groups of gatherers to enter the dungeon, so a few going missing won’t be noticed.

So it's a honeypot. I put something shiny where people can see and wait for them to let their guard down. The definition seems to be suggesting to kill sparingly, probably so people won’t get scared off. Yeah, I’ll go with that. Sounds more my speed.

Class chosen, choose floor theme: Forest Caves Desert Plains Ocean

I… How would an ocean even work? Would I place things like islands or would it all be underwater? Would people have to bring scuba gear or something? Weird. No description either, how annoying.

Thinking over my choices I realize that all of my creatures would do well in a cave system. I’m pretty sure the freaky monster is blind, and the dusties probably wouldn’t do good in the rain. If it rains here? Whatever, I pick caves!

Class and Floor Biome chosen. Dungeon System full suite unlocked. Thank you.

Without hesitation I try to create a Kobold again, and again a small message blocks my desires.

Not enough room.

Well, at least this one makes sense. Wait, expanding will take lifeforce, right? I better check on how much I have. I open up the resource menu and scroll to what I need.

Lifeforce: 3181

Wait a minute, it’s drained that much in the few minutes I’ve been fooling around? Damn, that’s worrying. How long have I been awake, anyway? I flick through the menus, looking for an age stat or something. Eventually under the resource menu, way down the list, I find what I need.

Play Time: 2 months 1 week

My mind goes blank. I’ve been here over two months already? Two months? I haven’t even done anything! It can’t have been more than an hour, this has to be off. What the hell? Calming down, I mull things over.

I’m not human anymore. I’m a dungeon. Maybe dungeons experience time differently? That would make sense, but is also kinda worrying. I guess that girlfriend number will stay zero, no way I can date someone when a month goes by in a half hour. They’ll be dead within a week.

I turn my focus back onto the resource list. To my surprise the play time stat shot way up the list, nestling itself just below kills. More important now, I guess.

Lifeforce: 3180 Play Time: 2 Months 2 Weeks

So it’s about a unit of lifeforce a week roughly. With that information I try my hand at expanding the room. A sensation reminiscent of when my stomach would gurgle in hunger shudders through me as the walls move explosively. My mind is barraged by the sensation of movement as tunnels stretch into the void around me, branching and winding around. The tunnel walls are the same dull green paint that my room was, and every so often a small window pops into existence on the cave wall. Somehow light gently filters through the glass, lighting a small area around it.

As the tunnels crawl I feel a tugging in the back of my mind. A feeling of loss that is quickly getting more and more extreme. With as much willpower as I can muster, I stop the runaway growth. Almost immediately the tunnels screech to a halt, as if they had never been expanding.

I might not have a body anymore, but that mess exhausted my mind. My thoughts crawl as I try to focus on the troublesome aching in my core, but consciousness slips away from me. Somehow, even without eyes, everything goes dark.