The first thing I notice after waking up is the horrible headache. Pain pounds in my… head? How unfair, I don’t even have a god damned head! I try to ignore the feeling and check things over.

My view is centered on my core, staring at the glowing orange crystal. The kobolds have built a much more elaborate structure around it, with rough carvings of my kobold avatar dug into stone. Instead of feeling embarrassed like I expected I would, I just get a warm fuzzy feeling. Like my kids drew a picture of me and put it on the fridge.

I shake my head. This pain is getting to me, making me think crazy. The architecture around my physical self is really something, though. Stone arches reach over the rounded upper part of my gem. Small patches of… flowers? Grow on the path that runs over it.

My view expands, revealing the entire kobold city. It looks like it's grown by half since I’ve last seen it, which has to have been a while. I have a feeling I didn’t sleep just a few days.

I check my stat page, looking for my playtime, but a different set of stats distracts me.

Family: 4 Crushes: 2 Friends: 2 Civilizations: 3 Cities: 3 Kingdom Score: 179

And that’s just the beginning of the list. Since I last really gave the stats page a look, it seems like a lot of numbers have changed.

Religions: 1 Boss Monsters: 1 Demon Generals: 3 Dungeon Ecosystem Stability Score: 100 > 23

So… the dungeon ecosystem dropped down to twenty three from a hundred? That’s… kinda expected, honestly. I used the ecosystem as a weapon on the ants, after all.

That’s not even the most important thing, and yet I focused on it. Probably because the other things are too… frightening. At least the boss monsters and demon generals are — three? I only have two demon generals. Maybe it counts Wem?

I run over the list again, checking one last time for anything new.

Dungeon Score: 102,032 (World Record)

Wow, gee, thanks. As far as I know I’m the only dungeon in this world. At least that would have a score. Maybe it scored the non-sentient ones too? My mind drifts to when the system spoke to me. What was that about?

Anxiety spikes through me. What is any of this about, actually? This list has insane things on it, things that have implications that I don’t like. I basically died, again. The system spoke to me, as a person. I beat the ant queen, so I finished the rank up test. At least, if Wem killing it counts.

My breakdown is interrupted by a suspiciously well-timed message pushing its way into my mind.

Congratulations! You’ve passed your class rank test! You manipulated your minions into flawlessly executing your plans. As a reward for a job well done, have this reward!

A small trumpet noise plays in my mind as another window opens.

Six Star Monster: Queen Ant acquired.

Queen Ant: An extremely intelligent insect, the queen ant uses her children like an extension of her body. The queen ant is known for using cunning tactics and nefarious traps. This special edition of the queen ant pattern comes with the memories of the queen that died by your hand. Each new queen you make will gain these memories, to learn to fear you!

What… the fuck. The last thing I want right now is a new ant queen. I let out a sigh, maybe someday I’ll do it. Having an ant colony in me sounds sorta fun. Like a giant ant farm, but in my intestines.

A third window opens itself.

You’ve ranked up! Alluring Grotto > Honeypot Kingdom

Kingdom? I thought I was a dungeon. A kingdom is a bit large to fit in a dungeon, right? …I guess I do have two growing towns inside me, excluding the spiders. Maybe if I expanded more…

I shake my head. None of that right now. I sigh as I feel a new screen opening.

The rank up test has concluded, the dimensional tears will now seal.

Oh right! The holes! My point of view quickly zips to the top of the ant’s tunnels, where the freaky static meets my body. As I watch, the static seems to settle, before winking out. If I had biological eyes, they’d be blinded by the bright sunlight that replaces the visual noise. Through the relatively small wounds in me, I see an actual sun shining down on me.

A final message opens.

You are now connected to Einmar.

────────────

Brist’s convoy continues chugging along through the desert, the majority of it stuffed inside the metal monster he calls a carriage. The sun bears down on the gleaming device, raising the heat inside it to unlivable levels. Without the few overworked cryomancers in his employ, everyone inside the iron centipede besides the muscular man himself would die of heat stroke.

If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

The front cabin is just as hot as the rest of the contraption.

Carl growls quietly to himself between desperate panting. “Why, oh god, why did we not put in air conditioning?” He eyes his oversized partner in the passenger’s seat.

“Well… don’t really need it.” Brist shrugs.

Carl bares his fangs at his companion. “You don’t need it, Brist! I sure as hell do! If not more than back on Earth, thanks to this stupid fur.” The man’s claws dig into the steering wheel, cutting small grooves in the leather.

Brist frowns at the damage to his ride, but says nothing about it. “Live and learn, we’ll add one next time.” He gives another shrug.

Carl just sighs. “You better, Brist, or I won’t come with you.”

Before the muscular man can respond, the whole vehicle begins to vibrate.

“What the hell?” the beastman whispers.

Far in the distance, a huge plume of sand and dust shoots high into the sky. As the mass of particles begins to fall back to earth the desert winds pick them up. In a little over a minute, one of the largest sandstorms the desert has ever seen appears from nothing.

Brist and Carl sit in silence. Eventually, the larger of the two breaks the quiet.

“So, uh, what do we do about that?” For the first time since Carl reunited with his old buddy, Brist sounds nervous.

Carl reaches under the wheel in front of him, rooting around for something. Eventually his furred hand finds it. With a good yank, a massive lever creaks towards the driver, eventually shuddering to a stop.

As if mimicking the lever, the entire machine around the duo goes dead in an instant. The large treads on either side of it lock up, sending the vehicle into a skidding spin. Eventually it slides to a stop, luckily upright.

Again Carl reaches around under the dash, this time pulling out a small, crude keyboard. He hits a few of the buttons, and something begins to rattle inside the carriage. Metal plates slide over the windshield as small vents all over seal themselves. After a few minutes of things out of sight clicking and clunking the vehicle goes silent.

With a final press of a key, a small door opens in the back of the cabin. On the other side, the other members of their convoy stare nervously. After everything settles Carl places the keypad back where he got it, and hops out of his seat. As he heads for the doorway, he looks back at Brist.

“Now, we wait.”

────────────

Before I can even register what that message means, sand starts pouring into almost every single one of the ant tunnels. A strange warmth fills a part of me, reminding me of when I drank hot cocoa in the middle of winter. Ignoring the somewhat soothing feeling, I notice that most of the sand ends up trapped in the main chamber of the former ant colony.

Just as I think the flow of sand is about to stop, several of the centermost tunnels all begin to fill with a different substance. Cool water starts to pour down the tunnels, giving me the sensation of drinking for the first time since coming to this world. The fluid rages down the almost vertical tunnels, crashing against the stone walls.

Eventually the rivers all meet in the central colony chamber, slamming into the sandy ground with a roar. Waterfalls rage from ceiling to floor of the chamber for several minutes, until finally the water also begins to wane. And then silence fills what once was a queen’s chambers.

Wait… shouldn’t that water drain further down? The ant colony is really high up compared to everything else. I pull my view back, checking the small ant tunnels for any leakage. After a while, I admit defeat, there’s no water flowing further down. The tunnels going to the colony are all raised off of the ground, but I figured there’d be at least some leakage.

Well, whatever. I look back at the new body of water. As I stare at the dark and muddy liquid, I notice something move. Is… that a fish? Are there fish in me? I’m not really sure if I want there to be live fish in me.

Yeah, sure, Oubi, fish is the limit. Not spiders, or demons, or horrible white creatures, but fish? That’s too far, what would the literal humans think? As I chastise myself, I see another movement, but this time I catch a fin flickering out of the water. Yep, that’s probably a fish. Or at least something vaguely analogous to a fish.

I think… I’m a bit tired, exhausted, actually. It feels like I’ve been going nonstop for months… Actually, it might literally be that. I don’t care enough to check. Sleeping is out of the question, and I’m not really sure how to do the whole ‘turn off my awareness’ thing manually.

My view starts randomly wandering through my tunnels, finding small things out of place. Every so often I touch up something, a new patch of mushrooms, add a few dusties or rats. Simple things. The mindlessness of the tasks takes over, and I just start doing it without any input.

I lose track of time. After… who knows how long, a voice snaps me out of it. “Oubi?” Maddi asks hesitantly. “Is that you?”

My mental gears start to turn, creaking in complaint as they go. “Hmmm?” I manage to get out.

Worry floods the mental connection. How annoying, what’s she worried about? “Oubi, are you okay? It’s been almost two weeks since the ant queen.” Her voice is upset, like she’s about to cry.

My mind still struggles to work. That’s… bad, that it’s been that long. Yeah, a week is a long time to sleep, and I slept two? Something in me gives, and my mind snaps back into focus.

“Maddi?” I sound startled.

A sigh gently ripples my mind. “You’re okay?”

I nod. “Y-yeah, now. My mind was… wasn’t there for a minute.” The feeling earlier, the sluggishness, puts a chill in my tunnels.

“I… noticed. I wasn’t sure it was really you, Oubi.” She pauses, lost in thought.

With a nervous cough, I interrupt her. Something is really bugging me. Once I feel her attention on me, I speak. “So uh… is Wem still here?” For some reason my anxiety spikes after getting my question out.

After a few seconds Maddi nods. “Yeah, she actually told me to tell you to meet her once you woke up, but I…” Her tone shifts, becoming slightly guilty. “I forgot to…”

I snort. “It’s fine. Thanks for snapping me out of it, by the way.”

Maddi nods. “Of course, Oubi.” She smiles brightly.

Her smile doesn’t last long. “Have you seen the lake?” she asks. After I nod, she continues, “Well, things have come down the tunnels, following it. Seems like we disrupted the local wildlife.” My eyes go wide, I didn’t see that.

We both go quiet as the two of us think things over. It’s… actually not that big a deal, the lake or the new monsters. I’m a dungeon, it’s not like there aren’t monsters in me already, and the lake is up the ant-dug tunnels. There’s no ore in those, so no reason for the humans to go into them… I should probably tell them that, actually.

Ignoring that for now, the tunnels leading to the surface have a much more serious problem attached to them. The surface. Up until now I’ve been in my own little pocket dimension, at least, that’s how I’ve understood it. Now it seems I’m physically in this world now, core and all. A new layer of vulnerability.

I could close up the holes, hypothetically. But if what Maddi says is true, which I don’t doubt, those new monsters use those entrances to access the water. If I cut them off, the entire area’s wildlife would be severely affected. Who knows what horrible repercussions that could have. I don’t want some king sending armies at me for killing off their food supply. So the tunnels stay open. Wait, if the tunnels are open, can I…?

I shift my focus, moving away from the floor of some random tunnel. My mind flies upwards, towards the surface. I prepare myself to come to a stop as I reach the top of the tunnels.

Except I don’t. My view flies right past the openings, going straight into the air above. When I finally stop myself from climbing higher, I’m well into the sky above where my body is now buried. I’m… I’m outside!

A desert stretches for as far as I can see, even from my bird’s eye view. Heat causes the air to waver over most of the brown-orange sand, giving the entire land an ethereal feeling. Before I can start to study the area around me in more detail, my attention is caught by something… abnormal.

Twisting across the surface of the desert, and climbing well past where my view is hovering, is a gargantuan dust storm. The brown cloud of sand looks like a moving mountain, its exterior constantly shifting as the winds inside it turn. Thankfully the monster of nature is moving away from my holes.

My very vulnerable, exposed holes… I am very mature. I sigh to myself and look below me.

Shockingly, the area where the ant tunnels are is made of sand! Who would’ve guessed?! The actually odd thing is the large amount of greenery around the black pits. As I look over the area more, I realize why.

The whole area is indented, like a lake had been there. Which it had, until a few days ago. I guess this was an oasis? I scan the horizon, finding no other sources of water in sight. Well, unless it’s buried under that storm. I look away from it quickly, the thing gives me the creeps.

I zoom in closer, and am surprised to see that many of the plants seem fine. Some of the smaller ones, like the grass, are already brown and dried, but the trees and cacti seem okay. Maybe they have enough water stored to be okay for a while? Maybe they can reach the lake again before drying out.

Looking over the holes, I notice many tracks leading in and out of them. Does this make me easy? I giggle at my own shitty joke, making the sand shake slightly. Oops. Anyways, it seems the creatures of the oasis have already adapted for the most part.

With that off my mind, I reach out to Maddi, who is still thinking. “Hey, what’re you thinking about?”

I feel the demon’s surprise. “Uh, oh… I was considering how to… Hmm… Maybe I should wait to tell you, actually.” Her reluctance to tell me obviously fuels my desire to know.

I resist my urges, she deserves privacy too. If the demon notices my restraint, she doesn’t say anything, instead drifting back into her silence.

Eventually I get bored enough to bother her again. “Maddi, I’m gonna go look for Wem.”

She doesn’t really register me, instead just giving me a mm-hmm. Not wanting to bother her, I gently cut our connection.

Now that I’m alone, it’s time to find the slime!